Hell on a Highway
by whiskeytracks
Summary: Working as a detective in the criminal intelligence unit in the city of New York is dangerous enough as it is. But falling in love with your partner when they're engaged to someone else, the animosity between the two of you is record-breaking, and in-house romances are strictly forbidden might just make things a little...riskier. Naley.
1. Chapter 1

Hello and welcome to my new story :))

I was going to hold off on posting this until I was completely finished with Colors, but I've had this prologue written forever and I just happened to re-read it again and just knew I had to post it now. Like my excitement got the best of me and I couldn't hold back. I actually have about two and a half chapters of this written already, so I figured posting this so soon couldn't hurt anything. However, my main focus is finishing Colors since I only have three chapters left, which means updating this will be a little slower than normal until my other story is finished. (Good news is that I only have 3 weeks of school left and I'm free of responsibilities)

Anyway, on to this story...as you can probably already tell, the set up of it is much different from any of my previous stories and I'm really excited about it. I know that the plot seems kind of similar to my previous story, Razor Sharp, but I can promise you that it is much different. I have much of my timeline constructed already, and I think this might be my longest fic yet. I'm kind of treating this story as a TV show, almost like every chapter is a new episode sort of thing. It is an interesting approach to a written fic, I know, but I'm trying something new.

When I sat down to write this author's note, I had a lot of things I wanted to say...but I've forgotten them all, haha. I'm sure they'll come back to me later. Anywho, enjoy this *very short* prologue to my new story...and yes, you're supposed to have many questions ;)

* * *

 _Prologue_

 _October 13th, 2010_

For the life of her, Haley James couldn't remember how she had ended up on that train track. She remembered the drinks at Legend's. She remembered telling the story of how she and her sister used to play on the train tracks when they were younger. But she couldn't remember how she physically ended up standing on said train tracks. Everything to her felt…cloudy. She didn't feel real. Nothing around her felt real.

It was supposed to be a fun night out with friends, something that her—boyfriend? Co-worker? Friend? At this point, she wasn't sure what to call him—had suggested. She wasn't sure why she agreed. For the last few weeks, she had spent all of her time holed up in her apartment. She didn't want to talk to anyone. She didn't want to be around anyone. Maybe she only said yes because she could never say no to the person asking.

She was acutely aware of her friends—if she still had the right to call them that—laughing. A month ago, she would've smiled at the sound. They weren't paying attention to her. They were too wrapped up in their own conversations. Besides, why would they pay attention to the game she was playing? That's all she was doing—playing a juvenile game of chicken. The game didn't start until you felt the ground tremble under the power of the train's wheels rubbing against the metal tracks. Only what she was doing didn't feel like a game. It felt darker…heavier. It felt like the end.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of Nathan Scott smiling and her blood ran cold. He was smiling at something one of their friends had said to him, his eyes fixated on them rather than her. It was a weak smile though, one that didn't quite reach his eyes. She knew she was the reason for that and that guilt left her breathless. If she were being honest, his smile was always her favorite thing about him, next to his piercing blue eyes. It was his smile that caused her to fall so madly in love with him that it almost suffocated her at times.

She didn't want to fall in love with him and she had spent so much time trying to convince herself that she didn't love him. He was infuriating and everything that she hated in a man. But he set her soul on fire. In retrospect, she knew that it was always him. From the moment she met him, no one else mattered.

The desire to walk over to him and touch him hit her like a ton of bricks. She craved his warmth and in some twisted way, it felt like maybe touching him would be her last chance at survival. But just as soon as that thought had entered her mind, it was gone. All that it left behind was a darkness and numbness that swallowed her whole.

She squeezed her eyes shut, the pain in chest resonating so deep that she almost toppled over. All she saw was that little girl, the little girl that she let down. Her soft blonde curls, her bright green eyes, her wild smile…it was all there and it felt like a million bullets in her heart. Why didn't she just listen to her lieutenant? She was so damn selfish. She wanted so badly to prove her father wrong and because of that, the devil still walked the streets of New York.

Haley could still hear her father's harsh words, words that had cut her so deep she wasn't sure she would ever recover. Invisible scars forever imprinted on perfect porcelain skin, constant reminders of her weakness and stupidity.

 _"I told you that you weren't cut out for this job, Haley. You're weak. You never stop to think. God, I can't even look at you right now. This entire district knows you're my daughter and because of that, your mistakes mean more. How do you think all of this makes me feel? Makes me look? I'm ashamed to call you my daughter."_

The worst part of all of this was that she wholeheartedly believed the things her father had said. She _was_ weak. She _didn't_ think. She _was_ a failure.

The sound of the train's siren had her eyes popping open. She could feel the ground begin to shake beneath her. The sound of metal on metal drowned everything out. The two bright lights on the front of the train stood out harshly against the dark sky. The closer the train got, the brighter the lights seemed. She squinted her eyes as her heart began to hammer in her chest. She was breathing heavily and her entire body was trembling—from the intensity of the situation or from the ground shaking, she wasn't sure.

The screaming of her friends trickled in slowly over the roaring in her ears. She couldn't make out what they were saying. She heard traces of desperation. Fear. Desperate screams. Pleading cries.

The fear soared through her as the train came barreling towards her. The siren went off again, the lights completely blinding her. The large boxcar seemed to be moving in slow motion as everything around her came to a screeching halt. She didn't want this. She didn't want to die, she realized. She just wanted the _pain_ to end. But even with her brain screaming at her that she needed to move, her feet seemed to have a mind of their own. They felt way too heavy to move, like they had become permanent fixtures to the metal tracks.

"Haley! Move!" Brooke called out, her voice strained with fear. "This isn't funny anymore."

"Goddammit, Haley! You've proved your point!" Clay's voice came next.

"Haley!" That time, it was Nathan calling out to her. For a moment, she faltered. The pain and desperation in his voice awoke something inside of her, but it still wasn't enough.

She closed her eyes and waited for the excruciating pain. The sound of the train's wheels were deafening now. Her life flashed before her eyes. It wasn't a surprise to her that every moment that replayed in her mind included Nathan—the first time they met, the first time he kissed her, the first time they slept together…it was all there.

As if something clicked inside of her, her eyes popped open, but it was too late.


	2. Chapter 2

**I did post this chapter once before, but for some reason it wasn't showing up. I'm assuming that it was a glitch in the website or something. I think it should be showing up for you all now :)**

To make a long story short, I cleaned out the documents on my computer (end of the semester ritual) and accidentally deleted the first two chapters of this and before I realized it...cleared out my trash bin. So...I had to re-write it. I'm a dumbass, you can say it.

On another note, starting now, I'm going to try this new thing where I don't write 1,000,000 word author's notes and just let my writing speak for itself :)

P.S. Check out the first part of my *new* short, 4 part story, "Love Me or Don't." :)

* * *

 _Chapter One_

 _March 12th, 2010_

The gunshots rang out, one after another in a heartbreaking rhythm. The sound cracked loudly through the silent cemetery…but no one flinched even a single muscle. The air was stale and thick, the wind almost nonexistent as the leaves of the trees remained still. The clouds were gray, cloaking everything underneath them in a dreary shadow. The weather was a perfect representation of the mood of every person standing in that cemetery.

There was nothing but silence as the second set of ceremonial gunshots rang out. The sound seemed to last forever.

Nathan Scott tugged uncomfortably at the collar of his navy dress shirt. He hated wearing his blues. The wool dress coat felt heavy against his body, the fabric scratching uncomfortably against his skin. The black tie wrapped around his neck was suffocating him.

The thing he hated the most was the fact that wearing his blues never meant anything good—meetings with internal affairs, high caliber trials, memorials…funerals.

When the air settled, Keith Scott stepped up the podium. Medals of honor adorned his uniform, showcasing his years of service to the sullen crowd. His dark hair was neatly combed back, a far cry from his usual messy-just-rolled-out-of-bed look. Every part of his appearance was polished—his shoulders squared in mask authority and eyes narrowed. His walk was rhythmic…almost robotic.

Nathan was only ten when he decided that he wanted to be just like his uncle. He quickly became fascinated with the police force and how it operated—the hustle and bustle of the police station where everyone seemed to have a purpose, the adrenaline that came from the simple switch of a siren, the intellectual challenge and exhaustion that came from solving cases. He could never get it out of his head. Many times, he practically begged on his knees for Keith to take him into the office any day that he could.

Keith was more than just a day-cop. For him, it was more than being out on the street and protecting citizens from immediate danger. He went after the high caliber threats, the ones that lurked in the shadows at night and hid behind innocent faces during the day. He was a detective in the criminal intelligence unit…by far the most dangerous unit in the entire police force. He started off as just a regular member of the relatively small unit in Tree Hill, North Carolina. Eventually, he worked his way up to sergeant and was transferred to New York. It was a no-brainer whether Nathan was going to follow him or not.

Growing up, Keith was the only father-figure Nathan had. His dad, Dan Scott, skipped town a couple of months after he and his brother were born. Apparently knocking up two women at relatively the same time was too much for him. For the most part, Nathan tried not to think about his dad much. It was hard to miss someone that he never knew, but that didn't stop him from wondering what could have been every once in a while. On the other hand, his brother—the sentimental one out of the two of them—held enough resentment for the both of them.

The sound of Keith clearing his throat over the microphone had Nathan's attention snapping back to the present.

"Today is not about injustice. It's not about the unsolved cases or the events that took place that brought us here. It's about more than the badges on our uniforms or the danger that comes from wearing those badges. It's about honor, family, and love. We're all family here, regardless of the blood running through our veins. We're in this together, to lean on each other in times of need and sorrow."

He spoke with such a smooth and relaxing voice. The authority and sincerity in his voice caused goosebumps to coat Nathan's skin. He tried not to think about the familiarity in his voice, though. It was clear he wasn't a rookie at these kinds of speeches.

"Today, we are here to think about and mourn the life of Tim Smith. He was an exceptional detective—hardworking, charismatic, and loyal. His dedication to the city of New York was inspiring and humbling, something that I'm sure my entire team hopes to embody one day."

Keith paused and shifted his gaze to Nathan, to which he awkwardly squirmed in his seat. He knew what was coming and he wasn't sure he was ready.

"The best way to honor Tim Smith would be to hear from somebody who was the closest to him. His partner of two years, Nathan Scott, has prepared a eulogy for this evening. Nathan, you're up."

The lump that had formed in Nathan's throat grew in size as a few heads turned to look at him. _You got this, Nathan._

Approaching the podium, Nathan kept his eyes forward and his walk steady. His heart was erratically beating, from nerves or sorrow, he wasn't sure. It wasn't until he caught sight of the casket in his peripheral vision did he falter. The American flag was draped over the silver structure—red, white, and blue blurring together as his eyes started to water. He didn't dare lift his gaze to the easel perched next to the casket with Tim's smiling face plastered on it.

Nathan shared a soft smile with Keith before they traded places. Pulling a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket, Nathan placed it on the clipboard and smoothed it over. He wasn't an eloquent speaker and when it came to putting his feelings into words, he failed tremendously.

When he slowly lifted his head, he met the broken gaze of Tim's wife, Bevin. His stomach lurched, a queasy feeling washing over him. Her hand was resting in her lap, holding her son's hand in a tight embrace. Her shoulders were shaking and her lips were pursed tightly as tears poured down her cheeks. The quintessential image of a broken widow.

Images of the night Tim died flashed through his mind. Nathan was the one to break the news to his family. He swore he could still feel the weight of Bevin in his arms when she collapsed into him. Her tears had soaked into his shirt as he stood there, helpless. He couldn't think of a single thing to say that would help ease her pain.

It took a lot to bring Nathan Scott to his knees…but the sight before him might just be enough.

Before the silence turned awkward, Nathan cleared his throat and lowered his head to the small mic.

"They teach you a lot of things at the academy," he began. "They teach you how to shoot a gun, how to correctly conduct a criminal investigation, self-defense…the list goes on. But what they don't teach you is how to handle situations like these, because no one wants to think about the 'what if's' or the 'maybes' that come with this line of work."

Nathan paused to swallow. His dry throat threatened a cough, but he held it in.

"I feel as if the best way to honor Tim Smith wouldn't be to give a long and emotional speech, as we all know Tim didn't have a serious bone in his body. So, I'm going to keep this short and simple."

A sad, but confirming chuckle rumbled through the rows of family and friends.

Nathan fought to keep the soft smile on his face as he spoke.

"Tim made this job easier. At the start of every shift, he always had the utmost energy and most days, that translated into jokes you'd probably find on the back of cereal box. He was always so positive…even when we hit the nastiest of snags in cases."

He took a calming breath to keep himself from choking up.

"I couldn't have asked for a better partner. He was a hell of a detective and an even better friend. It's going to be hard walking into our office every day and not seeing him."

~x~

"Are my eyes deceiving me or is Keller actually flirting with Bevin right now?" Clay Evans asked in disbelief as he slid into the empty spot on the couch next to Nathan.

Tossing a glance over his shoulder, Nathan chuckled at the sight. Chris had one arm propped against the doorway and his body was slanted, feet crossed at the ankles. He was talking Bevin's ear off, occasionally smirking and purposely brushing his hand over her shoulder. He was giving off all the classic signs that he was turning on the charm. However, Bevin—who's eyes were still puffy and had tissues still clutched in the palm of her hand—didn't seem extremely put off by Chris' actions.

"That doesn't surprise me in the slightest," Nathan commented as he turned back around. "He's like a dog in heat when it comes to vulnerable women."

"He has no morals," Julian Baker chimed in. "The only thing I've learned from being his partner for the last year is that he seriously doesn't have a single moral. I've watched him try to get the number of some of our perpetrators."

They shared a short chuckle before silence engulfed them. Mindless chatter floated through the lobby of the funeral home. Most people were heading out, offering pleasant greetings and goodbyes to familiar faces. Everything still felt surreal, almost dreamlike.

Tim's death had been something of a freak accident. He was working undercover as a member of an artillery black market that was lurking in the tunnels beneath New York. Everything was going great until a rivalry group got wind of a huge deal that was going through. They opened fire on the entire cartel, killing almost every single member. There really wasn't anything anyone could have done.

"How do we move past this?" Julian asked shakily, breaking up the silence.

"I've been asking myself the same thing," Clay mumbled.

Nathan leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. The heaviness in his heart hit him full force. "Something like this stays with you forever."

Clay sighed, running a hand over his tired face. "I wish that there was something more we could have done."

"There was no way anyone could have predicted us. That rival carter just formed a couple of months ago and managed to stay under everyone's radar," Julian jumped in. "We can't and shouldn't blame ourselves for this."

"Let's not talk about this right now," Nathan offered up. He could feel the emotions rising between all of them and after an already emotionally exhausting day, they needed a breather.

"Nate." A familiar voice called from behind them.

Nathan whipped around to see Lucas standing there, decked out in a black suit. His wife, Lindsey, was on his arm, also adorned in a black ensemble.

"Luke!" Nathan gasped, surprised. He jumped up from the couch and made his way over to the couple. "I told you that you guys didn't have to fly up for this."

Lucas and Lindsey still resided in Tree Hill, North Carolina. He owned a small bookstore down there, as well as being a literature professor at one of the community colleges. Lindsey, on the other hand, was an editor for the local newspaper. They met in college and married about two years ago. In Nathan's eyes, they were perfect for each other. Although they lived in Tree Hill, Nathan saw them pretty often. Mostly on holidays, but sometimes during random weekend trips.

"I know," Lucas said while giving Nathan a quick hug. "But we figured it was the right thing to do."

"It's good to see you guys," Nathan exclaimed after he gave Lindsey a quick kiss on the cheek.

"How are you holding up?" Lindsey asked.

Nathan sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm hanging in there the best that I can, I guess."

"We're here for you if you need anything, you know, that, right?" Lucas reminded him.

Nathan nodded. "Yeah, I know. Thank you. How long are you guys in town for?"

"A few weeks," Lindsay answered.

Nathan's eyes widened. "A few weeks? Not that I'm complaining, but why so long?"

They both exchanged excited glances, confusing Nathan even further.

"We're getting in contact with a real estate agent here," Lindsey began to explain. "We figured it was time for us to move up here."

"Really?" Nathan felt his mood increase tenfold by that little tidbit of information.

Growing up, Nathan had always been close to Lucas. They always had each other's backs and basically told each other everything. They were brothers, but they were also best friends. Living so far from each other, it was quite the adjustment. Having Lucas close again might just be the one thing Nathan needed.

Lucas nodded. "We've been thinking about it for a while now. Most of our family is here and we figured now is a good time than ever. Especially since…well, since…"

Lucas trailed off and once again, shared a secret smile with Lindsey.

"Okay, you two are really starting to freak me out," Nathan joked, squaring his hands on his hips. "What do you two know that I don't?"

"I'm pregnant," Lindsey blurted out with a sheepish smile.

A wide smile broke out on Nathan's face as he quickly engulfed them both in a hug. "That's fantastic! You two sure know how to turn a shitty day to good."

Lucas laughed, patting Nathan on the back. "Glad we could help."

~x~

Nathan plopped down at his desk and rubbed his hands across his face. His shoulders slumped even further when he noticed how many files were waiting for him to go through. The last thing he felt like doing was starting another case. His partner was just killed in the line of duty and they just expected him to continue on with cases like nothing happened.

He couldn't even glance at Tim's empty desk without feeling like he was going to throw up. His things had been boxed up and given to his wife a couple of days before the funeral. Now all that was left was dust silhouettes were picture frames used to sit.

The worst part was that they were going to find him a replacement partner almost instantly. He knew it was protocol. A unit as busy and important as his could afford to be understaffed for long. That didn't stop it from bothering him, though. Shuffling someone else in before the dirt had settled…it was like wiping away Tim's memory, acting as if he didn't exist in the first place. It made him sick.

But as much as he hated it and as sick as he felt, he couldn't let those feelings control him. He had a higher power to answer to. All of the files on his desk…those people deserved justice. This was his job, one that he'd been dedicated to for the last four years. In some ways, his dedication was his vice. Almost nothing got in the way of his job…almost nothing.

"Scott, my office," Keith announced as he ascended the stairs. His eyes never left the large manila folder in his hands, diligently flipping through the pages without missing a beat in his step.

Ignoring the looks of his invasive colleagues, Nathan slipped out of his desk chair and headed towards his sergeant's office. He rolled his eyes and tossed a middle finger over his shoulder when Chris whistled "somebody's in trouble." A round of snickers followed his retreating figure and Nathan bit back a smile.

"Close the door behind you," Keith said as he removed his coat and placed it carefully on the back of his chair.

After doing what he was told, Nathan plopped his body down on one of the waiting chairs. Keith's office was barely larger than a shoe box, containing only a wooden desk, two sofa-stuffed chairs, and a large filing cabinet. Lining his desk was a series of picture frames, all containing pictures of his wife, their daughter, and few that featured Nathan and Lucas. Above everything, Keith was a family man. That was something Nathan admired him for.

"You've been assigned a new partner," Keith announced as he took a seat behind his desk. He was never one to beat around the bush.

Nathan arched an eyebrow. "Already?" He figured that Keith wanted to talk to him about where he stood regarding the absence of his partner, but he didn't expect to have a replacement this soon. Things like that usually took a few days…not less than twenty-four hours.

Keith nodded, clasping his hands together on his desk. "A detective at the 13th district in Long Island was already in line for a transfer when the spot opened up. She's on her way over here right now."

Nathan scrunched his nose and ran his fingers through his hair. "The 13th district to here? That's quite the jump."

"She was desperate to get out of there," Keith said with a chuckle. "The criminal intelligence unit in Long Island is much smaller and baseless. But there is something that you need to know about her."

"Please don't tell me she's a rookie," Nathan groaned, sinking further into his seat. The last thing he wanted was a partner he'd have to babysit or show the ropes to. He didn't have the patience for that and it would put a real damper on the way he usually liked to operate his cases. He hated anything that slowed him down.

"No. She actually joined the force about the same time you did," Keith explained with a quick shake of his head. "She's the Chief of State Police's daughter."

As soon as those words left Keith's mouth, Nathan's stomach knotted up. Nathan wasn't scared of anything, except the Chief of State Police. Most people referred to him as the "New York Nazi." He was ruthless and the most apathetic person Nathan has ever met. No one had ever seen him smile. In fact, Nathan was convinced that he couldn't smile and that his face was permanently frozen in an angry scowl.

If his new partner was the Chief of State Police's daughter, he was going to be under some major scrutiny.

"This stays between us," Keith picked up again, lowly. "But Chief isn't exactly thrilled about his daughter's career choice. If it were up to him, she'd be kept far, far away from this line of work. With that being said, he's asked me to tell you that he wants you to keep an eye on her. To protect her, basically."

Nathan swallowed the lump in his throat. "Uh, yeah…I can do that."

"I know you can," Keith commented surely. "Chief requested that I pair her up with my best and safest detective. He even signed off on allowing me to move around partners if I had to in order to make that happen. But, I told him that you were the best in my unit and you were more than capable of taking care of his daughter."

Nathan didn't know what to say. He was honored…but he was also terrified out of his mind. He'd been given a lot of responsibilities over the years as a detective, including going undercover on some of the most dangerous cases, but this felt so much bigger than that. So much more career threatening. The Chief could have his job with a snap of his fingers if he screwed this up.

"You're looking a little pale, Nate," Keith chuckled.

He cleared his throat. "I'm fine. I just wasn't expecting this."

"I have faith in you," Keith praised before something caught his attention just outside his office. "Oh, look, she's here."

Nathan tilted his head to see out the window in Keith's office. His mouth dropped open when he saw who was walking into their little clove.

He couldn't believe his eyes. There was no way…

He watched as the petite brunette crossed the room confidently, heading straight to Keith's office. Her white blouse and black slacks were in mint condition, not a single wrinkle or fly away string of fabric in sight. Even her hair was pin straight, every strand in its respective place. Apparently, her need to be perfect at everything she did in life hadn't changed over the years.

She looked…amazing, though. He couldn't deny that. She was curvier than he remembered. A little taller, too. But she was still breathtakingly beautiful.

Haley James was his new partner? And _she_ was the Chief's daughter? Things were about to get interesting.

"You've got to be fucking _kidding_ me," Nathan muttered, twisting around to face Keith with a dumbfounded expression.

Keith eyebrows creased in confusion. "Is there something wrong?"

Before Nathan could answer, the door to Keith's office swung open and Haley walked through. The smile that was plastered on her face fell a little on one side and her eyes widened to saucers when she saw Nathan.

"This…you? I…this isn't happening," Haley stuttered, stumbling a little on her high heels.

Keith, clearly confused, darted his eyes between the two of them. "You guys know each other?"

Nathan curled his lips into a slick smirk, resting one of his arms on the back of his chair. "Oh, we know each other alright."


	3. Chapter 3

Hello, long time no see :) I'm back finally, haha. I did put this story on hiatus for a little while because life got a little crazy. Life is still crazy, but I got a little bit of a breather due to an injury. The injury wasn't fun and I'm still recovering from it, but at least it gave me some time off work and a little downtime to write!

I'll be honest, I kind of hate starting new stories. The beginning of a story is always the hardest for me to write because I have to create this world and establish the characters and their traits and all that good stuff before I can really jump into the meat of the plot. I would much rather just jump right into all the good stuff instead of the boring stuff, but that's not very good storytelling, is it? This chapter is heavy in dialogue and a lot of police business, but the entire story won't be like that, I promise. I just gotta start somewhere! Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this next chapter!

P.S. I'm not expert when it comes to how the police force works or what it's like being a detective. Anything that you see in this story is contrived from things I've seen on TV or just simple google searches. I apologize for anything that may be incorrect.

* * *

 _Chapter Two_

Haley huffed in annoyance as she collapsed down on her white leather couch which was still cloaked in plastic. The red wine in her clear glass sloshed with her sudden movements, but miraculously, not even a drop was spilled. It felt good to finally sit down and relax…even if her relaxation was just a façade.

Today had been a day from hell…start to finish. It began with her waking up an hour late, due to her alarm not going off. Then, the moving company delivering all of her things to an address 45 minutes from her apartment. It was only after arguing with the company for an hour and agreeing to pay an extra fee did they acquiesce to re-delivering her things. As she was getting ready to leave for work, she spilled her entire mug of coffee…on her brand-new skirt. Once she was on the way to introduce herself to her new boss, she got stuck in terrible traffic (which, okay, was partially her fault because she should know by now that New York was in a perpetual state of traffic) and ended up being twenty minutes late.

To top everything off…she met her new partner: Nathan Scott. Out of all the districts in New York, she just had to transfer to the same one he worked at. That was just her luck. It seemed the faster she tried to run from her past, the faster her past tried to catch up with her.

She couldn't stop picturing the smug look he was sporting after he realized it was her. She'd be lying if she said that smirk didn't occasionally sneak its way into her thoughts, but that's something she'd never admit out loud. The panic and shock still hadn't worn off, twisting and curling in her gut. Haley always prided herself on being level-headed, smart, and cautious…all things she wasn't when it came to Nathan Scott.

She hated the way her eyes seemed to be drawn to him, the way they didn't shy away from drinking in his features. Only four years had passed since she saw him, but those four years had been good to him. He seemed more mature…more filled out in certain places. His jaw was sharper and his shoulders broader. His hair was a little shorter than she remembered, but his eyes were still that hauntingly blue color that made her weak in the knees.

A couple of glasses of wine wasn't going to be enough. She was going to need the damn whole bottle.

"So, Nathan Scott's the new partner..." Peyton trailed off. Amusement danced in those big, green eyes of hers. A finger, tipped with red nail polish, ran along the rim of the wine glass. Her corkscrew blonde hair bounced vibrantly as she pressed her lips together, holding in a laugh.

Peyton Sawyer had been Haley's best friend since middle school. While most girls in middle school were starting to experiment with make-up, developing crushes, and forming cliques, Haley and Peyton were too busy discussing different bands and exploring new music. They became fast friends when they both wore the same t-shirt with an indie back on it to school on the same day. Many years later and they're still going strong.

"Ugh, don't say his name," Haley gagged, wrinkling her nose. Downing a healthy sip of her wine, Haley hoped that Peyton would gather how much she didn't want to have this conversation and finally show her mercy. She'd been able to dodge it up until this point, but something was telling her that Peyton wasn't going to allow complete escape of this conversation. She was a determined one, that girl.

"Come on, anything is an upgrade from Old Man Greg. That perv was always trying to look down your shirt and cop a feel," Peyton reminded her with a spat of disgust and a visible shiver.

Haley chuckles dryly, sitting up to place her glass of wine down on the wooden coffee table. "Something tells me Nathan's not going to be much different."

"At least Nathan is _much_ better to look at," Peyton purrs with a wink. "Besides, he's already—"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," Haley snarled, eyes set into a hard glare and an accusing finger pointed in her direction. Her temperature spiked, accompanied with a dusty red igniting her cheeks.

"You don't even know what I was going to say!"

"I know exactly what you're going to say," Haley shot back. "And I don't want to hear it. The past is the past and that's that."

She hoped that she sounded stern and sincere. Maybe Peyton wouldn't even notice the slight quake in her voice.

A perfectly arched eyebrow raised toward Peyton's hairline. "Okay, but you have to admit that he sure is dreamy…those eyes, that smile…that _body_." The obvious exaggeration of desire in Peyton's voice makes Haley's stomach churn.

Haley felt the heat continuing to rise in her body. She wasn't sure if it was fueled by aggravation or embarrassment…maybe it's both.

"You haven't even seen him recently!" Haley challenged, her arms flailing in frustration.

"I know…but good genes like his? That shit is eternal."

Haley huffed out a breath of air, followed by a roll of her eyes.

"He's gotten hotter, hasn't it? I know he has."

Her loose tongue, induced by her light weightiness when it came to consuming alcohol, wanted to confirm Peyton's goading. The still functioning part of her brain didn't want to give her that satisfaction. After all, there wasn't any reason to fuel Peyton's suspicious or fantasy world, either.

Instead, Haley's glare narrowed. "Why don't I just set you two up on a date? You know, since you seem to be so infatuated with him."

"Is that a little jealousy that I detect?"

Jealousy? No. Aggravation? A little. She'd forgotten how wild her emotions became when she drank.

She was two seconds away from smacking her. Or storming out of the room like a child who wasn't getting her way. Either reaction was plausible. Peyton's favorite pastime was aggravating her, pressing just the right buttons in just the right ways. She took a quick and even breath in order to reign in her bout of irritation.

"It must have slipped your mind that I have a fiancé."

That did the trick in changing the subject. Peyton's teasing smirk melted into a slight, but clear, scowl.

"Speaking of Andy, have you guys figured out what you guys are going to do now that you've moved?" Peyton asked after she gulped down a sip of her wine.

Haley laid her head back against the couch cousins, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes. "Not really. Andy said he was going to talk to his boss today about possibly transferring, but that was as far as the conversation went."

Peyton's features twisted.

"You've got that look on your face."

"What look?" Peyton responded innocently. Her gaze was settled slightly above Haley's eyes instead of directly locked with them. Years of being a detective taught her that, that meant someone was lying, but trying not to make it obvious. Or that they were trying to hide something.

"The look that says you want to tell me something, but you aren't sure if you should."

Peyton sighed, leaned forward, and rubbed the heel of her palms against her eyes. "It's nothing that you haven't heard before."

It was a timeless conversation. At least timeless within the time span Haley had been with Andy.

"He treats me right and he makes me happy," Haley responded. She'd said those words so many times that they were starting to sound monotone…drawn out like a broken record stuck on the looped setting.

"Are you sure?"

Haley nodded. "I'm sure. I wouldn't have agreed to marry him if I didn't want to or if he didn't make me happy."

Peyton mulled over Haley's answer for a long stretch of time. Her large eyes moved slowly over Haley's face like she was calculating whether to counter Haley's statement or accept it. She sighed dejectedly a few moments later.

"It's just…this job opportunity for you is huge. There was no telling if something like this would ever come around again and Andy…he doesn't seem the slightest bit happy for you. It's like he doesn't want to make any compromises, either."

Her best friend's words floated thickly in the air. Haley didn't let them sink in, but she doesn't deflect them either.

One of Haley's hands ran through her hair, tangling her fingers in the strands at the end. "It happened pretty suddenly. I couldn't expect him to just quit his job, pack all of his things, and move at the drop of a hat."

"I know that," Peyton argued. "I'm just saying that he…I don't know…ugh, I don't know how to explain what I mean."

The opportunity to start yet another argument about Andy was right in front of Haley, but she wasn't sure she had the motivation or strength to take it. She knew what she needed and what she wanted…she was tired of trying to prove that to people.

Andy Hargrove was a good man. He was intelligent, with a law degree from Columbia University and a spot on one of the most prestigious law firms in New York's roster. He was also a self-made man, coming from a family who lived well below the poverty line and survived mostly on food stamps and parents who worked two full-time jobs. His childhood shaped him into being a man with a kind heart and gentle soul. Sometimes that meant he could be a workaholic, but his dedication was one of the things that Haley loved most about him.

Haley's dad was actually the one to introduce them and Jimmy James always knew what was best for his daughter.

"You know, you never even gave him a chance, Peyton," Haley murmured tiredly.

She ascended from her spot on the couch and walked over to the cluttered kitchen table. Popping the cork on the fresh bottle of wine, she poured herself a smaller glass. If she continued full speed ahead, she was just asking for a hangover the next morning. But then again…if she complained of a raging headache…maybe Nathan would leave her be. That was a compelling thought.

"Because all it took was one look for me to figure out that he was a pompous and arrogant lawyer that sucks the life out of everything fun," Peyton explained theatrically. "And guess what? I was right!"

"He's not that bad!" Haley protested, her mouth hanging slightly ajar.

"Haley…his idea of fun is staying up past ten to watch the news, and he only allows himself that luxury once a month!"

Haley couldn't help but laugh at that. Andy's ideas of fun were a little peculiar, but everyone has their own tastes, right?

"I know I give you a hard time, but if you say you're happy, then I'm going to accept it," Peyton said softly after their laughter had died down. "But as your best friend, I don't see any harm in thinking that you deserve better."

"And I love you for that, but I just need you to trust me on this, okay?"

"Trust me, I trust you."

~x~

A loud click echoed through the concrete room as the bullets settled into place. Raising his arm, Nathan wrapped his free hand around the base of the gun. He corrected his posture before glancing over at Julian. With an acknowledging nod, Nathan shifted his gaze back to the target and placed his finger on the trigger before pulling it back. The shots rang rhythmically one after another. The kickback barely jarred Nathan's squared shoulders and locked posture.

There was something so therapeutic about being at the shooting range to Nathan. It was his way of letting off steam and nothing felt better than going through an entire round. Plus, he figured there was no harm in practicing. In this line of work, there was no telling when you'd have to pull your gun out and sometimes even a second too soon or a centimeter off meant life or death.

Not to mention, he thrived off the bragging rights that came with being the only one to pass the re-certification test with a hundred percent…every year.

The smell of fire and gunpowder floated through the air as the last shot sounded. Removing the protective eyewear and resting the ear muffs around his neck, Nathan pounded the red release button on the side of the cubicle. A low whirring sound could be heard as the targets slowly jutted forward.

"It's scary how good you are at this," Julian mumbled as he peeked over the barrier to eye Nathan's handiwork. The bullseye of the shooting target was almost completely shot out, with only a single bullet hole slightly off to the left.

Julian Baker was a good friend. Arguably, Nathan's best friend, next to Clay Evans. When Nathan first started in this unit, Julian was also a rookie, only having about a month of experience over Nathan. At the time, their unit was made up of mostly veterans, ones that didn't take too kindly to newbies. While they were quite different from one another—Julian is a more serious, sweater wearing, newspaper reading kind of guy and Nathan being the laidback, barhopping, hip-hop music kind of guy—they worked well together.

Nathan shrugged as a smirk shaped up on his lips. "There isn't much that I'm _not_ good at."

Julian rolled his eyes without consideration. "I swear, with every day that passes, that ego of yours gets bigger and bigger."

"There are so many things I could say to that right now, but I'll keep my mouth shut."

"Oh, come on! Save it for your hoes. I don't wanna hear that shit." A look of disgust appeared on Julian's face as he dramatically released the clip from his gun. He tossed it so it made a loud clattering noise against the concrete ledge and loudly clicked the gun back into place.

"My hoes?" Nathan asked with a laugh and elevated eyebrows.

"You know, Sarah from Human Resources? Ally from Night Shift?"

Nathan wrinkled his nose in contempt. "Those were flukes. I didn't even get to wine and dine them before it was over."

"Wine and dine? Jesus Christ, now you're starting to sound like Chris."

"I am nothing like that sleazeball."

Chris Keller was a serial dater. Sometimes he even booked dates on the same night with only a couple hours in between them. And he dated anyone and anything that would agree to go out with him. Nathan, at least, had standards.

"Speaking of Chris, how long do you think it'll take before he starts hitting on the new girl?" Julian asked while returning his eyewear and ear muffs back to their original location.

"If he knows what's good for him…never."

"You staking your claim already?"

Nathan chuckled and shook his head. "I just know Haley and she doesn't take shit from anyone, especially from guys like Chris. He'd be flat on his back before even got halfway through his first pick-up line."

He paused a beat.

"On second thought, I hope he does try."

Julian tossed his head back with a laugh. "It would serve him right. How do you and Haley know each other?"

He tensed a bit at the question. Nathan and Haley's history was…interesting. They weren't exactly friends, but they were more than acquaintances. Quick flashes off laughs, bickering arguments, strange encounters, and late nights raced through his mind. Quick, but vivid. Vivid enough to catch him off guard.

The last time he saw her she was hurrying out of his car to catch a plane to North Carolina. He'd never forget the way her hands shook as she quickly gathered her things. Her beautiful face was marred with sickening panic. There was so much he wanted to say to her to at least try and help, but it all got lodged in his throat. She'd tossed a quick "thank you" over her shoulder before she disappeared into the thick crowd of people. Ignoring the pang he felt in his chest, Nathan came to terms with the fact that would be the last time he ever saw her.

It was kind of funny how life worked out sometimes.

"We were in the same class at the academy," Nathan finally answered as nonchalantly as he could.

For a split second, it looked as if Julian wasn't going to accept that bland of an answer. As the seconds ticked by, the consternation increased. Finally, the corner of Julian's mouth curved up into a sly grin. "Let me guess, you attempted to ask her out on a date and she turned you down?"

Nathan forced a sarcastic grin. "Nothing gets past you, huh?"

~x~

"I know that we're all still mourning Detective Smith's death," Keith's rough voice began as he claimed a spot in front of the room. He ran a hand through his shaggy hair, something that was a nervous tick of his. His coffee-colored polo was half tucked in and half hanging freely, cinched by a well-worn leather belt. "But crime never takes a day off."

Haley shifted uncomfortably as everyone's eyes in the room seemed to shift towards the desk she was sitting at, at the mention of Tim Smith. She'd never met him, and she never would, but she could still feel his absence. She saw it in the way her new colleagues would occasionally glance at her desk or the lull that would appear in some conversations.

Although they'd all been super welcoming, she knew she'd never replace him and she didn't want to, either. Fortunately, she hadn't had to experience what it was like losing a family member (a co-worker was too loose of a term in their line of work), but she was no stranger to seeing the effects it had on people.

"Ty Specter," Keith said as he walked over to a chalkboard on the opposite side of the room. He thumped his fingers against a picture that was taped against the chalk. It was a mug shot of a white man with jet black hair. His jaw was narrow and his eyes were sunken in. He looked sickly pale and thin. "This was a case that Scott and Smith were working on a couple of months ago until Specter went silent."

"Don't tell me that fucker is back," Brooke grumbled from her desk.

Haley had briefly met her this morning in the break room. She was getting coffee when Brooke bounced in. The first thing she noticed, besides how naturally beautiful she was, was how white her teeth were. Her smile was infectious as was her consistent good mood. Haley assumed she was one of those people that lit up a room the second she entered it.

"Precisely. I've been keeping a close eye on the patterns of police reports. In the last two weeks, three females, all blonde and between the ages of 22 and 25, were found disposed of by the side of Gowanus Canal. All three showed signs of sexual assault and their causes of death were asphyxiation. All of those things match Specter's MO."

"Is it possible that it's a copycat or someone that he was close to committing these murders?" Haley spoke up.

"It's possible but not likely," Keith quickly answered. "This time of year is when the drug cartel brings in the most shipments and that is usually when Specter comes out of the woodwork again. He specializes in trading women for drugs and gets off on torturing them."

Haley scrunched her nose in disgust. She'd taken so many classes on understanding the brain of a criminal and the psychology that goes into becoming a criminal, but there were still some things she could never fully wrap her head around.

"He's smart. He's quick. And he's careful. However, we've been keeping an eye on him for so long that I'm confident we know his patterns and his weaknesses. He's the weakest when he first makes a trade. As twisted as it sounds, that's when he's the sloppiest because he's too focused on…getting to do what he likes most," Keith explained.

"I already have Keller and Baker scouting out their CI's to see if they know anything or if they've heard anything. Evans and Davis, I want you two to head out to Specter's old stomping grounds. That's where he completes most of his trades and maybe we can catch him in the act. But, just in case that fails, Scott and James, I want you two to stake out his house. We're guaranteed to catch him there."

As soon as Keith mentioned Nathan, her eyes flew over to him. She ignored the fact that her heart skipped a beat when she discovered that he was already looking at her. He was nothing short of stunning in his light blue t-shirt and dark washed jeans. She hated how effortless it was for him to look good—casual clothes and hair that looked like a hand had been through it a few times.

And then he was winking at it…there was no way this was going to end well.

~x~

"What are you doing?" Haley asked with annoyance after a couple minutes of silence. They were parked in a black GMC Sierra in front of the address that Keith had given them. Instead of keeping an eye out of the house, Nathan had pulled out his phone and was playing some game with retro music blasting from the small speaker.

"I'm trying to beat this level. I've been stuck on it for days now and it's starting to drive me crazy," he answered seriously. His eyebrows were knitted together in concentration while the tip of his tongue was peeking out from the corner of his mouth.

Haley's mouth dropped open in disbelief. Her annoyance skyrocketed, tinged with a bit of anger. They were working a case…and all he cared about was some stupid game on his phone? She tried to go into this with an open mind and give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe time on the job had matured him or strengthened his work ethic. Evidently, she thought wrong.

"You…you're kidding me, right?"

Nathan barely stole a glance in her direction before his eyes were back on his phone. "What?" he asked casually as if he weren't doing anything wrong.

"We're supposed to be looking out for Ty and his associates," Haley said slowly as if she were explaining something to a child.

Peeling his eyes away from his phone game, Nathan glanced at the time on the dashboard before shifting his gaze over to the small run-down house. The light blue shutters were bolted shut with nails. The screen door was dangling from its hinges while the front door was boarded up. The grass, which looked as if it hadn't been mowed in years, led to a cracked, but empty, driveway.

"It's only 1:30," Nathan muttered, looking back at his phone. "Ty doesn't come back until 3 on the dot."

"Drug dealers change their patterns all the time, especially if they think they're being watched by cops."

Nathan exited the game on his phone but tilted the screen so she couldn't see it. Keeping his eyes on the screen and his thumb moving over it, he smirked. "Trust me, sweetheart, I know the ins and outs of every drug dealer in my city."

He knew he was pissing her off. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her gaze narrowing. Her posture was tense as her body was angled towards him. Her arms were crossed over her chest, her fingers drumming against her bicep.

Looking at her now was like taking a trip back in time. He knew that look…oh, did he know that look well. Risking the stature of being crude, that look used to be such a turn on. And judging by the way his eyes seemed to trail over her, that hadn't changed.

It surprised him how easy it was to fall into old habits with her like there wasn't a couple of years missing between them. It was like second nature to him, even if he consciously promised he would try to make an effort. That was shot to hell when he realized how obvious it was that the same tricks to get under her skin still worked and her reactions were still the same.

So, he was a sadist…there were worse things.

"I see you haven't changed much," Nathan mumbled, dropping his phone into the cup holder.

She knitted her eyebrows together in defense. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He chuckled sarcastically. "You're still such a goody-two-shoes, following every rule right down to the letter. Doesn't that ever get boring?"

The condescending tone in his voice made her want to reach over the center console and smack that smirk right off his face. She never understood how someone so…attractive could have such a vile personality. He was only tolerable when he kept his mouth shut. Maybe she'd even go as far as saying that she liked him when he was quiet.

"Following the rules makes for a good cop," Haley responded.

"No, I think being flexible and being able to adjust to the situation makes for a good cop," Nathan argued back.

"I see that _you_ haven't changed, either," Haley countered icily.

Nathan stretched his legs out as far as they would go before being stopped by the steering wheel. Clasping his hands together, he propped them behind his head. "Ah, but if I remember correctly, my confidence was something that you found sexy."

"I said confidence, not arrogance."

"Yeah, but—"

"How about we just don't talk at all?" Haley exploded.

There was a long stretch of uncomfortable silence causing time to tick by slowly. Nathan watched as Haley kept her eyes locked on the house, never once glancing in his direction. She had this look of concentration on her face—her lips pressed tightly together and her forehead creased. Occasionally, her deft fingers would push her hair behind her ears.

He found himself studying her face. For the most part, she looked exactly how he remembered her. She had darker hair and her skin was tanner. Worry lines had etched themselves in between and in the corners of her eyes, resembling slight crow's-feet. The dark circles under her eyes were barely-shadows, but still prominent to the naked eye. He wondered what happened to cause those marks on her face.

"Whatever happened to North Carolina?" Nathan asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

Haley visibly tensed. Her fingers wrapped around the door handle tightly, her knuckles fading white. She hated the way her heart seemed to take a nose dive.

"What?" Haley croaked.

"North Carolina," Nathan repeated. "Weren't you supposed to get a job down there to stay close to your sister?"

She felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. No one had brought up North Carolina around her in years and she was surprised to find that Nathan had remembered.

"Yeah, well, plans change," she finally forced out. It sounded a little snippier than she intended.

Nathan opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by Haley sitting up suddenly.

"I think we got something," she said quietly, unbuckling her seatbelt and sitting further up. Grabbing the binoculars off the dashboard, she held them up to her eyes, occasionally adjusting the viewfinder. Sure enough, the guy they were looking for came into view. He was getting out of the passenger side of a red SUV, anxiously looking around.

It amazed Nathan how quickly she could switch gears and go straight in to work. Dare he say it, he was envious of it. He always was.

"He's got a woman with him," Haley gasped. "Her hands are tied up and she looks in distress. They're heading towards the house."

"Shit," Nathan cursed as he reached for the radio. Picking it up off the receiver and pressing the red button on the side, he spoke into it. "This is Detective Scott and Detective James working the 866 suspectt has been spotted walking into his home with a blonde female. Distress calculated for a possible hostage situation."

A few minutes later the radio clicked back on. "Dispatch has been notified. Proceed with caution."

Like a shot, they were both out of the car and their guns were in their hands. Crouching down, they swiftly approached the house. As soon as they touched grass, Nathan motioned for them to wrap around the back. Haley's heart was in her throat, as it always was when it came to her job. The adrenaline was pumping wildly through her veins.

Once they reached the backdoor, Nathan looked back at Haley. He could see the question clear in his eyes and she nodded her affirmation.

"NYPD!"

Everything from that moment forward happened so fast. Using force with his shoulder, Nathan busted through the back door. Guns firmly held in front of them, they stepped into the house. The first thing they saw was the girl tied to a chair in the corner. Ty, on the other hand, was standing at the edge of the hallway. His arm was extended, a gun in his hand. The shots popped off quickly, sending both Nathan and Haley in opposite directions. Nathan was hiding behind the wall leading into another room, while Haley was hidden behind a large counter.

"He's going out the front!" Haley yelled as she pried herself off the floor.

"I got him! Get the girl!" Nathan shouted back as she took off running.

With the sirens in the background, Haley rushed over to the blonde who was still tied to the wooden chair. Tears were streaming down her face and her body was convulsing, trying to pull free from the restraints. First, Haley removed the rag from her mouth and then dug the pocket knife out of her back pocket.

"Shh, you're okay. You're safe now," Haley tried to soothe. This was one of the things Haley hated the most about her job. The look of fear in people's eyes, the hysteria in their cries…in never failed to make her stomach twist painfully. "What's your name?"

"Madeline," she cried.

"Hi Madeline, my name's Haley. I'm going to get you out of here, okay?"

Madeline just nodded, sniffling.

"Is there anyone else here?" Haley asked and she worked diligently to cut free the rope around Madeline's wrists.

"N-no. Jus-st me."

A gun shot rang out just as Haley finally broke through the restraints.

"Shit!" Haley barked, jumping to her feet. With a pounding heart, she placed her hands on Madeline's shoulders. "I want you to stay here until another officer comes in, okay? Can you do that for me?"

When Madeline nodded, Haley took off running. She felt bad for leaving a girl that was clearly scared behind, but she had to. You always made sure the civilian was safe, which she was, before responding to gunfire or any other threat. Making it back outside, she observed that Ty was crouched behind his red SUV with his back towards her. Nathan was peeking out from behind a parked car across the street, gun extended in front of him.

Another gun shot from Ty that sent Nathan ducking. Almost instantly, Nathan popped back up to take a shot at Ty, but missed.

Thinking on her feet, Haley approached Ty swiftly and quietly. Aiming her gun at his, she pulled the trigger. The sound of metal against metal exploded through the air. Ty yelped as the gun went flying out of his hand. He didn't even look back at Haley before he took off running. A couple of squad cars came to a screeching halt in front of the house. Doors flew open as cops exited the vehicles and start to run after Ty. But it was Nathan would side swiped him, forcing him to the ground.

Haley watched in admiration as Nathan quickly pinned him down, his knee pressed squarely against Ty's back. Smoothly, he ripped the hand cuffs off the secured belt on his bulletproof vest and locked them around Ty's wrists, all while reading off his Miranda Right's verbatim. Once he was done, he jumped up and let one of the street cops take him away.

Haley took back what she originally thought—Nathan Scott was damn good at his job.

As he walked back over to Haley, his chest was rapidly rising and falling. Hands on his hips, he flashed her that damned smirk. "Whether you like it or not, I think we're going to make a pretty good team, James."


	4. Chapter 4

I stayed up way later than I should have to finish writing this and I'm going to be absolutely dead at work tomorrow...but I hope it was worth it, haha. Please enjoy at the expense of my sleep, lol.

I'm never taking that long of a break from writing again. I don't know if anyone caught on, but I actually made a continuity error in the last chapter/the plot in general. It's actually pretty tiny in the grand scheme of things, so I'm not going to go through the trouble of explaining it. Plus, I figured out a way to correct it. I am human after all and shit happens. It also doesn't help the fact that I can't write a simple, non-complex story to save my life. There are bound to be places where I forget to cross my T's and dot my I's. Also, yes, Naley's past is still very inconspicuous, but I'll give you a little heads up...you'll find out part 1 of their past in the next chapter... ;)

P.S. Sorry for any errors...I didn't proofread. I know, I know...I suck.

* * *

 _Chapter Three_

 _December 12th, 2005_

 _"Haley-Bob, you cannot seriously be eating again!" Taylor exclaimed as she watched her sister shovel yet another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth._

 _"It's just so good," Haley mumbled through her mouth full of ice cream. Some of it was leaking out the corner of her mouth and dribbling down her shirt. Walking further into the living room, she plopped down on Taylor's couch and curled her legs beneath her._

 _Taylor laughed as she readjusted the blanket around her body. "You're acting like you've never eaten ice cream before."_

 _"It sure feels that way after that awful dairy-free, vegan, diet thing you had me try for the last couple of weeks!"_

 _Taylor gripped the side of the couch to pull herself upward, a mock expression of shock on her face. "You told me that you wanted to try it with me!_

 _"I only said that because I thought it was just another one of your 'crazy' ideas that you say you're gonna do but then you never end up doing!"_

 _Taylor giggled, shrugging her shoulders. "Well, there's always a first for everything."_

 _Haley allowed her eyes to roam over the petite body of her sister. Even with a heavy blanket cloaking her body, Haley could see how thin she was becoming. Her eyes looked sunken in, her cheeks hollow, and her lips obviously chapped. Her skin seemed gray like it was lacking natural pigment or the ability to flush or show emotion._

 _Clear as day, Haley could see the physical and mental toll the last few months had taken on her sister. She was still the loving, spunky, and sarcastic girl that she was once before. The love for life and the desire to be alive still shined in her eyes. It was obvious only to her family and to the people who really knew her that there was something…wrong._

 _Strength—that was the thing that Haley admired most about her sister. No matter what life threw at her, Taylor took it with a heavy hand and gracious smile. She didn't complain. She didn't wallow. She fought back with every ounce of grace and selflessness she possessed._

 _"Don't you dare."_

 _Haley blinked out of her haze. Taylor was throwing her a scornful look—lips pressed together and eyebrows knitted._

 _"What?"_

 _"Don't look at me like that," Taylor demanded. "I know exactly what is going through your mind right now."_

 _"It wasn't…"_

 _Taylor gave her a pointed look. "You are the absolute worst at lying, you know that?"_

 _Haley didn't say anything. Instead, she slumped further into the couch. Depositing the now empty bowl of ice cream on to the coffee table beside the couch, Haley grabbed the other wool blanket off the back of the couch. She wrapped it around her body and leaned her head against the arm rest, focusing her eyes on the television in front of her._

 _A few seconds of silence passed before Haley heard Taylor shuffling around. She felt the opposite side of the couch dip before Taylor snuggled up next to her._

 _"Hales, can we not do this right now?"_

 _The wave of emotion hit Haley like a ton of bricks. The tears clogged up in her throat. Her eyes and throat burned as she fought to keep them at bay. The one thing that she promised her sister was that she wouldn't cry…at least not in front of her. Sometimes, though, it was just so hard. She wasn't sure how Taylor could so easily go about her days like everything was normal when that was the furthest thing from the truth._

 _"Haley," Taylor tried again. She placed a hand on Haley's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. It took a few more minutes of coaxing before Haley finally looked up at her. "It's your winter vacation, let's enjoy it, okay? These are the moments that we're supposed to make memories out of, right? Let's focus on that while we still can."_

~x~

Haley's cell phone rang loudly, throwing her out of a restless sleep. Groaning, she blindly reached her hand out to feel around her nightstand for her phone. Once it was in her hand, she hit talk through squinted eyes, not even bothering to check the caller-ID.

"Hello?"

"Hi, pumpkin! How are you?"

Once it clicked in her head that it was her father she was talking to, she shot up in bed. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she peeked at the time on her alarm clock. When she saw the time, annoyance flowed heavily through her.

"Dad, it's two in the morning," she mumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I know. But it was the first free moment I've had in the past few days," he answered casually as if it were two in the afternoon instead. While she was growing up, her dad had always been a night owl. At one point, her younger self was convinced that he was made of magic and didn't ever sleep. "Besides, as a detective, you should be anticipating these late-night calls. You could be called into work at any time. You should know that by now."

Haley sighed, sliding her fingers into her hair. She heard the slight edge in her dad's voice clearly.

"I was calling you to see how you're settling into this new district. How is your new partner? I've heard of Nathan Scott. He's good police. How are the rest of the detectives? Do they seem like honorable people?"

Haley groaned inwardly at her dad's rapid fire of questions and expressing his thoughts. She was used to it…but that didn't mean that she had to like it.

"Yeah," she answered shortly. "They're all great."

"That's good."

He took a long pause that made her nervous. She knew how her dad operated—when he wanted to say something to her, something that was beyond the realm of casual father-daughter talk, he began with causal chit-chat because taking a pause to collect his thoughts. That's when she knew something was coming. Her shoulders slumped forward as she braced herself for the disappointed she knew would inevitably follow the conversation.

"What is it, dad?"

She heard him exhale a heavy breath.

"I heard what happened with the Specter case. That was a dangerous move, Haley."

Her first instinct is to ask how he found out about what happened, but she knows he'll just say that since he's the Chief of State Police, every closed case passes by his desk. That's not the truth no matter how many times he claims that is. She's considered the fact that maybe he has wired every office she worked in and checked the surveillance tape every night. Or he has a "spy" in every department that he pays extra to keep an eye on her and report anything they deem suspicious. She wouldn't put either of those things passed him.

Haley straightened her posture as if she were sitting in front of him instead of talking to him over the phone. At this point, any trace of sleep had evaporated.

"After surveying the situation, I found that the best course of action would be to eliminate the suspect's weapon," Haley recited. Her dialect changed drastically. She spoke as if she were talking to Internal Affairs instead of her father. After all, he always said that when it came to police work…he was her boss first.

"What if you would have missed? You would have alerted him to your location and he could have easily shot back at you."

Haley didn't know how to respond to that without pissing her dad off further. So, she just stayed quiet.

"When it comes to being out in the field, you have to consider situations from every angle and their every possible outcome before acting. You can't afford to reckless or act on pure adrenaline. You should know better than that," her dad continued to berate her. The way he was speaking to her was as if she didn't know the difference between her ass and her elbow.

"Dad…,"

"I'm just saying these things because I care."

"I know," she said tiredly. There was no point in trying to disagree with him because to him, he was always right.

"You have to be careful, Haley. It's dangerous out there and I swear I pray every day for your safety. Every time my radio comes in that an officer has been shot at, I pray to God that it wasn't you. I put myself through the ringer every day worrying about you," Jimmy explained, the hard edge never once leaving his voice.

Haley softened a bit. She supposed that having a dad that who cared that much for her was better than having a dad who didn't care at all, regardless of how he chose to express that care.

"I know," Haley said softly. "And I appreciate it."

"Good."

She can hear the smile in his voice.

"Anyway, I was also calling to remind you about the Mayor's Police and First Responders Gala on Saturday. This is your first year of being able to attend with you finally being in a precinct that sponsors the gala."

Haley let out a muted sigh as she leaned back on her bed and rested her forearm over her eyes. The Mayor's Police and First Responders Gala was the equivalent to the Super Bowl or a wedding anniversary to her dad. Every unit—from fire to narcotics—in four separate precincts in the Tri-State area attended. Awards and special honors are handed out, along with oversentimental speeches from retiring members, followed by dancing and awkward mingling. The fact that Jimmy James got honored every year was probably the reason he loved it so much.

The past few years, Haley had been lucky to be in a precinct that wasn't involved in the gala…but, not this year.

"How could I forget?" she muttered dryly, bordering on pure sarcasm.

Her sarcasm was completely missed by her father.

"Will Andy by escorting you?"

"He wouldn't miss it."

"Good. Now I heard that they got a band…."

As her father rambled on about the gala, Haley found herself zoning out on one of the pictures hanging on her bedroom wall. It was in the direct line of the moonlight streaming in through her bedroom window. It was the first picture she hung up. In fact, it was the first thing she unpacked…even before her bedding or her clothes.

The picture was taken at her mother's second wedding, only a few weeks before…things drastically changed. The professional photographer they hired captured it like lightening in a bottle. Taylor and Haley were dressed in peach colored dresses, arms wrapped around each other and heads tossed back in laughter.

Haley had lost count of how many times she's studied that picture, but every time, without fail, it took her breath away. The only thing she could focus on was how happy and carefree Taylor looked—the crinkles in the corners of her eyes, the way her skin seemed to glow, and the healthy glow in her cheeks. She would have done anything to go back to that moment.

The ache in her chest blossomed as she blinked back the tears. Sometimes time doesn't heal all wounds.

~x~

"What's your poison?" Brooke asked as soon as Haley slid into one of the padded stools. Her hair was sloppily piled on top of her head and her eyes were barely rimmed with eyeliner. Haley had come to realize that Brooke was one of those girls who was naturally beautiful, something she envied heavily.

Haley crinkled her eyebrows and squinted her eyes as she swung her gaze over to the chalkboard drink menu. Lists of fancily named margaritas and other cocktails came into view. She wrinkled her nose at all the options. She'd never been much of a…fancy drinker. Wine or beer was more her speed.

"Uh, I think I'll just do a Miller Lite."

"11 or 16?"

"Hm..16."

"Damn, I knew you were my kind of girl," Chris purred, scooting his bar stool closer to her. He tossed an arm around her and pulled her to his side. The overwhelming smell of a cheap cologne and hairspray engulfed her. The purple shirt he was wearing felt like slick satin rubbing against her skin. She tensed up beside him, keeping her arms at her sides and a shaky smile on her lips.

She'd only know Chris Keller for about a week and a half and she was already pretty used to his…flirting. According to Brooke, it was harmless and he hit on every female he came into contact with. It made her uncomfortable at first, but now it just got on her nerves.

"Careful, Keller. You know Nathan will have your ass," Julian warned with a laugh, pointing the mouth of his beer bottle at him.

Her annoyance only flourished further with that statement. Apparently, Nathan had told everyone that he was "in charge of keeping an eye on her…chief's orders" and the team wasn't exempt from that. She knew it was just another way for him to get under her skin.

"He doesn't own me," Haley replied with a roll of her eyes.

"Feisty," Chris cooed, tightening his grip on her shoulder. "I like it. By the way, where is Scott?"

"He's helping his brother move in. They got a house just outside of the city," Clay answered.

"Ah, I see."

"Here you are," Brooke announced as she placed Haley's drink in front of her and a margarita in front of herself. Noticing Chris' arm around Haley, her eyes pinched. "Knock it off, Chris. You're gonna scare her away."

"Oh, come on, she loves me. Everyone loves Chris Keller."

"God, I feel bad. No one should be lied to like that," Haley muttered, earning a hearty laugh.

A cheer from a group of men immersed in the TVs caused a momentary lull in their conversation.

Rudy's was a dive bar in the center of the city. It was a quaint little place with blinking light-up signs and a juke box in every corner. The lamps above the tables where covered with red stained glass, bathing the entire place in muted red. A bar made of polished ivory wood wrapped around the entire left side, rows and rows of liquored leaned up against argyle decorated glass. Large flat screen TVs were pinned above the bar, displaying the news, the Yankees game, and some soap opera.

Haley learned that this was the Friday night hang out spot for the team. She liked it and the homey feel it had to it, which was exactly how she felt about the new people she worked with. The vibe between them all was familial and strong like they'd do anything

"What is the story between you and Nathan, anyway?" Clay asked, swinging everyone's attention back to the group. "Something about being in the same class at the academy?"

Haley shifted her posture and leaned her elbows on the wood table. That question made her nervous mostly because she wasn't sure how to answer. She wouldn't have put it passed Nathan to tell everyone their history, bragging rights and all that mumbo-jumbo.

"That's pretty much it," Haley answered cautiously. "We were in the same class, got stuck together for some training rounds, and that's it."

An eyebrow raised on Clay's rugged face. Her stomach flipped. "That's it?"

"That's it," she reiterated, hiding her nervous smile behind a sip of beer. She hated that feeling, the feeling that people knew more about her than they were letting on. She felt that same exact thing whenever she met one of her dad's…people.

"Huh," Julian breathed. "It just seems as if you guys…really know each other."

Haley felt her skin heat up, from the pit of her stomach to the back of her neck and the tips of her ears. If Nathan really did relay their entire past to people that she, in the grand scheme of things, barely knew, she was going to kill him.

"I guess we know each other, as well as two people who 'went to school' together, can know each other," Haley responded coolly. Her hands wrapped around the glass bottle, dragging her fingers over the pools of condensation that had gathered on the sides.

She held her breath as she waited for Clay's or Julian's next question. She imagined that what she was feeling right now was exactly what suspects felt when they were being interrogated. Her body felt like it was on pins and needles. The swear prickling on her skin was both hot and cold at the same time.

She could breathe again when it was apparent that they accepted her answer.

"What was Nathan like back in the day?" Brooke pondered. "I've always wondered."

"Sexy, charming, incredibly charming," Nathan answered for her, making his entrance. He smoothly and effortlessly glided into the empty stool on the other side of Haley. "You know, basically the same as I am now."

A rush of heat radiated off his body, causing a shiver to run down Haley's spine. The scent of his cologne was refreshing, instead of nauseating like Chris' was. He'd changed since work. Gone was his black dress shirt and a white t-shirt had taken its place. His hair was rugged, messy in a way that seemed like it was styled that way on purpose.

"Actually, I was going to say boyish, egotistical, and…nescient," Haley remarked with a smirk. A finger found a stray piece of her hair and twirled it innocently.

"Ouch," Chris said with a laugh. "That's a pretty solid definition."

Nathan smirked, allowing her insult to roll right off his back. "Careful, Hales, you know how much sass turns me on."

"You're incorrigible."

"Hm, it's all part of my charm."

Clay darted his eyes between the both of them. His lips were pressed together in amusement like he was trying to hold back a laugh. On the other hand, his eyebrow was kinked, like he was waiting for an explanation. "You guys are really just going to stick to the whole 'we were just classmates' story, huh?"

"Well, actually," Nathan began, the smirk on his face broadening. He looked over at Haley and winked at her before tossing an arm over her shoulder. "We're married. Got a couple of kids back home. We just thought we'd keep in on the down-low…you know, to avoid any awkward tensions."

Haley's cheeked flamed up in mild anger as she jabbed her elbow into his side. "You're such an ass!"

A round of laughed peeled through the group. Light conversation with jabs and teasing jokes filled the next hour. Haley enjoyed the way that everything seemed to flow between them all. There were no awkward lags in the conversation or odd tension.

"So, about this gala tomorrow night…," Julian brought up, earning groans from everyone.

"Ugh, don't remind me," Clay complained. "That kiss-ass jamboree is the same story every year— lets all bow down to the old folks in the system who haven't made a single crack in today's pile of cases, but applaud them for their 'hard work and dedication.'"

"At least the alcohol's free," Brooke chimed in.

"Your dad's big into this shindig, isn't he, Haley?" Clay asked.

Haley shifted tensely at the mention of her father. "Uh, yeah, he basically coordinates the entire thing."

"Why didn't you ever mention that your dad was the Chief?" Nathan asked, turning to look at Haley.

She shrugged. "I didn't want anyone to treat me differently. I figured if they knew…they would think I had everything handed to me."

Nathan nodded in understanding. He caught the edge of sorrow and regret in her voice, but chose not to question her on it. "I have to say, after the stories you've told me about your father, it definitely makes sense. I can't believe I never put two-and-two together."

"Which brings me back to the fact I described you as nescient. Right on the money."

Julian chuckled. "You two just never stop."

~x~

"We just got here and I'm already ready to leave," Nathan mumbled as he and Clay headed straight for the bar. If they were going to make it out of there without falling asleep, alcohol was their only saving grace.

"Tell me about it," Clay said in agreement.

They were only about ten minutes later, but the gala was already in full swing. Loud and incomprehensible chatter filled the banquet hall, drowning out the classic music that was playing from the speakers. It was like they wanted people to fall asleep with their music selections. Tables covered in beige clothes and chairs wrapped in black covers packed the room, leaving little space for people to walk. Nathan wondered how the staff could so easily walk around with trays of horderves and not drop a single one. Red and white roses in gold vases sat in the center of the tables.

It reminded Nathan of a high school prom…only more mature and without spiked punch or rowdy teenagers sneaking off to drink in the bathrooms.

Once they reached the bar, Clay ordered them both a beer.

"Wanna make a bet on how long it takes before Chris sweet talks one of the secretaries into the coat closet?"

"Man, even that's getting boring," Nathan grumbled. "You would think that they would do something to make this more…lively. I mean, basically, the entire force is in their 20s, mid-30s at the oldest. This isn't some Friday Night Bingo crowd anymore."

"Maybe you should pass along the concerns…since you have the 'in' with the Chief's daughter now," Clay taunted, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I don't have an 'in'," Nathan denied with a bite of annoyance. "We're literally just partners."

"You know, the more you say that the less I believe you."

Nathan sighed darkly. He didn't get it. Julian and Clay had been on his case since the moment they found out that he and Haley knew each other from previous encounters. As far as he knew, he'd never given them any reason to believe there was something more…because there wasn't.

"Why are you and Julian so on my case about this? Are you just trying to piss me off?"

"Pissing you off is quite fun," Clay sang, leaning back against the bar counter.

Nathan narrowed his eyes. "This isn't another bet between you and Julian, is it? I swear to God…I'll kill you."

"Sara from public relations is looking really good tonight. And she is definitely checking me out," Clay quickly said, leaning so he could see her better. "I think I'm gonna talk to her."

"You're not going to get off that easily, I hope you know that."

"Duty calls, man," Clay answered, downing the rest of his beer.

"I would never do this to you," Nathan pointed out.

Clay was already walking away. "That's bullshit and you know it. Wish me luck!"

Nathan shook his head as he watched Clay chase after Sara. He figured it was only a matter of time before those two got together and despite Clay's usage of that situation to get him out of a different sticky situation, he really was rooting for the guy.

"Nathan."

He turned around at the sound of his name.

His breath caught in his throat at the sight before him. Haley looked like something out of a movie…a magazine…something so ethereal and angelic that it stopped his heart.

Her dress was a dark maroon, simple and elegant. The silk fabric fell to the floor, straight and metallic like. A slit in the skirt extended to the middle of her thigh. The dress was held up by two thin straps, leaving a healthy amount of cleavage and her shoulders exposed. He wondered if her skin was as soft as he remembered it. As soon as that though entered his mind, it was gone, though.

Beauty and grace were the two things she had that he envied.

"There's someone I want you to meet," Haley mumbled.

Her voice jumped him out of his thoughts. For the first time, he noticed that a man was standing beside her. The first thing he noticed was how…proper and pristine this guy was. His black tux was in mint condition, not a single unnatural crease in the fabric. His light brown hair was nearly styled, not a single strand out of place. His face was freshly shaved, skin light and spotless.

He looked like he was made of money and polished in all the right places, almost like he was a robot. Too…perfect to be real.

"Andy, this is my partner, Detective Nathan Scott. Nathan, this is my fiancé, Andy Hargrove."

Fiancé?

He was sure that his eyes were the size of saucers at her…confession. She has a fiancé? He didn't think she wore a ring…at least he hadn't noticed one on her finger. But even so, she never once mentioned seeing someone. Shock washed over him as his lungs felt like were being squeezed.

His eyes shifted to the arm that was wrapped around her waist. A hand that looked like it was made of marble rested on the apex of her hip. He hadn't noticed that before, but now that he had he couldn't look away. Meeting eyes with Andy, his jaw locked. His expression was robotic. The smile he wore was forced and steel like while his eyes were cold. Nathan watched with contempt as Andy wrapped his arm tighter around her, pulling her until she was flush against his chest.

He knew that kind of move. It wasn't aacton of affection, it was one of ownership.

The arm that wasn't banded around Haley extended towards him. "It is nice to meet you." He spoke with proper grammar and with a medium accent. It sounded Australian, but it also couldn't have been a New Zealand accent. Nathan wasn't sure.

Nathan's arm felt like it was cemented to his side as he forced it towards Andy. The handshake was short and firm. "It's, uh, nice to meet you, too. I've heard a lot about you."

He saw the glint of appreciation in Haley's gaze at his word choice. He ignored it.

"I wish I could say the same," Andy said politely. "I trust that you are taking good care of _my_ girl? I know that she can handle herself, but the world is scary out there. Can never have too many eyes on someone."

The emphasis on the "my" wasn't lost to Nathan.

"Absolutely," Nathan confirmed, sliding his hands into the pockets of his dress pants and straightening his spine. "So, what is it that you do?"

"I'm an attorney. Defense Attorney, to be specific."

Nathan's eyebrows raised. He was a lawyer? His persona fit the bill, but Haley didn't.

"Oh. Do you coincide with any precinct or are you independent?" Nathan wasn't sure why he was asking so many questions, but he felt like he needed to size this guy up. Andy was already doing that, but with his eyes instead of interrogating questions.

"Marshall and Pratt Law," Andy answered stiffly.

Not only was he a lawyer, but he worked for one of the biggest and most successful law firms in the state. The more he learned about this guy, the more it didn't make sense. He just couldn't wrap his head around it.

"Wow, that's…impressive," Nathan choked out.

"I have been working with them since I was barely a paralegal."

He was bragging. He had to be. This was some kind of alpha-male bullshit and Nathan couldn't believe that he was buying into. His mind was racing, trying to come up with something to say to overpower him. He never got like this.

"Haley, sweetheart, will you come here for a second? There's someone else I want you to meet," Jimmy called from a few feet away. Nathan was thankful for the interruption. He wasn't sure how much more of this conversation he could handle without feeling the urge to crawl out of his own skin.

"I guess that's our cue," Haley said quietly.

Sparing one more glance at Nathan, Andy gave him a courtesy nod before walking away. Nathan was surprised that Andy to pull Haley along with him. She shot him a small smile, but before she could fully walk, Nathan gently grabbed her arm.

"You never told me that you have a fiancé?" Nathan hissed under his breath. In hindsight, it wasn't any of his business and he had no right to be pissed, but being blindsided like that and being sized up by a guy he didn't know existed until five minutes ago…that wasn't exactly fair, either.

Haley innocently blinked back at him with her lips curled into a faultless smile. "You never asked."

~x~

The night air felt good against her heated skin. The open space of the balcony finally gave her room to breathe, while the hustle of the cars below were just loud enough to drown out her thoughts. She needed a breather, or she was going to go insane.

Haley felt like she was being paraded around, like a trophy or a shiny new toy to brag about. While Andy kept his arm around her waist, Jimmy kept his hand on her elbow, leading her from executive to executive, board member to board member. She didn't recognize herself in the narratives her father told his "friends" about her. She was starting to think that her dad had a different version of her in his head—the woman he wanted her to be, not the woman he was mutely disappointed in. To him, it felt like her biggest accomplishment was scoring a lawyer, not her police work.

She should have seen it coming. Her dad was never modest when it came to family, but his modesty usually meant omitting the truth for the sake of his reputation.

"You're not thinking about jumping, are you?"

Haley was jarred out of her thoughts at the sound of Nathan's voice. Peeking over her shoulder, she saw him approaching her with a beer bottle in his hand. He'd discarded his dinner jacket and his bow-tie was undone, hanging loosely from his neck. It took a certain kind of man to make messy look enticing.

Swiveling back around, she returned her gaze back to the city below her and rested her elbows against the concrete ledge. "That's not even a little bit funny."

Chuckling humorlessly, Nathan saddled up next to her. He mimicked her posture by leaning against the railing and resting his arms on the concrete. "You're right, I'm sorry. Where's Andy?"

"Talking to my dad," Haley replied simply. "I just came out here to get some air."

Nathan nodded his acknowledgement as he focused his gaze on the label on his beer. His mouth was working faster than his brain when he blurted out his next statement. "You know, I never pegged you as the type to…marry a lawyer."

A small, shaky smile appeared on Haley's face. "I'm full of surprises, I guess."

"He seems like a good guy," Nathan muttered after taking a swig of his beer.

He couldn't get the way they seemed to complement each other out of his head. They looked good together, he couldn't deny that, but something felt…off. He felt uneasy watching Andy occasionally place his hand on the small of her back. Or when he'd lean over a press a kiss to her cheek. It seemed possessive instead of natural, like a dog marking their territory. But then other times, Haley seemed completely comfortable around him, smiling and laughing like everything was perfect. He didn't know how to accurately explain it other than that it didn't sit right with him.

Haley gave him an uneasy glance. His expression was blank, emotionless. Instead of looking at her, his gaze was centered on something in front of him. Her eyes trailed over his clenched jaw, admiring the way muscles pulsed every time he gritted his teeth.

"He is," Haley agreed cautiously.

"How'd you guys meet?" Nathan found himself asking. He couldn't tell if it was blatant curiosity or an incessant need to know.

"My dad actually introduced us," Haley answered. She never really understood what it meant to physically feel the mood in the room changing until that very moment. The air around her felt chillier…tenser.

"That figures," Nathan muttered. He meant to say it under his breath, but it just slipped out. Stealing a glance at Haley, he tensed even further when he saw the pissed off expression brewing on her face.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She twisted her body so that she was facing him, a hand on her hip and an eyebrow raised. Turning so that his back was leaning against the railing, he stuffed a hand in his pocket, took another sip of beer, and shook his head.

"Nothing."

"It's obviously something."

A few silent beats passed by as Nathan debated on whether to voice his thoughts or not. Beside him, Haley was tapping her foot against the ground and challenging him with her eyes. He eventually decided to just go for it.

"It just figures you would agree to marry a guy just because your dad said so."

At Nathan's mention of her father, Haley's stiffened. The way he said it…she could hear the venom and the…disdain clear as day. Her eyes began to sting, almost as if Nathan had reached up and slapped her across the face.

"I agreed to marry him because I love him," she disputed. Her throat felt as if it was jammed with tears. Couldn't one person in this fucking world believe that she was doing things for her own benefit, not because someone told her to?

"Do you?" Nathan challenged as his heartbeat sped up in his chest. He shifted his eyes so that he was looking directly at her. The emotion on her face was clear and it caused him to falter for a moment. But the anger, the adrenaline, and the alcohol drumming through his veins pushed him to go further. "Because if I remember correctly, you always—"

"You don't know me," she quickly cut him off. She couldn't stomach what he was about to say.

Nathan took a step towards her, simply ignoring the way she tensed. His eyes were narrowed, a fire burning inside of them. "Come on, we both know that I've seen a side of you that he never will."

Her jaw slacked, in anger and in shock. The blood pumping through her veins turned to ice as she tried to formulate the correct response to what he'd just said. There was no one else in the world that could make her feel a tumult of changing emotions.

"You don't get to do this," she snapped, her voice hard and sharp.

"Do what?"

He was testing her…pushing her buttons like he always did. She wasn't going to back down.

Taking a step closer to him, she squared her shoulders. She was close enough to him that she could feel heat radiating off his body. The strong scent of his cologne attacked her in waves, but she was too keyed up to let it affect her.

"We haven't seen each other in _years_ , Nathan." She emphasizes it harshly. "You don't get to act like a jealous ex-boyfriend who thinks they still have a claim on me. There wasn't anything between us back then and there's definitely not anything between us now."

Her words feel like a jab in the gut. He ignored it.

She's walking away from him and he'd be damned if he let her have the last word.

"Have you ever considered the fact that maybe I just care about you?"

Her strut away from him came to a screeching halt. Turning on the tip of her heel, she planted her hands on her hips. "Puh-lease, you don't have a caring bone in your body."

He was used to her jabs at him. In fact, he thrived off of them. He loved the fire in her eyes when she got worked up like this. They were normally a warm brown color, but there was something so beautiful about the way golden flecks would appear. Her eyes were some of the most expressive he'd ever seen. He was enthralled by the way her cheeks would flush pink and the way her chest would rise and fall rapidly.

This time was different, though. Her features were still the same, but her jabs didn't deflect as they normally did.

"Haley…,"

"We're partners, Nathan," Haley said sternly. "Let's not make this anymore painful than it has to be."


	5. Chapter 5

This took me a lot longer than I wanted it to. I actually started writing this chapter about 3-ish weeks ago, but then I got struck by another idea that I just had to start writing. I'm not really sure if I'm going to end up posting it, but if I do, it's not going to be until I write more of it. I definitely do not want to try and balance two stories at once, and by not posting it, I feel as if that takes the pressure off me to write it, lol.

Anyway, thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews! I know most of you are kind of leery of Andy...as you should be, lol. But I have to warn you, there are going to be a few Andy/Haley moments, but hopefully, the Naley moments will make up for those few moments. Trust me though, writing even slightly romantic scenes with Haley (and Nathan) that aren't with each other...they're so hard and I hate them. However, as much as I just want to jump right into the Naley goodness...I cannot.

P.S. If you watch Chicago P.D, there's a moment in this chapter that might seem a little familiar to you, as it was inspired by a Linstead moment!

P.S.S. Sorry for any errors, I'm terrible when it comes to proof-reading.

* * *

 _Chapter Four_

"Are you sure you want to leave?"

Haley nodded her head as she claimed her jacket from Andy's grasp. She avoided his gaze. She knew the look in his eyes would mirror the tone of his voice—disappointment. Andy was having a great time, mingling her dad and her dad's colleagues and friends. That was until she showed up, red-faced and clearly trying to reign in her emotions, claiming that she didn't feel good and wanted to leave. At first, Andy had looked at her like she was crazy, before finally agreeing.

"Your dad's disappointed."

She wanted to snap. She wanted to bite out that there were always going to be more galas or events that he could force her to attend, but she stayed silent. Andy's hand found its way into Haley's as he led her out to his car. She could tell by his stiff posture and the grip he had on her hand that he wasn't happy, but she didn't have the emotional capacity to care. She was already feeling like shit about herself…what was a few more comments?

While the first few minutes of the car ride home was met with silence, a raging war was taking place in Haley's head. Her and Nathan's conversation was replaying in her head like a scratched record that she couldn't turn off. Their conversation had brought up memories that, until now, she wanted to forget.

The fierceness in Nathan's eyes as he spoke to her was forever engrained in her memory. She couldn't remember ever seeing him look so…bothered. The usual challenge was present, begging her to let him beneath her skin and to fight back. But there was something else…something deeper behind those blue irises that she couldn't place. She wanted to say that it pissed her off—the way he acted like he owned a part of her and his obvious distaste for her fiancé—and maybe it did a little, but for the most part…it excited her. She felt a fire starting to form in the pit of her stomach, something she hadn't felt since….

Guilt swept through her. How wrong was it to be sitting next to her fiancé, while thinking of another man? She stole a glance at Andy's hand. It was resting across the cup holders in the center of her car, palm facing upward. Most of the time, when he was driving, she had a habit of holding his hand or running her fingers over his skin in random patterns. Her body relaxed, shoulders slumping as her leg stopped bouncing. Reaching over, she placed her hand in his.

Andy was what mattered, not Nathan. Nathan wasn't even a vital part of her past, while Andy was an important part of her future.

Andy darted his eyes over to hers, his lips curving into a soft smile. The anger was gone from his face and the weight on her chest disappeared.

"I'm sorry," Andy began softly. "I'm sorry for how I acted when you asked to leave. I just know how much you and your dad were looking forward to this night. I know that the last thing you'd want to do is disappoint him."

Haley clenched her teeth in a timid, steel smile. "It's okay."

"Are you feeling any better?"

"A little," she lied.

"Would you like me to stop and get you something?"

Haley shook her head.

The awkward silence had her picking at the skin around her nails. There was a weird tension between them. The air felt thick…like it was suffocating her. Her cheeks felt like they were on fire, like she had suddenly come down with a raging fever. With her free hand, she cracked her window just slightly.

"Your partner…" Andy trailed off and Haley tensed. She had to physically and mentally brace herself for whatever he was about to say. She'd already received one beat down that evening, she wasn't sure she could handle another one.

"He seems…rather protective of you. He was watching you carefully most of the night like he was just waiting to pounce."

They were observational statements...ones of warning. She recognized that tone of Andy's voice. It reminded her of an intro to a paper…like a topic sentence that would lead to six pages of facts, thoughts, and passing judgments …only to end with a concluding paragraph that left her reeling.

She sucked in a breath of air to collect her thoughts. She figured that there really wasn't a safe or correct way to respond to that statement. If she ignored it, Andy would just press further to try and figure out if Nathan posed a threat or not. If she responded in a way that would suggest a threat…well, then she was opening up a whole new can of worms.

"Orders from my dad," Haley finally answered. "He's weird about that kind of thing, you know that."

"Even off the clock?"

A shaky smile curved on Haley's lips. "Nathan…he, uh, takes his job rather seriously."

There was another bout of silence—this one even thicker with awkwardness. She shifted nervously when his fingers flexed harder against hers. She can't read his expression. His eyes are hard set on the road ahead of him, while his lips and jaw were locked in a muted scowl.

"Do you guys know each other well?" Andy asked next. She wasn't a stranger to this kind of third degree.

"Hardly," Haley muttered quickly, before sighing. "Look, Andy, there's no reason to be jealous or concerned. He's just my partner and following my dad's orders…that's all."

"I'm not jealous," Andy declared sternly. "I'm just in love with you."

And with that simple statement, Haley declared that the end of that conversation.

~x~

Haley smoothed out the creases in her black dress as she checked her appearance in the mirror once more. She was wearing much more makeup than she normally would—black and grey shades of shadow blended on her eyelids, thick layers of mascara plumped on her lashes, a coating of eyeliner outlining the bottom of her eyes, and a splash of red on her lips. Her hair, naturally curly, was amplified—bigger and tighter curls weaved through silky strands.

The strapless dress she was wearing was much more…liberal than anything she owned. The cotton fabric felt like it was painted on to her body, hugging every curve, but leaving the back open. The hem of the dress barely pulled down past her ass, as the heart-shaped bust accentuated her breasts. To complete the outfit, a pair of wrapped stilettos adorned her feet.

This was the part of her job that really forced her out of her comfort zone. She always said that detective's undercover were better actors than academy award winning ones. Going undercover forced you to take on many different personas, usually, ones that were far cries from who you truly were. Sometimes you were forced to do things that fucked you up, physically and mentally. Not to mention, it was incredibly dangers. One wrong move could kill you, especially if you were made.

She and Nathan were headed to swinger's club that was located right outside of Time's Square. In the past week, two out-of-state couples that had attended this club were found dead in their hotel rooms the next morning. The male victims were always left hand-cuffed to the bed, showing signs of asphyxiation. The female victims were both laid out on the bathroom floor from apparent overdoses. The weirdest thing was that both females had zero histories of drug abuse or use of drugs in general.

Keith decided that the people under cover needed to pose as a couple and that Nathan and Haley were the ones that fit the bill most.

Once she felt confident enough in her appearance, Haley grabbed her clutch off the counter and exited the locker room. Her heels clicked loudly against the linoleum floor, bouncing off the walls of the empty office. The usual "before-a-case" jitters were present—the knots in her stomach, the hairs on her body feeling electric, and the cold sweat forming on the back of her neck. She loved that feeling. She figured that if she didn't experience those kinds of feelings, that had to mean to she didn't care.

Turning the corner into the offices, she spotted Nathan. He was half sitting on top of his desk, one leg dangling off the side and one leg on the floor, scrolling through something on his phone. He looked nothing short of stunning in dark jeans, a crisp white shirt dress shirt, and a dark blue blazer. As usual, his dark hair was styled purposely messy.

Outside of work-related things, her and Nathan hadn't spoken much since the gala the previous weekend. His words, however, still echoed in her brain like a catchy song on the radio she was begging to forget. But if he wasn't going to bring it up, neither was she.

He looked up at the sound of her heels. Without realizing it, Haley held her breath as his eyes glossed over her in appreciation. Her blood pressure spiked at the slow perusal, especially at the way his lips lifted into a confident smirk. She waited for some kind of quick, lewd remark, but was surprised when he remained silent.

"Here are the rings," Keith announced as he came out of his office, capturing both of their attention. He placed a small diamond ring in Haley's palm and a gold band in Nathan's. "Remember your story—you've only been married about a year and you're from north Massachusetts. Stick to the alliance names, but try your best to avoid personification. Keller and Baker will be parked right outside, make sure to radio them whenever it's needed."

Haley watched as Nathan slid the ring on to his left hand. It completed the ensemble perfectly. She wasn't sure what it was…but the addition of that ring on his finger only added to his enticing appearance. Tearing her eyes away, she slid the ring on her finger and focused her attention back on Keith's instructions.

"Any questions?"

Nathan glanced over at Haley and she shook her head.

Keith's lips curled up into a rare, yet dull smile. "One more thing—our goal this time isn't to catch who's doing this. We need to gather more details before we pounce, capiche?"

"You look nervous," Nathan commented after Keith had retreated back into his office. He hopped off his desk and reached to grab the keys to their undercover car. It was a black Ford Mustang, with tinted windows and leather seats…far fancier than anything she took a ride in at her old district.

"Is it that obvious?" Haley could feel her cheeks flushing, which she bowed her head in order to hide. She'd never admit it out loud, but Nathan's confidence was something she admired the most about him. They'd only been working together a couple of weeks, but she had yet to see him with ruffled feathers. He always seemed so cool and collected, no matter the case or assignment.

"To me," Nathan stated simply, the corner of his mouth twitching in the slightest hint of a smirk. "You're biting your lip. You do that when you're nervous."

Haley halted, blinking harshly a few times. She never considered the fact that she had nervous little quirks…at least, no one had ever pointed one out to her.

"I—I do? How did…"

She watched as emotions played across his face. Her confusion and bewilderment were obviously amusing to him.

Nathan took a step closer to her, eyes sparkling with some indecipherable. Her initial reaction is to put some distance between them. She decided against it, reasoning that the last thing she wants to do is give him the satisfaction of him affecting her.

"I just know _you_ , Haley James."

Haley barely had time to process what he was insinuating, a low wolf-whistle stopped her dead in her tracks. Swiveling around, she came face-to-face with a smirking Chris Keller. Her head still felt a little foggy as she tried to readjust her attention. He was leaning up against a file cabinet, elbow resting across the top and legs crossed at the ankles. His teal button-down resembled a women's blouse and the gold chain around his neck made him look like a character straight out of _The Godfather_ but in a weird way…Chris Keller made that look work.

"Damn, you sure clean up nice," Chris purred, his eyes dead set on Haley.

Nathan smoothed his hands over his jacket, eyes squinted. "Hmm, I know I do."

Chris jutted his chin towards Haley, making an obvious show of him licking his lips. "I was talking about Haley. Damn…that dress…you sure make slutty look hot."

Haley was torn between rolling her eyes or stifling a laugh. Normally a comment like that would warrant a slap across the face and a sick feeling crawling down her spine. But it was just Chris and she was learning more and more each day just how harmless he was. On the other hand, Haley was glaring at him like he wanted to pummel him…and that…was comical.

"Put your tongue back in your mouth, Chris," Haley responds dryly, giving him a flick of her hair. "I'm way too classy for you, anyways."

Chris' hand flailed to his chest, dramatically gripping the spot where his heart rested beneath the surface. "Ugh, just shoot me in the heart, it would hurt less."

A giggled passed her lips as she turned to leave. As she was walking away, she heard Chris goad Nathan about "always getting the good cases" and Nathan saying something about how it wasn't his fault "God loved him." She held in her laugh.

It's not long before she felt Nathan saddle up next to her. Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see him eyeing her again. "By the way, James, you _do_ look smokin'."

Ah, and there it was.

~x~

There was nothing discreet about Behind Closed Doors, including its _unique_ name. The air was thick, smoke and sex being the two most prominent smells. Red walls, that looked as if they were covered in velvet rather than paint, boxed the place in. Black leather couches and booths sat on top of dark marble floors. Disco lights hung from the ceiling, prominently above a stage with more stripper poles than was probably necessary. Signs with gold lettering were everywhere, advertising private rooms, services, and promises of "secrets staying within the walls."

For a Tuesday night, the place was packed. People were dancing provocatively—their bodies as close together as they could be without being indecent. Other couples were making out in dark corners…and imaginably doing worse things. To seal the deal, every person in that club was wearing a wedding ring.

"Well, this place is…eccentric," Haley commented. She held her clutch tightly in her hands, her fingers drumming anxiously against the fabric.

Nathan shrugged casually. "They've redecorated since the last time I was here."

Just as he expected, Haley's head whipped around to look at him. Her face was pinched slightly. "You're not married." Her tone is a mix of being accusatory and questioning.

Nathan chuckled, sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "It was a different undercover assignment."

She studied him for a second, eyes pierced with incredulity. "Somehow I find that hard to believe."

Choosing to ignore her comment, mostly for his own amusement, he glanced methodically over the club. "Do you have any idea of who or what we're looking for?"

At the mention of work, Haley's face grew serious. One of the things that Nathan admired most about her was her laser focus and her ability to kick it into gear whenever it was needed.

"Right now, anything weird. Keith said that there are zero leads. Both couples were seen leaving with two different couples. There were no connections found between them. There were fingerprints left at the scene, but no matches were made in the database."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Nathan exhaled heavily. It wasn't that he hated hard work—in fact, he loved it—but he hated going into cases blind. He preferred to have facts to work with, some kind of lead or direction to keep the investigation going. Going into a case without a head start meant he was vulnerable, and there was nothing more he hated than being vulnerable.

"Let's start at the bar," he suggested, already heading towards it without hearing Haley's response.

"How did I know you were going to say that?"

~x~

"Here you are, Mrs. Scott," Nathan drawled as he slid a glass of wine in front of her. He plopped down on the high-rise stool opposite of Haley, a beer in his hand. She rolled her eyes at his introduction, causing him to chuckle. "Haley Scott…it has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

Haley narrowed her eyes, crossing arms over her chest. She kinked an eyebrow when his gaze momentarily drifted downwards, centered on her chest. When he figured out he'd been caught, he didn't look shameful or embarrassed. In fact, all he did was shrug. _Ugh, men._

"Did you just make it your life goal to, oh, I don't know, annoy me every possible chance that you get?"

Nathan's smile was rich in sarcasm. "Since popped back in my life, essentially yes."

Haley crossed one leg over the other and tilted her chin up. Her actions felt snooty and childlike, which were par for the course whenever her and Nathan got in these…wit arguments. "Haley _James_ -Scott."

"What?"

"You called me 'Haley Scott.' If this were some alternate universe and these rings were more than just rouses and there were more between us than…forced partnership, my name would be Haley James-Scott, not Haley Scott."

"You would hyphen your name?"

"Absolutely. That's what I plan to do when I marry Andy."

Nathan's expression turned sour.

"What?" she asked defensively.

"Haley James-Scott sounds a little…pretentious, doesn't it?" He commented, choosing to ignore her statement about her…fiancé.

"Haley Scott sounds too domestic."

"No, it doesn't."

"Why are we even arguing about this? It doesn't even matter!" she whisper-yelled, her hands tossing themselves into the air. She stole a quick glance at her wine. "And Pink Moscato? Really? What kind of girl do you think I am?"

Nathan doesn't say anything. His lips are pressed together like he's trying to suppress a laugh. He was so unaffected by everything. No matter what jab she threw at him, he had one locked and loaded. Quick and cat-like where two words she used to use to describe him. She was starting to sound like a broken record in her head, chanting how crazy Nathan drove her or how much she couldn't stand him.

Taking a drink of his beer, Nathan watched Haley out of the corner of his eye. She looked as if she were still fuming from their previous conversation. From where he was sitting, he could see her one leg bouncing in aggravation. Her lips were pressed together and her eyes were still narrow, but he could tell she was surveying the club. That's what she always did when she didn't want to face something or things got too real…got herself lost in her work.

Back when he met her, she was uptight, snarky, and in some cases, judgmental. She was always jumpy, easily scared off by sudden sounds and darting eyes, like she someone or something was chasing her. As far as he could tell, those traits of hers have only intensified. There was a constant worry on her face, during cases and off the clock. He could see the pressure she put on herself, weighing her shoulders down.

Nathan blamed her fiancé. He couldn't stand that guy or the way he paraded Haley around like he owned her. It was hard to wrap his head around the way he was feeling, other than the obvious anger. Just thinking about their conversation from the gala had his blood pressure spiking again.

"Let's dance," Nathan suggested abruptly, rising from his chair.

Haley glanced at his extended hand, before averting her eyes back to his gaze and her forehead crinkled. "What? Why? We're supposed to be on the lookout."

He didn't even try to conceal the rolling of his eyes. "You have been undercover before, right?"

Haley scoffed. "Of course, I have."

"Then you know that sitting here and just 'observing' isn't going to get us anywhere. So, get up and let's go dance."

Reluctantly, Haley took his hand. His hand was much bigger than hers, the warmness of it immediately encasing hers. His hand was a lot softer than she expected. He led her out on to the crowded dance floor where some slow pop song was playing. It took quite a few moments for them to find an empty spot, far enough away from other couples that would be considered indecent.

Nathan wasted no time placing his hands on her hips and pulling her close. Automatically, one of her hands grabbed his shoulder while the other slid into his free hand. Her focus was on the people and the environment surrounding them, while his focus was on her. The disco lights from above were dancing across her face, highlight her natural features as well as the enhancements created by the make-up she was wearing.

With or without make-up, she was flawless. So effortlessly beautiful and captivating.

"Haley."

The sound of his voice grabbed her attention. Looking up, her breath caught in her throat when she saw the intense look in his eyes.

"Have I told you how incredible you look tonight?"

Haley looked away from his heated gaze. She knew that look and it scared her.

"You're only saying that because I look like a hooker. It's the dress."

Without warning, he twirled her around, causing a surprised squeal to pass her lips. When she completed the twirl, he hauled her against his chest. She looked up at him through her thick eyelash, surprise, and curiosity reflecting in her eyes. Nathan rested his hand at the base of her spine, his calloused fingertips brushing against her bare skin. Haley visibly shivered at the contact, causing Nathan to smirk.

"No, it's you," he declared lowly.

Without warning, he bowed his head and brushed his lips across her skin. He felt her shiver again and her fingers flexed, digging into the tops of his shoulders. The scent of her perfume swallowed him, clouding the little senses he had left. He proceeded cautiously, kissing softly and slowly across her skin.

"What are you doing?"

Haley was surprised at how breathless she already sounded. She's both frozen in her spot and itching to get closer to him. The thought to push him away never crossed her mind…something that would bother her later.

"Just playing a role," he muttered casually. He sprinkled a serious of soft kisses along the curve of her exposed shoulder, up to the slender column of her throat. Occasionally, he'd run his tongue along a patch of skin. The hitch in her breath and the quiet, sharp gasps expelling from her mouth only spurred him on further.

He was damn good and no fiancé, hatred, or place of work was going to change that.

Haley slid her hands into his hair, her eyes fluttering. Her first instinct was to push him away, but it was like she was rooted to her spot. A haze had come over her like she was no longer in control of her own body. Her mind was blank as her heart thudded loudly in her chest.

Nathan kissed his way up to the shell of her ear. Her skin was like a road map to him, one that he had memorized every secret crevice and spot to use for his manipulation.

"Does he make you feel like I did?" Nathan breathed huskily in her ear. His fingers licked their way up her spine, causing her to arch into him further. "Huh? Does he touch you like I did?

And just like that, the haze was broken. Her eyes shot open and locked with fierce intensity. Any previous thing she felt was completely wiped away, only to be replaced with a combination of anger and shock. Ever aware of her surroundings and the undercover role she has to preserve, she backed away from him just slightly. She smiled a tight smile, her teeth clench together so strongly she was sure one of them was going to crack. But she made sure she relayed how serious she was in her eyes.

The audacity of this man…he was relentless.

"You are infuriating," Haley gritted out. There was so much she could say but held it in. Unlike him, she wasn't willing to mess up a part of her job for a personal agenda.

She prepared to walk away from him, getting as far starting to turn around. But before she could, Nathan wrapped an around her waist and hauled her against his chest. She gasped at the sudden action. The lines of his body, which were hard and warm in just the right places, curled around her. Haley kept her body tense and her face emotionless, despite the way her heart was hammering against her rib cage.

"Isn't that what you used to like about me, though? That I could get under your skin so easily, that I knew just how to get you riled up? I remember you saying how that was such a turn on for you."

His voice was dripping sex, begging to reign her back in. Haley felt herself falter for the slightest moment but ended remaining firm. When she felt Nathan's grip on her waist loosen, she whipped around to face him. Her hands flew to her hips, one leg propped with attitude and her eyes pinched. She felt the heat rising through her body, starting from the tip of her toes to the tip of her ears.

"It's not going to work," she stated confidently.

A triumphant smirk spreads across his face and her eyebrows crease in confusion. Casually, he slid his hands into the pocket of his jeans and matched her stance.

"What's not going to work?" Nathan asked coyly.

"This," she said, motioning her hand to the air around him. "Your attempt to seduce me or whatever to stroke your ego, because you have some kind of male superiority complex going on. It's not going to work."

Besides his initial thoughts about how hot she looked—seriously, there was nothing sexier than an angry Haley James, especially when it was directed at him. Again, maybe he was a little sadistic—he found this entire situation…comical.

"I don't know what you're talking about, sweetheart," Nathan started innocently as he looked over her head and nodded towards something. "I was just doing my job."

Confused, Haley swiveled around. Sure enough, standing on a railing above the dance floor was a woman. Her bright red hair was wrangled over her shoulders and a flimsy red dress hung off her body. Her eyes were squared on Nathan and Haley, but as soon Haley made eye contact with her, she paled and turned skittish. In a blink of an eye, she was gone, disappearing behind an accent wall.

Haley looked back over at Nathan with wide eyes and a messy mind.

"See?" Nathan beamed smugly. "I think I just found our first lead."

She underestimated him. Again.

~x~

"I slept with Haley."

"Wow, okay, no 'hey, brother, how are you? How's the pregnant wife?' You're just gonna drop by at 11 at night and drop a bomb like this?"

Nathan shot Lucas a look of annoyance. Lucas returned it with a look that said: _"I'm waiting."_

Nathan sighed in exasperation. "Okay, fine, how are you, my dear brother? How's the wife?"

Lucas smiled gleefully as he walked over to the fridge. The kitchen was still a little messy from the move. Empty boxes were piled in the corner and while the dining table was put together, plastic was still wrapped around the legs. The entire house reeked of fresh paint.

"We're great, thanks for asking. Lindsey had her first appointment with the new OBGYN this week. Doctor said everything's normal and Lindsey is right on track. Beer?"

Nathan, who's annoyance had completely melted away listening to the beaming tone in Lucas' voice, nodded. "Wow, that's great to hear. I'm happy for you, man. Did you find out if it's a boy or a girl, yet?"

Lucas handed Nathan a beer, before claiming the seat on the other side of the table. "I think it's a little too early to tell. But between you and me, I'm hoping for a girl."

Nathan chuckled. "What does Lindsey want?"

"She keeps saying that all she cares about is if the baby's healthy, but I think she's pulling for a boy," Lucas answered.

Nathan's lips twitched into the smallest hint of a smile. Lucas had always been the more emotional and domestic one of the two. As far back as Nathan could remember, Lucas was always talking about marriage and starting a family. It was his dream, the one thing that he wanted to accomplish that would ensure a happy life. That was one of the reasons he opted out of the family business. Being a detective was a grave interest of his, but on top of that, he couldn't imagine having a family and willingly putting himself in a dangerous position. Nathan never once questioned his decision.

"Ah, a conflict of interest. Maybe the family should place bets," Nathan suggested jokingly. "That's a sure-fire way to make some quick cash. You know how much this family likes to gamble."

"I thought about that," Lucas laughed. "I don't think Lindsey would approve, though. Anyway, enough about me, let's go back to what you so graciously blurted out when you got here. You slept with Haley?"

Nathan ignored the lump that formed in his throat. "Yes."

Lucas looked at him with wide eyes. "You've only known each other a few weeks, right? That has to be a new record for you…at least in terms of people you work with."

Nathan ignored the jab, resisting the wish to roll his eyes. "Actually, I knew her back when I was at the academy. We weren't really friends, just coincidentally always paired in the same study groups and practice runs."

"Oh," Lucas breathed, eyebrows furrowing. He motioned for Nathan to continue on with the story.

"One night, a group of us ended up studying for the final exit exam at her place. Eventually, everyone left and it was just me and her. Alcohol was involved and things ended up…escalating," Nathan explained. The entire time he was talking, his palms felt sweaty and his heart was racing.

Lucas was the first person he ever told that. Normally, he had no qualms talking about his previous "hook-ups." With Haley, it was different. As cliché as it sounds, Haley wasn't like usual girls that he found himself around. Talking, or well bragging was a better term, about Haley felt disrespect…maybe even sacred. He didn't want to ruin the illusion of it.

As for why he was telling Lucas now…that answer wasn't clear. But it felt good to finally get off his chest.

"I imagine that this makes working together a little awkward," Lucas muttered, not entirely sure what to say.

Nathan shook his head. "That's the thing…it doesn't feel awkward. At least not to me, even with the fact that she's engaged."

"Okay, then what's the issue? Are you jealous that she's engaged?"

Nathan knew that Lucas was joking. He could tell that within the tone of his voice and besides, Nathan didn't get jealous. He immediately got defensive.

"I'm not jealous," Nathan demanded coolly. "I just needed to get it off my chest. I never told anyone else that."

"Oh, wow, why not?"

Nathan shrugged. "It never felt right to…brag about it."

Nathan was troubled by something, he could see it written all over his face.

"Why is this bothering you so much, Nathan?"

"Honestly, I don't know."

~x~

"I should have never slept with Nathan."

Peyton coughed, the french-fry she was eating getting lodged in her throat. Haley looked at her apologetically as she continued to cough. It took a few more coughs and efforts to clear her throat before the stinging was gone.

"Well, that was random," Peyton croaked.

They were sitting at Rudy's. Haley liked the place so much that she couldn't wait to bring Peyton there. Since they were of legal age, it had become kind of a tradition between them to get dressed up and go out at least once a month. When the tradition came about, they were both so busy with school and garnering careers that they never really had the chance to act like normal twenty-one-year-olds. The tradition just kind of stuck.

Haley was unusually quiet for most of the night, choosing to listen to Peyton's newest rant about her job at a rustic magazine instead of adding her own flavor to the conversation. Her mind felt too messy to form coherent sentences anyway.

She was an analyzer. It was just a part of her wiring. And right now, she was analyzing what happened between her and Nathan while they were undercover. On the surface, maybe it was nothing. Nathan was just playing a role, as he said, trying to garner some kind of reaction from the outsiders to further their case. But it didn't feel like anything and it was starting to drive her insane.

"What's on your mind?" Peyton investigated, noticing how easily Haley was getting lost in her thoughts that night.

Haley sighed, slumping into the metal iron bar stool. "I don't know. I just, there's like this weird tension between Nathan and I and it's messing with my head."

"That, my dear, is called sexual tension," Peyton offered up with a smirk, popping another fry in her mouth.

Haley shook her head, part in denial and part disbelief. Her following words flowed out of her like someone popped open the floodgates. "I don't think so. Nathan…he just takes every chance he gets to get under my skin and I just let him! Well, I let him until he reaches a certain point, but then I shut him down. It feels good, but it also feels futile. Then after it's over, I sit here and analyze everything that happened until it feels like my brain is melting."

"Maybe you just need to sow your oats. You know you probably remember how good Nathan was in bed and you want one last hurrah before you no longer can?"

Haley's eyes folded into slits. Within an instant, Peyton backed down.

"Okay, all joking aside, you want to know what I think?"

Haley nodded eagerly.

"I think you feel guilty because you're hiding this from Andy."

"But, why?" Haley asked with strain. "I mean, it's so insignificant. Nathan means nothing and even if Andy knew, I don't think it would change anything."

"Really?" Peyton challenged. The incredulity was thick in her voice. "You don't think Andy would blow a gasket and demand that you get reassigned?"

"Peyton!" Haley admonished, even if Peyton had a point.

"Fine!" Peyton threw her hands up in defense. "But my point still stands about you feeling guilty, Hales. You, my friend, are a natural-born rule follower. You follow every rule known to man because of the pressure you put on yourself.

Haley didn't know what she was feeling, and that was the worst part of all this. Feeling something so intense, but not being able to identify it? What was she supposed to do with that? She considered guilt. Or fear. Maybe even anger. All she was certain of was that Nathan shouldn't have affected her as much as he did. As much as he does.

Maybe distance was the only answer.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm not even going to bore with you an excuse of why this took me so long to post. But if I had to sum it up in all one word: life. But thank you all for so being so patient! Hopefully, the length of this chapter makes up for my disappearance.

Secondly, I have to say...it is so much fun writing Naley in this universe! They kind of remind me of an older version of the Naley in "Love Me or Don't." I hope you guys are enjoying the sexual tension in this as much as I am writing it. It's not going away for a least a little while longer.

Lastly, I know that I should usually let my writing speak for itself, but I just wanted to put something out there. To be honest, I feel like my excessive need to explain myself stems from how much hate I got when I posted my very first Naley fanfic. There were so many people questioning every little thing I put in my story and now I just feel the need to include these little memos, so that doesn't happen again. Anyway, I'm sure that some people are probably wondering why Haley is so wishy-washy when it comes to her feelings. For the first time in the history of my fanfics, I decided to give Haley the one with the difficult background (let's be real, Nathan deserved a break after all that I've put him through, lol). I've been slowly dropping little bits and pieces of what her story is, without revealing the main point just yet. I promise you there is a method to my madness.

P.S. (I don't ever shut up, do I? lol) I am little rusty on the process of writing smut. It's been a while since I've written it and I'm sure that you all will be able to tell. I apologize in advance!

* * *

Chapter 5

 _May 6th, 2006_

 _"I have an idea," Haley announced, flickering her favorite pen into the sloped binding of the textbook in front of her. It was a purple gel pen—one that she swore made her handwriting look the neatest and was her good luck charm when it came to studying._

 _"Hm?" Nathan hummed without tearing his eyes away from the page he was reading over. The corner of the page was pinched between the pad of his pointer finger and his thumb, making a shrill noise whenever he rubbed them together._

 _It was quickly inching towards one in the morning. They'd been studying since 4, and Haley was slowly starting to go crazy. Sera, Stephen, and Ashley, some of their other classmates, had left about an hour ago, stating that they were burnt out and the only thing that would help them at this point was sleep. The exam was still about a week away, but the pressure was on. This exam basically determined whether or not they could join the police force. It basically determined their futures._

 _Sliding off her chair, Haley sauntered over to one of the cupboards. Swinging it open, she grabbed its only resident before grabbing two shot glasses off the dish drying rack. She walked back over to the kitchen table and slammed both the items down._

 _"I say we make this interesting."_

 _Nathan lifted his gaze and came face to face with a bottle of Fireball. His face pinched with confusion and amusement, Nathan put his pencil down and leaned back in his chair. "Alright, you've got my attention."_

 _"Let's quiz each other. Every time we get an answer wrong, we drink."_

 _In hindsight, Haley wasn't much a drinker and when she did drink, she preferred beer over wine or any kind of liquor. But with the police academy exit exam looming in the near future, her dad riding her ass about said exam, and her sister's frequent visits to the hospital, she needed something stronger. Her stress was at all time high—her nerves frizzled and her brain spinning like a game piece. She just needed something to shut her brain off…even if it was only for a few hours._

 _Nathan drummed his fingers against his textbook. An eyebrow was raised in intrigue. He glossed over her features. She was serious. There wasn't a single crack in her armor. He leaned forward, his eyes challenging and his smirk coy._

 _"My, my…I thought you were little miss perfect. I never thought you'd be the type to mix studying and alcohol."_

 _Before he even finished his sentence, her eyes were rolling. Ever since the first day of class when she corrected him on the proper way to holster a gun (he still claims that they were both right, his way was just more efficient), he's goaded her about how "uptight" she is. Last time she checked, following the rules wasn't being uptight, it was being proper and safe._

 _Her eyes narrowed into slits. "There's a lot you don't know about me, Nathan Scott."_

 _She hated the way his smirk grew in size. If she had a nickel for every time she wanted to slap him, she'd be sickly rich._

 _Nathan studied her for a long moment. She looked exhausted, like someone who had the weight of the world on her shoulders. The dark circles under eyes stood out like neon lights against her light skin. Her dark hair was swept up into a messy ponytail. Instead of wearing wrinkle free and professional clothing, she was in a simple pair of jeans and a light blue tank-top._

 _Even with the stress of the world, this was the most…unkempt Nathan had ever seen her. He liked it. It made her seem more…human._

 _"Alright, you've convinced me," Nathan sighed heavily as if Haley had been hounding him to participate._

 _"Perfect," Haley responded, popping the cap off the bottle of Fireball. "Bottoms up."_

 _~x~_

 _"What is the proper way to approach an abandoned vehicle?" Haley rattled off. The words were slightly meshed together, her tongue lazy with alcohol._

 _"From the side," Nathan answered. "Gun and flashlight in hand."_

 _"Wrong!" Haley shouted with a giggle. She flung the flashcard towards the discard pile but frowned when she missed._

 _"What?" Nathan protested. He stood up and reached for the discarded flashcard. "There's no way that's wrong."_

 _"Read it and weep, Scott."_

 _Nathan groaned as his eyes swept over Haley's loopy handwriting. "Okay, but I was almost right."_

 _Haley reached for the fireball, tipping it to a pour a healthy amount into the shot glass. Sliding it over to him, she grinned widely. "Almost only counts in horseshoes. Drink up."_

 _He tossed the shot back effortlessly, barely flinching when the alcohol and spice burned down his throat. Slamming the shot glass back on the table, he flicked it back over to Haley. "Next question."_

 _As Haley flipped through her flashcards, Nathan pulled out his phone. When he found the contact he was looking for, he quickly sent a text before placing it on the table._

 _"Okay, here's a good one, when you exhibit force on a potential suspect, what kind of report are you required to fill out?"_

 _"2A incident report," Nathan mumbled, distractedly. He took another glance at his phone._

 _"Correct. Okay, what kind of report do you fill out if a body is found at a scene that was originally a domestic situation?"_

 _"Trick question—there isn't a specific form for that kind of situation. It's the same form when a body is found, regardless of the situation."_

 _"Geez, someone is on a roll. Okay, how about this—waiting for something important?" Haley asked, curiously eyeing the phone in his hand. That was the fourth time he checked his phone in the span of two minutes._

 _Nathan shook his head as he placed his phone back on the table, screen facing the floor. "Not…exactly."_

 _"Who is she? An ex-girlfriend? A booty call? That Nicole girl for our class that you always flirt with?" Haley rambled off, eyebrow kinked and a serious glint in her eye, almost as if she were interrogating him._

 _"Why? Jealous?" he shot back, his patented smirk settling on his face._

 _Her scoff was accompanied by a roll of her eyes. "You wish."_

 _"Maybe, I do."_

 _Nathan's phone buzzing interrupted Haley's chance to respond. With reflexes as quick as a cat, Haley grabbed his phone._

 _"Well, let's just see who the lucky girl is, shall we?"_

 _Nathan jumped up, reaching to grab his phone from her, but she expertly dodged him. "Oh, come on, Hales! Give it back!"_

 _"Why? You have something to hide?"_

 _"No," he quickly denied, reaching for her again, but was too slow. She moved the phone behind her back and bit down on her bottom lip in that teasing manner that drove him nuts. As he slowly inched towards her, she backed away._

 _"You sure about that?" Haley taunted him further. "You seem a little nervous."_

 _"Positive."_

 _He reached for again, this time going the opposite direction. She still managed to stay out of his reach._

 _Haley giggled as she continued to hold Nathan's phone behind her back. "Is that all you've got? Didn't you use to play basketball? Aren't basketball players supposed to be quick?"_

 _Nathan narrowed his eyes at her as he, once again, attempted to reach behind her to grab his phone. And once again, she was too quick. He supposed that he should've been annoyed with this little game she was playing, but he wasn't, not in the slightest. It was so…refreshing to see Haley this carefree. Her eyes were sparkling with amusement and instead of scowling at him, she was actually smiling._

 _The strap to her tank top had fallen off her shoulder, exposing the creamy skin of her neck and shoulder even further to his eyes. A few curly wisps of hair were dangling delicately in front of her face. If she wasn't a sight for sore eyes, nothing was._

 _He was fully aware that she was most likely only acting that way because of the alcohol she previously consumed, but he was still going to consider this a win. He wondered often what Haley was like when she wasn't so stressed and stuck-up. Her prim and proper attitude constantly got on his nerves. Just once, he wanted to see her let go and live a little. Now that he had, he wasn't disappointed._

 _"I haven't played basketball in a few years," Nathan mumbled, a playful look on his face as he quickly reached around her. She backed up immediately, just far enough out of his grasp. It wasn't even about getting his phone back at this point. Now it was about amusement._

 _Haley laughed. The small sober part of her brain kept reminding her that they still had a lot of studying left to do, however, playing this little game with Nathan was proving to be so much more fun. "That's such a lame excuse."_

 _Nathan took a step closer to her and he chuckled when she flinched back. "You know, I've never seen you like this."_

 _"Well, now you have," She purred with a wink._

 _His phone forgotten, he decided to take advantage of the situation. Nathan lunged at Haley. He chuckled when she let out surprised squeal, her back colliding with the marble counter. His phone dropped from her hand, clattering against the counter. Quickly, he boxed her in with his arms. Their bodies were almost touching and he felt a surge of electricity rush through him when she gazed up at him through her long eyelashes._

 _Haley's giggles died on her lips when she realized just how close they were to one another. She could feel the heat radiating off his body and the smell of his cologne invaded her senses. She swallowed hard when she saw the intense way he was staring at her. Were his eyes always that blue? A shiver ran down her spine when they seemed to darken._

 _She wasn't blind. She saw the way he looked at her, especially when he thought she wasn't paying attention. She could pinpoint the lust in his eyes, the way they seemed to follow her wherever she went. She had to admit…it was kind of hot, to be desired by someone so much._

 _She also wasn't immune to his…good looks. She found it easy to ignore, especially when she remembered how arrogant and irritating he could be. But that didn't stop her from noticing his strong features— his sharp jawline, his heartbreakingly blue eyes, a smirk that would make any girl weak in the knees, and then there was the fact that he had all the right muscles in all the right places._

 _She should have pushed him away. But she didn't. She could have sat there and tried to rationalize with herself, but for once, she didn't want to think. She wanted to live in the moment._

 _"If this was your way of trying to seduce me," Nathan murmured huskily as he leaned in closer to her. "Consider it a success."_

 _Haley resisted the urge to shiver at the rough edge his voice had taken on. She didn't know what was happening and she was powerless to stop it. She swallowed hard before speaking again. "We both know I don't need to try with you."_

 _"True," Nathan chuckled hoarsely. He dropped his hands from the counter and grabbed her hips tightly. His smirk deepened when she gasped, her hands landing on shoulders. He almost groaned out loud when her tongue snuck out to wet her lips. He was more than a little shocked that she hadn't pushed him away yet. Deciding to test his luck, he lifted her up and on to the countertop. Parting her legs, he stepped in between them._

 _Haley's heart was pounding in her chest as her breathing became labored. An unexplainable need was coursing through her veins. Everywhere he touched her felt like a lick of fire. That sober part of her brain was nagging at her again, reprimanding her for not pushing him away. The other part of her could feel herself giving in rapidly._

 _"I want you so fucking badly, Hales," Nathan breathed out, his nose brushing against hers. He took in her flushed face and the way her caramelized eyes danced with desire. She was so goddamn beautiful._

 _Haley's eyes involuntarily closed, a heat filled chill spreading through her. His hot breath brushed against her lips and she felt them ache in response. She caught herself wondering if he tasted as good as he smelled. Sliding her fingers through the hairs at the base of his neck, she leaned forward, kissing the shell of his ear._

 _Her inhibitions, rational, and sanity were gone…and it felt good. Maybe indulging in what you desire most wasn't such a bad thing after all._

 _"Then fuck me, Nathan," she purred. "Fuck me good and hard."_

 _There was only a small, minuscule moment of hesitation. Nathan heard her words loud and clear, but they had shocked the hell out of him. One glance into her eyes, and he knew she was serious. She wouldn't say something like that unless she meant it._

 _His hands were tangled in her hair seconds later and his lips were fastened to hers. The kiss was hot, sloppy, and frantic. She tasted incredible—the obvious bite of the fireball, mixed in with something so inherently Haley. His whole body was buzzing. His mind spinning. If just kissing her had him barely hanging on, he wasn't sure he would make it out alive._

 _Her legs had curved around his waist, settling him perfectly against her. Wherever they touched, they were met with a searing heat. They're bodies rocked together in a natural rhythm, their clothes adding a delicious friction to their movements. Moans and pleasurable gasps filled the otherwise quiet kitchen._

 _Nathan skimmed his hands down the length of her body until he reached her ass. Lifting her up, he pulled her away from the kitchen counter and stumbled down the hallway towards her bedroom. Somewhere in that process, Haley's tank top was removed, along with Nathan's belt being undone._

 _Without tripping, Nathan eventually found her bed and dropped her on to the mattress. While crawling over her body, Haley yanked him down by the collar of his shirt, sealing her lips over his._

 _His lips moved surely over hers, while his tongue did the most decadent things to her mouth. His lips were softer than she expected, but the way he kissed exceeded her expectations. He knew what he was doing and wasn't afraid to show it off._

 _"I love you kissing you." The words tumbled out of her alcohol loosened mouth._

 _"Then don't stop."_

 _Everything mimicked the first time their lips touched—frantic and sloppy. Hands were roaming everywhere. Each desperate touch was met with a sigh or a moan, fueling the fire that was already raging inside of them._

 _Nathan sucked in a breath of air when Haley popped open the button on his jeans, sliding her hand beneath the now opened fabric. A shudder rocked through him when her fingers dipped through the hole in his boxers and wrapped around him._

 _"H-Haley," he stuttered, his eyes clenching shut and his mouth falling open._

 _Haley smirked up at him, before pressing her lips against his in a quick, yet visceral kiss. "Feel good?"_

 _Nathan nodded enthusiastically. With every stroke of her hand, it felt like his brain was collapsing a little more. It all felt too good to be real, but he hoped to God no one decided to wake him up from this dream._

 _With a decent amount of effort, Nathan managed to unbutton her jeans and slip his hand beneath the waistband. His eyes almost rolled back when he felt how wet she was. He wasted no time moving his fingers over her, listening to the sounds she made as guidance._

 _"Holy fuck," Nathan breathed out shakily, pressing his forehead against hers._

 _There was something so incredibly hot about what was currently happening. Their gazes were locked on each other, mouths hanging open in pure pleasure. He was mesmerized by the changes in her eyes—the pleasure, the desperate attempts at hanging on, the lust. Her eyes were some of the most expressive he's ever seen._

 _"Oh, God, Nathan. I'm so close."_

 _He could tell she was by the sounds of her moans. She lost control of her movements over him, her hand dropping almost completely off him. He barely noticed. He was too entranced by Haley._

 _Gently, yet with purpose, he slipped two fingers inside of her. He clenched his teeth, a muted groan barely slipping passed them. She was so tight around his fingers…so tight, and so God damn warm. He moved his fingers quickly, but softly, caressing her in all the right places. She was practically shaking as her hands fisted the bedding beneath them._

 _"Oh, Nathan..."_

 _"Come on, baby, cum for me."_

 _That was all it took. She shattered, her legs shaking and her back arching with the force of her orgasm. White noise filled her ears and for a few seconds, it felt as if her soul has left her body. His name spilled from her lips like a mindless chant. When her body finally began to calm down, she immediately pushed his hand away, flinching at how sensitive she now was._

 _At this point, Nathan could confidently say that he had never been so fucking turned on his life._

 _Nathan moved a few inches away from her. Pulling his shirt over his head, he tossed it to the side. Next, he kicked off his pants and boxers, leaving him without a stitch of clothing. Looking over at Haley, he almost swallowed his tongue when he saw Haley spread across the bed, completely naked._

 _Nathan dragged his eyes over her body, drinking in every line and curve that was exposed to him. The only word to describe her was perfect. He had spent countless nights fantasizing her, namely, her sprawled across a bed, completely naked. Anything that his imagination could have conjured up didn't compare to the real thing._

 _"You are the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen," he panted with a lick of his lips._

 _"I bet you say that to all the girls you've been with," Haley toyed back. Although, there was a sliver of insecurity in her words._

 _He shook his head, bowing his head to trail wet kisses along her collarbone and down her chest. Every so often, his tongue would snake out to caress her heated skin._

 _"You're a dream, Haley James," Nathan whispered into her skin as he littered kisses down the flat plane of her stomach, passing her navel. Haley arched her back, begging him silently to keep going. She used her grip on his hair to push his head further down her body._

 _His words had her heart fluttering in her chest. Or, maybe it was because he was touching and kissing her everywhere but where she really wanted. While one hand was massaging her inner thigh, his mouth was tracing over her hip bones and her lower stomach. She wasn't ashamed over her desperate pleas or the bucking of her hips towards his face._

 _"Please," she begged, the squeak boarding on a whine._

 _"Please, what?" Nathan prompted her, dragging his lips even closer to her, but still not close enough. He wanted to make her beg._

 _"Nathan," she continued to whine. Haley needed him to do something. Anything. The lust and need that was pumping through her veins were threatening to burn her alive. She already came once, but she wanted more. She needed more._

 _"Tell me what you want," he demanded hoarsely._

 _Again, the words seemed to come sprinting out of her mouth like she had zero reasons to be ashamed._

 _"I want you to make me cum. Now."_

 _With that, he was satisfied._

 _Feeling his mouth on her, Haley's back bowed in response. There was no gentle ease into it, he just completely went for it—wrapping his tongue around her, laying strong licks or sucks here, sharp yet pleasurable nips there. He knew what he was doing…almost too well. The pleasure, it almost felt like too much for her body to handle, yet not enough at the same time._

 _Nathan wrapped his arms around her legs, attempting to keep in her place. Through hooded eyes, he watched as she chased her pleasure. Her back arching, the muscles in her stomach flexing, the way her skin glistened in the moonlight, or how it looked as she grasped at her breasts…he couldn't tear his eyes away._

 _Seriously, if this was a dream…he never wanted to wake up. He was one lucky bastard._

 _"Right there, oh, shit. Don't stop, Nathan, God, don't stop," she chanted, adulating her hips against his mouth._

 _He assumed that she was still pretty sensitive from her first orgasm because, within seconds, her body tensed again. She moaned his name loudly as her practically ripped holes in her comforter._

 _Nathan continued to kiss and lick her, prolonging her orgasm. He didn't stop until she stopped shuddering and seemed to relax back against her bed._

 _"Oh, my God," Haley managed to choke out, her body still heaving the aftershock. "I don't think I've ever cum so hard in my life."_

 _Nathan's lips curved into a cocky smile as he crawled back up her body. "Glad to hear it."_

 _Haley wrapped her arms around his neck, racking her nails over the tops of his shoulders. "That was better than I ever imagined," she slurred. She was so delirious from the alcohol and the minding numbing pleasure that she didn't even care what comes spilling out of her mouth. There had to be something medically wrong with her because her desire still hadn't tapered off._

 _Was it possible to become a nympho after only one sexual act?_

 _"Trust me, I've been going crazy when I think about doing this," Nathan panted against her damp neck._

 _She moved her hands into his already messy hair. She ran her fingers through his hair, her blunt nails drawing a path over his scalp. "How'd you see it happening? Show me, Nathan."_

 _He looked up at her with a gaze so sinisterly lustful that she shivered. Another wave of heat tightened between her thighs. Without warning, he gripped her hips and flipped her over as if she weighed nothing. A squeal, followed by a giggle exited her body, only slightly muffled with her face buried in the duvet. Gently, but forcefully, he lifted her by the hips until she was resting on her hands and knees._

 _Following another set of drunk giggles, Haley wiggled her ass at him. She smirked when Nathan groaned desperately._

 _"You look so fucking hot like this," Nathan said gravelly, running a hand over her bare flesh._

 _Haley's affirmative whimper and subsequent jerk back against him had him gripping her hips._

 _"We need a—"_

 _Haley quickly shook her head. "I'm on the pill." And, thank God. She's not sure she could handle waiting for him to slip on a condom. That would just delay the inevitable and she was starting to get impatient. She forgot how demanding she could be when she was drunk._

 _He paused for a second. He wasn't drunk enough to be stupid and he didn't think Haley was either, but he had to be sure._

 _"Are you sure you're okay with this?"_

 _"I promise that I am."_

 _Lining himself with her, he rocked his hips forward._

 _His eyes practically crossed at the feeling, a loud groan dripping from his mouth. "God damn, I knew you'd feel good."_

 _Haley could only whimper, rocking her body against his. She needed him to move and fast before she went insane. "Please, Nathan. Just fuck me already."_

 _There was seriously no one hotter than Haley James._

 _Every move was fast and dirty. His fingers had indented themselves into the flesh of her hips, pushing and pulling her along with him. Every time she rocked back against him, he hissed softly. There weren't any words to describe just how it good it felt._

 _Haley felt like she was in the midst of an out-of-body experience. She couldn't contain the moans flying out of her mouth even if she tried. She was already white-knuckling the comforter, but that didn't feel like enough to keep her from floating away._

 _Nathan's hands, which switched from holding on to her hips to exploring her body, seemed to find the most sensitive spots. Every grip, tug, and rub only pushed her closer to the edge._

 _"God, you're so deep inside me," Haley mewled. "You feel so fucking good. You're fucking me so good."_

 _The combination of seeing himself disappear inside of her, the way she felt, and hearing her talk dirty to him when she normally walked around with an innocent and proper demeanor had him racing towards climax. With the way, she was tightening around him, he knew she wasn't far behind him._

 _"Shit, Hales, baby, I don't think I can hold on much longer."_

 _She's not sure why, but hearing him call her "baby" did her in._

 _"Cum in me, Nathan."_

 _Everything seemed to seize at once. They stilled, the pleasure exploding inside both of them. Sounds of ecstasy echo through the room followed but the sound of their heavy breathing. Haley's arms gave out and she slumps against the bed. Careful not to crush her beneath his weight, Nathan collapsed on top of her. His heart was hammering in his chest and he was slick with sweat, as is Haley._

 _What the fuck just happened? Weren't they just studying?_

 _When he could no longer hear his heart pounding in his ears, he rolled off of her and collapsed against the bed. Haley, struggling a bit with her now sore arms, turned herself over, settling next to him._

 _"That was…," Haley trailed off._

 _"Yeah," Nathan agreed, still a little breathless. That was definitely…something. Something he wouldn't forget in a hurry._

~x~

Nathan remembered a lot from that night—almost too much for someone who was one shot away from being plastered. Vividly, he remembered the way she kissed— the taste of her lips, the way her whole body moved with the kiss, her nails scratching down his scalp and the back of his neck. Sometimes, he swore he could still feel his skin against hers—the heat, the silkiness of it. Everything about her was addictive like she was laced with nicotine. All it took was one taste and you were hooked.

He'd lost count of how many times they indulged themselves with each other that night. They definitely did that more than they slept. The rapture of it all…the way they moved as if they couldn't get enough…how was he supposed to forget that it happened?

He'd hooked up with a lot of women in his lifetime, sometimes multiple times with the same women. In the past, that was something he boasted about. He was proud of it. Nowadays, while he wasn't necessarily ashamed of it, he just didn't get the same out of that kind of life that he used to. Regardless, if he had to choose what the best sex of his life was, he'd pick that night. He'd pick Haley. There was no contest.

He hadn't been able to find what he felt with her in that one night with somebody else. He figured that it was probably because Haley presented him with a challenge that no one else really had. The satisfaction of her finally giving in was glorious to him. Over the course of the last few years, he hadn't thought about her that much. She'd cross his mind everyone once in a while, but for the most part, it was out of sight, out of mind. But as soon as she walked back into his life, all of that came crashing back.

 _Her fiancé probably feels that same thing with her now. He gets to touch her every night, while you just lay in bed…all alone._

He had no claim to her. In truth, he never really did. But yet he was still stuck in this mess without a clear explanation as to why.

Out of frustration, he tossed the covers off his heated body. Forcing himself out of bed, he dragged his feet to the bathroom across the hall. He didn't bother to turn the light on as he flicked the cold-water tab on the sink. Cupping his hands beneath the stream, he splashed the water on his face. He repeated this action a couple of times until he was certain that he'd calmed down a little.

Blindly, he reached for the hand towel dangling above the toilet before blotting his face with it. Once dry, he took a glance at himself in the mirror. God, he was so screwed.

~x~

"Which one?" Haley asked Brooke. In each of her hands was a corset—one black and one velvet red.

Finishing her lipstick, Brooke slid the cap back on and turned to look at Haley. Hand on her hip, she eyed the two articles of clothing. "Hm, I'm feeling the red. Red always equals danger."

A short laugh escaped Haley's lips as she placed the hanger that contained the black corset back into her locker. "I was hoping you'd pick that one."

Brooke gave her a smile as she walked back over to her own locker. The heels on her knee-length boots clicked loudly against the linoleum floor. Her dark brown hair was curled in a messy, stylistic way, matching the loose fit of the olive-green t-shirt dress she was wearing.

Tonight, the whole team was going undercover at Behind Closed Doors. After conducting inconspicuous interviews with frequent club attendees, it had been determined that the woman making eyes at Nathan and Haley was the owner's daughter. In the span of that time, another couple had been found, dead, in their hotel room. Nathan and Haley were stationed to be the bait couple, while everyone else was working on trying to corner the daughter.

"Will you help me tie this in the back?" Haley asked Brooke once she'd slipped the corset on.

Brooke answered her by motioning for her to turn around. Gently, she weaved the silk strands through the designated eyelets, securing the corset. "How are you liking it here? I haven't really had the chance to ask you. It's been a busy few weeks."

"I like it," Haley said genuinely. "It's much more…comfortable here than it was at my old district. I was practically the youngest one there and it wasn't the most comfortable working environment. But, it's been intimidating, especially since I feel like I have some big shoes to fill."

"You're all set," Brooke mumbled quickly, patting her back lightly. "Yeah, Tim was a real driving force around here. Losing him was like losing a member of a family, you know?"

Haley swiveled to look at Brooke, a sympathetic look on her face. "I didn't know Tim, obviously, but I can still feel his loss here. I can feel it in the silence, in the way everyone's gaze lingers on my desk every once in a while. I—"

"We're happy to have you," Brooke interjected. "I didn't mean to make you feel as if we resent you in any way, because we don't. You did have big shoes to fill, but as far as I can tell, you've filled them. I just know stressful coming into a situation like this, and in case no one has said it, you're an important part of this team."

She paused a beat.

"My whole point is that if you ever need someone to talk to or just need someone to go get a beer with to unwind after a shift, I'm always available. Switching into an already well-established unit is hard, and I've been there, so I'm sure I know how you're feeling,"

"Thanks, Brooke. I appreciate it."

Brooke smiled that million-watt smile of hers. "Besides, dealing with Nathan Scott all day, every day isn't exactly a walk in the park. I'm sure that right there warrants a drink or two."

They shared a laugh, one that would usually be shared between friends that had known each other for years.

Then, Haley reached into her locker to grab the item that would complete her ensemble. She toyed with her fake wedding ring for a couple of seconds, admiring the simplicity of it. Despite the fake situation it represented, the ring was very real. Morally, and even metaphorically in some ways, it felt wrong to wear it.

Luckily, she hadn't seen much of Nathan that day. They saw each other during Keith's debrief before they began to get ready for their assignment. Other than that, he'd been busy running logistics for the case they were working—talking to CIs, conducting searches etc. But she quickly realized that her idea to avoid him was moot, not when she had to spend an entire night (and possibly an unforeseen amount of nights from there on out) pretending to be married to him. She had to switch the narrative…avoid him, but not during work-related endeavors.

Before she got too lost in her thoughts, she slipped the ring into place.

There was a single knock on the door frame that grabbed both Haley's and Brooke's attention. Turning their heads, they were met with the sight of Nathan standing in the doorway. He was already dressed in a black dress shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his slacks. She'd never understood how someone could look so casual yet so professional at the same time.

Just the mere sight of him had her heart taking a nose dive.

His heated blue eyes lingered on her for few seconds, before he shifted his gaze. "Are you guys ready? Sarg said we're ready to roll out."

A loud bang echoed through the locker room from Brooke slamming her locker shut. "Yeah, I think we're good."

Haley followed suit, closing her locker and walking alongside Brooke. She tried to keep her eyes off Nathan as she passed him. In her head, she pictured herself walking passed him as if she had no idea who he was. She hoped it read that way.

~x~

Nathan's hands were on Haley's hips, his chest pressed to her back. Some current pop hit was blasting over the speakers, stage and disco lights bouncing around them. His hair was sticking to the back of his neck from the thin layer of sweat that had formed on his skin. They'd been constantly dancing for the last hour and with every passing song, Nathan felt his focus begin to waiver.

Usually, when it came to working, he had laser focus that nothing could disrupt. Except it was getting harder and harder to stay concentrated when he had Haley grinding against him. In the beginning, it was easy to maintain in control, but he swore the more time ticked on, the more provocative Haley moved against him. And God, the way she'd randomly grab his hands and guide them over his body wasn't helping matters. Or, when she'd turn in his arms and press her lips along his neck, creating the illusion that she was whispering dirty, sweet nothings in his ear.

The icing on the cake was that she looked fucking incredible. The red corset she was wearing fit her like a glove and the color made her tan skin glow. Her black jeans were tight and the black heels she was wearing just completed the picture. Her hair was wildly curled, almost like someone's hands had taken a few trips through it. At this point, he was convinced God was just brutally punishing him.

He inwardly groaned when she suddenly turned around so they were chest to chest. Looking up at him through her thick eyelashes (and flashing him such a seductive look, he was sure he was going to swallow his tongue), she slowly slid down his body. On her way down, her hands traced over every contour of his body. She tugged on his belt buckle so abruptly that his eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

Haley didn't stop until she was basically on her knees in front of him. She watched in amusement as he swallowed hard, his eyes piercing her with an intense glare. His tongue was two seconds away from hanging out of his mouth like a parched puppy. Men were just too easy, sometimes. Slowly and seductively, she traveled back up his body.

He had to give credit where credit was due. She was damn good.

Once she returned to her normal height, Nathan curled his arm around her waist and hauled her against his chest. "You're something else, you know?" he huffed against her mouth.

"Who? Me?" Haley feigned innocence. "I didn't do anything."

"Oh, really? So that little show…that was 'nothing?'"

Her pink painted lips twitched into a smirk. "Why? Were you imagining me— "

Nathan's eyes squinted, almost like he was in pain. "Don't you dare finish that sentence."

"I was just going to say, 'tying your shoes.'" Haley said, blinking overdramatically. "Jeez, Nathan, you just have to make everything sexual, don't you?"

"Payback is a bitch, just remember that."

Fluttering her eyes, Haley slowly inched a hand down his chest. The reality was knocking loudly in her brain, warning her that maybe she was taking this whole undercover thing a little too far, but watching Nathan squirm was turning out to be way too much fun.

"Come on, payback?" She teased, her hand slipping further down. She was almost to his belt. She could visibly see and feel him shaking. "We both know that all I have to do is touch you like this and you're like putty in my hands."

With a quick flick, he had her wrist in a secure grip. "You're a minx."

She only smiled wickedly. He sucked in a breath when she suddenly leaned in.

"It's show time," Haley muttered into Nathan's ear, discreetly pointing her gaze towards the woman staring intently at them.

Nathan quickly glanced in that general direction, confused. Sure enough, the woman Nathan had seen spying on the first night they were there was standing only a couple feet away from them. She was leaning against the bar, dressed in a far more club appropriate outfit than the first time they saw her. Like the last time, her eyes were dead set on them. The fog that was surrounding Nathan's head instantly cleared. They had work to do.

Inconspicuously, Nathan muttered into the wire attached to the collar of his shirt. "We've got eyes on her."

It took only seconds for Keith to respond. "Try and lure her into the hallway of the hotel room. Evans and Davis, get ready."

Like someone had flipped a switch, a sultry smile appeared on Haley's face. Slipping both of her hands into his, she started to walk backward, pulling him with her. "Why don't we take this back to the hotel, huh?"

She spoke loud enough so the unnamed woman could hear them.

"I like the way you think," he responds just as huskily.

~x~

Coupled together in a tight embrace, they bang into the corner wall of the hotel hallway. Haley's giggles bounced off the empty walls as Nathan's hands roamed freely over her body. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the woman peeking from behind an opposing wall, still watching their every move.

"God, baby, you are so fucking hot," Nathan purred into the crook of her neck, making a show of gliding his hands into the back pockets of her black jeans and hoisting her against him.

A genuine gasp omitted from Haley's mouth. She dragged her hands over the hard planes of his chest, playing with the buttons on his shirt. "Babe, we aren't even in the hotel room yet. Can't you wait?" She ended her question with a flirty giggle.

"I'd fuck you right here, right now if I could," Nathan said in that way that is just so sinfully wrong it makes her knees buckle.

Heat curled in her gut that sent her heart racing. It was all pretend, but the heated look in his eyes wasn't. She momentarily forgot that they were in a case.

"We need to be in that hotel room. Now."

They moved off the wall. Haley pulled the hotel key from her back pocket and as she was sliding it into the keyhole, Nathan wrapped an arm around her waist. His hand moved across her stomach in smooth circles, igniting her skin further. A shiver passed through her and she fumbled with the keycard when he pressed a kiss to the back of her neck.

"Having a little trouble?" he asked lowly. This time, she wasn't sure whether that was a fictional comment or a real one.

Finally, the green light was blinking and she fumbled to open the door. Before the door was even fully closed, Nathan had her pressed against it. His hands were gripping her hips, while his head was buried in the crook of her neck. They were both breathing heavily, the tension brewing between sucking out all the air around them. Again, work and the case didn't seem to matter anymore.

Haley couldn't deny how good it felt to have his body pressed against hers, holding her hostage against the door. The heat of his body contrasted deliciously with the cool wall pressing against her back. Her hands held fistfuls of his shirt as she willed the adrenaline pumping through her veins to slow down. The thought to push him away was like a little gnat in the back of her mind, trying its hardest to fight its way to the forefront of her brain.

 _This was just a part of the job. That's all. They were just winding down._

Why could she never listen to the rational part of her brain?

Nathan's body was still buzzing from the way that they moved on the dance floor and from the false show they put on in the hallway. He knew it was all a farce, but that didn't stop his body from reacting. There was a connection between them that he couldn't ignore, even if Haley did.

He knew he was walking down a dangerous path. She was engaged and he was just being downright selfish. The deep-rooted desire in him had overshadowed the smart and moral part of him that, despite what many people thought, actually existed.

"You have no idea how much I still want you," Nathan murmured huskily into her ear, nipping lightly at it before kissing his way down her throat. A hand that was resting on her waist slipped to the back of her thigh. Her breath hitched in her throat when he hoisted her leg over his hip. She could certainly feel how much he wanted her.

A fog had settled itself in Haley's brain. She felt as if she wasn't in control of her body anymore. She wanted to say something snarky back, but her voice was caught in her throat. Rationally, she should have been panicking. She should have been pushing him off. But she didn't want to. Why didn't she want to?

Haley arched her back, pressing her body tighter against his. Her fingers tangled themselves in the thick strands of his hair as he kissed his way over the exposed skin of her chest. With every kiss, her body temperature increased and her breathing deepened.

"Nathan," she whimpered, feeling his lips curve into a smirk against her skin. He was thriving off her reactions, she knew he was. It pissed her off, but seemingly, not enough.

He kissed his way up the edge of her jaw, dragging his lips across her cheek. He leaned his forehead against hers. They were surviving on a shared breath, both of their chests heaving with the effort to breathe. Nathan's lips were only centimeters from her own and she'd be lying if she said she didn't have to fight the urge to kiss him.

"What?" Nathan rasped.

"We ca…we can't be doing this. You know we can't."

Nathan inhaled sharply. He didn't want to think about her fiancé, and selfishly, he didn't want her thinking about him either. Not when he could feel the passion brewing between them, just like it did _that_ night. He wasn't about to force her into something she didn't want, but he had his own qualms about her reasoning.

He glided his hands over every curve of her body until they were buried in her hair. The tips of his fingers massaged over her scalp, while the calloused pads of his thumbs brushed over her cheekbones. She could have purred like a content kitty over how good it felt.

"Don't you remember what it was like?" Nathan asked, gently guiding her face towards his. Their lips brushed in the process, sending an electric shock through his body. "How good we were together? How good it felt?

She remembered how it felt—every single detail. She tried to forget. God, did she try. How could she when it was the best sex she'd ever had?

It would be easy, she ultimately decided. It would be easy to let herself give in, to get lost in that feeling again. She could give in and feel guilty about it later. She did it once before. But this time, the circumstances were different. She had her job to think about. Keith had an unspoken rule about getting involved romantically or physically with your partner. It was unethical and he took it very seriously. She was also engaged to a man she loved. She couldn't lose either of those things based on lust driven whim.

"Tell me you don't want this," he challenged her, that gravelly voice of his dripping with sex. "Tell me."

"I don't want this," she finally choked out, her throat threatening to close around those words.

His grip on her loosened. She immediately felt the loss and the brief spout of disappointment surge through her. Refusing to look at his face, she slowly slipped away from him. One look in his eyes and she knew she'd crumble. "I'm sorry, Nathan."

Flinging the door open, she bolted out of the room, leaving a confused Nathan calling after her. For a split second, she allowed herself to think about how routine this was for her. She'd fall victim to her own impulses, only to push them away a few seconds later. It wasn't fair to Nathan, and it certainly wasn't fair to Andy.

It felt like a giant boulder was resting on her chest, while her face felt like it was a million degrees. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion as she ignored the strange looks thrown her way. When she saw the front entrance in sight, her heartbeat slowed a pace.

Once outside, she leaned against the furthest wall of the establishment. Her hands were shaking as she pulled her cell phone out of her back pocket. She struggled to press the right buttons, her fingers slipping over the keys haphazardly. Finally, she found the contact she was looking for and held the phone up to her ear. The pounding of her heart was almost loud enough to drown out every ring. And with every ring that passed by without the call being picked up, her panic heightened.

 _Please pick up. Please pick up. Please pick up._

"Hey, hun. You're done with work early."

Just the sound of his voice had her shoulders falling in lax. She could breathe again.

"Uh, yeah, things went a lot smoother than we planned," Haley answered, the steadiness in her voice matching the lack of steadiness in her hands. "I was thinking of stopping over. Is that okay?"

"It's kind of late and it's a bit of a drive…," Andy trailed off. "Is everything alright?"

She forced herself to smile, hoping that gesture would translate into her voice. "Yeah, everything's fine. I just wanted to see you."

"Uh, yeah, sure. I was just about to order some Chinese."

"Okay. I'll be there in an hour," Haley mumbled. "Oh, and Andy? I love you."

"Love you, too. Drive safe."


	7. Chapter 7

Hi, all. Sorry, this semester has been a lot crazier than I thought it would be.

The only thing I want to point out is that after this chapter, there's going to be a little bit of a time jump. I have about a year or so of stuff to get through before we get to the prologue and so far things have been slow moving. I promise that is going to pick up after this chapter! Thank you all for your patience and I hope you enjoy!

Also, someone messaged me and asked me if I plan to make this story have kind of a love triangle between Andy, Haley, and Nathan, and I thought I would answer it here: not necessarily. There are going to be some moments where there are obvious tension and jealousy, but I don't plan on making it a love triangle or a back and forth kind of thing. Once Haley and Andy are over, they're over for good. (Which, not gonna lie, is mostly because writing romantic/coupley scenes between Haley and someone who's not Nathan and vice versa is so damn hard for me, lol).

I didn't proofread...but I feel like you guys are used that by now lol.

* * *

 _Chapter Six_

Between the loud ticking of the wall clock and Andy's light snoring, Haley felt like she was seconds away from going insane. Andy's arm, which was resting over her stomach, felt like it weighed a hundred pounds, holding her down and hostage. Haley glanced over at him, envy shooting through her at his relaxed face. Short, dark eyelashes rested peacefully on tan skin. His dark hair was messy, smattered against the pillow.

He was a beautiful man. Extremely smart. Sophisticated. Driven. In the perfect equation of the world, he would be her perfect match. It was textbook. It made sense. But—

Haley felt queasy, a product of unnecessary guilt, as the images from the past few hours flashed through her mind. Nathan's hands on her body were like phantom limbs. If she moved a certain way or focused too hard, she swore she could still feel him. The electricity that flowed through her at the contact, the way she could have given in without second-guessing…it terrified her. It took everything that she thought she knew and shook that very foundation.

She tried to lose herself in Andy. God, she tried. As soon as he'd opened the door to his apartment, she tossed her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a startling kiss. When he didn't pause to question her, she kissed him harder. She tried to focus on every touch and every kiss, but the harder she tried, the more impossible it seemed.

More than once, Nathan's face appeared behind her closed eyelids. His husky, maddening voice echoed in her head. She didn't understand it. He was one mistake that she made years ago and he wouldn't stop coming back to haunt her. He represented every crazy, whimsical, wrong-doing her life had to offer her.

Staying away from him was the only logical explanation. But how could she do that when they were partners? How could she do that when every single time she looked in his eyes, she saw the life that she _could_ have? Whether she wanted to admit or not, she was drawn to him. He was right when he said that he saw a side of her that no one else had and she hated him for him.

Oh, how drastically different her life could have been…

Maybe she looked at things too metaphorically and used that rationale as a scapegoat for her own feelings. Fuck her dad. Fuck him for conditioning her to believe that there was only ever one right answer, one right way to be.

The anxiety rose quickly inside her. It felt like an elephant was standing on her chest. Cold sweat coated her skin, as her heart threatened to beat out of her chest. Glancing over at Andy, she slowly inched herself out of his grip. When she was free, she quickly grabbed his discarded t-shirt and slipped it over her bare body.

Once in the bathroom, she turned the cold water on and cupped her hands beneath the stream. A couple of splashes later, she felt significantly better. Grabbing the towel off the rack, she dabbed at her face and sat down on the edge of the tub. Her head still felt like it was spinning and she felt like she was crawling out of her own skin.

She found herself doing this a lot—burning the midnight oil with nothing but racing thoughts and a heavy heart. It was like she was being pulled in a million different directions, but by invisible wires with faceless puppet masters. It was times like these where she wished her sister was still around. She could use her wisdom, her ever-positive outlook on life.

"Why'd you have to leave me, Tay?" Haley asked quietly, a few tears streaming down her cheeks.

~x~

"Her name is Nicki Miller and she's not talking," Clay grumbled as he walked back into the office quarters. He slapped the file he was holding down on his desk before sliding into his chair.

"Of course, she's not," Nathan responded with a roll of his eyes. He leaned back in his chair, clasping his hands behind his head. "If her dad really is behind the murders, she's not going to give him up. Family allegiance and all that."

Clay shook his head. "That's the thing, I don't think it's her father. I think it's a boyfriend, or maybe even a friend."

Nathan's eyebrows furrowed in concentration. "What makes you say that?"

"I looked into her father, Arthur Miller. He signs all the bills and contracts, but he hasn't physically stepped foot in the club since last January. Apparently, he owns a couple clubs and he's in the process of opening another one…in the Bahamas," Clay explained.

"Huh…"

"So, unless he's running an out of the country operation, I don't think it's him."

"She might be scared, that's why she's not talking. When Haley and I saw her that first night, she looked a little beaten up. Possibly a threatening situation?"

"That would make sense," Clay agreed. He eyed Nathan for a few moments as he went to work on his computer. His tongue was quicker than his thoughts. "Speaking of Haley, where is she?"

Nathan tensed briefly. His eyes, which were scanning a database file, halted and zeroed in one blurry word. He cleared his throat, which he hoped would also wipe his memory but to no avail. "She went home. She wasn't feeling well."

When it came to lying, Nathan Scott usually excelled. But even Clay could see the transparency through that lie.

"Look, man, you know that I love you, but you need to be careful," Clay warned.

Confused, Nathan glanced over at him, caught off guard by the genuine concern on his face. "What?"

"You and Haley," Clay clarified.

"There's nothing—"

"I saw you guys in the hallway. That wasn't _nothing,_ " Clay continued. "Now, you and Haley, you can have your secrets. Whatever you guys are hiding is none of my business. But you know how Keith is with in-house romances and with her being the Chief's daughter, he's definitely not going to let it just slide."

Nathan's thoughts tumbled around recklessly inside his head. Shock and confusion muddled around inside of him. He felt like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar. His first instinct was to deflect, to deny what he was sure Clay was insinuating. But if he were to deny it…was there anything to deny? Deflection seemed safer.

"Where is this coming from?" Nathan murmured, swiveling his chair so he was facing Clay head-on.

"I'm just looking out for you," Clay explained. "I know how you are, Nathan. You're stubborn and you're determined. Once you get your mind set on something, there's no changing it. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm just telling you to be careful."

"I appreciate that," Nathan said simply, ending the conversation. He didn't need another reminder of the fucked-up situation he was in.

~x~

Haley was alone in the office, leaving it eerily quiet and lonely, making it the perfect recipe for her to get lost in her thoughts. They had reached a lull in the Behind Closed Doors case. Nicki did, in fact, have a boyfriend—Felix Taggaro—who was linked to a drug ring that operated in lower Manhattan. So far, they had no leads on his whereabouts.

Brooke and Clay were out talking to their criminal informants, while Chris and Julian were interviewing more of the staff. She and Nathan were tasked with digging up as much information on Nicki or Felix that they could.

But her concentration was elsewhere. She had read over the police report on her computer screen at least five times and still hadn't retained a single word of it. The words were starting to blend together as her vision struggled to maintain focus.

Her heart took a nosedive when the object of her every thought rounded the corner and into their office quarters. His head was buried in a file, his face pinched in grave concentration.

A week had passed since the incident at Behind Closed Doors. Neither one of them had brought it up, which Haley was grateful for. She expected Nathan to goad her about it, use it as a way to get under her skin. During their conversations, which were nothing but casual or work-centric, she searched his eyes for any kind of recognition. She never found any. It was like he was pretending it never happened, which she had no complaints about.

But that didn't stop the panic from surging through her whenever she saw him. Her cheeks would heat up for a brief moment as she recalled the heated things he whispered into her ear or the way his hands roamed her body.

Without a word or glance in her direction, he sat down at his desk, which was directly across from hers.

Haley attempted to return to her work, but the silence in the room felt louder with his presence. It wasn't awkward, but there was obvious tension. She wondered if he felt it, too, or if it was just a product of her own guilt. Maybe she was just imagining it.

The silence was broken a couple minutes later.

"Haley, the Chief is on line one for you," Meredith, the precincts secretary, said as she popped her head in the office quarters before disappearing.

Haley went rigid as she glanced at the phone on her desk. The red blinking light next to the "line one" tab had her stomach knotting. Her dad never called her at work. He didn't believe in friendly or casual calls in the workplace. Whatever his reason for calling was, it wasn't good.

Straightening her posture as if she were about to see him, she reached for the phone. "Detective James," she answered, trying to keep her voice as steady as possible.

"We need to discuss your 30-day evaluation," Jimmy said, cutting straight to the point of the phone call. His voice was missing his normal fatherly tone and instead was stoic and professional. That made her even more nervous.

"30-day?" Haley asked, confused. "I thought we only did 90-day evaluations?"

"For you, I ordered a 30-day."

Haley's face scrunched further into confusion. "What? Why?"

"Because I'm your father and because I can," he snapped harshly.

Haley's lips fell into a hard line. He was in one _those_ moods. She squared her shoulders in defense as she mentally prepared herself for the lecture she knew was coming. She could already feel her throat tightening.

"Just say what you're going to say, _Chief James_ ," Haley forced out.

Nathan's eyes burned in her direction, but she refused to look at him. She focused so hard on her computer screen that her eyes began to burn.

Jimmy sighed heavily before beginning his tirade. "You're sloppy, Haley. You let your emotions get the best of you. Logic is supposed to direct you in this field, not emotion."

Her cheeks burned red in response. The only thing she can assume that he's referring to is what happened between her and Nathan in the hotel hallway. But the only way he would have known about that is he if bugged her location with a camera…which she, unfortunately, wouldn't put past him.

"You have a big heart, and in this field, that makes you weak."

Haley wanted to argue, the fighting words already crawling up her throat. She swallowed them back, both out fear and hopelessness. Tears stung in her eyes. These words aren't new. She's heard them come out of his mouth at least a hundred times, but they still hurt.

"You're punctual and dependable, I guess that's good. You practice proper firearm etiquette. You follow protocol when attaining someone and when undercover. All of those are good things, but they mean nothing if you can't separate yourself from doing your job and your emotions. I told you when you first decided that you wanted to be a cop that you were going to have to toughen up. It's not a surprise to me that you didn't listen," Jimmy continued to rant.

Haley could picture him—he was probably sitting at his desks, phone pressed to his ear. His fingers were probably wrapped so tightly around the receiver that his knuckles were white. His cheeks were most likely flushed and he was grinding his teeth so hard they were seconds away from shattering.

"It's never too late to reconsider your career choice, Haley."

"Are you done?" she choked out. His insults hung low in the air, suffocating her like toxic smoke. In Jimmy James' eyes, Haley was never going to be enough. Not unless she forced herself into the mold he built for her on the day she was born.

 _It's never too late to reconsider your career choice._ Could he be any more transparent?

"I'll reevaluate you again in 30 days."

Haley gritted her teeth. Her emotions were caught in the crossfire of livid and heartbroken. "Is that really necessary?"

"For you, yes."

Then, a click, followed by a dial tone.

She slammed the phone down, uncaring of the fact she wasn't alone. She dug her hands into her hair as she fought the urge to both sob and punch something.

When it came to her being a detective, her dad had pulled a lot of shady shit. He refused to even help her pay for her classes but promised to pay for her education if she pursued something else. When he attended her graduation, he never said he was proud of her or even bothered to mutter the words "congratulations." He dictated where she could apply for jobs…most of them which were districts that he closely presided over.

But out of everything, this felt like the lowest. Requesting a separate and out of bounds evaluation for her? She didn't even know that was possible. Every step forward she made, he took from her. He was trying to push her out of her chosen line of work and it terrified her that he might just succeed in doing so.

Nathan had stopped reading the second he heard Haley's voice. Throughout the entire phone call, he noticed how strained her voice was, teetering between tearful and strong. He knew that she and her father had an…interesting relationship. When they were in the academy, while she never disclosed the fact her father was the chief, she made fleeting comments about how hard he was on her. He could still recall the sadness in her eyes.

Nathan had only been in the same room as the Chief a handful of times and had only spoken to him directly two or three times. He was an intimidating man by nature. No one had ever seen him smile, even at award ceremonies or in pictures. He ruled with an iron fist and never let anyone walk over him. People took what he said like it was straight from the Bible. And, he was the best Chief of State Police that the state of New York had in the last fifty years.

"Rough phone call?" Nathan inquired, piercing through the sound of her heavy breathing.

Haley heaved a sigh, dropping her hands from her hair. "You could say that."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

The anger was still vile inside of her, null and voiding her usual filter. "There's nothing to talk about other than the fact my dad's sole reason for existing is to make my life a living hell. He'd rather me be anything but a cop and he'll never stop trying to convince me that I've made a mistake."

Nathan didn't even flinch at her sharp tone.

"Why did you decided to become a detective?"

"To spite him," Haley spat venomously.

Nathan looked at her curiously. A raging inferno was reflecting in her gaze. "Is that so?"

"No," Haley sighed dejectedly. The phone call with her father had her bursting at the seams, saying whatever she had on her mind regardless of who her audience was. "It didn't start off that way."

"I'm all ears," Nathan said sincerely when he noticed her hesitation.

The genuineness on Nathan's face caught Haley off guard. There was only one other time he ever looked at her like that.

"It didn't start off that way. When I was five and my sister was seven, he took us on a ride along. He was just a lower level detective in North Carolina at the time, working his ass off towards a promotion. We toured the precinct, met everyone from the desk clerks to the Sargent, and even got little plastic badges with our names on them."

Haley smiled at the memory. It was her favorite memory from her childhood. Her dad smiled…a lot that day. They shared laugh after laugh, which rarely, if ever, happened.

"He got a call while we were there. A woman believed that her college-aged daughter had been kidnapped because she hadn't answered any of her calls in the last 24 hours. It turned out to be a fluke. The daughter's phone had broken and she had no way of reaching her mother," Haley continued to recount, unaware of Nathan's captivity on her every word. She had a dreamlike look on her face.

"It was such a simple call. A simple, insignificant moment. But it stuck with me. The look on that mother's face when my dad told the mother her daughter was okay, the way everyone rallied together to find the daughter…it lit something inside of that little five-year-old girl with the world at her fingertips."

Haley paused for a second to swallow the growing lump in her throat. The next part of this story was the hardest for her to tell.

"It wasn't until a couple of years later when I realized just how much I wanted to grow up to be just like my dad. I was so young, but I idolized my dad and that ride along trip stuck with me. I remember being so excited to tell him that I wanted to be a detective just like him. I expected him to be touched, to be proud…at the very least, happy."

She paused again. Her voice was cracking as the emotion built up behind her eyes. In the back of her mind, she could picture her adolescent self—her eyes wide with admiration, hope, and innocence as she waited for her dad to get home so she could tell him.

"But he wasn't, not even in the slightest. As soon as I told him, I remember him looking at me with these cold eyes, said 'over my dead body,' and walked away. Over the years, I kept pestering him about it, insisting that being a detective was all I wanted to be. He would just tell me over and over again that I wasn't strong enough and that he would never support me. He tried everything he could to push me away from what I wanted, and the harder he tried, the harder I fought back."

By the time she was finished, her voice was barely above a whisper. A few tears threatened to leak from her eyes, but she blinked them back. She couldn't believe how emotional she was getting over this. Through the pain of saying all those words out loud, she felt lighter, like she could breathe a little easier.

"God, Haley," Nathan mumbled as he pushed himself out of his chair. It clattered loudly as it hit the wall. If there was one thing he knew for certain about Haley James was that she never let anyone see her cry.

"You know that he's wrong, right?" he asked as he crouched down on the opposite side of her desk. He folded his arms across her desk. "Haley?"

She wouldn't look at him. This was a side of Haley he'd never seen and he had a feeling that not many people had. His heart both ached at that, yet felt as if he had a responsibility in making her feel better.

"Yeah, I know, he's only trying to keep me safe and all that jazz," Haley mumbled, almost sarcastically.

"He loves you," Nathan murmured as if it were a shaky explanation. He studied the emotion on her face like a calculus problem he was having a hard time figuring out. He can tell that she doesn't appreciate his attempt at justifying her father's actions, but what he can't figure out is why?

"That's the problem," Haley sighed quietly, yet heavily. Her gaze is deadlocked on the only picture on her desk. It's of her and Taylor, the same one that's hanging up on her bedroom wall.

Nathan's expression fell into a perplexed pinch. "It's a problem that your dad loves you?"

It was a snap of a response, one that had Haley's head jerking up. She had that fire in her eyes that Nathan always found endearing. But instead of preparing for a battle of banter, he waited for her to respond.

"You can either love someone too much…," she trailed off.

"Or not enough," Nathan filled in for her.

The stare between them was long and heavy. Without breaking eye contact, Nathan reached up to brush away the single tear that had fallen down her cheek. His heart leaped in his chest when she leaned slightly into his touch.

Keith's office door swung open with a loud bang, causing both of them to jump. He had the look of a man on this mission. He was so focused that he didn't seem to notice or even react to their closeness.

"James! Scott! A car registered to Felix was spotted down at Brooklyn Bridge Park. According to eyewitnesses, he's accompanied by a brunette female," Keith relayed to them.

"Nicki?" Haley asked.

"Most likely. I need you to go check it out. Now."

~x~

By the time they reached Brooklyn Bridge Park, it was dark. The chilly air nipped sharply at their skin as the light dusting of snow crunched beneath their feet. It was a little unusual for it to snow in April, but winter seemed to be hanging on until the last possible second that year. The park was empty, except for a couple of joggers across the way.

They walked quietly around the park, towards the last known location of the car. So far, there were no signs of the car, Felix, or Nicki. Keith had directed them to assume that Felix was armed and dangerous, which left them on high alert.

"Didn't Keith say the car was parked on the corner of Main?" Nathan asked, looking around. The streets surrounding them were clear.

"Yeah…," Haley trailed off, her expression concentrated. "Maybe it's further down by the bridge. You check the parking lot, I'll check the meters."

They walked further down, splitting up as Haley headed towards where the meters were and Nathan towards the parking lot. Only, they didn't get very far.

"Shit, Nathan!" Haley suddenly hissed, pointing.

Following her finger, his jaw ticked when he saw what she was pointing at. The red Maserati that belonged to Felix was crashed into a pillar of the protection railing from the river. The driver side door was wide open and smoke was pouring out of the front end.

Nathan and Haley took off running towards the car. When they got closer, they noticed the blood and the shattered windshield. Blood and small pieces of ripped clothing clung to the shards of glass. Peeking inside the car, there were obvious signs of a struggle. The steering wheel was obviously yanked in one direction, while seat belt to the passenger side was serrated at the clip.

"Son of a bitch crashed this car purposely," Nathan growled, kicking the tire.

Haley eyed the shattered windshield. The hole was large, jagged, and only on the passenger side. The driver side of the windshield was domed forward, letting Haley know that the impact came from inside the car, not from the car hitting the bridge. Her eyes then darted to the river.

"Nathan," Haley called out nervously. Her eyes were wide with fear. "She was propelled out of the car."

"What?!"

She pointed to the windshield. "Look at the point of impact, the way the glass is domed."

Nathan took one glance at the windshield before looking at the river. "Fuck, she's in the water!"

Everything after that was a blur. Haley fumbled around for her phone while Nathan peered over the side of the bridge.

"We gotta get her out of there. That water is still freezing and we have no idea how long she's been down there."

"We have to wait for the fire department!" Haley shouted as she inched back towards their car.

Nathan shook his head as he ripped his jacket off his body, allowing it to drop to the ground haphazardly. "There's no time."

Things were moving at rocket speed, Haley could barely make sense of what was happening.

He backed up a few steps, placing his body in a running position. "Call for help."

"Nathan, what the fuck are you doing?!"

The panic was clear in her voice as her heart threatened to pound out of her chest. She watched, frozen with utter fear as Nathan dove off the side of the bridge. She didn't move until she heard the splash his body made in the water a few long seconds later. She jetted over to the railing, her heart sinking in her chest. There were ripples in the water, but no sign of Nathan.

"Nathan!" she shouted down to the now motionless water.

The cool air burned her lungs as she struggled to breathe. With shaky hands, she finally grasped her phone in her pocket and ripped it out. She struggled to dial 911, her quivering fingers sliding over the numbers like they were coated in butter. Finally, she got it.

She didn't even wait for the 911 operator to speak.

"This detective Haley James. I am at Brooklyn Bridge Park on the corner of Main and Brooklyn. There's been an accident involving a suspect and another officer."

Haley was surprised she was able to get the words out without completely stumbling over her words. When she was sure help was on the way, she ran back over to the railing. Her legs threatened to buckle from beneath her as she stared at the motionless water.

"Come on, Nathan…"

~x~

"I'll let you know if I have any more questions. Thank you for your time," Haley said, her voice quivering slightly.

She turned away from the witness. The ambulance and police lights blinded her as she made her way towards where she was told Nathan was. It had only taken minutes after her call before the fire department and police officers showed up to the scene, Keith not far behind them. Through all the commotion, a witness had come forward to say that they had seen the crash. Keith assigned her to go talk to them. She didn't have the strength to argue.

The entire time she was distracted, constantly glancing over at the river. The firefighters had sent a dive team into the river and she swore she didn't breathe until she heard word that they recovered two—breathing—bodies on the river bank.

Nathan had gotten Nicki out of the water after all.

Haley exhaled sharply when she saw him, the weight on her shoulders rolling off.

He was sitting on the back of the ambulance with a thick, black blanket wrapped around his body. His dark was matted down, water droplets still sliding down his face. He was pale, skin and lips tinted with the slightest shade of blue. He looked better than she expected, but still like he'd just spent the last ten minutes swimming in below freezing water.

He was alive, though. That's what mattered.

"That was about the stupidest thing you could have done," Haley chided when she finally found her voice. It quivered noticeably. She wasn't sure if was the adrenaline that was slowly exiting her body or the sharp, cold air that had her body shaking.

Nathan looked up at the sound of her voice. Unlike the ghostly appearance of the rest of his body, his eyes were bright and lively.

"My, my, Haley James, were you worried about me?" Nathan sang, only a slight break in his voice. Cool lips twisted into a half-sided smirk.

At first, Haley remained quiet. She kept her head tilted towards the ground as she claimed the spot next to Nathan. Lifting the edge of the wool blanket that was draped over his shoulders, she tucked her body beneath it. Her heart somersaulted when he slid his arm around her waist, securely wrapping the blanket around her. She made no effort to move away.

He was still cold. The feel of his icy skin had a shudder rolling through her body.

"I wasn't," she finally choked out. "I was worried about Nicki."

"You're a terrible liar."

"And you're an ass."

They shared a short, almost forced laugh. When it died down, Nathan shifted his gaze to Haley. She was still looking down. Her bottom lip was tucked securely beneath her teeth. He could practically hear her thinking. He noticed that she did that a lot—got lost in her own thoughts to the point of forgetting reality. Nathan often wondered what she was thinking about in those moments.

"Hales," he murmured softly.

"Hm?" she responded without looking his way.

"Look at me," he commanded gently.

When she does, the pained expression on her face momentarily paralyzed him. It takes a few tries before he successfully swallowed the lump in his throat.

"I'm sorry."

Confusion replaced her worry. "For, what?"

"For a lot of things."


	8. Chapter 8

So I have a question for you guys. Something that I really struggle with when it comes to Naley stories is writing their relationships with other people, (i.e, Nathan/Lucas' relationship, Haley/Brooke, etc.) They tend to take a back seat to Naley's relationship and almost only exist as plot devices to further Naley's relationship. I do try to deviate away from that, but most of the time it just doesn't work out for me. I try to write it but then to me it gets super boring and just almost seems unnecessary. So, my question to you all is...do you care? Would you rather me keep writing the stories the way that I am or do you want me to try and incorporate the other characters more in ways that don't necessarily have to with Naley? Let me know!

Moving on to this chapter, you find out quite a bit about Haley! I've never written Haley as the complex one with a troubled past and I have to admit, I kind of like it. It's also been a lot of fun writing Nathan as the one who is a little more carefree and a little more the represser of all the drama. There is some light humor in this chapter, paired with a lot of dialogue, but I hope you enjoy!

P.S. I know my updating for this story has been a lot slower than my previous ones. School has been draining me so much this year, but writing is still a priority of mine. I'm actually in the process of writing three stories, including this one. One is the sequel to Colors and another one is something that I've been working on on-and-off for the last year. Hell is still my main priority, but I just wanted to show you guys that I don't plan on going on anywhere.

* * *

 _Chapter Seven_

 _June 25th, 2010_

The small hole-in-the-wall bar was packed. Rudy's wasn't meant to host parties, but alas, the close to the entirety of the New York police force managed to squeeze themselves in. Black and purple decorations littered the place, all beaming variations of "Happy Retirement!" Music floated through the crowd, mostly oldies, everything from Michael Jackson to George Strait. It was a retirement party for someone high up in the district, someone that Haley wasn't sure was even in attendance.

It was customary to throw a huge party in the wake of someone's retirement from the police force. In Haley's opinion, they were tacky and unnecessary. It was just another excuse for the higher-ups, like her father, to roam around and exert their dominance over everyone else in the force. If she took a shot for every time one of them started a story with "back when I was just a beat cop" in that condescending tone they liked to use so much, she'd be blackout drunk in minutes.

She'd only been there twenty minutes and she was bored. And sweaty. The New York summer heat wasn't taking any mercy on them. Even vents pumping air conditioning constantly was no match. It didn't help matters that Andy had molded his arm around her since the second they say down. He was pressed completely against as he conversed with one of her father's friends. She'd tuned out their conversation almost instantly.

Instead, she was looking around for her colleagues…or well, now, her friends.

The last few months had a been a blur, something Haley hadn't really minded. Work kept her busy, new cases sliding on to all their desks almost daily. Most of them were milk runs—cases that only took two to three days to solve. They'd hit a snag in the Taggaro case, placing it on hold for the time being. During downtime, it was all nights outs at the bars, game nights, dinners, and more. It had taken her by surprise just how quickly they had become her family. That was hardly the story with her previous district.

Even Nathan was tolerable most days, only choosing to get under her skin every once in a while, instead of every day.

Haley hadn't spoken much to her father since he decided it was necessary to conduct extra evaluations on her. They only shared short collegial conversations outside of work-related things. That wasn't something that was foreign to her. Most of their relationship was built on those kinds of interactions.

"We're planning on a winter wedding, right honey? Haley?"

Haley jolted at the feel of Andy's hand on hers. Glancing over at him, she was met with his sickly-sweet smile. Her stomach twisted in response.

"Um." They hadn't set a wedding date yet. In fact, they hadn't really talked about it. Andy had tried a couple of times, but she had managed to avoid it, something she knew irritated him. "Yeah, uh, we'll see."

His smile didn't falter, it only became sweeter. "I think maybe a New Year's wedding. Kind of a two in one deal."

The look in his eyes was taunting, daring. He was trying to corner her into accepting a date, a tactic he had used time and time again. Her heart felt heavy at the notion. She knew how frustrating this was for him and it certainly wasn't fair. She just needed time.

She felt like she was suffocating, with Andy's arm so securely around her, the thick, humid air weighing down on her, and the topic of the conversation. Wedding planning made her nervous and stressed her out. Part of the reason she hadn't agreed to a date yet was because that would make it more real. She would then have deadlines to meet, with so much to do in so little time.

"That might be nice," Haley muttered, choosing her words carefully. "Hey, I'm gonna go mingle, is that okay?"

Andy studied her for longer than necessary. His smile remained intact, but there was a fury in his eyes. He wasn't happy with the fact that she dodged the question…again. She would probably hear it from him later, but she'd deal with that when it came.

"Yeah, go ahead."

She smiled gingerly at him, tight-lipped. Excusing herself from the conversation, she slid out of the booth and made a beeline for the bar. Normally beer was her go to drink, but she needed something a little stronger.

After her drink was ordered, she felt a tap on her shoulder. Looking over, she frowned when she saw no one. Seconds later, she felt a body saddle up next to her.

"I'm a little pissed that you never mentioned that your fiancé is an absolute fox with an accent!"

Haley rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "Hello to you, too, Brooke."

Brooke's boisterous smile was infectious. The one thing Haley admired the most about Brooke was her ability to be in a good mood…all the time. Her positivity, which Haley quickly learned wasn't something that comes easily to Brooke, was inspiring and a total mood enhancer.

"Hello, my dear Haley James," Brooke sang, nodding at the bartender for a refill. "But, seriously, does he have a brother that just so happens to be single?"

Haley laughed, shaking her head. "I thought you were protesting men? You know, that whole, 'I'm an independent woman who doesn't need a man' vibe you got going on."

Brooke shrugged as she retrieved her refill. Placing the straw at the side of her mouth, she took a long sip. "I am, but a girl still has needs. Needs that I can only fulfill for so long before it just gets boring and also extremely tiring."

Haley eyed her skeptically. "Are you drunk?"

"What?"

"Don't 'what?' me. You only get super hyper like this when you're drunk. And you're talking fast, that's also a sign."

"I may be a little—Oh, don't look now, Nathan is heading over here," Brooke suddenly shouted, giggling and peering over her glass.

Haley looked over her shoulder to see Nathan approaching them. The light blue dress shirt he was wearing, which coincidentally matched the color of her sundress, was rolled up at the sleeves. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his black dress pants, a watch sitting heavily on his wrist. As soon as they made eye contact, he looked over her suggestively and smirked. Haley just rolled her eyes before turning away, where she was met with a kinked eyebrow from Brooke.

"The sexual tension between you should be illegal." Brooke blurted out. "In fact, since I am the law, I just made it illegal. Now if only you weren't taken…"

Haley starred at Brooke with wide eyes. "You are about a half a sip away from dancing on this bar top, aren't you?"

"Yesss," Brooke slurred slightly. "Which reminds me, Clay owes me a dance."

And with that, she was gone. Laughing, Haley hopped onto one of the stools, where she wasn't alone for long.

"She's drunk, isn't she?" Nathan asked, sliding into the space between Haley's bar stool and the one next to her. His body brushed against hers in that innocent way that had them both shivering.

"As a skunk."

The rock song that was playing switched to a slower country song. Haley instantly recognized it. It was a song that her sister used to be obsessed with.

"God, I love this song," Haley exclaimed, a smile spreading across her face.

Nathan found himself smiling at the childlike wonder on her face, like a kid given a giant slice of cake.

"Dance with me," he requested with a twinkle in his eye, extending his hand to Haley.

She narrowed her eyes at his open palm with suspicion. "I don't know…"

His lips curled into a small and soft smile. "It's just a dance, Hales. Doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to."

Haley glanced around the bar as if she was about to get caught doing something she wasn't supposed to. In principle, a dance was innocent and Nathan was her partner. But there was a small part of her brain screaming at her that dancing with Nathan was a bad idea…that Andy wasn't going to like it.

Acting on a whim and ignoring that part of her brain, she grabbed his hand. She ignored his triumphant smirk as he led her to the dance floor.

The second his hand made contact with her back, a shiver passed through her. His hand that was holding hers was soft and warm. They fell into an easy, slow rhythm. Their bodies were pressed comfortably together, close enough to where Haley could drown in his enticing cologne.

Nathan spotted Andy at the bar. Andy's gaze was locked on Nathan, more specifically, Haley in Nathan's arms. He didn't like the look on Andy's face or the way his eyes kept swaying to Haley. It was more than just jealousy in his blue eyes. He looked at Haley like he owned her like she was property and he wasn't going to let anyone bid on her.

"Your fiancé doesn't look all too thrilled about this," Nathan taunted, swinging his gaze over to where Andy was brooding. He chuckled to himself when he saw the grave look of annoyance written all over Andy's face. There was a surge of pride and confidence as he shot a smirk in Andy's direction.

Haley sighed with a shake of her head. "Nathan, don't start."

"What?" Nathan asked, feigning innocence.

"Things have actually been pleasant between us, let's not ruin it, okay?" Haley said tiredly.

Nathan saw the weariness, as well as heard it in her voice. She was begging him with her eyes and he felt himself soften. He pushed Andy and his pride out of his mind as he turned his attention solely on Haley.

Swiftly, he twirled her around and dipped her, smiling at the sound of her laugh. Once she was upright, he held her close. His one hand returned to the small of her back, while his other hand encased hers. For a moment, he got lost in the way she was smiling at him. The lights in the bar casted a warm glow over her skin. Her eyes with specks of gold and caramel were captivating.

"Tell me something no knows about you," Nathan suddenly challenged.

Haley's face crumpled in bewilderment. "What?"

"A secret," Nathan supplied. "Tell me a secret."

"Why?"

Nathan shrugged. "For entertainment. Or, maybe curiosity. Possibly a little bit of both."

Haley looked at him curiously. His blue eyes were wide with trust and a little be of mischief. There were a lot of things she could say about Nathan—some good, some bad. But one thing she couldn't say was that he wasn't…persuasive. He had this openness about him that made her inclined to trust in every word he said. He was intuitive, finding every weakness she had and using it to his benefit. He knew just how to play her with a single look like he was right now, and she kind of liked it.

"I wish I was closer to my mom," Haley finally conceded after a few moments of consideration. That was something she didn't think she had ever said out loud and she shocked herself by admitting that so openly to Nathan.

Haley didn't talk about her family much. Nathan knew bits and pieces from rare moments, but it was usually a topic she stayed clear of. He decided that since she brought it up first, he was going to try and pry a little more.

"What's the story with your mom anyhow?"

"It's kind of a long one," Haley muttered, avoiding his gaze.

He waited until they met eyes again. "I've got time."

Haley gnawed at her bottom lip as she looked up at him through her thick eyelashes. His sincerity caught her off guard. He looked as if he was genuinely interested in what she had to say.

"Okay, um…let's see," Haley babbled, trying to find the perfect place to begin. "I guess the perfect place to start would be my parents' marriage. They married young. My mom was freshly 18 when they tied the knot, which apparently was a surprise in of itself. My mom…she was a wild child, never stayed in one place for too long. People in her hometown were convinced that she'd gotten a lobotomy or something when she showed up one morning with a ring on her finger.

"My dad, on the other hand, had always been the serious one. When people talked about him, they would always say that he didn't know the definition of fun. He buried himself in his studies, never partied, didn't really have many friends…that whole sort of loner kind of thing."

Haley laughed, more out awkwardness than humor. The song changed to one with a slightly faster tempo, but the tempo of their swaying remained the same.

"Miraculously, my dad was able to keep my mom grounded for ten years and in that ten years, they had my sister, Taylor, and then me. But, evidently we got a little too boring for my mom and she bailed shortly after my fourth birthday."

Nathan winced at the pain laced in voice. He found himself completely charmed by her story, watching as every changing emotion reflected in her eyes or in the timbre of her voice.

"She went on a vacation with a friend and didn't come back for a month. The next thing I knew, we were packing up our house and I only saw her on special occasions from that point forward," Haley croaked, choking back her emotions. It wasn't sadness that was cloaking her, it was anger. "Growing up, I don't remember much about my mom. I remember a few moments when we baked cookies together or when she dropped me off for school on the first day of preschool. But that's really it."

"It wasn't until…," she trailed off. Somehow, without realizing it, she had reached _that_ part of the story. "I'm sorry, this must be so boring for you."

It was a cop-out but also wasn't. She feared that maybe she had shared too much, given him too much information. But when she looked in his eyes, she saw just how captivated he was. He was listening to her every word. She searched for pity, but there was none.

Nathan shook his head as he twirled her around. "I'm the one who asked."

Haley swallowed the lump in her throat. "It wasn't until my sister got sick did she actually decide she wanted to be in our lives. Personally, I just think it was because she felt guilty."

"Your sister? Taylor?" Nathan asked, his face creased in confusion. While he didn't know much about her family, he knew she had a sister. But that was it.

"She was diagnosed with stage 4 leukemia the December of our last year at the academy," Haley mumbled painfully. "She passed away a few days after graduation."

The wounds of her sister's death, while mostly healed, left behind scars she couldn't ignore. They were angry, red marks carved into her soul that felt jagged to the touch. Sometimes they flared up and ached and burned and itched until she was left bleeding again.

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea," Nathan responded with a mix of shock and sadness.

It was all starting to make sense. The last time he saw her all those years ago—when she randomly called him in a panic, practically begging him to take her to the airport—there was clear pain in her eyes. He knew something was wrong, but he hadn't bothered to ask because he knew she'd never tell him, of all people. The same pain he saw that day was flashing in her eyes now. He wished he could take it away.

"It wasn't something that I exactly advertised."

"Can I ask you a question?"

She nodded without hesitation.

"Why do you insist on suffering in silence?

His question threw her off course. It wasn't meant to be malicious or accusing. The tone of his voice was soft and trusting.

"I don't know," she muttered. And she didn't. Well, maybe she did, but she wasn't ready to bare the demons rolling around in her brain. "It's just…simpler, I guess.'

"You know you don't have to do that, right?"

She doesn't know what's so special about that moment. Maybe it was the look in his eyes, the one that made her weak in the knees. It was a sincerity and a belief in her that no one had ever shown her before, not even Taylor. It was the way that past all the bluster, the teasing, and the annoyance that often bled into their relationship, was something so much more real. She couldn't name it, but it both rooted her to the ground and terrified her.

"Yeah. You're just the first person to ever say it."

The playlist of slow songs melted into a one with more tempo. They awkwardly seized their dancing and Haley locked eyes with Andy over Nathan's shoulder. He looked anything but happy.

"I should get going," she said, tearing her eyes away from Andy. She shot Nathan a shaky smile before stepping out of his arms. "Thank-you for the dance."

~x~

The car was silent, except for the whistling of the air out of the vents and the crunch of the concrete under the tires. The air around them was thick with awkwardness, and Haley could practically feel the anger radiating off of Andy. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him gripping the steering wheel, knuckles flashing white.

That entire time, her body was on high alert. Every tendon was strained as every nerve was frazzled. There was no way Andy was going to keep quiet. He never did. She could see the wheels turning his head, trying to formulate the perfect way to say what he wanted. They weren't a couple that argued much, but when they did, Andy didn't hold back. And she knew what made him tick. It was lethal.

Andy Hargrove was old fashioned and by the book. He was stubborn and believed what he believed. But he was also stable. And sometimes, she needed stability.

"You and your partner seem…close," he finally said, putting a dent in the silence.

Even though she was waiting for it, Haley still flinched.

"It was just a dance, Andy. Nothing more, nothing less," Haley quickly quipped.

"I'm not mad about the dance. You can dance with and talk to whoever. I won't ever control that. You know that," Andy replied steadily. His eyes never once left the road. "But what I don't like is the fact that you and your _partner_ seem to be more than partners. More than friends."

Haley's bottom lip slipped beneath the curvature of her top teeth. She thought over her next words carefully, selecting only the ones that felt safe. Walls were starting to build up rapidly around her as the taste of panic coated her tongue. Her heart was running a race in her chest

"There's a certain camaraderie—a bond—that forms between partners, Andy," Haley tried to explain, her defensiveness clear even to her own ears. "We've seen things and we've dealt with things that others will go their whole lives without seeing. That's all."

"Does this 'bond' include falling in love?" he spat venomously.

Her jaw slacked. She couldn't resist looking at him, because he had to be joking. But there wasn't a trace of humor on his face. That was a bold assumption to make on one little dance. Hell, it was a bold assumption to make regardless.

"What?!" she exploded, her mouth still hanging open.

"The way he looks at you…I don't like it. The way his hand never left your lower back."

A visible shiver passed through Andy while Haley was left with a desert mouth. She figured he would be angry and she figured they'd be having some kind of conversation about Nathan. But she didn't expect it to be _this._ Feelings that she couldn't explain were wrapping themselves around her. Everything, from her head to her toes, was hot and Andy's car was beginning to feel like a clown car.

If they weren't doing 50 miles per hour, she would have tucked and rolled.

"A-Andy…, I'm not—"

"You may not be in love with him, but he's certainly in love with you."

Her breath caught in her throat as her stomach twisted painfully. A laugh of hysteria bubbled up her throat but she choked it back. Nathan…in love with her? In lust, maybe, but definitely not love.

"You're…crazy!" she exclaimed. She imagined that she looked just as insane as she thought Andy was. Her eyes felt wide, her skin felt flushed, and her body was visibly shaking.

Andy's lips pressed into a hard line and even though he wasn't facing her, she saw the anger flash in his eyes.

"That's what you're not going to do," he scolded so icily goosebumps formed on her skin "You're not going to try and convince me that I'm crazy. You might not see it, but _I_ do and he has feelings for you."

Sometimes arguing with Andy was like arguing with a brick wall. He was stubborn and when he believed something, he didn't let it go. Most of the time she just agreed with him and moved on. But this she couldn't let go.

"Fine, if you want to believe that, you go right ahead," Haley challenged. "But for argument's sake, let's say you're right. How does that have anything to do with us? I'm with you Andy, not him. I'm marrying you. All he is is my partner."

"Are you?" Andy shot back.

"Am I what?"

"Are you marrying me?" Andy questioned harshly. "Because from where I sit, it doesn't seem like you're in too much of a hurry."

Her eyes began to sting like he'd slapped her in the face. Panic and anger were becoming interchangeable for her.

"What is t _hat_ supposed to mean?"

"Every time I bring up wedding planning, especially setting a date, you clam up. You avoid it by changing the subject or make up some excuse to get out of the conversation. I've been patient with you, I really have, and I don't want to push you, but it's getting a little ridiculous, Haley. We've been engaged for six months and we haven't made any plans. Not a single one."

Haley was surprised that he made it this long without cracking. Guilt threatened to swallow her whole, but she couldn't allow herself to let herself break down that wall. There was a certain way things were supposed to be and she couldn't be the one to challenge it.

So, she did what she always did—she deflected it. It was her natural instinct.

"Why is there such a rush? My cousin was engaged for three years before she got married. With work, I just don't really have the time to really sit down and plan a wedding right now. I'm still a newbie in this unit, which means I still have a lot to prove."

He clearly wasn't happy with that answer.

"There you go…hiding behind your work again."

"My work is important to me," Haley asserted. "You knew that about me since the day we met."

Glancing out the window, the tension eased off her shoulders when she saw they were only a few minutes away from her apartment complex. The sooner she was out of that car, the better. Sure, it could be seen as running or avoiding what was important, but she couldn't think about that right now.

"It can be important to you without you using it as an excuse," Andy pointed out.

"It's not an excuse."

Andy didn't respond. Instead, he flicked his turn signal on and turned into the parking lot of her apartment complex. Pulling up to the front door, he came to a stop. He didn't look at her. He didn't say a word, so she didn't either. Without looking back, she got out of his car, slammed the door, and walked up the stairs to her apartment.

~x~

The crowd was starting to dwindle down as the night crept up on them. It was now a little past eight. Most of Nathan's unit had already gone home, with the exception of Clay. The owner of Rudy's was a friend of a friend, and Clay and Nathan had offered to help clean up after the party.

Nathan was nursing the last of his beer as the bar had stopped serving about a half hour ago. He hated events like these. Everyone told the same stories over and over again. The music was the same and so out of date, it put him to sleep. Not to mention, he hated "dressing up." Dress pants were always so comfortable and dress shirts always clung to his skin like static cling.

"Nathan Scott."

Nathan turned at the scratchy, husky saying his name. He immediately straightened his spine when he made eye contact with Jimmy James. He'd only communicated directly with the Chief a couple of times and each time, his overpowering stature made Nathan nervous. He was just a man that demanded respect. Wiping his now clammy hand on his dress pants, he extended it to the chief.

"Chief, it's good to see you."

Jimmy nodded his head cordially. "How are things going? The unit getting along well?"

Even a blind person could tell that by unit, the chief meant Haley.

Nathan nodded. "Yeah, things are good. Busy, but good."

"Good," Jimmy said with a slight smile.

There was an awkward pause and Nathan shifted nervously. Jimmy wasn't the type of person to start a conversation without a purpose. He wasn't a friendly talker or a fan of small talk.

"Listen, I need you to keep a close eye on my daughter," Jimmy muttered sternly. "Keith said you were his most trustworthy and I trust Keith."

Nathan swallowed and nodded confidently. "I am, sir. I promise I won't let anything to happen to her."

Jimmy chuckled roughly, almost cynically. "I appreciate that, but that's not what I mean. This job…it's not right for her and I'm just waiting for her to see that. I was hoping she would have come to her senses by now, but she's a stubborn one. I need you to look out for mistakes or concerns you have regarding her performance and let me know."

Nathan was taken back. At first, he thought Jimmy was joking. But there was no trace of lightheartedness on his face.

"So, you want me to be your spy?" Nathan snipped, not even bothering to mask his disbelief or attitude.

Jimmy shook his head. "Not necessarily. Just…my insider. It's impossible for me to know what's happening with her all the time. You, on the other hand, are with her every day."

The disbelief and anger washed through him like a tsunami.

"Sir, with all due respect, Haley is a lot stronger and a lot better at her job than you give her credit for. I've had a few partners and she has, by far, been the best partner I've ever had. She's smart. She's damn good at her job. And as far as I can tell, she was made for this line of work."

Jimmy's expression completely changed. Before, while he was serious, he wasn't domineering. Now he just looked pissed and pure evil.

"Son, I don't need anyone to tell me anything about my daughter. I already know everything I need to know and your opinion of her doesn't change mine," Jimmy growled.

Nathan clenched his jaw to keep himself from saying anything that would cost him his job. Instead, he just gave Jimmy a tight-lipped smile and a small mumble of half-hearted acceptance that he didn't have any intention of following up with.

Still fuming, Nathan slid into an empty bar stool that was on the secluded edge of the wraparound fixture. If Jimmy James wasn't the Chief of State Police, Nathan would have had no problem punching him in the face.

The blatant disrespect that the Chief had for his daughter was infuriating. He wanted her to fail and he had no problem with ensuring that she did. What kind of father does that? He knew Haley's relationship with him was rocky at best, but he didn't completely understand it until he saw it for himself.

Nathan was no stranger to tough fathers. His dad was hard headed and rough on him, but he was never manipulative. He never did anything to try and sabotage Nathan's success. He just couldn't wrap his head around how warped sadistic Haley's father was. She deserved better than that. She deserved a chance to prove herself and for people to see just how angelic she truly was.

He had learned a lot about Haley that night and a lot of which confirmed his suspicions about her. She was multi-layered, and most people only had the privilege of seeing the top layer. Her life was complicated. She hid things constantly, which he didn't blame her for. She had no room to breathe—no room to show who she truly was without being suffocated to death.

She was complicated, with a complicated family, a complicated history, and complicated issues.

But he'd be damned if he let any of that drive him away from her.

"We need to talk."

Nathan glanced at the body that had slid into the seat next to him. A smirk appeared on his face the second he met eyes with Andy. Nathan could have laughed at the hardened expression on Andy's face—it was like a puppy trying to seem scary.

"Where's Haley?" Nathan asked in the most suggestive tone he could muster.

Andy's glare intensified. Nathan was purposely poking the dragon, but he didn't care. There was just something off about Andy. He was too…porcelain.

"She wasn't feeling good, so I took her home," Andy said flatly.

Even Nathan could see straight through that lie.

"But Haley is exactly what I want to talk about."

Nathan had a feeling that's what this was about. Andy was reeking of possessiveness, a kind that was way passed healthy and boarding on overbearing.

"What about her?" Nathan asked nonchalantly.

"You need to stay away from her," Andy demanded, eyes glazed over like a plastic doll. They were like little black, emotionless beads staring back at Nathan. That's when Nathan knew that this wasn't solely about Haley, it was also about Andy's pride and image.

A cold, dry laugh escaped Nathan. "That's kind of hard to do, considering she's my partner. You know, we're kind of bound by law and all that good stuff."

"I don't mean that," Andy barked. "I mean the fact that you clearly want her."

Well, yeah, that was true, but he wasn't going to let Andy know that.

"I really don't understand why you're so threatened," Nathan teased, enjoying the way Andy seemed to be grasping at straws to keep his gruff exterior.

"I'm not threatened," Andy tried to clarify, but his voice faltered. "I just don't trust you. I see the way you look at her and the way you act around her. She's mine and she'll never be yours."

"Haley's not your property and the sooner you stop treating her as such, I'm sure things will be much better for the two of you," Nathan quipped, getting up from his seat and beginning to walk away. He didn't have time to argue with some low-sheltered guy experiencing an ego-trip.

"See, that's where you're wrong, Haley is my responsibility. She is my property. The sooner _you_ realize that, the better."

Nathan felt himself snap.

"You really don't realize how fucked up that is, do you?" Nathan shot back, turning around to face Andy. He hated the fact that he let this sleazeball get under his skin, that he was allowing himself to stoop down to his level. But he was just so…irritating, like a gnat that wouldn't go away no matter how many times you attempted to kill it. "But fine, if you want to play that way, maybe you should ask your _fiancé_ which one of us really had her first."

With that, he turned back around and stormed away from Andy.

~x~

"Andy?" Haley called into the quiet penthouse. Her face creased into confusion when all she heard in response was loud shuffling. Closing the door behind her, she tossed her keys onto the counter and walked towards Andy's bedroom. The sounds of clanking hangers and the closing of drawers became increasingly clearer the closer she got to his room.

"Andy?" she called out again, pushing his already ajar bedroom door open further.

For a brief second, Andy paused to glance at her before returning to his task of packing his suitcase. She looked at him in confusion as she walked further into his room and took a seat at the edge of his bed.

"What are you doing?"

"I got a case in Buffalo. I leave in the morning," Andy answered, monotone.

Haley's mouth dipped into a slight frown. "Oh, for how long?"

"It's hard to say. The case isn't set to go to pre-trial for another two weeks and Buffalo is about a six-hour drive. That would be a lot of back and forth, so I guess it depends on how long it takes to get the depositions done," he said gruffly, placing a few more dress shirts neatly into his suitcase. "Could be a few days, could be post-trial."

Her shoulders slumped. "Oh. I'm gonna miss you."

As soon as those words left her lips, Andy tensed. He paused in the middle of zipping his suitcase. His hands dropped from the bag and fell into tight fists, resting on the comforter. It seemed like he was set off by something, but she couldn't connect the dots to what.

"What happened between you and Nathan?" he suddenly asked, a hard edge to his voice.

Her immediate reaction was to panic and freeze…just like she always did when she was asked about Nathan. Once that initial reaction faded, annoyance took over.

"Can we please not have this argument again?" she mumbled tiredly.

When he looked up, she gasped at the icy look he was sporting. His lips were slightly curled into a snarl. "I don't want to argue, I want the truth. See, I spoke to your _partner_ tonight and he seems to think he had you before me. So, what, did you guys date or something?"

 _No, we only slept together…_ But she had a feeling that would be worse to admit to him. Maybe she didn't have a choice.

She could physically feel the color draining from her face. She felt physically ill as seething anger and guilt melted together, pumping viciously through her veins. Nathan didn't have a right to goad Andy like that. But what furthered her anger was the fact that Andy spoke as if he thought she was a shiny new toy that he had coveted, only to find out that she was used.

"It wasn't like that," Haley muttered, picking at the loose thread on the comforter.

Andy threw his hands up in anger. "Then what was it like, Haley? Please enlighten me."

She stood up to match his stance as the words exploded out of her. "It was one night a long time ago and it meant _nothing_."

A fire ignited in his eyes, one fed with jealousy and anger. "So, something did happen between the two of you and you tried to tell me that I was crazy."

His accompanying laugh was dry and sarcastic.

"That's just rich, Haley, really. What else have you lied about?"

Her blood sizzled. "I didn't lie about anything. You told me that you believe that we were in love or that Nathan was in love with me or whatever, and I told you that you were wrong. Because you are. He's my partner and nothing more. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that."

"Your past says otherwise," Andy pointed out, grabbing his luggage off the bed and plopping it on the ground. He walked towards the door and Haley could sense him pulling away.

"Andy, please. It was in the past and it meant nothing."

Haley's heart felt like it was lodged in her throat at the way Andy was looking at her. It felt as if he was looking straight through her like she was nothing but a plate glass window with a couple of smudges on it. The soft and hurt flitter of his voice had guilt rising like bile in her throat.

"I love you, Haley, and I want to marry you. While I'm gone, you should figure out if you want the same."

It felt like someone had punched her in the gut and was twisting her insides. "I-I already told you," she stuttered, the cracks in her words like skips on a broken record.

"And I simply don't believe you."


	9. Chapter 9

I need to start this off by apologizing for how boring this chapter is, lol. I know I say that a lot, but I always truly mean it. This chapter serves as a filler chapter, one to set up the next few chapters. I have three major turning points for this story, and the first one is coming within chapter 9 and chapter 10, so this kind of sets all that up. Hopefully, it's not too boring for you all.

Haley...boy, she is stubborn. I'm really fighting with her and it's a struggle. This is probably the most difficult character I've ever written, even over Nathan in "Colors." But, she's getting there I promised. As for Andy and Jimmy, oh yeah, they're dicks. They both make me want to punch them in their faces, lol. Just to give you a little tidbit of information I write them both from the same mindset and Haley's relationship with Andy boils down to the fact that she has some major daddy issues *insert smirking emoji here.*

* * *

Chapter Eight

"Nathan, can I speak to you for a moment? Alone?"

Nathan looked up from the paperwork on his desk to see Haley standing in front of him. The calmness in her voice did not match her pissed exterior. Her hands were on her hips and if looks could kill, he would have been dead in a heartbeat. The anger was radiating off of her in gigantic, tsunami-like waves. He was in big trouble, but damn if she didn't look sexy when she was pissed off.

Clearing his throat, he nodded and stood up from his desk. "Sure. Where at?"

She didn't respond, just turned around and stalked off, expecting him to follow her. Choosing not to poke the dragon, he followed closely behind her. When they reached the break room, she paused, waving for him to go in first. Once inside, she shut the door with a lock click and locked it.

The whole scenario kind of reminded him of a student getting scolded by the Principle. There were so many dirty places he could have gone with that thought but ultimately decided that it wasn't the right time. He had a feeling he already knew what she wanted to speak to him about.

"You had no right," Haley began, still somewhat level headed.

Since her conversation with Andy the previous night, she had been a whirlwind of different emotions. First, there was anger. Anger towards Nathan and anger towards herself. He had no right to try and rile up Andy the way that he did. But then again, if she would have just been honest from the get-go, she wouldn't have been in this position.

Then came fear. The walls around her life felt like they were closing in. The pressure from Andy about their wedding was suffocating enough, but now she had to battle him over his…jealousy? Or, was it inclination of ownership? Whatever it was, it felt like just another heavy weight resting on top of her. Things felt like they were spiraling, especially with him going away on a business trip for however long. Everything was becoming way too much way too fast and she could feel her armor beginning to crack.

Strolling in last was confusion. There was a small part of her that found this entire situation…freeing. Without Andy around, peering over her shoulder, she had a little extra room to breathe. It wasn't supposed to be that way, but it was.

Kicking back on one of the couches, he propped his feet on the coffee table and folded his arms over his chest. "Sorry babe, you're gonna have to elaborate."

Her eyes were rolling before she couldn't even think to stop them. "Don't even try and act coy, Nathan. I know what you said to Andy last night and it wasn't your place to do so."

"Hey, he was the one who approached me first," Nathan told her, shrugging his shoulders as an attempt to appear unfazed. "He came up to me and started threatening me to stay away from you."

That made her pause for a brief moment. She didn't know that, but she couldn't let that deter her. She needed to do this.

"That doesn't matter," she forced out. "What matters is that you took it upon yourself to tell him something that you had no business telling him. What happened between us has nothing to do with him and vice versa."

"I didn't tell him anything!" Nathan shouted back. "As I said, he was the one who came at me, acting all threatened and bothered by me. He wouldn't let it go. I tried multiple times to walk away and end the conversation, but he just wouldn't budge."

"So, knowing he was 'threatened', you decided to mess with my engagement by hinting heavily towards the one piece of ammunition you against me. That's real nice, Nathan. How _noble_ of you."

He saw the opportunity in front of him and he wasn't going to let it slip away. It drove him crazy whenever she tried to act all high and mighty like she wasn't tainted by their past as much as he was. Sure, it was only one night proceeded by a lot of time spent flirting and lingering stares. But it was a night that neither of them could let go. It was a part of them, and even though they agreed to act civil towards each other, it always loomed over them. That tension and awareness always crept into to even their most mundane conversations, threatening to send them both spiraling.

He smirked, dropping his feet back to the floor and leaning forward on the couch. "I think the question you should be asking yourself is why _you_ never told him in the first place. I mean, if it's such a big deal…."

Haley felt herself begin to clam up. When she decided that she was going to confront Nathan, she didn't think the entire thing through, only that she needed someone more to blame instead of only herself and Nathan was the easiest option.

"It was a couple years ago, we were drunk, and it meant nothing."

"It meant nothing, huh?" Nathan taunted, standing up from the couch and slowly approaching her, almost like animal stalks its prey. "It sure seems like it meant something, or else wouldn't be having this conversation right now."

Haley swallowed thickly, nodding her head and slinking away from his predatory glare. She didn't know how the tone of the conversation changed so quickly, but she did know that she hated it. "I was lonely and you just happened to be there."

"Bullshit," Nathan growled. He kept walking towards her until her back was up against the wall. "You wanted me and you know it."

Haley tried to keep her composure. She lifted her head up, squaring her shoulders. She refused to let Nathan break her. Not this time. "You were just imagining things."

He decided to take up it a notch. He wasn't sure how or when things started to twist around them. One minute, they're arguing about her possessive and selfish fiancé, and the next all he could think about is ripping her clothes off.

Nathan placed one hand on either side of her head, boxing her in. His voice dropped to a husky, sultry tone that had Haley squirming against the wall. "Mm, I don't think you screaming 'fuck me harder, Nathan,' or 'oh, fuck, right there,' was a part of my imagination."

Her body ignited at his words and she swallowed the whimper bubbling up her throat. She tried to remain stoic, unfazed by his taunting and teasing. She wouldn't and couldn't let him win. That was hard to do when the heat from his body and the intense smell of his after cologne was making her dizzy.

She swiped her tongue along her cheek, adding a brash eye-roll.

"You weren't that good. Don't flatter yourself."

She shouldn't be adding fuel to the fire. She should have pushed him away, called him vile, and walked away. But like always, she could never simply walk away from Nathan Scott, not since the moment she met him.

His laugh was dark and seductive. He was closer enough to her now, his minty breath tickling her lips. "Now I know you're lying. Because from what I remember, I made you cum…four times. You were moaning so loud your neighbors heard us."

It both impressed her and turned her on to no-end at how much he remembered from that night. God, what was she doing? How did he have the ability to twist her anger towards him into something more? That didn't seem very healthy and furthermore, she was just asking for more trouble.

"I was faking it," she shot back. "Figured it wouldn't hurt to boost your ego for one night. You seemed pretty desperate for it."

Nathan knew she trying to hit him where it would rile him up. She was good, but he was better.

"Trust me, baby, you're not that good," he purred, deflecting his mouth to her ear. " _Fuck_ , I still get hard from remembering the way you moaned my name."

Her eyes closed at his admission. Her fingers were white-knuckled against the wall, which she was sure if she was trying to anchor herself away from him or get closer to him. He shouldn't have been affecting her the way that he was.

Shouldn't this, shouldn't that…her life was becoming one giant shouldn't.

"You're not going to get to me," she promised, but it lacked merit. She was fading fast. "I feel nothing for you."

Nathan's lips curled up into a sadistic, sarcastic smile.

"Nothing, huh?" he taunted, daring her to continue.

"Absolutely nothing."

He took his eyes a slow stroll over her. She was flushed from her cheeks down to her chest. Those golden-brown eyes of hers were dark and glazed over. Her breathing was labored, leaving her lips parted. He smirked at the obvious way he was affecting her. She was certainly affecting him, but luckily for him, he could hide it better than she could.

He dropped his hands from the wall and gripped her waist. He leaned into her, pressing her against the wall with his body. A shiver ran down his spine when she audibly gasped.

Haley felt every inch of him pressed against her and it was intoxicating. Memories flashed through her mind from that night—the way he moved against her, the magic of his hands and his lips, how good he felt. Everything was foggy, except for the raging lust inside of her. How did she keep getting herself into these situations?

"We both know you're lying," Nathan panted into her air.

She whimpered. This didn't go how she planned it, not that she really had a solid plan. But now she was stuck in a situation that she promised herself she'd never be in again.

"Nathan."

"I can take you right here, right now," he murmured gravelly. "Just say the word, Hales."

He wanted her, which wasn't anything new considering he always wanted her. But the air around them, the way he could visibly see her giving in to her desires…it was making him want her that much more.

She could have given in, she wanted to give in, and that was horrifying. The jabs she used against him were just that, jabs. The sex between them had been amazing, mind-blowing even. Definitely the best sex she ever had, but she wouldn't ever let Nathan know that.

It was like God was on her side then…

"Yo! Scott! James! Get your asses out here!" Chris' voice interrupted them. "We got shit to do."

Nathan groaned, knocking his fist against the spot on the wall above Haley's head. He pushed himself away from her, running a frustrated hand over his face.

The reality of the situation washed over her like a bucket of cold ice. Blinking the fog out of her eyes, she willed herself to calm down. It didn't take much when she saw noticed the overly cocky smirk on Nathan's face. She straightened her posture and narrowed her eyes at him.

"You may have had me first, but you'll never have me again."

She may had lost her bearings, but at least she got the last word.

~x~

"Wine or something stronger?" Brooke questioned as she opened her fridge. "I have Fireball, some Tequila, and Vodka."

"Damn, it's like you have your own little liquor store in that fridge," Haley muttered with a laugh. "But bring that wine over here."

"What kind of wine do you have?" Peyton asked from her spot on the floor where Brooke's CD collection is sprawled out in front of her.

"Pink Moscato, White Zinfandel, and Sangria," Brooke called out, carrying a bottle of each in her arms. "I'm a bit of a wine-o."

"Hm, you don't say," Haley quipped while reaching for the Sangria. She popped the cork and poured herself a glass. After the day that she had, she needed this. Maybe getting wine-drunk would help wipe the memory of Nathan's hands off her body and his husky voice out of her head. Wine always made her sleepy, and when she was asleep…at least she wasn't thinking of Nathan.

"It gets lonely in this little apartment," Brooke countered with a shrug. "I find comfort in alcohol because it can't just wake up one morning and decide not to love you anymore."

Out of everyone in the unit, Haley grew the closest to Brooke the quickest. She just had this bubbly personality that was infectious and easy to love. Brooke reminded her so much of Peyton that she felt it was only fair to introduce them. Her inkling was proven correct when they seemed to instantly click. Now, here they were—Brooke and Peyton sprawled across the floor with Brooke's music collection and she was laying across the couch flipping through magazines. It reminded her of a scene out of every chick flick ever made.

Brooke's apartment was right in the middle of the city, overlooking the hustle and bustle of Time's Square. It was quaint and homey, while also very Brooke-ish. The color scheme was a little out there, the bright reds and maroons blinding you where you looked. Regardless of the color choices, it had a warmth and brightness to it that Haley's didn't.

"What's on your mind, Hales?" Peyton ponders, slinking up next to her on the couch. "You seem stressed."

There's so much she could say and needed to say, but she felt like talking about none of it. Knowing Brooke and Peyton the way that she did, she knew they weren't going to accept "nothing" as an answer.

"Andy left," Haley revealed

"What?!" They both exclaimed.

Haley shook her head as she swung her legs off the couch and back to the floor. "It's not as dramatic as I made it sound. He's away on a business trip."

Brooke folded her arms over her bent knees, confusion marring her features. "Then what's the issue?"

Haley felt queasy as she contemplated what to say and how to say it. The biggest thing she struggled with was opening up to people. Most of the time, she preferred to work through her issues on her own. She didn't need anyone's help and she certainly didn't want it. She preferred to suffer in silence, at least that way she wouldn't be weak.

But with their prodding gazes so full of care and concern, she felt herself weaken a little bit. By getting things off her chest, she wasn't folding or showing signs of weakness, she figured. It wasn't like she was asking for help.

"We got into a fight before he left and…it just wasn't…it didn't end all that well."

 _I love you, Haley, and I want to marry you. While I'm gone, you should figure out if you want the same._

His words echoed in her head, but they were hollow words, like every time she replayed them, she still couldn't understand them. She expected her response to those words to be clear, but they were muddy. It was like she could see the answer, but just couldn't quite make out the words, like a highway sign in the distance.

"About what?" Peyton asked next.

"Nathan," Haley said with a bitter laugh. "Of all things. Oh, and our wedding. Before he left, he basically told me that I need to figure out what I want, like there was even a reason to consider that it might be something else than him."

That seemed to have peaked both of their interests.

"Ahhh, the fiancé is jealous of the partner," Brooke sang. "Can't say that I've never heard that before."

The way Peyton was looking at Haley made her nervous. Her eyebrow was kinked in that "I know what you're not saying and can see right through you" kind of way. Haley was the first one to break the tense eye contact.

"It's dumb," Haley muttered with a dismissive wave of her hand. Peyton's click of her tongue had Haley's cheeks burning.

"But does he have a reason to be jealous, Haley?" Peyton remarked coolly.

Brooke noticed the look passed between the two of them and narrowed her eyes. "What do you guys know that I don't?"

God, Peyton was really forcing her into a corner. She guessed that since Andy knew now and Peyton was also aware, Haley didn't really see much reason to keep it a secret Brooke. "Nathan and I….well, we, sort of… we kind of slept together a few years ago."

"I knew it!" Brooke exploded with a joyous smile, clapping her hands together. "I knew there was something between the two of you. That sexual tension…it was raw, but not in that fresh kind of way."

Haley tugged her fingers through her hair nervously. "It was just one night. We were drinking and things got out of hand and that was it. It meant nothing. I don't really understand why it would be an issue to Andy."

She'd lost count of how many times she'd said that and the more she said them, the less she was starting to believe them.

"I mean, would you be 100% comfortable knowing Andy was working closely with someone he slept with before?" Brooke asked carefully.

"If he told me that it meant nothing and that she wasn't a threat, then yes," Haley insisted. "I would trust him as he should trust me."

Peyton sighed, placing an arm around Haley's shoulders. "Look, I think you need to look at it for his point of view. You and Nathan, regardless of the fact you slept together, have a unique relationship. He's protective of you, which could be chalked up to just the nature of the job, but not everyone understands that kind of relationship. Adding the fact, you guys have a sexual history…I'd be worried if he was complacent."

"But shouldn't he trust me?" Haley argued back.

"It might be about trusting you," Peyton said. "It might be about trusting Nathan."

"Can I ask you an honest question?" Brooke pipped up.

"Yes."

"Are you absolutely sure it was nothing?" Brooke pressed further. "I don't mean to keep pressing this further. But I just think you need to be absolutely sure. "

"Yes!" Haley cracked, her eyes wild. "God, I am so sick of people asking me if I'm sure. I love Andy, and Andy is the one that I'm supposed to be with. What happened between Nathan and me was just sex. Once. A one night stand. People have them all the time, but apparently, when I do, it means that I'm suddenly betrothed."

Just like she expected, everything came crashing down around her. Emotions of all variations were raging war inside of her. She was sick of that one choice she made a few years ago trying to define her future. Her future was Andy and she couldn't understand why people couldn't understand that.

 _Who are you trying to convince, Haley, them or yourself?_ She wanted to scream.

"If I didn't mean anything, then why are you so upset?" Brooke questioned softly and non-accusingly.

Haley's gut twisted painfully. She didn't have a coherent answer for that. God, why was everything spinning?

"We're not trying to upset you," Brooke said softly. "It's just…you have to see things from our point of view, from Andy's. It just doesn't seem as cut and dry as you say it is."

Haley's chest felt like it was caving in. The urge to scream was still there, but it was like her voice was stolen from her. Everything was just so confusing, way too confusing for her to deal with. She wanted to shut down. Maybe the reason she was so upset about all of it was that they were right and she was wrong, and she didn't want to admit it. She couldn't.

"Maybe you should listen to what Andy said," Peyton said softly with that knowing glint in her eye. "And figure out what you truly want."

~x~

The basketball made a hollow sound as it collided repetitively with the asphalt beneath it. The sun was high in the sky, beating down on the pair as they maneuvered around the court. Laughter and playful smack talk are mixed in with the sound of shoes scraping against asphalt and loose rocks.

"So, she just changed her mind, huh?" Nathan inquired between huffing breaths. He crouched over, his hands resting on his knees as he waited for Lucas' next move.

Lucas dribbled the ball a few times. "Yeah. We had this whole gender reveal thing planned out for all the family and then we get to doctor and says 'actually, I think I want to wait until the baby is born.'"

Nathan laughed at that as he attempted to lodge the ball out of Lucas' hand. He was too slow.

"Doesn't that make planning for the baby more difficult? Like now you don't know what clothes to buy or what color to paint the nursery and all that good stuff?"

Lucas scowl could have been easily missed. "Yeah, but there's always like neutral colors and toys and whatnot."

Nathan pursed his lips. "Still pulling for a girl?"

Lucas nodded. "More so than ever. I mean the thought of having a miniature Lindsey running around? I can't think of anything better."

Nathan smiled at the way Lucas continued to gush over the idea of having a little girl and how no matter what the baby turned out to be, he hoped he or she had more of Lindsey than himself. Whenever Lucas got to talking about his family like that, Nathan felt a longing in his chest. He never thought heavily about wanting a family, like the nitty gritty details of how many kids he wanted or if he wanted boys over girls or vice versa. But he knew he wanted _something._

Once again, Nathan tried to snatch the ball out of Lucas' hands. This time he was successful. Faking left, he psyched Lucas out and shot the ball, smirking when the ball sailed through the net.

"I believe that's game, brother."

When they were growing up, basketball was their favorite way to blow off steam. It was mostly played recreationally until they were in high school. Both Lucas and Nathan played on their school's basketball team until their senior year when they won the state championship. They both could have easily gone to play college ball, but as much as they loved it, it wasn't about that for them. It was passion, something that they shared together and that kept them close, but they had other interests. Like Lucas' love for writing and Nathan's "I need to save the world" complex.

Occasionally, they would indulge themselves in a few pick-up games, just to spend time together or to get a work out in. It didn't happen as often as they would have liked because, well, life got in the way. But no matter how much time had passed between game, the moves and skills came back to them naturally, like riding a bike.

"You were always the better player," Lucas laughed, strolling over to where their things where. Plopping his tired body down on the bottom bleacher, he grabbed at his towel to wipe the sweat off his forehead and neck.

"It feels so good to hear you admit that after all these years," Nathan joked, taking a long swig from his water bottle.

"Don't get used to it," Lucas said, whipping the other towel at Nathan.

Nathan laughed, taking a seat next to Lucas on the bleachers. After the game, he felt lighter, less stressed. It was the perfect remedy to get his mind of things, like the cases piling up on his desk or _Haley_. She was like a gnat in his brain, popping up whenever and wherever with no mercy. Things were tense between them and more confusing than ever, mostly due to his own actions, but still there nonetheless.

Whenever he thought about his encounter with Andy, anger filled him to the brim. He couldn't understand how someone as strong and independent as Haley could be happy with someone as pompous and selfish as Andy. He didn't value her for her, he valued her for what she did to his image. Nathan knew he wasn't innocent during that encounter. He shouldn't have thrown Haley under the bus like that, but Andy was just so infuriating. That wasn't an excuse and he wasn't using it as one, but it was still the truth, even if he felt guilty over it.

Sometimes he wasn't sure how to define what brewed between him and Haley. There were some moments when it felt like nothing but raw lust. He wondered if maybe he was only drawn to her because he knew he could never have her again. Her words to him that she muttered a few days earlier sliced right through him and were right on the money.

Other times, it felt like something more than lust. Something deeper. He felt this deep-rooted desire to protect her that went beyond the simple task he was given by the Chief. He realized that he would jump in front of a bullet for her, on or off the job.

But he wasn't going to sit and analyze it. At least not right now.

"How's work?" Lucas filled the silence. "Any new or interesting cases?"

Nathan sighed exhaustingly. "Every day. You know what they say, 'crime never sleeps.'"

Lucas shook his head in disbelief. "I don't know how you or Keith do it, honestly. Going out there every day and risking your life to help strangers is incredibly noble and terrifying. That part I can understand and probably deal with, it's the types of things you see on a daily basis that I wouldn't be able to handle. Seeing evil every day? I'd go crazy. "

Nathan swallowed thickly. There were some days he felt exactly what Lucas was describing. Some of the cases he had worked through were brutal and sickening. Sometimes he could feel the physical and emotional effects on his body—the emotional turmoil, the stress, the restless nights, the nightmares. There were wins and there were loses, but those wins made everything worth it.

"It's hard," Nathan admitted. "It can be so hard. I don't know how I do it sometimes, either."

"Dad would be proud of you, you know," Lucas murmured softly.

Nathan smiled softly. "He'd be proud of you, too. All he ever cared about what making sure we did what made us happy."

"I hope he's happy," Lucas said quietly.

"He finally took that leap of faith and did what he always wanted to do," Nathan conferred. "I'm sure he's happy."

~x~

The pictures of Felix, Nicki, and a bunch of other people linked to Behind Closed Doors were staring back at the entire unit. The Taggaro case was like a complicated calculus problem, it wouldn't solve no matter how hard they tried to work at it. This Felix guy was a professional. He didn't leave clues behind and even if he did, he knew how to make himself stay hidden.

After that accident down by the bridge, Nicki fessed up and told them everything that she knew, which, unfortunately, wasn't much. Her only job was to pick out a couple for Felix and then he would do whatever wanted to them. Most of the time that fell under the category of producing a decoy couple to lure them in. Things were still hazy on what they were being lured into, other than the end result being murder. According to Nicki, he was obsessed with the idea of swingers. It was almost like a fetish of his, which explained the motive for selecting the couples that he did. Why he murdered them, they still weren't sure.

For a couple of weeks, the case had gone dormant. Felix appeared to have gone off the grid—either in hiding, or someone had killed him. The latter wasn't too far of a stretch considering he was also messed up in some wicked drug cartels, but they hoped for the former. Those couples and their families deserved justice.

Felix was silent…until now.

A couple was found murder with the same M.O as Felix's previous murders at a hotel further upstate. They were last seen together at The Coliseum, another swinger's club. Either he had decided to come out of hiding, or he had moved on to another club. They had to stop him now before more people died or they lost track of him again.

The air was tense as everyone sat on edge. It was nearing midnight and Keith had called them all in for an emergency meeting. That meant something big was on the horizon. The only time meetings like this were called was if someone had passed, there was a breaking news case, or there was a new break in a case that couldn't wait until the morning.

"Alright team," Keith's rough voice grabbed all of their attention. "There's no time to waste. We've been waiting patiently for Taggaro to make a move and he finally has. We need to move quickly and efficiently. I think our best course of action would be to send in Scott and James in undercover as the bait couple."

Haley and Nathan exchanged acknowledging glances. When it came to work, whatever it was that existed between them ceased to exist.

"We have no way of knowing who his new lookout is," Keith continued to explain. "It could be anybody there. Evans and Davis, I want you scouring that place for anyone who seems fishy or out of place. Once we locate them, Scott and James need to close in on them. This trap has to be set perfectly, or we run the risk of another couple getting hurt. Keller and Baker will secure the outside."

"There's a lot riding on this and there's also a lot that goes wrong. But the most important thing is that we need to stay alert and stay calm. No wrong moves or sudden changes. Our main priority is getting him off the streets. We'll worry about evidence and everything later. Any questions?"

No one said anything.

"We all know our places?"

A collective "yes" echoed through the room.

"Great. We roll out tomorrow at 7. Be armed and be ready."


	10. Chapter 10

So, this chapter and chapter 10 were originally all one chapter. But after I had finished it, it ended up being way too long and way too much all at once. It ended up being well over 12K words and I wasn't sure if anyone really wanted to read all of that at once. Plus, I'm neurotic about trying to keep my chapter lengths as consistent as I possibly can. So I cut it into two. I'm really pumped about what's to come in the next few chapters, including this one because they're super intense and a lot happens. I've been mapping these moments out in my head since I first came up with this story, so to finally reach them is exciting!

Also, this probably goes without saying but since I am a freak of nature and like to overthink every little thing, I am putting a little disclaimer here. Haley does some things in this chapter that are majorly OOC and were difficult to write because of how OOC it was. However, all of the OOC stuff is only because she is undercover and playing a role. It is all fake for the sake of the case! On top of that, as a part of the storyline, I had to write the most vile character I have ever written and I wanted to throw up the entire time. You guys will see what I mean when you read this chapter.

Lastly, just as a fair warning, Naley is going to be quite a slow burn in this story. They're going to be embarking on a change in their relationship soon, but it won't exactly be rainbows and butterflies. Lust is going to play a big role (as it already has been), but is it really just lust?

Alright, I'll shut up now.

* * *

Chapter Nine

 _August 18th, 2010_

Nathan leaned his elbows against the bar, surveying his surroundings. Out of all the clubs they had been to over the last few weeks, Luna's was by far the classiest. The liquor was top shelf, nothing less. No one step foot in the place without wearing designer, or at least cheaply made knock-off versions that no one couldn't tell difference after a few drinks.

The guys walked around in crisp suit jackets and neatly ironed dress shirt, ties optional, while girls glittered with jewelry and high heels. The whole thing was a little too flashy and fake for Nathan. People came here when they wanted to escape who they really were—spending money they didn't truly have of half-finished drinks and shots of tequila when they didn't even like tequila.

Nathan couldn't wait for the day they no longer had to step foot into that place.

The last few weeks hadn't gone as they planned, but then again, things usually didn't in this line of work. Felix was a lot craftier than they originally gave him credit for. Luckily, no new bodies had popped up, but Felix still left his mark in the form of drug parties and discarded paraphernalia. He bounced from club to club, never saying in one long enough for them to catch him.

Until now.

After a lot of late nights, research, and frustration, they finally leaped to one step in front of Felix. It turned out that Luna's was owned by Felix, under a pseudonym. It was also where his main operation was. It turned out that Felix was into more than just drugs and fetishes with swinger-like couples. He was attempting to build his own empire in the form of a mafia.

Because of the twist in events, they had to completely change their plan. They realized that in order to take down Felix, they had to do it in steps, working through the people that worked for him. Doing so meant more danger. More sacrifices. More work. Instead of just Nathan and Haley going undercover as a bait couple, they were all immersed somewhere in the inner workings of the club.

It took time and the help of the local police department, but they were headed in the right direction. Still, you could feel the tension between them all as they held their breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Especially tonight. It was now or never.

"You think Haley can handle this?" Clay asked, sliding up behind Nathan and placing a glass of Jack and Coke in front of him.

Nathan swiveled the bar stool and smirked at the sight Clay made. His dusty blonde hair was matted to his forehead with sweat and his white t-shirt clung to his body, spotted with various stains of spilled alcohol and juice. A dirty rag was tossed over his shoulder to finish off the look. Clearly, some people weren't too happy with their new placements in the assignment.

"Whatever you're gonna say…. don't," Clay warned with a pointed look. "We both know that becoming a bartender wasn't my first choice."

Nathan hid his smile behind the crystal glass, taking a quick sip of his drink. "It could be worse. You could be working trash like Keller is."

Clay shuttered as he tried to look busy, wiping down the bar and making minimal eye contact with Nathan. The last thing they wanted to do is draw suspicion. While undercover, communication was quick conversations like this, notes on napkins, and the occasional text messages.

"So, Haley?" Clay reverted the conversation back to his original question. "She seems to have her claws deep into this."

Nathan tried to keep his face level, but his insides were twisting. Haley volunteered to take on the most dangerous position on this job—get as close to Felix's crew as possible. In this case, that job took on the form of being seductive and vixen-like, almost like a call-girl. Nathan wasn't surprised when Felix's goons had latched on to her immediately, melting into her charm and tucking her beneath their battered, dark wings.

While that was good for the case, it worried Nathan. The guys she was surrounded by were sleazy, touchy, and disgusting. They did anything and everything to whoever they wanted. He knew Haley could hold her own, but he also knew how deeply she can get herself lost in cases. When she volunteered for this, he saw that spark in her eye, like she was only doing it like she had something to prove.

"She's cunning and smart as hell," Nathan stated. "If anyone can handle this, it's Haley."

Clay gave him a knowing look. "But you're worried, aren't you?"

"Insanely," he replied without missing a beat.

The house lights dimmed, cutting their conversation short. The music, which had been at a pretty low volume, increase sharply. Colorful lights bounced around wildly to the beat of the music as people cheered, gravitating towards the dance floor.

"Showtime," Clay muttered before returning to his normal tasks as a bartender.

Nathan swung his gaze over to the back entrance of the club. A few of Felix's men were already making their way inside, hanging on each other and whooping crude phrases at each other. He immediately squared his eyes on the dirty blonde one leading the pack. They called him Vegas and he was Felix's second in command. He had also taken a special interest in Haley.

It made Nathan sick having to watch Vegas hang all over Haley. His arm was almost always secured around her waist with his eyes leering at her in ways that made Nathan want to crush every one of his bones. Haley maintained a brave face through it all, playing her role so well it was almost Oscar worthy. Even so, he could pinpoint that little glint of disgust in her eyes anywhere.

Nathan rolled his eyes at the spectacle they made as they entered the club. They were loud and lewd, which didn't really come as surprise. Goons like them always had to make an entrance.

Haley rounded the corner with her head down, eyes up, and a smirk on her face. Her top was made of nothing but black lace, molding to the curves of her body like a second skin. The black leather pants she was wearing her high waisted, a thin red belt curled through the loops. Every piece of her hair was a perfect wave, paired with dark and smokey make-up.

Damn, but if she didn't look good.

Breaking off from the rowdy group, she slid over to the bar. She walked with a confidence and a seduction that Nathan knew the real Haley didn't normally possess. As amusing as he found her little show, it worried him how easy it was for her to get lost in this other persona.

"Can I get a martini?"

Her voice was as smooth as Tennessee whiskey and as sultry as red wine.

"And make it dirty."

Nathan smirked behind his glass as he took another sip of his drink. In his peripheral, he could see Haley eyeing him.

"A martini, huh? I figured you be more of a gin and tonic kind of girl," Nathan shamelessly flirted. He was vigilant in the way he talked, choosing his words precisely and keeping his tone illusive.

A few seconds later, her drink was placed in front of her. Wrapping her hand around the cool glass, she ran her nails, tipped with black polish, over the pools of condensation that were already forming.

"The night's still young," she cooed back. She made a show of wrapping her lips around the straw, giggling when she saw Nathan's eyes narrow. "Are you gonna be the one to buy me that drink?"

Nathan remained coy, licking his lips and dragging his eyes over her body. "I don't normally buy drinks for random pretty girls at bars, but I might just make an exception for you."

If they weren't working a job, he would have fully enjoyed this whole strangers-meet-at-a-bar roleplay thing they had going on.

Her eyes were twinkling with that mischief that drove him wild.

"I bet you say that to every pretty girl you meet," she crooned back.

He allowed himself to smile fully. "I'm Nathan Scott," he said smoothly, extending his hand to her.

Haley pressed her lips together in an effort to keep herself from laughing. She glanced down at this hand, one eyebrow extending upward. She twirled her straw around her drink for effect.

"And I'm not interested."

It was all too easy. Even with the dread of their job looming over their heads and spies literally surrounding them, they can find solace in a little bit of humor. Nathan figured that things like that shouldn't exist, not in this line of work, but they did.

Nathan held back his laugh, turning his body so that he was no longer facing her. If they weren't careful, that playful banter of theirs could ruin the whole mission. He didn't speak again until enough time had passed.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, yet quickly. His voice was barely audible over the house music that was pulsing through the air. He kept his gaze locked on the people dancing in front of him. Occasionally, he'd glance over at Haley to read her expression, careful not to seem too friendly with her.

Since that day in the lounge, they hadn't properly talked. They were so quickly thrusted into this job that it didn't leave any room for personal, or even casual, conversations. Any time they had to talk was infiltrated with information to report and what the next step of the plan was.

Still, neither of them had forgotten what had transpired—the heated words and salacious touched—they just chose to put it on the back burner. They had more pressing issues to deal with

For a few brief seconds, Haley dropped the act. Her eye's softened, warmth and color returning to the depths of them. It was amazing how who she was a few seconds ago looked nothing like the true Haley he saw now.

Tucking a piece of wayward hair behind her ear, she nodded. "I'm okay."

Without warning, Vegas appeared next to Haley. His arm snaked around her waist and hulled her into his side. He's got an overly friendly smile on his face, one that doesn't match the coolness in his blue eyes. Within a second, Haley's back to being the hound she was moments before. Her posture straightened and all the life drained from her eyes.

In Nathan's opinion, this was one of the most challenging parts of their job. It was like second nature, falling into step in usual habits. But those usual habits could get you killed.

"This guy bothering you?" Vegas asked gruffly, pointing a crooked finger at Nathan. He didn't take his eyes off of Nathan. Instead, they trailed over him like he was sizing him up, gearing for a fight. Nathan held back his laugh.

Haley fluttered her eyelashes at him, her lips rising over her porcelain white teeth. "Nah. He was just asking me what's good to drink here."

Vegas' smile dropped into a vile smirk, but his eyes remained the same. Nathan knew guys like Vegas well. They were territorial over every little thing. They were quick to resort to violence to get what they wanted or to protect what they believed was rightfully theirs. He could see that little spark like a neon sign in Vegas and it was directed right at Haley.

"Hm, that better be all he asks of you," Vegas purred, pressing a kiss to Haley's cheek. She didn't flinch. In fact, she showed no outward emotion at all.

Tearing her gaze away from Nathan, she smiled gleefully at Vegas. "Come on, baby, let's go dance."

Vegas regarded Nathan for a few more seconds, almost like he didn't trust him. Nathan can only repay the favor with a tight-lipped smirk. When they break eye contact, Nathan resisted the urge to gag and he knew Haley was doing the same.

If this whole police work business didn't work out, maybe they had a future career in acting.

~x~

The muscles in her cheeks were straining to maintain the sultry smile she had on her face. Her lungs were burning as she tried her hardest to only breathe in small quantities of air at once as the stench of cigarette smoke and weed were making her head spin. If anything was going to blow her cover, it was going to be an accidental expression of how disgusted she was.

She'd only been undercover to this extent a handful of times. As scary as it was and could get, she loved it. As crazy as it sounded, she saw it as an escape for her own life. It was a breath of fresh air to be able to take on this different persona, especially when the end result was usually getting someone dangerous off the streets. At least, that's what she was telling herself.

When Haley initially volunteered to be the inside man, it was a shock even to herself. The words flowed out of her before she even comprehended what she was saying. The skeptic looks that everyone tossed her way only helped her affirm her decision. She knew what the reasoning behind those looks were. She was the Chief's daughter and sending the Chief's daughter head first into a mission this dangerous was a death sentence.

Haley didn't need to be coddled and she certainly didn't want to be. It was a shame that her father's reputation preceded her and tainted almost every aspect of her life. Sometimes it scared her just how much she was willing to do to break out of that mold—like take on a job that could kill her.

None of her undercover positions had ever made her feel this…icy. The things Felix and his crew were involved in…they were so much darker than she could have ever imagined. Apparently, Felix dabbled in a lot of things—prostitution rings, drug cartels, murder, and fraud. People around him mysteriously disappeared constantly with no trace or any kind of evidence. He was careful and precise. The couple murders were the only time he allowed himself to get messy.

In the past week, since she's been deeply undercover in this operation, she hadn't laid eyes of Felix once. Instead, she was surrounded by mindless pigs who bathed in all the money, drugs, and alcohol they could possibly get their grimy hands on. She had a feeling they were the ones who did his dirty work, like the murders.

Out of all of them though, Vegas was the most repulsive, but he was also the closest to Felix. Haley wasn't sure if it was pure luck that Vegas had immediately taken an interest in her or if made her job even harder. From the first day she walked into that club, he had clung on to her like white on rice. All it took was a little fluttering of her eyelashes and some brazen flirting before she was in.

It was almost too easy and that was the part that scared her the most.

She was resting a red suede couch that was tucked in the corner of the upstairs part of the club. Vegas had dubbed it the VIP Lounge. This spot gave her the perfect view of everyone in the club.

"Baby, do a line with me," Vegas purred as he slid into the space next to her, capturing her attention. He forced his arm around her waist, pulling her into she was curled into his side. In his free hand was a small square mirror with two lines of cocaine neatly placed in the center.

She managed to control her urge to cringe and instead, flashed a flirty smile.

"Oh, honey, it takes me more than one measly little line to get me to feel anything," she teased, wrinkling her nose at the product on the mirror. "It would just be a waste of time."

She wasn't surprised when Vegas bought into her bullshit line. His brain was so fried from all the drugs he'd consumed over the years. Or, he was just naturally an imbecile who didn't know his ass from his elbow. Both were plausible.

Vegas stared at her for an awkward moment, a dopey smile on his face. He then started to laugh, removing his arm from around his waist and digging into his pocket for a rolled up hundred-dollar bill. Within seconds, the two lines of coke disappeared from the mirror. He tossed his head back and rubbed at his nose, tossing the mirror back on the table.

"Damn, damn, damn," Vegas chanted, his eyes closed. "That shit gets better every time."

Haley plastered a smirk on her face, one that was full of bad ideas and allure. Straddling Vegas' hips, she dug her fingers into hair and yanked his hair back just the way she knew he liked it. Pain was his kick, something that only further proved her theory that he was a sick fuck.

Somewhere in that mess of people down below them was Nathan. She could feel his gaze on her, following her every move. As irritating as Nathan could be, she liked the fact that he cared so much about her. Throughout this whole experience, he checked up on her multiple times a day and always reminded her that she could back out at any time she wanted. She'd never admit it to his face, but he was the perfect partner in terms of viability.

Pushing those thoughts out of her mind, she pulled Vegas forward until her lips were on his. Kissing him was vile. He was wet and sloppy with it like he was trying to devour her face. He tasted of stale beer and cigarettes, not an easy combo to swallow down. Every night, she just about rinsed her mouth out with bleach.

Wolf whistles sounded from behind them. In response, Vegas trailed his hands over her ass and gripped her hard. She wished to God she could pull away and slap him. Instead, she faked a moan.

Sometimes being undercover meant engaging in the most disgusting and uncomfortable things a person could ever imagine. Sometimes it meant making some hard sacrifices.

Even so, she wouldn't trade her job in for anything.

"That's what I'm talking about!" One of the guys shouted, followed by other claps and shouts of what they thought was an endearment. She felt disgusting, the odious and crude things they were saying seeping into her skin like poison. Scratch brushing her teeth with bleach, she was going to have to bathe in bleach when this was all over.

"Let's go back to the room," Vegas demanded when they pulled away. She never did have much of a choice when it came to him.

Haley smiled the best provocative smile she could muster. "Whatever you want, baby."

~x~

Haley's back collided roughly with closed door of the penthouse suite that she assumed was owned by Felix. As a matter of show, she sifted her fingers through Vegas' hair and allowed fake, girlish moans to slip out of her mouth. He was kissing her neck if she could even call it kissing. It felt more like licks from a rabid dog.

"I can't wait to see this ass bouncing on my dick," Vegas murmured into her neck, his hands dropping to squeeze her ass once again.

God, she could just throw up. Did these lines usually work on the girls he tried to hook up with? So far, she'd done a pretty good job at dodging his advance, but she knew that eventually, he wasn't going to take no for answer. She just hoped that the job ended before it reached that point.

Haley tapped his chest gently, but forcefully, to put a little distance between them. With a twinkle in her eye, she smirked seductively and clicked her tongue.

"You're gonna have to work a little harder for that," Haley quipped. "That doesn't come cheap."

He smirked at her in that way that made her skin crawl. A greasy hand snuck its way into her hair. He jerked her head back and forced her down until she was on her knees in front of him. Haley's eyes burned and watered at the force of the pull, but she gritted her teeth in order to keep herself quiet.

"I guess you're just gonna have to get on your knees then," he growled. "You, at least, owe me that."

Her heart was beating wilding like the wings of a trapped bird against her rib cage. Bile rose in her throat as her brain scrambled for a way to get out of this.

As if God was listening in on her thoughts, a phone rang. Haley recognized the ring. It was coming from the burner phone that Vegas carried around with him at all times. That was the same phone that Felix called him on. She sighed in relief when Felix dropped his grip on her hair to take the call.

"What's up, man?" Vegas muttered into the phone.

Haley rolled her eyes at the way his voice changed whenever he talked to Felix. He always sounded so proper and submissive, almost like a doting housewife.

Haley watched carefully as Vegas listened intently to whatever Felix was saying on the other end. Her hearing was strained as she struggled to make out the quiet mumbling she heard on the other end.

"I'm up in the penthouse right now," Vegas said. "Trudy is with me, but that's it."

A few more seconds of silence.

"Fuck."

Haley's ears perked up at the obvious distress in Vegas' voice.

"We'll figure it out. No. Fuck, Felix, I know. Just…okay…yeah, I'll see you in a few."

Haley took this moment as an opportunity to stand up and take a quick bathroom break.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm just going to freshen up," Haley replied with a quick wink. She turned her back on him before he had a chance to respond.

Closing the bathroom door behind it, she rested against it for a few long seconds. With her eyes closed, she took several deep breaths. Mentally and physically, she felt exhausted. She hadn't considered how draining it would be to spend a week pretending to be someone that she wasn't.

There were moments where she could feel herself slipping. Those were the scariest moments of this whole ordeal. She couldn't afford to fuck this up.

Walking over to the sink, she turned the water to its coldest setting and ran her hands under it. Afterward, she quickly splashed a little bit of the water onto her heated cheeks. Once she felt a little saner, she dug her phone out of her back pocket.

 _Penthouse at the Carlton. This might be our chance. Felix is coming up here to meet with Vegas._

Nathan responded quickly.

 _Julian and Brooke followed you when you left. They're covering the entrances. I'm on my way. Stall._

A second message came in a few seconds later.

 _Be careful._

It was go time.

~x~

Haley's heart jumped in her throat when she heard a keycard slide into the slot. She glanced over at Vegas who was laying on the bed across from her. His gaze never wavered from the door. A few short seconds letter, the door clicked and then it opened. When Felix stepped through the door, every hair on her body felt electrified.

She'd seen several pictures of him, but seeing him in person was eerie. He was a lot more polished than she expected—her gelled into a perfect style, black clothes all pressed and ironed, and tan skin as smooth as a baby. He had chains around his neck that were easily worth ten grand and a pristine Rolex watch on his wrist.

"You were supposed to send that shipment off to Calabasas yesterday," Felix said as soon as the door slammed shut. "I got clients lined up that have been waiting for weeks. I promised them they'd get their product to them by Friday."

Vegas swung his legs over the side of the bed and ran a frustrated hand over his face. "I thought I had. Everything was set to go, but something must have happened with at the office. I'll call them and see what the holdup is."

"This is a rookie mistake, Vegas," Felix berated. His tone was so condescending that Haley felt herself recoiling. "There is no room for rookie mistakes in my organization, you know that. You either do things right, or you face the consequences."

Haley watched as Vegas paled. She could only imagine what the consequences were.

"Come on, man," Vegas tried to reason. "It'll still arrive there by Saturday at the latest."

Felix shook his head. The anger that was burning in his eyes was intense. Haley wasn't sure she'd ever seen that kind of evil in a human before.

"It was supposed to be there _Friday_ ," Felix emphasized as he inched towards the door. "Which means we need to go to the office right now and figure this out before I blow your fricken brains out."

The icy hand of doubt traced over Haley's spine. The team needed to act fast if this was going to be the time they finally put him in cuffs. They couldn't just all barge up here, but they couldn't let him just walk out of here either. They were backed into a corner unless she came up with some way to keep Felix inside of the penthouse a little while longer.

She felt like her head was spinning and like her heart was going to jump out of her chest.

Felix opened the door and a lump formed in her throat when she saw Nathan standing there. _Shit,_ that wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to stay hidden in the hall until Haley gave him the word.

"Who the fuck are you?" Felix growled at him.

While Nathan remained calm and stone-faced, Haley panicked.

"He's a friend of mine," she quickly said, jumping up from the bed. "I texted him to bring me my…um…house key because I had forgotten it."

Felix whipped around to look at her and she felt her knees buckle at his dreadful gaze. If looks could kill…

"You gave some random guy my address?" His gaze then shifted to Vegas. "Control your bitch, will ya?"

With narrowed eyes, Vegas drank in Nathan's appearance. Then, a light bulb went off in his head. "You were that guy that was hittin' on my girl in the club."

He looked back at Haley with disdain. "I thought you said you didn't know him."

She was going to pass out.

Without hesitation, Felix grabbed Nathan by the shirt and yanked him into the room, slamming the door shut behind him. Nathan stumbled a little, knocking into the wall before catching his balance on a coffee table. For a brief second, Haley made eye contact with him. For the first time since they started working together, she saw fear and panic in his eyes.

"Who the fuck are you guys?" Felix yelled.

They both chose to remain silent.

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way," Felix said lowly, his eyes shifting between the two of them. "You're snooping around me for a reason. What the fuck do you want? Money? Drugs?"

More silence.

"You can answer me, or I can shoot you both right now."

Haley glanced over at Nathan for any kind of clue as to what they should do. He seemed to be looking at her for the same reason. If they were honest, they were dead. If they lied, they were dead. No matter what, the chances of them making it out of there alive was slim to none.

They couldn't even rely on the rest of the team because they were instructed to stand down until they were given the okay and from where Nathan and Haley stood, there was no way to tell them what was happening without screwing themselves even further.

Then, realization dawned on Felix's face and they both knew they were fucked.

"They're fucking _cops,_ " Felix snarled, reaching into the waistband of his jeans and revealing a gun. Haley and Nathan both tensed, throwing their hands up in the air, but Felix's attention wasn't on them.

"You stupid son of a bitch," Felix barked at Vegas.

"I didn't know!" Vegas tried to defend as he coiled back. His skin was ashen and he genuinely looked terrified. That wasn't something Haley saw often when it came to Felix's men.

"Of course, you didn't. All you saw was a nice piece of ass."

In a blink of an eye, Felix raised his hand and pulled the trigger, shooting Vegas square in the head. Haley screamed at the sudden sound, watching in horror as Vegas instantly dropped. Felix's other men barely blinked at the sudden action.

Out of instinct, Nathan moved closer to Haley. She was clearly shaken, her eyes wide and her hands trembling. The way she looked mirrored exactly how he felt. This assignment had suddenly taken a deadly twist and Nathan wasn't sure how they were going to get themselves out of it, at least not with someone else dying.

He didn't have a chance to think any further than that. He witnessed Felix raise the gun again, this time pointed at Haley. Before Nathan could do anything, the sounds of shots popping off and Haley screaming bounced off the walls. Then, everything went dark.

~x~

A repetitive dripping sound drew Nathan out of unconsciousness. It was slow at first—his eyelids like heavy boulders that needed more than a few strong pushes to finally budge. Once they were open, he blinked slowly, his vision fading in and out of focus. There was a pain in the back of his head like someone had struck him with a baseball bat…or maybe even a brick.

Groggily, he looked around the dark space. Above his head, there was a single light bulb that was dull and flickering. The ground he was sitting on was cold and wet, while the walls looked as if they were made of steel or aluminum. The air around him was frosty and thick, almost like a freezer that was set on defrost. It all reminded him of a cellar of some sort, or maybe even an industrial fridge that you'd find in a restaurant.

Directly across from him was a metal door. In the center of the door was a tiny window that was cluttered with dirt and scratch marks. From where he was sitting, all Nathan could see was a little space of yellow wall that the room was across from. Groaning, he looked around the rest of the place. It was quite roomy but completely empty. In the dim light, he could pick out blood stains and scratches in the floor and paneling.

 _This must be the place they keep all their hostages,_ Nathan thought bitterly.

It was a few seconds later that his eyes finally landed on Haley. She motionless, sprawled out on her back. In an instant, his tiredness was forgotten. Panic shot through him as he recalled his last few moments of consciousness—the sound of gunshots echoing off the walls and the sounds of Haley screaming. With his heart beating wildly in his chest, he scrambled on his knees over to her.

"Haley!" he called out desperately, his voice a sharp whisper-yell.

She remained motionless. Her skin was pale with a sheen layer of sweat dotting her face and neck. He crouched further over when his hand landed in something wet. Looking down, he felt light-headed with fear when he saw blood covering his fingertips.

"Oh, God."

It was one of those moments where his blood ran cold. There wasn't a single thought in his mind, only white noise and static. He could feel his body moving on pure adrenaline, but he wasn't conscious of his movements. Nathan had seen a lot of terrible things in his life, but nothing made his heart stop as fast as the sight before him did.

She couldn't be dead. Her life couldn't have fallen victim to a small lapse in judgment. Nathan knew first-hand how easily their job could take a turn for the worst. All it took was one wrong move, one poor choice of a single word, or even a second of being in the wrong place at the wrong time for it to all come crashing down. Even with that knowledge, he wouldn't allow himself to even think that that fate was a possibility for Haley.

Nathan was supposed to protect her. This wasn't supposed to happen.

Frantically, and with shaky hands, he felt around her neck for a pulse. As soon as he felt the thrumming against his fingertips, he collapsed back in relief. The numbness seeped out of his bones as the cold sweat had his body shivering. Her pulse wasn't at full capacity, but a beat was a beat, nonetheless. Nathan never really considered himself an overly religious man, but he was thanking every deity in existence in that very movement.

Regaining his strength, he checked over her body. Her black shirt on the left side of her stomach was soaked in blood and a little pool of her blood rested next to her body. Carefully, he felt around her side until he came into contact with a rip in her shirt. Swiftly and gently, he tore the shirt even further until most of her side and hip were exposed.

Nathan gulped uneasily at the sight.

He wasn't a doctor, so there was no way he could know for sure, but it appeared to him that the bullet was lodged in muscle tissue of her hip, instead of in any major artery or organ. However, she was losing a lot of blood and fast.

"Shit."

Without thinking twice, he ripped off his dinner jacket and tossed it haphazardly to the side. He pulled at the buttons on his white shirt, cursing to himself when his fingers slipped a few times, both from their incessant shaking and the blood on them. Once the shirt was free from his body, he quickly tied it around her waist, careful not to move her too much or turn her the wrong way. The pressure from his makeshift tourniquet wasn't going to be much help for long, but it was at least something.

Nathan stood up so fast that he almost tumbled over from the dizziness, but he quickly recovered. Walking over to the door, he felt around for a handle of some kind. He figured that they were locked in, but he was always good at jimmying open a lock without a key. When all he felt was flat metal, he kicked the door in frustration. A few more bangs followed, along with a few shouts from Nathan. He didn't stop until it physically felt as if his body was going to collapse. With every desperate yell, the pounding in his head increase, but that was nothing but an itch he could easily ignore to him at the moment.

He fell against the metal door. The coolness of the metal felt good against his heated skin. The relief didn't last long, though. He pushed himself off the door and started to pace the length of the room. Running his hands through his hair, he tried to control his breathing. Tried being the operative word. He always was a little claustrophobic.

He knew it was futile, but he checked his pockets and the waistband of his pants anyway. Just in case someone had forgotten something somewhere. As he expected, he'd been stripped of his phone, badge, and gun.

Nathan wasn't the type of person to jump to panic right away. He could usually sit down with any problem that arose and work it out like it was a math problem that had specific steps. But this…he couldn't focus long enough to even consider going through his usual process.

Everything had happened so fast. One minute they were seconds away from finally nailing Felix and the next everything was dark. Haley's blood-curdling scream was like a tornado siren in his head, repeating over and over again.

This wasn't supposed to happen.


	11. Chapter 11

Bel Aime: I appreciate your review. Truly. And I can see where you're coming from. However, even though Nathan and Haley are trained cops, they are human first. Them screwing this whole mission up, especially Nathan, was kind of the whole point ;) But again, I thank you for your suggestions/opinion/review. You were very kind and it is much appreciated.

Also, quick side note, obviously I have never been in a situation where I'm bleeding out, so I don't know what it's like. But I hope I did it justice. Also, I tried googling how long someone can bleed out before they fall unconscious but literally every article I read something different. I guess it all depends from person to person? I'm not really sure. So, for the sake of theatrics, let's just pretend everything is all good and dandy in this story, haha.

Also part 2, I may have mentioned this before, but I am currently, along with this story, working on the sequel to Colors, which has gone through some changes. It's a work in progress, haha. And then another little story. I have a few chapters written of both, but I'm trying not to post anything new until I get closer to finishing this one.

* * *

Chapter Ten

 _September 8, 2004_

 _Haley twisted her fingers anxiously through the strands of her blonde hair. Her heart was rapidly beating in her chest as she walked slowly down the empty corridor. Each step she took felt symbolic, like the path she was taking represented her journey to the start of her new life. In a way, that's exactly what it was._

 _She didn't understand why she was so nervous, though. Her decision to enroll in the police academy was her choice and her choice alone. It was what she wanted and she would have gone as far as to say that it was her dream job. But mixed in with all those feelings of excitement and the good kind of apprehension was a little sliver of guilt. It was like a small sore inside of her that chose the wrong moments to flare up._

 _It felt so wrong, yet so right to be in that building. Somewhere roaming the busy streets of the city was her father absolutely fuming. The series of voicemails he had left on her phone earlier that morning were playing on a constant loop inside of her head. The icy tone of his voice cut through her like a knife, leaving jagged marks that she knew would permanently scar._

 _"I just got off the phone with the director over at the academy. He so politely said to me 'oh, I didn't know your daughter enrolled in the program.' Now, I thought he was just joking because I know_ my _daughter would never do something like that behind my back. Imagine my surprise when I found out that he was, in fact, telling the truth. What the fuck are you thinking?"_

 _"Did you really think going behind my back was going to suddenly make me okay with this? If anything, it further proves my point that you are far too immature for this line of work."_

 _"Do you just live to make my life a living, stressful hell? Jesus Christ, Haley."_

 _"Answer your goddamn phone, Haley. I thought I raised you better than this."_

 _For a split second, after hearing those voicemails, she contemplated on not showing up the first day. She even considered the idea that maybe she was making a mistake._

 _Ultimately, her heart won over her head. This is what she wanted and she was through with her father trying to dictate her life. He could hate her. He could refuse to talk to her. Hell, he had already refused to pay for her schooling when she first mentioned that she was thinking of enrolling. She wasn't going to let something like that discourage her, though. Instead, she worked two jobs and saved every penny she possibly could._

 _She had earned this. She wanted this. And, she wasn't going to let her dad scare her away like he had so many times before._

 _The room she walked into seemed to stretch on for miles. Elongated rows of tables filled up the room, two chairs set up at each individual one. In the front of the room sat a podium with the New York State Police badge logo plastered on to the front it. Behind the podium was a flag holder with the American flag and the state flag hanging off it. Against the wall was a giant projector screen. It looked more like a conference room to her than a classroom._

 _Class didn't start for another thirty minutes—she was always early to things, but her anxiety had made her extra early to this—but there were still a few students huddled around the first few tables. They were whispering animatedly to each other, like they had known each other for years. Their prim and proper clothing had Haley feeling insecure about her choice of a t-shirt and jeans. Was she supposed to dress professionally and just never got the memo?_

 _Keeping her head down, she maneuvered her way through the desks until she found one that was empty and in the center of the classroom. Usually, she was the type of person to sit in front of the class, but she didn't have the guts to do that this time around. Insecurity wasn't something that plagued her intensely normally, but this whole situation had her feeling incredibly off kilter._

 _Most people would probably view that as a bad thing, but not her. To her, it meant that she was finally moving towards being free._

 _Time slipped by as more and more students trickled in. She kept her head down, the tip of her pen dragging across her notebook paper in flower-like doodles. Her nerves were jangling wildly as she listened to the hum of conversation around her._

 _"Is anyone sitting here?"_

 _She looked up at the sound of the gravelly voice and locked gazes with the bluest pair of eyes that she'd ever seen. He was tall—she imagined that he'd still be towering over her even if she was standing up. His hair was dark brown, almost black. The black sweater he was wearing was tight in all the right places, the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. The smile that was gleaming on his face was both friendly and mischievous. Unlike everyone else in the room, he looked approachable and was definitely easy on the eyes._

 _She shook her head and moved her things, giving him space to sit down._

 _"I'm Nathan Scott," he said casually, sliding into the chair next to her. His clothed arm brushed against her bare one and a shiver passed through her._

 _"Haley," she responded, glancing up at him with a timid smile._

 _Her initial plan was to just keep to herself. From what she had heard, the program was split into three parts and it was rigorous. Out of all of them, though, the classroom instruction was the most difficult to manage in terms of time and coursework. They threw a lot at you and in short amounts of time. She couldn't afford to get distracted in anyway, especially when she was trying to prove to her father that she could do this._

 _But maybe there wasn't any harm in making at least one friend in this journey._

 _"You have a last name, Haley?"_

 _His voice came out like liquid honey, dripping in finesse and confidence. His smile had shifted from friendly to flirty and her bones stiffened in response, warmth spreading through her._

 _An eyebrow arched when she didn't respond, egging her on._

 _She hesitated, unsure of how to answer him. She figured that most people knew who her dad was and were well aware of the reputation that preceded him—and preceded her._

 _One of the things that scared her the most was people finding out that her father was the Chief of State Police. The last thing she wanted was people thinking that she was getting preferential treatment because of it. Or, people thinking they had to treat her a certain way. She just wanted to be Haley James, the person and future law enforcement officer. Not, Haley James, the daughter of the Chief._

 _"I prefer to go by one name. Kind of like Cher or Madonna," Haley answered dryly, smirking uneasily at him._

 _A smirk of his own mirrored on his face._

 _"A girl with a mystery? That's hot."_

 _Her face flamed in response. She bowed her head to hide her rose colored cheeks._

 _His words were bold, but he didn't seem the slightest bit phased by them. There was no sense of embarrassment, only confidence. She could already tell that he was the type of guy who went after what he wanted and wasn't shy about it. That was terrifying, but also…incredibly attractive._

 _"Down boy," she replied coolly. "I'm not the type of girl you can just charm your way into with a few quick, smooth lines. I prefer to take things slow."_

 _He looked at her as if she had just initiated a challenge. Goosebumps coated her skin when he leaned in closer to her, amusement dancing in the pools of his blue eyes. She'd had many guys try and flirt with her, but none of them were as daring as Nathan Scott, especially within the first five minutes of meeting._

 _"Let me guess, you're one of those good girls. You know, the kind that follows the rules, does as she's told, white and pure…those kinds of things," Nathan teased, his lips curling into a half smile and eyes flashing with humor._

 _Every muscle in her body locked into place, her spine straightening. Her playful mood completely disintegrated with a few simple words. She knew that he was teasing, trying to warm her up with playful banter. Normally, that was something she'd join in on. This time, it struck a chord in her. Her enrolling in the academy was supposed to be her clean slate, her chance to break free of all the stereotypes and preconceived notions that followed her around._

 _"Let me guess, you're the type of guy who slept his way through high school. Or, you just flirted your way into anything and everything you wanted."_

 _In hindsight, she shouldn't have snapped at him. He didn't do anything wrong—she just took what he said too seriously. It was a product of her heightened emotions and his coy smirk wasn't helping matters._

 _"Woah, those are some heady accusations you're throwing out there," he muttered._

 _"But am I right?" she challenged, kinking an eyebrow._

 _Nathan narrowed his eyes, a pensive look on his face. The way he was looking at her made her nervous. It was like he was trying to see into her soul, picking around for the things he could use to push her buttons even further._

 _"Do you do this to every person you meet?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"Psychoanalyze them to form your own judgements without actually taking the time to get to know them?"_

 _His tone was light, but accusing. Her temper flared even further. She wasn't the type of person to fly off the handle easily, but she felt out of control of her own body._

 _"You did it first!"_

 _"Mine was simply a joke, sweetheart."_

~x~

"Haley!"

"Haley!"

"Come on, Hales, wake up."

Prying her eyes open took a lot more strength than she thought she had, but she finally managed. Her eyelids slid open weakily. A pixelated version of Nathan appeared in front of her as she blinked slowly, trying to rid her vision of its blurriness. There was a pain in her side that was threatening to steal all of her clarity. It was sharp and had her gasping for breath. Blindly, she felt around her body until her fingers came into contact with something warm and wet.

Blood.

Everything came rushing back to her at once. The panic that was coursing through her body had her jolting into full alertness. For a few seconds, with the help of adrenaline, she forgot all about the pain. Instead, she frantically looked around the confined space, her heart drumming loudly in her chest.

"Shh, Hales, it's okay, it's okay," Nathan consoled her as he slowly inched his way back towards her. His cool fingers skimmed across her as his face was contorted with grave concern. Without even thinking, she reached up to grasp at his fingers. Her eyes were wild as she stared back at him.

"Na-Nathan, where are we?"

She winced as the pain returned, shooting through her as she struggled to speak. Her free hand reached for the pain, fear settling in when she felt how soaked her shirt was. She didn't want to think about how much blood she had lost or what the damage to her body was. Right now, the only thing keeping her upright was adrenaline.

"Felix got the drop on us," Nathan answered uneasily. "But we're gonna get out of here, okay? You're going to be okay. I promise."

Nathan wasn't sure who he was saying that more to—Haley or himself.

Haley swallowed the lump in her throat as an image of Felix popped into her head. When he pointed that gun in her direction, there wasn't an ounce of hesitation on his face. She saw his eyes as he pulled the trigger and the way he angled the gun.

"He missed on purpose. He could have killed me, but he missed," Haley muttered through gritted teeth, clutching at her side again. Slowly, with the help of Nathan, she scooted herself until her back was resting against the wall.

"What? Why?"

"Because he's sick and twisted," Haley barked, clenching her teeth together and sucking in a breath of air. It was then she noticed his shirt that was tied around her. "Your shirt is ruined."

Nathan almost laughed with hysteria—leave it to Haley to be worried something like ruining his shirt when she's bleeding out.

"I'm not worried about my shirt, Hales," he said softly, forcing a smile on his face. "How are you feeling?"

Haley leaned her head back against the wall. The breaths she was taking in were through clenched teeth, sharp and short. The pain and agony were written in neon on her face, pale skin visibly clammy. Even through the pain, she was trying to put on a brave face, as she always did. No matter what was going through her head—no matter what she was feeling—she always tried to be stronger than she was.

"It hurts," she croaked.

"You're going to be okay," Nathan repeated desperately. "They're probably looking for us right now."

~x~

"This cannot be happening," Brooke gasped as she paced the length of the unit's office space. Her hands were wringing nervously in front of her.

The tension in that room was the highest it had ever been, as the silence was deafening. The only sound that could be heard was the loud ticking of the clock. Each tick of the clock was just a reminder of another second they lost of trying to find Nathan and Haley. In a high-profile kidnapping case like this, every second was crucial.

They had already exhausted every resource they had. When the shots rang out, they acted quickly and arrested every person they could, but they weren't quick enough to get to Felix before he had disappeared. Nathan and Haley were in tow. Every person they talked to either truly knew nothing or the information they had given up led to dead ends.

"We shouldn't have let them go in there alone," Clay murmured regretfully. "What were we thinking?"

"We were thinking that we needed Felix alive," Julian answered. "We were thinking that the less of us, the less likely we were to blow our cover."

"We weren't thinking. That was the problem," Brooke sighed ruefully.

Clay dragged his hands over his face in frustration. "Then, we should have reacted quicker to those shots."

"We couldn't,' Julian countered. "We were backed into a corner."

"One of them could be...," Brooke trailed off, her voice cracking at the end. Her hand covered her mouth as she choked back a sob, her eyes watery.

"We can't think like that," Chris spoke up. He was the type that could make light of anything, but even his tone was somber.

"You know what the statistics are regarding police abductions," Clay reminded them bitterly. "They're probably both—"

"Enough," Keith barked as he entered the room. His ever-present stress lines were more prominent than usual and he looked as if he was strung out on coffee. His red-rimmed eyes trailed over all of their fear-stricken faces.

"I understand how we're all feeling," he continued gruffly. "Things like this are never easy, nor are they predictable. But we cannot, we _cannot_ , sit here and think about all the 'what ifs' or how we could have prevented it. This is the hand we were dealt and we need to approach it the same way we do everything else. This moping around and assuming the worst isn't helping anyone."

Keith paused, blinking his watery eyes. Sometimes it scared the team how emotionless he could be. But it was moments like this, where he showed them just a sliver of how he was feeling, did he start to look human again.

"The Chief is on his way with help and we are going to form a temporary task force. Not only has Felix been placed on the FBI's list, but Haley is his daughter. This is no longer a normal police kidnapping. This has become personal. Until he gets here, I want you all to re-look at everything we've collected so far. If you still don't find anything, look over it again. If you find something that you think might not be important, bring it up anyway. We can't afford to miss anything."

"Yes sir," they all said in unison before brushing away their tears and getting back to work.

~x~

The adrenaline had worn off, leaving her body cold and lethargic. The pain, while still very much present, had become a part of her. Her eyelids felt heavy, sleep begging her to take his hand. It took everything in her to stay awake because she knew the second she closed them, it was lethal. The brick of the wall she was leaning against was anything but comfortable. Her lace shirt provided zero protection against its roughness, leaving her skin raw and irritated any time she moved.

"Are you okay?" Nathan asked after she shifted for the third time. He knew the question was relative—how could she be okay in this situation?

Slowly, she swung her gaze up to meet his. The way he was looking at her had her weak heart beat sputtering. His concern was palpable—his blue irises stormy and intense. Any tension or irritation that normally existed between them wasn't present. She had to admit that she kind of liked it. Despite the severity of the situation, she felt at ease and safe—something she wasn't sure she would have felt if she was stuck in this situation with anyone else.

"Just…uncomfortable," Haley murmured.

Carefully, Nathan lifted his arm and curled it around her. Gently and slowly, he angled her body so she was leaning against him instead of the wall.

"Better?"

She nodded, snuggling as close to him as she could get. Another shiver passed through her, her bones rattling. The temperature seemed to be on a steady decline.

Silence engulfed them, except for Haley's occasional sharp intakes of breath. Lightly, Nathan traced his fingers over her arm, his fingers scraping against the coarseness of the lace. Every time she shivered, another pit of worry burrowed in his stomach.

Nathan felt so completely helpless. He had tried everything he could possibly think of to get the door open, but it wouldn't budge. His mind was racing, scrambling to find something that he hadn't tried yet. When he came up empty handed once again, he almost cried.

It made the situation ten times worse when he reminded himself that he was the reason they were stuck there. He was the one who fucked up. As soon as Felix shot Vegas, he should have reacted. Nathan couldn't think of a logical reason for why he froze, he just did. It felt as if everything had happened so quickly, far too quickly for Nathan to wrap his head around it.

No matter the outcome of this, Nathan knew he wasn't going to ever forgive himself. He just prayed to God that Haley ended up being okay. He had all the faith in the world in his team, that they would get to them in time. Haley didn't have much time left and he refused to believe that her fate was dying in his arms. What a sick and cruel joke the world was playing on them. Just the thought of losing her had his chest tightening.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" Haley asked tiredly, filling the silence.

A hoarse and forced laugh rumbled in his chest. "You mean the time when you jumped down my throat for flirting with you?"

A weak smile slowly shaped on her face. "You totally…deserved it."

"I did?" Nathan teased, trying his hardest to maintain a lighthearted tone.

She forced a short nod. "You hadn't known me even five minutes before you were trying to get in my pants."

His smirk was lack-luster. "In my defense, I was a complete and utter horn-dog back then—"

"So not much has changed," Haley replied hoarsely. Every word she spoke came out slow and scratchy.

He shook his head, a genuine smile appearing. "You're right—you're just as hot now as you were back then."

Her laugh was dry and forced, painful, even. Haley inhaled sharply at the sudden jab of pain her laugh had caused, grimacing a little. As much as it hurt to talk, she forced herself to. It was the only thing keeping her awake.

"I was such a bitch to you the first time we met and I never apologized for that," she murmured quietly after a small break of silence.

"It's really not a big deal, Haley," he quickly dismissed. And, it really wasn't. Her sudden change in attitude had thrown him off when they'd first met, but it wasn't something that offended him or turned him away from her. If anything, it only drew him more to her.

"Maybe it's not to you, but it is to me," Haley mumbled. "I took my fear and anger out on you when I shouldn't have, even when you were being overly aggressive."

The corner of his lips twitched into a small smirk that only lasted a couple of seconds.

"What were you so scared of?"

His question hit her like a ton of bricks. There was so much in her life that she had opted to keep to herself, mostly because she believed that she could handle it on her own.

"A lot of things," Haley answered with a sigh, shifting a little so that she was curled more in Nathan's side. Her lungs felt like they were on fire and the pain was starting to move through her whole body.

For a moment, Nathan thought that was all she was going to say regarding that topic. He scrambled to think of a way to keep her talking, but breathed a sigh of relief when she started again.

"Deciding to go to the academy was the first decision I ever made that was solely based on what I wanted and nothing else. For the first time in my life…I felt free. But then I felt guilty for feeling free. How fucked up is that? I finally did what I wanted for a change, but instead of feeling this blissful happiness that I always wanted to feel, I felt guilty."

He was hanging on to every word, finding peace in the fact that she was still awake and coherent. The silence was what he was most scared of, even if her words were unsettling.

"My dad…he had left such nice voicemails for the morning of and they were all I could think about. It felt so wrong to be there, but I just wanted it so badly. So badly that I put myself through this emotional tidal wave of being happy, and terrified, and worried that my dad might actually hate me. Even carrying around that immense fear, it _still_ wasn't enough to get me to stand up and walk out of that room."

Nathan wasn't sure what to say. He knew Haley's relationship with her father was intense and strained for many reasons, but this was the first time she had revealed this much to him. Every word, coated with both emotional and physical pain, was slowly changing the view he had of Haley in his head. She wasn't just this strong girl who got dealt a few bad hands during the game of life. She was a girl with a dream and the biggest odds against her.

She was so much stronger than she gave herself credit for.

"Why are you so afraid of your dad?" Nathan asked carefully. "Why are you so focused on trying to be the person he wants you to be?"

No one had ever asked her that before and she didn't know how to answer. Her brain felt muddled with both fatigue and looseness. She was surprised that her weak body was capable of holding a coherent conversation. Although, her brain and mouth felt like they were on different wave lengths, words flowing out of her uneasily and uncensored.

"I don't know," she replied honestly. "It's just always been this way and I can't see it ever changing. He has this power over me and he knows it. The saddest thing is that I'm not sure if I want it to change. I'm used to this and I can handle it."

He wanted to argue. He wanted to fight back that she wasn't doing a good job of handling it. Forcing herself to be someone she wasn't in all aspects of her life wasn't healthy. Every time he looked at her, he saw the real her begging and clawing at her exterior. The real her wanted freedom so badly and he feared that that little spark of defiance would eventually burn out.

But this wasn't the time or the place to bring up that argument.

~x~

"I think I found something!" Clay piped up, anxiously waving for people to join him around his computer.

The last few hours had been tireless and long. They were working non-stop, barely stopping to eat, go to the bathroom, or function like normal human beings. Their eyes had been glued to their computer screens or they were frantically making calls, trying to get ahold of anyone who might have had even the slightest information.

The chief and a bunch of detectives from different districts had shown up a little over an hour ago. The office space was crowded with extra people and extra equipment. It was an all hands-on deck situation.

Jimmy was the first one at Clay's computer. Despite the severity of the situation and the personal connection he had to it, Jimmy was laser focused. Somehow, he was able to compartmentalize his emotions and focus on finding Haley and Nathan. No one else in that room could say the same.

"It's not much," Clay prefaced, quickly restarting the video that was on his computer. "But a traffic cam on the corner of 1st and Maine caught this car speeding out of the hotel parking lot exactly 5 minutes after the second gunshot rang out. They managed to avoid all the traffic cameras, but we did get a good glimpse of the license plate. I looked it up, and the car is registered under one Felix's alias."

Jimmy's face was set into stone. His eyes flickered over the computer screen, replaying the video a few times before he swiveled his gaze over to Clay. "Where was the car heading?"

"Back towards the club," Clay answered. "There's no way of knowing for sure because the car doesn't show up on any more traffic cams. They must have taken side streets or something to get where they were going."

"Hey guys," Brooke posed excitedly, slamming her desk phone back into its cradle. "I just found out that the club closed early tonight. They're usually open until 4, but Felix showed up and shut the place down…thirty minutes after the gunfire."

"Do you think it's possible that's where they're keeping them?" Chris asked.

Jimmy sat up straight, sliding his hands into his pockets. "We cannot let any possibility slip through our fingers. Half of us will stay here and look for more clues. The other half will check out the club."

~x~

The color was slowly draining from her skin. Lines of dusky blue and pale gray were weaved beneath the pasty skin of her face and arms. Beads of sweat dotted her forehead and the column of her throat. With every passing second, her breathing was becoming more and more shallow.

There was no way of knowing how much time had passed. The blood was still slowly trickling out of her body. His shirt that was being used as a makeshift tourniquet was almost completely soaked. He watched as she struggled to keep her eyes open, his breath catching in his throat whenever they fully closed. He prayed to God that they'd open again.

He was so full of panic and fear that he was calm. Every part of him was in over drive, sputtering out of control until he was just idling anxiously in place. He couldn't do anything but sit there and wait. He couldn't save her. He couldn't get them out of there. Nathan hadn't realized how much he feared a situation like this until now.

And, it was all his fault. The nagging voice in his head wouldn't let him forget that.

When he glanced down at her and saw that her eyes were closed again, he swallowed the ever-growing lump in his throat. Carefully, he brushed his fingers along the cool and slick skin of her cheek, tucking a wayward piece of hair behind her ear.

"You have to stay awake, Hales," Nathan remaindered her gently, trying to keep his voice as level as possible.

Her eyes slowly peeled open as she drowsily lifted her head up. The grimaces of pain were no longer present on her face. Instead, she seemed to be resting easier. Nathan wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"I'm s-sorry," she croaked, rubbing her cheek against his shirt. He seemed to be becoming more and more comfortable with every second that passed. The chill in her bones was slowly disappearing, and in its place, was this warm and comforting feeling.

"Tell me a story," he requested. He didn't care what she told him or what they talked about, he just needed to keep her talking.

"A s-story?" she echoed, bleary.

Nathan nodded. "Yeah, a memory. Or, maybe something that makes you happy. Anything like that."

Haley mulled over his request for a few moments. Her brain was fuzzy, making it difficult to settle on one single thought. Her lips started moving before she full processed what she wanted to say.

"My sister and I made a pact when we were in elementary school that we were going to name our first-born children after each other."

"Oh, really?" Nathan replied with a weak, amused smile. "Tell me more."

"Mhm," she hummed, clearing throat. "We used to have these plastic baby dolls that we would carry around. Mine was named Taylor and hers was…was named Haley. It was a running j-joke that our kids were going to grow up to be best friends, and then they'd name their kids the same thing."

She paused to swallow. Her throat felt raw.

"It sounds kind of silly when I look back on it."

Nathan shook his head. "No, it doesn't. I think it's sweet."

"I'm still planning on keeping my end of the bargain, even if she can't."

Nathan's interest was piqued. As partners, and even as friends, they'd discussed a lot of things. They'd shared a lot with each other. But something they never really talked about was their futures. It wasn't a taboo topic, but it wasn't one that came up all that often.

"Yeah, you want kids?"

"I've thought about it," Haley mumbled. Her voice had dropped its slight chipper and Nathan frowned.

For a few seconds, Nathan wondered if Andy was the person she pictured herself starting a family with. The thought left a sour taste in his mouth as he imagined it, but quickly pushed it out of his head.

"But I don't know...with this line of work…things like kids and families get complicated. Plus, it kind of scares me," she revealed hoarsely.

The idea of her having her own family felt like a foreign concept, like it was only meant to be a fantasy for her. Like, maybe, if she was born into a different life or as a different person, it would be attainable. Even so, she thought about it sometimes, but not long enough to make any concrete plans. It was just another thing on her list of "what ifs."

"For the record, I think you'd make an amazing mom."

"What about you? Do you want kids?"

She was deflecting the compliment, but Nathan let her slide.

"Yeah," he sighed. "I don't know. Sometimes when I see my brother with his wife and how they're starting a family…it brings me comfort. There's just something so serene and comforting about it. Like, no matter what happens or what life throws at you, you'll always have at least one thing you did right. You'll always have someone in your corner."

That was a recent discovery of his. He wasn't that type of person who grew up with the thought in his head that he would have a family of his own someday. It crossed his mind every once in a while, but he would have never categorized it as a _want_ of his. But the older he got, the more appealing it became to him.

"It sounds so simple and heavenly when you say it."

"Well, maybe it can be."

~x~

Brooke and Clay walked quietly up to the front door of the club, while Julian and Chris walked further around the back. Guns were in their hands, fingers resting on the trigger. Their bullet proof vests were secured tightly on to their chests. Neither of them had any idea what they were about to walk into and their anxiety was palpable.

Where Nathan and Haley even inside the club? Were they okay?

"Wait," Brooke whispered before Clay reached the door. She put her hand on his arm to halt him. Her bottom lip was between her teeth, concern melded into her features. "Do you think they're okay?"

Throughout her entire career, she had lost coworkers. She had watched coworkers get hurt. But this unit had become her family and losing a family member was different. Losing Tim was one of the hardest things she had ever had to go through. She couldn't handle another loss, and she knew her team felt the same.

Clay's expression softened as he reached for her hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. "Nathan doesn't crack easily and Haley is an all-around badass. They wouldn't have gone down without a fight."

Brooke forced a smile and a nod.

The club was completely empty and eerily quiet as they crept through it. The lights had been dimmed and the place was a mess. Half-finished drinks, empty glasses, and napkins covered almost every surface. The bar was hardly restocked, bottles of liquor in random places and off the shelves. It was obvious that this place was cleared out in a hurry.

"It's clear," Chris stated as he came through one of the doors leading into the kitchen. "The back parking lot was empty and there's no one in the back."

"I found a map," Julian said as he followed behind Chris. "And, I found something interesting."

Quickly, he unraveled the map on to the bar.

"There are a bunch of storage rooms in the basement," Julian said quickly, pointing to all the rooms on the map. "If they're here, I guarantee there in one of those."

"Let's go," Clay demanded, already heading towards the basement.

~x~

The shivers were back. Her bones were rattling inside of her, while her blood felt thick running through her. She was weaving in and out of consciousness, the lights around her fading. Black dots clouded her vision as her head felt as if weighed a couple of tons.

Her body was screaming for sleep. All she had to do was close her eyes and then everything would just melt away. The temptation was there. God, it would have been so easy.

Her fear was gone. Her rapid heartbeat was nothing but a slow song. Is this what death felt like? She hadn't expected it to be so peaceful and so…freeing. In the distance, she could see this happiness calling out to her, a vision of the life she always wanted. She had read so many things about people seeing this "light" when they were near death and she wondered if that was what they were talking about.

Maybe a couple of minutes of sleep wouldn't hurt…

"Haley?"

His voice sounded like it was a million miles away, but it still had her eyes jerking open. Through the fogginess, she could see his concern. It was a beacon of light in this hurricane, her last string of hope.

"I'm s-so c-cold," she stuttered, another shiver wrecking through her body and her teeth clattering. She wasn't sure she had ever been this cold in her life.

Suddenly, she was being lifted off the ground and placed in his lap. His arms wrapped tightly around her, seeming unfazed by the blood that had transferred on to his shirt. She felt so small and protected in his arms, like no matter whether what happened to her, whether she lived or died, she was going to okay. Her shivers had subsided almost immediately as his warmth surrounded her.

"Is that better?" he asked, softly.

Haley nodded weakly. "You make me feel safe."

Nathan wasn't sure how much longer he could take. Sitting there and being completely helpless was starting to make him crazy. Every time he looked at Haley, her heart ached in his chest. She didn't deserve this and he should have done more to protect her.

He had gone through so many emotions in the last few hours. First, there was panic. His adrenaline had him doing all sorts of crazy things, like trying to kick the door down or pry it open with his bare hands. Then there was anger. He was angry at Felix. He was angry at himself for not acting sooner. He was angry at his team for taking so longer. Then, there was defeat and helplessness. Those were the worst ones of all. It felt as if someone had reached into his chest and ripped his heart out, stomped on it a few times, and laughed in his face because of it.

 _Come on, guys. We're running out of time,_ Nathan silently begged.

"I want to be free," she mumbled so quietly that Nathan wasn't sure he had heard her. "Let me be free."

His face scrunched in confusion as he looked down at her. Her eyes were closed, but her face compressed. Stress lines were etched into the center of her forehead. She wanted to be free? He was scared to know what freedom meant to her.

"What do you mean?" He asked, a lump in his throat.

She groaned softly, pressing herself closer to him. A hand reached up to fist his shirt, like she was using him as an anchor.

"I'm just so _tired,_ " she croaked, a single tear sliding down her worn face. Her words were slurred and messy. She was talking in a way where Nathan felt like he was eavesdropping, like she was talking to herself.

"I just want it to stop. I just…I don't. This isn't what I want," she continued to cry.

The Haley that was speaking wasn't the Haley he knew. The guard she usually kept up had crumbled in the wake of her life. He couldn't…he couldn't stand the thought that she was saying her last words.

He wanted to save her, but he just didn't know _how_.

"I remember everything," she revealed softly, lazily. "Every touch. Every kiss. Every look. He's never looked at me the way you do."

Nathan swallowed the lump that clogged his throat. A pain that he had never felt before rippled through him, stealing his breath away. She was fading quickly, the color in her face draining and her words becoming harsher.

"I wish I could…"

"You wish you could what? Haley?"

For the first time a long time, she lifted her head and opened her eyes. They were cloudy and bloodshot, the life in them barely hanging on. He could feel it in his gut that this was the end. His eyes burned as tears jammed in his throat.

"Hales, please, don't. Just keep talking to me, okay? We're going to get out of here. You're going to be okay," he practically begged.

She shook her head, a weak and small smile flashing across her face.

"It's…you."

Then, there was nothing but silence.


	12. Chapter 12

Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews! This chapter was a bit of a struggle just because there were so many emotions that I had to fight through, but I hope I did them justice! As you'll be able to tell, things are definitely changing between Naley in some big ways. I mentioned a few chapters ago that this whole kidnapping scenario was one of two turning points, the second turning point is on the horizon!

Also, not to beat a dead horse, but again, I'm not expert when it comes to medical things and google only tells you so much, so please bear with me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy :)

* * *

Chapter Eleven

Nathan hated hospitals—from their sterile smell to the fluorescent lighting. They were always so cold, air conditioning pumping out of the vents regardless of what the external temperature was. Just like wearing his dress blues, being at the hospital as a member of the police force was never a good thing.

He trailed his eyes around the packed waiting room. Everyone on their team was there—still dressed in their clothes from the previous night with weary eyes that refused to close and grim faces that could break even the most solid of hearts. Haley had only been a part of their team for a short amount of time, yet her impact could be felt everywhere. She touched every person that she crossed paths with, with her warm smile, infectious personality, and strong work ethic.

She brought something to their team that they didn't know they needed and something that they couldn't afford to lose. Something that he couldn't afford to lose.

It was only minutes after Haley had closed her eyes that Brooke and Chris had come bursting through the door, paramedics in tow. She had been pulled from his arms, but he never let go of her hand. Not even when Clay and Julian had bombarded him with question after question or when the paramedics tried to pry him away for his own examination.

He just couldn't let her go.

Joining his thoughts of what happened were Haley's words, the ones she had whispered to him moments before she lost consciousness. There were so many questions he wanted to know the answers to.

 _I remember everything._

 _He's never looked at me the way you do._

 _It's you._

What did any of that mean? He wasn't naïve to make something out of it that it wasn't. But he still knew that it meant _something_. Putting their situation aside, the feelings that welled up inside of Nathan when she said those things left him breathless. Confused. Intrigued.

Deciding that now wasn't the time for him to be driving himself crazy with those kinds of thoughts, Nathan swung his gaze over to Peyton Sawyer, Haley's best friend. He'd met her briefly at their graduation years back and had only spoken a few words to her, but her tear stained cheeks had his heart aching in his chest. Her thumb was wedged between her teeth and her leg was bouncing against the floor anxiously.

Guilt and anger swelled up inside of him. A desperate cry was lodged in the depths of his throat as his fingers itched to punch something. He had promised so many people that he would make sure to keep her safe. He had promised himself that he would always put her before anything else.

It was one second. One second of a stupid mistake that he couldn't take back.

Acting on pure impulse, Nathan hopped up from the plastic chair he was sitting on and headed straight for Peyton. Without saying anything, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug. He wasn't sure if the hug was more for him or Peyton. He clearly caught her off guard as she hesitated for a few seconds before finally reciprocating.

"I'm so sorry," Nathan croaked into her hair. "I should have done more to protect her. I should have stopped it. And I'm so sorry."

His next breath of air was shaky and clipped.

"This is all my fault."

Peyton abruptly pulled away from him. Her large, expressive green eyes stared back widely at him. Confusion and pain swirled around viciously in her watery gaze. Her hands landed on his shoulders, pressing her fingers hard into his flesh as if that simple action would make her words stick.

"Don't you dare think for a second that this is your fault," Peyton said fiercely. "I know that you would never let something happen to Haley."

Another pang to the heart as flashes of him freezing and allowing Felix the opportunity to shoot rattled his brain. He almost keeled over, bile rising up his throat.

"I should have done more," Nathan stumbled out.

He wasn't sure where this sudden vulnerability came from—this sudden need to spill out every thought that was running through his mind. It felt good to let these things off his chest, especially to someone that he didn't know all that well. Maybe that was the entire point. Or, maybe he just found it easier to talk to someone who was close to Haley, as if he could absolve some of his guilt since he couldn't talk to Haley at the moment.

Peyton trailed her eyes slowly over his face. Fear and anguish were clearly having a fierce battle inside of him. He appeared exhausted, both physically and mentally. The life looked like it had been sucked out of him—shoulders slumped, shirt crumpled and dirty, hair ratted, and red-rimmed, sunken in eyes.

At the end of the day, Peyton didn't know much about Nathan. She knew about his _interesting_ past with Haley. She also knew that there was…something between him and Haley, and seeing his reaction to what happened only further affirmed her suspicions. His reaction and his pain went beyond cordiality and care between partners.

Despite the situation at hand, Peyton couldn't help but feel a little bit of hope in her heart. Maybe Haley would be okay, in more ways than just physically.

She squeezed his shoulders and tried to maintain a comforting smile as she spoke. "Can I ask you something?"

Nathan nodded shortly.

"Does Haley trust you?'

His eyebrows knitted together, confusion replacing his tired exterior. "I—I don't…what does that—"

"Just answered the question," Peyton requested softly.

"Yeah…I guess so."

Peyton's smile was a little brighter. "You and I both know that Haley doesn't trust easily. She tends to keep people at arm's length and she definitely prefers to handle things on her own. But you…she trusts you. She, to a certain extent, has let you in. And I can guarantee that she doesn't blame you for what happened. Not in the slightest, so neither should you. Trust in that like she trusts in you."

Her phone ringing in her pocket had them both jumping, leaving Nathan no room to properly digest or respond to what she said. Digging her phone out of her purse, she rolled her eyes in pure annoyance. Looking up at him, Peyton smiled tightly. "Sorry, I have to take this. It's Andy. Asshole can't find the time to book a flight to come see his fiancée, but sure has the time to blow up my phone, begging for updates."

Peyton stomped away, leaving Nathan seething for a completely new reason.

~x~

"Nathan," Julian murmured as he handed him a cup of coffee before claiming the empty seat next to him. "Are you sure you don't want to be seen by a doctor?"

Nathan shook his head, keeping his eyes trained on the steaming Styrofoam he was now holding in his hands. He'd lost count of how many times he'd scrubbed his hands clean, but he swore he could still see Haley's blood all over them.

"You were hit in the head pretty hard," Julian tried again. "You could have a concussion."

"I'm fine," Nathan barked.

Nathan heard Julian sigh heavily from beside him. They had been hovering over him since arriving at the hospital, constantly checking up on him. It was suffocating, yet he needed it. He knew he would've been worse off had they left him alone.

The only thing he hated more than hospitals was waiting. When they were on a stakeout, waiting was the worst part. Seconds ticked by like hours and every passing second had his nerves jangling even more. He was always keyed up in those instants, so full of adrenaline and drive that it drove him crazy. His skin would itch and his muscles would ache with the effort of trying to sit still.

That kind of waiting drove him crazy, but this waiting was worse. Exponentially worse. Haley had to be okay. She just had to be.

"Nathan," Dr. Ethan Copeland's voice echoed through the crowded, yet deathly silent hallway. His eyes were kind and his smile was soft, friendly. That only made Nathan more nervous.

Ethan Copeland wasn't a stranger to the NYPD. He had been the one to deliver the news about Tim's passing. There had been countless other times that a member of their team had been injured or in need of medical assistance, and Ethan had been the one to take care of them. It had become a running joke that he was their "team doctor."

Upon the doctor's arrival, Nathan had pushed himself out of his seat and was standing at full attention. His heart was pounding erratically in his chest, mimicking that of a heart attack. In his peripheral, Nathan noticed everyone circling around, their faces holding the same look of apprehension he knew he was sporting.

"Ethan," Nathan breathed out nervously. "How is she? Is she okay? What happened?"

His questions came out in a rapid-fire, barely allowing himself the proper effort to breathe.

"Haley's out of surgery," Ethan said softly. "We were able to remove the bullet. She's extremely lucky that the bullet was lodged in muscle tissue instead of any major organ. With that being said, that muscle suffered some damage. She may require physical therapy in order to repair the proper functions of that muscle."

Nathan's shoulders visibly dropped in relief, but he remained stiff.

"However, she's not out of the woods yet. She lost a lot of blood and because of that blood loss, she flatlined during surgery. Luckily, we were able to revive her quickly, finish the surgery and follow through with a blood transfusion. She's stable now."

Nathan should have just focused on the fact that they were able to save her, but he couldn't. All he could focus on the fact was that for a few seconds, her heart stopped. Essentially, for a few seconds…she was dead and that was enough to throw his entire world off its axis.

"Her body is still very weak. Her vitals are much lower than we'd like them to be and we're keeping a close eye on her. All we can do now is wait and act accordingly."

"Can I see her?" Nathan rushed out.

Ethan hesitated for a brief second before nodding. "She's still unconscious and desperately needs time to heal, but yes. One person at a time and try to keep your time limited."

~x~

Nathan stopped right outside of the door that led to Haley's hospital room. He didn't know why, but he was nervous. He'd been so eager to see her, to see that she was okay with his own eyes. Now, it was like his brain wasn't cooperating with the rest of his body. Between the racing of his mind and the shakiness of his hands, he repeated in his head over and over again: _you can do this._

Sucking in one last calming breath, he turned the door handle and stepped in.

For the first time since everything happened, tears welled up in Nathan's eyes. His heart, which had been beating numbly in his chest, felt like it was cracking into pieces. His lungs burned as he struggled to breathe, every fiber in his body shaking and fighting to keep himself upright.

 _This wasn't supposed to happen,_ he repeated in his head for the millionth time.

Dressed in a lose fitting hospital gown, Haley laid motionless on the bed. Wires were protruding out of her body in so many places he didn't know where to look first. Her skin was pale, streaks of grey melting into the contours. A thin cannula had been placed in her nose, clear tubes leading to an oxygen tank were attached.

Even broken and beat up, she was so beautiful. Her thick eyelashes rested on pale cheeks. Dark and curly strands of hair framed her face delicately. Plump, pink lips were parted in just the slightest way.

Nathan swallowed the lump in his throat as he inched closer to her bed. Nervously, he trailed his sweaty palms along the rough fabric of his jeans until he gathered enough courage to claim the single chair resting next to her bed. For several long seconds, all he could do was stare at her.

Guilt and pain threated to swallow him alive. The moment he screwed up was stuck on replay inside of his head. He was never going to let himself live this down.

With great care, Nathan reached for one her hands. Her fingers were cool and clammy against his as he ran his thumb over her knuckles in soothing patterns. He had come so close to losing her and that thought alone was too much to process. He just needed to touch her. He needed to make sure she was really in front of him.

"If you were awake right now, I know you'd probably make fun of me for me saying this…and maybe that's exactly why I'm saying it right now."

He forced a dry laugh.

"I've always envied your strength—the way you seem to handle every twist and turn life threw at you with such grace. Such strength. You're one of the strongest people that I know.

He paused to swallow, forcing that lump further down his throat.

"I need you to keep that fight in you, okay? This team can't lose you. _I_ can't lose you. You've become such a vital part of this team. You're the glue that keeps up together. You're the glue that keeps me together. And I know that you're in this situation because of me. And I…I'm never going to forgive myself for it."

He took in another shaky breath.

"I'm so sorry, Hales," Nathan croaked. "I never wanted this to happen."

Nathan leaned over her motionless body, careful not to interfere with any of the IVs or machines she was hooked up to her. Gently, he pressed his lips to her cheek. Her skin was cool, yet soft beneath his lips. He let them linger for a couple of seconds before he deflected them to her ear.

"I won't let anyone hurt you ever again," Nathan swore fiercely. "I promise."

Backing away from her, he wiped at his eyes. There was a small part of him that didn't want to leave her room. He didn't want to take his eyes off of her, fearing that the second he did, she would disappear. But a larger part of him needed to get out of there. Every second longer he spent there, the harder it was to breathe.

Ripping his eyes away from her, he ran a rugged hand down his face, which served as a lame attempt to try and compose himself. The urge to just breakdown was lodged in his throat. Shaking his head, he turned his body fully away from her and forced himself to walk out of that room.

Nathan stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed Clay standing by the window looking into Haley's room. He looked deep in thought, with his hands stuffed in his pockets and a pensive look on his face.

Finally, Clay looked at him. There was a knowing look on his face…a look of clarity that had Nathan swallowing hard. He knew what was coming—it had been a conversation he found himself having with Clay often. He just didn't have the energy to have it today.

"Please don't start," Nathan pleaded softly, closing his eyes briefly.

Clay shook his head. "The way you feel about Haley…it's none of my business."

Nathan leaned his back against the window, his arms crossing over his chest. "You mean, you're not gonna lecture me? Or, try to get me to admit something?"

Once again, Clay shook his head. "You care about her."

"Immensely," Nathan admitted softly.

"That's all that matters," Clay murmured. "The only thing I'm saying is to be—"

"Careful," Nathan filled in for him, rolling his eyes. "I wish you would stop saying that."

Clay let out a heavy breath of air. "I'm just looking out for you, okay? I'm not saying that you can't have feelings for Haley. I'm not saying that you can't…be with her, or act on those feelings in any way you choose, I'm just saying be careful."

"Why?" Nathan remarked stiffly. "Why does it matter so much to you?"

Clay stuffed his hands in his pockets and breathed in deeply. "Because I see the way you are with her. Because I know the fire that you're playing with."

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience."

"I guess you could say that."

On the tip of Nathan's tongue was the truth. He wanted to tell Clay about their past. He wanted to tell him everything that had transpired between them in that locked room. But other than the fact he didn't know how to phrase it correctly, it felt wrong. Like it was some sacred secret between the two of them.

Instead, Nathan just glanced over his shoulder to take one last look at Haley before looking back at Clay. "I don't have a clue what I'm doing with her," he admitted tiredly. "All I know is that I have this…intense need to protect her."

Clay offered a gentle smile. "Don't worry, I think you do a pretty good of that."

~x~

Walking back into the lobby, Nathan noticed Keith waiting for him. He'd been busy the last couple of hours, making the necessary calls and filling out the required paperwork that came with events like this. Nathan braced himself for the lecture he figured was coming.

For most of his outer appearance, Keith appeared emotionless. Every line in his face was carved into stone. Deep and dark circles rested beneath dark brown eyes. It was in those eyes that Nathan saw the emotions Keith liked to bury—exhaustion, worry, sadness, and a twinge of pain that just never went away.

When you've been on the job as long as Keith had, you become numb and guarded. He had watched so many of his friends, his colleagues, his _family_ die or lose their minds. He'd witnessed so many unspeakable things that it was hard to find something that made his stomach churn anymore. Somewhere down the line, all that pain and all that fear became locked inside of him. Cemented and forgotten until something is strong enough to rattle it loose. It's just easier that way, at least, that's what Keith liked to claim.

Looking at him now, Nathan noticed right away that this wasn't the event that rattled that part of him loose, but it came damn close.

"I just wanted to let you know that Internal Affairs has sent over the incident report for you to fill out," Keith announced gruffly.

Nathan scoffed, rolling his eyes. "They don't waste any time, do they? It hasn't even been a full twelve hours yet. Haley's future is still hanging in the balance and all they care about is the paper trail."

"There's no rush," Keith responded curtly. "You are also stripped of your gun until our team psychiatrist reinstates you. Your first session will take place during your next shift."

"I don't need to see anyone," Nathan rushed out defensively, shaking his head. His chest felt tight, but he wasn't sure if it was panic or anger. Maybe it was a little of both.

Keith's authoritative demeanor softened a fraction. "You know that it's protocol after an event like this. Haley has to go through the same thing once she recovers or feels well enough."

Nathan scrubbed a hand down his face, a scowl pulling at his mouth. He didn't want to talk to some police shrink that had never spent even a second on the job. He'd heard countless horror stories about how ignorant and stale they are, with healing methods that seemed like they were found on the back of cereal boxes. He also heard that they were absolute bitches when it came to reinstating detectives for no good reason other than to make their lives a living hell.

So, no, he wasn't exactly thrilled about being assigned to a therapist.

"It might not seem like you need to talk someone right now, but you may need it later," Keith explained softly. "It's impossible to predict how things like this are going to affect you in the long run and there's absolutely no harm in getting help, Nathan."

"I know that," Nathan muttered. "I just…it's not something I want to think about right now, okay? My partner is laying in a hospital bed, practically fighting for her life. Right now, my concern is Haley. Everything else can wait."

Surprisingly, Keith didn't try to protest. "Take your time, Nathan. Things like this are never easy."

They were both brought out of their intense conversation by the emergency room doors sliding open and the roar of a voice.

Jimmy James.

Nathan had been wondering when the Chief would finally make an appearance. It shocked him and pissed him off a little, that it has taken him this long. He figured that Jimmy would have been the first person at the hospital.

There was no remorse on Jimmy's face. There wasn't any worry, either. Only…anger.

"How many times am I going to have to say, 'this is exactly why I didn't want my daughter in this line of work?'" Jimmy barked at the other suited man following closely behind him. Nathan didn't recognize him but assumed he was someone from his detail.

Instantly, Keith straightened his spine and approached Jimmy. His features were completely stoic, once again. Nathan wasn't as quick to reach him.

"Chief," Keith greeted.

Jimmy glanced over them both, eyes alight and face buzzed. "What's the latest update on my daughter?"

"She's out of surgery and stable. The bullet didn't cause any major internal damage, but she did suffer from significant blood loss and may require physical therapy. They're keeping her for a few days for observation," Keith recited, giving him the cliff notes version.

Jimmy didn't look the slightest bit relieved. In fact, he only looked angrier.

"She's never going to learn, is she?" Jimmy growled, running a frustrated hand through his hair. His teeth were visibly clenched. "This job is all wrong for her. She thinks with her heart, not her head and this is how she keeps getting herself in these fucking predicaments."

Anger burned through Nathan. He didn't understand Jimmy James. He didn't understand how he could talk so poorly about his daughter. It was like he wanted her to fail. He was trying to take every little thing, tragic or not, and use it against her. To prove that she had made the wrong career choice. She could have died and all he can think about is his pride.

If Jimmy wasn't his superior, he would have clocked him a long time ago.

"How many more dumb mistakes is she going to make? I don't—

"It was my fault, sir," Nathan announced firmly, cutting Jimmy's rant off. He couldn't handle listening to another second of this. He spoke calmly, a stark contrast from the anger running through his veins. "Haley had followed everything correctly. It was me who reacted late to the initial gunshot. I failed to follow protocol."

Jimmy looked stunned at Nathan's admission. His mouth opened and closed a few times, like a gutted fish out of water. If this was any other time, Nathan would have capitalized on the surge of pride he felt. It took a lot to render Jimmy James speechless.

Jimmy straightened his posture, dropping the pissed off father façade and placing on the Chief of State Police hat. "Make sure to note that in your report."

His response only pissed Nathan off more. Jimmy didn't reprimand him. He didn't get even the slightest bit of backlash as he deserved. Before Nathan did anything he would regret, he gave him a tight-lipped smile.

"I'll make sure to do that, sir," Nathan grumbled through clenched teeth before excusing himself. He was suffocating standing there.

~x~

Nathan rested his hands against the counter in the lounge, hanging his head. Every limb in his body was aching, begging for some kind of sleep or relaxation. The rest of his body was threatening to shut down on him. His vision was starting to get blurry and dizzy spells were starting to attack him randomly. But he refused to let the exhaustion win. Not until he knew it was safe to do so.

Emotionally, he was spent. He had felt every emotion under the sun within such a short amount of time. When this nightmare was finally over, he wouldn't be surprised if he slept for a week.

Rolling his head slowly, stretching the muscles in his neck, he noticed the time. It was going on twenty-four hours since they first arrived at the hospital. He's not quite sure how many hours it's been since he's properly slept. Most of the team had headed home to get some rest, with the exception of Keith. He'd refused to go home, knowing that if he did, he would have spent the whole time worrying.

Never in his career with the NYPD, not even when he was a beat cop, had he experienced something like this. He'd lost a partner in Tim Smith, but he had never witnessed the life draining out of someone he cared about eyes. He never held someone in his arms as they fought to stay alive. It wrecked him in so many ways and despite his initial refusal, he knew he was eventually going to have to talk to someone.

It didn't help matters that he was still keyed up about Haley's father. Jimmy had never been his favorite person. His pretentiousness and corrupt ways had always rubbed Nathan the wrong way. Seeing how he spoke about Haley only made that dislike worse.

Sighing loudly, he shoved himself off the counter and dragged his body over to the coffee pot. His blood was more coffee than blood at this point, but it was the only thing keeping him upright. Grabbing a Styrofoam cup, he filled it up before reaching for the creamer.

A soft knock on the door grabbed Nathan's attention. Swirling the thin straw in his cup of coffee, Nathan swiveled around. Ethan was leaning against the door frame, that same soft smile on his face. His heart leaped in his chest.

"She's awake," Ethan revealed, his smile growing. "And, she's asking for you."

Nathan stumbled, the cup of coffee almost slipping out of his hand. Gathering his bearings, he discarded it, suddenly disinterested and no longer needing that extra boost of energy. Breezing past Ethan, Nathan practically ran down the hospital corridors. His heavy breathing and rapid heartbeat had little to do with the physical activity he was partaking in and more to do with the excitement.

When he made it back into her room, his heart soared at the sight. Instead of lying motionless on the bed, she was sitting up. Her brown eyes were tired and droopy but they were open. Color had returned to her skin, albeit she was still rather pale. The machines that were hooked up to her body made her look tinier than she normally looked and much more fragile.

She was okay. She was alive.

Sliding his hands in his pockets, he shot her a watery smile. "Hi."

At the sound of his voice, tears sprung to Haley's eyes. She was still a little groggy and the medication pumping through her IV wasn't helping matters. Her memory was even foggier. All she could remember were flashes of Nathan using his shirt to put pressure on her wound, the pain wracking through her body, quiet and quick snippets of the conversation they shared, and the look of desperation in his eyes.

Her last memory was hearing Nathan call out to her. His voice, which was laced with so much despair and fear, was still clearly echoing her head. Her first thought when she came to was that she needed to see him.

"Hi," Haley said, her voice brittle and rough. Her throat felt raw and dry, like someone had stuck a wire brush down it and scrubbed harshly.

Hearing her small, yet weak voice had the tension seeping out of his body. Slowly approaching her bed, he let his eyes trail over her until he had committed every line and curve to memory. God only knows how many times he let himself think he'd never see her again.

"How are you feeling?" Nathan asked hesitantly, reaching the side of her bed. "You look a lot better than when I first saw you."

Her smile was lopsided and shaky. "Tired. Sore. Confused."

She found it easier to speak in short phrases rather than full sentences.

That pesky fist of guilt punched him in the gut again, twisting tortuously.

"Do you need anything?" Nathan asked, looking around the room. "Some water? Another blanket?"

Her smile turned sheepish, one side drooping more than the other. "A hug?"

His laugh was short but heart-filled. A genuine smile crossing his face.

Gently and ever so carefully, he bowed forward until he was hugging her. His arms swallowed her as he tried not to apply too much pressure. Her arms, on the other hand, wrapped around him tightly. Her fingers clutched at his shirt as she sobbed into the crook of his neck. Her body fairly shaking beneath his.

Haley didn't know the precise reason she was crying, only that it was a lot of little things at once. The tears had seemed to crawl up her throat at record speed, overtaking her entire body.

"I'm so sorry, Hales," Nathan painfully whispered to her. The sound of her cries and the urgent way she was clinging to him had all that pain rushing back to him tenfold. He carefully slid a hand into her hair and buried his head in the mess of curls on the opposite side. Through the strong medicine and hospital-y smell, he caught a whiff of that scent that was inherently Haley.

"God, Haley, I'm so sorry," he repeated. His own batch of tears welled in his eyes, but he fought to keep them contained.

She shook her head. "It's…okay. I'm o-okay."

Time slipped by as they held each other. Their grips never lessened, neither did the safety or warmth they felt.

Haley wasn't drugged enough or disorientation enough to note the fact that things were different between them. Even the way she outwardly felt towards him was different. There was no animosity. No weird tension. She considered the fact that this was just an "in the moment" scenario—just the dark cloud of what happened looming over them. But right now, she was far too tired and weak to be trying to make sense of her thoughts.

The only thing that mattered was that they were both okay. The rest they could figure out later.


	13. Chapter 13

It's been a well, eh? Life has been crazy. In the last month, I've graduated from college, got a new job, and moved. It's been a while since I've been able to sit down and do some solid writing, apart for a couple of paragraphs here and there. So, that's the first reason why I haven't updated in a while. The second reason is that this chapter would just not write. I had such a hard time getting this chapter to flow the way I wanted it to and I'm still not 100% why. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that the dynamic between Naley is changing and it was hard to find a solid ground for them to stand on. I didn't want to progress them too far, but I also wanted the changes to be easily identifiable if that makes sense. Hopefully, it reads well.

Also, just a quick note, I've ultimately decided to change my name on here. I just can't take the spelling error anymore. So, if you were confused by my name...I'm sorry, haha, but it is indeed still me.

* * *

Chapter Twelve

 _August 26, 2010_

Haley was going crazy. The walls in her apartment were starting to form faces and the natural creaks and cricks of the foundation were starting to translate into English. It had only been a week since the incident and she swore she already watched every movie available on On Demand, read every book in her collection, and played every game on her phone. The couch she was sitting on had a permanent indentation in the shape of her body, she was certain.

She had never been the "lay around and do nothing" type. It was killing her to not be working, but she wasn't allowed to be reinstated until both her physical therapist and the team psychiatrist gave her the okay. Sessions with both of them didn't officially start until next week and she knew that they weren't even going to consider letting her go back to work until they'd been seeing her at least a week.

God, she really was going to end up going crazy.

It didn't help matters that she was having a hard time sleeping. Every time she managed to drift off, she was hit with nightmare after nightmare. In every nightmare, she was a fly on the wall of her own demise. She watched above as her lonesome body laid in a puddle of her own blood, shivering. The metal door which had sealed her and Nathan inside was propped open, giving her the perfect escape. She found herself screaming at the injured version of herself, begging her to just crawl towards the door. But no matter her efforts, her body just laid there, one hand outstretched as if reaching for her freedom.

Without fail, she woke up just as her body took its last breath. She would pop up in her bed, a cold sweat coating her skin and her heart racing in her chest. Her body would be trembling as she fought to gain control of her breathing, and most times, that simple act of breathing felt impossible.

So, yeah, it was just easier not to sleep.

She had almost died…how does someone come to terms with that?

The chiming of her phone had her eyes adverting from the TV screen. Reaching over to the coffee table, she winced and inhaled sharply when she realized she'd stretched too far. The wound in her side, while healing slowly, still ached and throbbed. She had to be careful in how she moved.

Haley rolled her eyes when she saw a new message from Andy. For the last week, he'd been blowing up her phone and Haley wasn't in a hurry to give him the attention he so desperately wanted. In fact, she felt almost…numb to his attempts at talking to her. He was the one who apparently didn't care enough to come back for her when he learned of her injury and that sort of complacency no longer had a place in her life.

He hadn't even bothered to apologize. Instead, he was smothering her with sickly sweet phrases and questions that he probably viewed as endearing, but she found nauseating.

Since her accident, _everything_ felt different. The way she felt about her world and the people in her world was different. It almost felt like as if before she was watching her life through a black and white grainy lens, but now everything was in technicolor. Well…most things.

While some things had become clearer, other things only become more confusing. For the first time in a while—maybe in her entire life—she allowed herself to admit that she wasn't…happy. She allowed herself to feel that suffocation that she had been fighting off for years. Her only problem now was that she couldn't figure out why.

The knock on her door sounded next. Breathing a sigh of relief at the much-needed distraction, Haley slowly slid off the couch and inched her way towards the front door. A half-smile broke out on her face when she saw Nathan standing there, two cups of coffee in his hands. He'd made it a habit to stop by her place at least once a day since she's been home from the hospital, even if it was just to drop off coffee.

Haley's relationship with Nathan was one of the biggest things that changed, in more ways than one.

Flicking the lock, she pulled the door open and greeted him with a soft smile. "Hey."

Nathan returned the smile, handing her, her coffee. "Two pumps of French Vanilla, no sugar."

The first thing Nathan noticed was how tired she appeared. There were dark circles under her eyes, which seemed to be becoming darker with every passing day. Her skin was alternating different shades of grey and hues of blue. Her hair was tossed up in a messy bun, the usual curls matted and lackluster.

"Best part of my day," she murmured, stepping aside to let him into her apartment. "How's work?"

She was asking both out of awkwardness and genuine curiosity. It was going to take some time before she fully got used to this new dynamic between them. Although, Nathan seemed to either be adjusting well…or, maybe he just didn't he even take notice. Her theory about her going crazy was becoming more and more plausible.

Nathan lifted his shoulders in a lethargic shrug. "It hasn't been too exciting. Keith put the unit on a temporary half service. All the big cases have been redirected to neighboring districts or to the gang unit."

"So, we've been neutered."

Nathan cracked a smile. "Temporarily, we've been neutered."

An uncomfortable silence formed around them. Nathan cleared his throat after taking a small sip of his coffee.

"How are you dealing with…ya know, everything?" he asked softly. They hadn't talked specifics about what happened. Instead, they just awkwardly skirted around the conversation, preferring to just sugarcoat it with pleasantries and surface-level explanations.

Her smile was meek. "You ask me that every day."

Nathan chuckled. "That's because I want to know…every day."

It was Haley's turn to shrug. "Other than feeling like I'm going absolutely stir crazy, I'm okay. I'm still in a lot of pain, but it comes and goes. But ultimately, I think I'm doing a lot better with this than I thought I would."

Nathan knew she was lying. It was written all over her face. She wasn't okay and she hadn't been for a long time, even more before the hostage situation. Over the last month and a half, he'd watched her grapple for control, little cracks appearing in her armor. She tried her hardest to cover them up, but he knew how to find them. Those little cracks turned into giant ones and he knew it was only a matter of time before that armor completely disintegrated.

He was going to be ready to pick up the pieces whenever that did happen.

"You don't have to keep checking on me," Haley murmured, diverting the topic of conversation as they moved into her kitchen. The tips of her fingers were trailing over the lid of the coffee cup languidly. "I know that you probably think you have some kind of obligation with my father—

The hard shift in his eyes had her stopping in her tracks. He almost looked offended, as if he'd been accused of a vile crime and she actually believed he was capable of such thing.

"You think I'm here out of obligation?" Nathan asked, incredulity flooding his tone.

"Aren't you?" she challenged, straightening her spine and leveling out the expression on her face. She wasn't sure why, but she was nervous to hear his response like she was expecting the worst. Since when was she nervous around Nathan?

Nathan gaped at her for a few long seconds. He supposed, that as her partner, he did have some kind of obligation to make sure she was okay, but that wasn't the reason he kept stopping by. He wasn't there to ease his guilt either, although he still felt plenty of that. He was there because regardless of whether she admitted it or not, she needed him. And if he were being honest, he needed her, too.

"No," he finally answered sternly. "I'm not here for anyone else other than you and me. What happened to you should have never happened and that's on me. That should have never happened and I'll never forgive myself for letting you get hurt like that. I—

Haley's expression softened at his confession. "You think that what happened to be me is your fault?"

Nathan swallowed thickly as he came to realize what he'd just said. He hadn't meant those words to come out the way that they did, but there was no taking them back now. Judging by the pained look on Haley's face, he really should have put more effort into avoiding that response.

"It is," he muttered when he finally recovered. "I failed to react to Felix's movements. If I would have followed protocol, I would have handled him before he had the chance to shoot at you."

He paused to take in a breath. He hadn't been prepared to divulge into that just yet, but here he was.

"I don't know what happened. I just froze. I've had guns pointed at me. I've had knives against my throat. I've seen so many horrific things and been faced to face with that same scenario time and time again, and I've never panicked. I just don't…"

Nathan trailed off, his voice getting caught in his throat. A few days ago, he had his first session with the psychiatrist. One of the first things he brought up was how Haley's injury was his fault.

Haley was dumbfounded by his confession. Looking at him now, she could see how much this had been weighing on him for the last week and it produced a small crack in the hard shell of her heart. She couldn't understand how he could put that kind of blame on himself, she certainly didn't. Leaning closer to him, she placed her hand over his, which was resting on her counter.

"It wasn't your fault, Nathan," she stated sternly, locking eyes with him. "And I don't blame you for what happened. I don't blame anyone except for Felix."

She wrapped her fingers around his palm, squeezing gently. "You did everything that you could and I'm grateful that it was you that I had with me."

Haley's words soothed over him, wrapping themselves around his worries and squeezing them until they dissipated. He glanced down at their joined hands, his heartbeat accelerating at the sight. Her hand was warm and soft, electric against his. Since the incident, he felt more connected to her, like he was hyperaware of her every move and her every touch.

"How did you end up consoling me?" Nathan joked, shifting the mood and smiling at her.

Haley patted his hand and laughed. "It's cause you're needy."

Nathan rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

Catching a glimpse of the time on the stove, she groaned. "I, err, hate to cut this short, but I have to go change my bandage."

Haley's stomach knotted and a wave of nausea washed over her. Changing her bandage had to be the worst part of this whole situation, even worse than the PTSD. Every eight hours, she had to disinfect the area, apply an antibiotic cream, and apply a clean bandage in order to combat infection. The entire process creeped her out and made her sick.

Nathan frowned at her obvious discomfort. "Would you like some help?"

Haley's nose wrinkled. "I wouldn't subject you to that. It's not…a pretty sight."

Nathan shook his head, already moving towards her bathroom. He wasn't someone who got squeamish easily. "Come on, you look like you're two seconds away from passing out."

"Nathan…," Haley protested, following behind him. "You really don't have to do this. I've been doing it myself for the last few days and I've been...fine."

Stealing a glance over his shoulder, he chuckled at the queasy look on her face. "Yeah, you seem fine."

Walking into her bathroom, he patted the counter next to him and began rummaging through her cupboards for the materials he knew he needed. "Despite what you might believe, it's not going to kill you to let someone help you for once."

Sighing her defeat, Haley leaned her back against the counter. Carefully, she lifted up her tank-top and held it up just below her breast. Taking note of the fact that Nathan seemed to know exactly where everything was, she eyed him suspiciously.

"Have you been snooping through my cupboards?"

"Absolutely," he responded quickly and as if it were no big deal. Placing gauze, the disinfectant cream, the medicine, and a new bandage in front of him, he knelt down in front of her. "Now stay still."

"Unbelievable," Haley said with a roll of her eyes. At least their bantered hadn't changed. "Just be gentle."

"I will."

Carefully, he slowly began to peel the bandage back. The muscles in Haley's stomach visibly quivered under his touch. Momentarily, he was distracted by how warm and soft her skin felt beneath the rough edges of his fingers. Fully removing the bandage, he folded it up before tossing it in the nearby garbage can.

When his eyes fell on the rugged line of stitches carved into her perfect skin, he felt a pain in his chest. Regardless of who's fault the whole ordeal was, she didn't deserve that scar that was going to exist on her body for the rest of her life. He figured that the gravity of everything was going to follow them around for a while.

He traced his fingers over the rough skin as he fought the urge to press soft kisses to her flesh.

It was then that Nathan noticed she was shaking, breaking him out of whatever trance he was in. Looking up at her, he soothingly splayed his fingers across the flush skin of her stomach. Her eyes were snapped shut and she was gnawing roughly on the inside of her cheeks. "Relax, Hales. I'm not going to hurt you."

"I k-know," she stuttered. Another shiver ran through her, but this time it wasn't from her fear or apprehension. "It's just…I'm sorry."

"Just breathe," Nathan reminded her as he reached for the gauze and the disinfectant cream.

The brush of his fingers were slow and delicately as he cleaned around the stitches. With every caress, Haley felt her body begin to relax, the tension and fear seeping from her bones.

Haley couldn't take her eyes off of him—the concerned yet gentle look of concentration on his face and the intense way he was tending to her. Goosebumps rose on her skin with every light touch and she resisted the urge to shiver. The calloused tips of his fingers nipped at her skin deliciously, spreading heat throughout the length of her body.

Haley didn't know what was happening. All she knew was that the air around them seemed to be cackling, at least it was to her. Heat was spreading through her body and she felt herself quivering again. She liked the feel of his hands on her body.

After he applied the medicine and secured the new bandage over her wound, Nathan looked up at her with a kind smile. "Alright, I think you're all good."

Haley could only nod. Someone had stolen her voice.

It wasn't until he straightened to his full height did Haley realize just how close they were. Nathan seemed to be unfazed by their closeness as he reached behind her to dispose of the gauze, bringing their bodies slightly closer. If she moved her head a couple of short inches, her head would be resting on his chest.

Her breath hitched in her throat when they locked eyes. But the intense look in his eyes told her that she wasn't the only feeling the…whatever the hell it was forming between them. She was always amazed at how blue his eyes were. Their oceanic color was mesmerizing, drawing her in until she felt like she was drowning.

These thoughts about Nathan came by surprise, practically knocking her on her feet. From the first moment they met, Haley felt that pull between them. It was easy to suppress when he was being a cocky asshole, or when she remembered what wanting him meant for the empire of her life she had spent so much time trying to build.

None of those things seemed to matter now.

Haley's eyes fluttered when his hand gently brushed along the side of her face. She felt his long fingers weave into the thick strands of her hair at the back of her neck while his palm cradled her cheek. She almost purred at the feeling of his fingers massaging the back of her head with firm strokes.

It shocked her beyond the fear that the only clear thought in her head was "please kiss me."

Shouldn't she be backing away? This was Nathan. This was her partner—the one who infuriated her. The one who took any chance he could get to rile her up or get under her skin. He was the one who she vowed she would never find herself in a situation like this one again. Not to mention, she had a fiancé.

 _Yeah, one who seems to not give a shit about you._

It was like she couldn't move and better yet, she didn't want to. Her lips ached with the need to feel his pressed against hers. She could still vividly remember what it was like to kiss him. He was always so gentle, even when he was being aggressive.

"Hales?" His voice was a gravelly murmur that had her entire body tingling. He was asking for permission and that alone had her weakening. There wasn't an ounce of hesitation in her nod.

Haley watched in rapture as he leaned closer to her with his eyes closed and his lips parting. Her eyes fell closed when their foreheads touched and the edge of Nathan's nose slipped against hers. He was just about to…

The dinging of his phone had them both jumping apart, like the spark that had drawn them in decided to burn them. Nathan cleared his throat and back away from her awkwardly, instantly feeling a cool and empty feeling crawl inside of him.

Glancing at the screen, his shoulders sagged and he looked at her with a slight frown. "Um, I should get going. It's work."

There was a part of him that was disappointed in the interruption. But then, there was another part of him that was glad to get out of there. The air was thick with that familiar sexual tension and if he stayed any longer, he feared he would do something that would screw everything up.

Biting on her bottom lip, Haley nodded in understanding. Her heart was still racing and her knees felt like they were seconds away from crumbling beneath her. The thoughts in her head weren't making any sense to her and everything felt…dreamlike.

Nathan forced a smile and turned to leave before stopping, an idea suddenly popping into his head. "Uh, wait, I think I might know how to solve your little stir crazy problem."

"How?" she croaked, silently chastising herself.

"First, how about you shower, since you know you're starting to stink?" he joked, effectively lightening the mood.

"Ha-ha," she deadpanned with a roll of her eyes. She still felt shaky, but it was slowly subsiding.

"And I'll invite the rest of the team over to here for a small…get together. Nothing too big, just a couple of pizzas and snack food. I think we could all use something to…relieve the stress."

~x~

The mini-party that Nathan had set up was in full swing. Boxes of pizza and wings, along with containers of salad and cheesy bread were set up on Haley's kitchen table. The light and airy sound of music floated around them, quiet enough to comfortably converse, but loud enough to be heard. Bottles of wine and opened cases of beer were lined up neatly against the back-kitchen wall,

Nathan was busy pouring chips into plastic bowls, trying to push the thoughts of earlier out of his head. Thoughts that had been festering and burrowing their way through his brain until they were the only thing he could focus on.

He'd almost kissed Haley earlier, something that he hadn't been expecting. Things had been different between them lately—confusing, intense, cordial, easy…just to name a few adjectives. Between the cryptic phrases she had whispered to him moments before she lost consciousness and their almost kiss…he felt like he was going crazy.

He almost missed the animosity that usually outlined their relationship. The banter, the getting under her skin, the clawing at each other's throats…that was safe. He could handle that with ease and confidence. This…he didn't know how to handle. It felt almost twisted because, in the deep confines of his subconscious, he longed for something _different_ to exist between them. Now that something different was there, he was lost. Haley was still with Andy and he wanted to be respectful of that, even if he couldn't stand the guy. He also knew that Haley was stubborn. She was complex. There would be no way that she would just jump into his arms…or his bed, again.

What the hell was he supposed to do? Was he just supposed to ignore these strange and foreign feelings that seemed to burst open inside of him? Was he supposed to act on them? Normally, that would probably be the option he ended up choosing. He never gave a fuck whether or not a girl was with someone else. This was different though, Haley was different.

Luckily, he didn't have to ponder those thoughts anymore as he spotted Peyton making her way into the kitchen. She was holding a half-full glass of wine in her hands, smiling kindly at him with her eyes.

"Hey," he greeted her.

"I just came in here to say thank-you," Peyton said softly before reaching across the counter to grab the uncorked bottle of Rosé "And to get more wine."

Nathan chuckled, crumpling up the now-empty bag of Lays and tossing it into the trash. "Thank me?"

Peyton nodded, glancing over at him. "For being there for Haley."

"Oh," he mumbled with a shrug. "You don't need to thank me. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now."

"That's not exactly what I meant," Peyton mumbled, drumming her fingernails over the side of her glass. "I mean, I do thank you for being there for her through this…horrible incident. But I just meant more in general."

Nathan tilted his head, perplexed. "What do you mean?"

Peyton sighed, brushing a blonde curl out of her face. If Haley found out what she was doing right now, she was a dead woman.

"You and I both know that Haley…she's got a lot going on in that head of hers," Peyton began to explain. "She gets lost in her own head and it can be a real bitch getting her out of that state. She's a stubborn one."

A knowing huffed expelled from Nathan.

"But, since you became her partner…I've noticed a change in her," Peyton continued. "It's a super tiny one—one that you probably wouldn't have noticed unless you know her as well as I do—but it's there. For the first time in a long time, I think she's finally starting to fight for what she wants her life to be, not what her father wants, even if she doesn't realize it yet."

Nathan chuckled tensely, a lump forming in his throat. He shifted uncomfortably, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. "I don't know if I can take that kind of credit. Haley's strong and I know that hold her dad has on her is…pretty strong, too, but she's got that fight in her. She always has."

"Yeah, but sometimes even the strongest people need a little bit of an incentive."

"Yeah," Nathan breathed in agreement, still not quite letting himself believe wholeheartedly in what Peyton was saying.

Peyton smiled a half-smile. She found it both amusing and a little calamitous that Nathan couldn't see the impact he had on Haley. Neither of them could see the impact they had on each other.

"Can I ask you something?"

Nathan, who was now leaning his hip against the counter and deep in thought, nodded. "Sure."

"Do you have feelings for her?"

Peyton wouldn't allow herself to think that she was crazy. She couldn't be. She knew what she saw in that hospital and she knew what she saw in Haley, regardless of her constant effort to hide it. She just needed affirmation.

Nathan paled. His mouth felt dry and he was sure his jaw was unhinged, he just couldn't feel it. Out of all the things she could have asked him, that was the last thing he was expecting. The scary thing was that right away, he knew his answer…he just didn't know that was his answer, or how to accurately convey it.

"You know, you say a lot when you don't say anything at all," Peyton teased him with a pointed look.

Nathan chuckled nervously, gliding his hands into his pockets. The stammering of his heartbeat provided the perfect soundtrack to what he was about to say. It was something that he hadn't thought much about, just because it was something that felt so inherently natural. It always existed inside of him, like need to breathe, he just hadn't admitted. He didn't think he needed to.

Now the blinders were off. Now everything felt clear, clean, and fresh.

"Do you want the honest answer?" He murmured shyly.

"If I didn't, I would have never asked."

Nathan smiled humorously. "I take it you know about our…dirty laundry."

Peyton kinked a light eyebrow. "Dirty is one way to put it."

"She didn't slam my performance, did she?" Nathan asked with an awkward chuckle. It was more to delay the inevitable than it was because he was genuinely curious about that.

Peyton winked. "Sorry, that's confidential."

They both shared a laugh before the seriousness of their conversation came creeping back in. Nathan took in a shuddering breath. He was nervous and he didn't get nervous often.

"I think…I think I've always had a soft spot of her," Nathan admitted quietly, timidly. "And I think I always will."

Peyton smiled softly, triumphantly. Anyone could see how much Nathan cared deeply for Haley. It was in the way he looked at her, the way was quick to come to her defense, and in the way, he acted around her. It was the same thing where Haley was concerned. It was just nice to have verbal confirmation.

"Fight for her," Peyton told him sternly. "Even if you're losing."

Nathan stared back at her intently, a chill sliding down his spine and goosebumps rising on his skin. "Even if I'm losing?"

Peyton nodded. "Promise me that you won't let her slip away."

Nathan swallowed thickly before finally nodded. "Okay."

~x~

Nathan smiled at the sight before him. Haley, lounging in the center of her studio couch, was laughing at animatedly at some story Chris was telling. Judging by the expressions on Brooke and Peyton's faces, it was one of his wilder ones. Her eyes were shining with pure excitement and life again, something that he feared he wouldn't see again. Or, at least, not for a long time. Color had returned to her skin, her cheeks flushing from the excitement.

Sitting on the smaller love seat were Julian and Clay. Nathan chuckled every time they interjected comments into Chris story, causing more roars of laughter to erupt from the girls.

It was one of those moments where Nathan wished he could capture it in a photo and frame it.

Nathan couldn't recall the last time they'd all been together like this in a lax environment. There was no underlying stress. No weird tension. Nothing but the genuine happiness and comfort that came from being around each other.

Hearing a soft knock on Haley's door, Nathan turned and walked towards it. Figuring it was probably Lucas and Lindsey, he swung it open without checking who it was. It only took a second before he regretted that decision. The happiness he'd been feeling moments before was instantly replaced with anger.

Standing in the doorway to Haley's apartment was Andy. Judging by the pale and stone look on his face, Andy wasn't expecting Nathan to be standing behind the door, either.

"Where's my fiancée?" Andy asked with thick disdain. His eyes were narrow, chest puffed out and spine straight. Nathan almost chuckled at the obvious way Andy tried to appear threatening. He really had some fucking nerve.

Leaning against the doorframe, Nathan crossed his arms over his chest and smirked. He knew what he was about to say was only going to add fuel to the fire, but the words slipped about before he could change his mind. "In bed…waiting for me."

Anger flashed across Andy's face, his jaw clicking. Nathan had to refrain from laughing and subsequently, punching his face in.

"Heard you weren't scratching her itch right and I figured, since you know, you had more _pressing_ issues to deal with, I'd step in."

Nathan was flirting with fire and he knew it was doing it unfairly. He didn't care, though. He wasn't a fan of Andy, to begin with, but his actions over the last week had sealed the deal. Haley almost died and instead of dropping everything—like a good and decent fiancé, even person would do—he went on as if nothing was wrong.

Haley didn't deserve that and Nathan would be damned if he let someone get away with hurting her like that.

Andy snarled, his fingers curling into fists. Nathan kept the smirk on his face, goading him even further. He knew he was safe. It wasn't like Andy was going to hit him. He didn't have the balls, even if he tried to pretend that he did.

Just as Nathan expected, Andy tried to brush past him to get into Haley's apartment. There was no way he was going to let that happen.

"Ah-ah, I don't think so," Nathan protested, giving him a gentle shove back.

Andy's eyes narrowed and his face flushed with vexation. "I don't know what you think you're doing, but it's not going to work. Do you think you can just swoop in here and take my girl from me? You think you could just swoop in when she was vulnerable, check up on her and show her that you care?"

Nathan could have strangled him. Andy's constant desire to reduce Haley down to a mere object that he got to pick and choose when he wanted to use was infuriating. It became increasingly clear that he didn't care about Haley or their relationship, he cared about the power trip. He cared about the label and the way it benefitted him. He prayed to God that Haley figured out that sooner, rather than later.

"Someone needed to," Nathan finally retorted disdainfully. "Since her _fiancé_ was nowhere to be found."

Nathan knew in his heart that at the of the day, Haley didn't need anyone. She was strong enough to get through anything. But he also knew that her tendency to suffer in silence meant that she desperately needed someone, even if she didn't want to admit it. Peyton's earlier words to him flashed over and over again in his mind.

 _Fight for her, even when you're losing._

Andy seemed to be scrambling for a response.

"I had meetings and discovery investigations that I could not get out of," Andy stuttered. "I couldn't just leave. I was in the middle of a case. Haley understands that!"

Nathan rolled his eyes at the half-cocked explanation that Andy tried to spew. "You could have, you just didn't want to."

Andy didn't have a chance to respond. They both froze when they heard a delicate voice call out behind Nathan.

"Nathan, who's at the door?"

Throwing a look over his shoulder, Nathan braced himself when he saw a confused Haley walking towards him. His stomach knotted further when watched a look of realization come over her. Seconds later, that realization turned to anger.

"What are you doing here?" Haley spat, her arms crossing at her chest. Her skin was flushed, resentment coursing through her veins. Seeing Andy in person after the last few weeks felt infuriating. Every emotion that she had buried towards him came rushing back all in the form of intense anger.

"My job is done," Andy said simply as if that were a fix for all his wrongdoings. His face had softened from the look of disgust he was giving Nathan to one of a kid who just got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "I figured I would stop over, so we could talk."

"And you didn't see it fit to give me a call first?" Haley barked. "Once again, we have to do things on your terms, huh?"

Andy slinked back further and Nathan had to stifle a laugh.

"Can you just give me 5 minutes, please?"

Haley was tempted to slam the door in his face. She really didn't have the energy to argue with him, nor did she really want to stomach the excuses she knew he was going to try and feed her. Then again, if she didn't do this now, she was eventually going to have to face it. She'd rather just get it over with.

"Fine."

~x~

"Last time I checked, I was the one who left angry."

Haley couldn't tell if he's was being serious or if he was attempting to make a joke…either way, she wasn't in the mood for it.

"Not before accusing me of not wanting to marry you and for having feelings for my partner," Haley reminded him bitterly, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. The mere presence of him was exhausting.

That reminder appeared to have set a spark off inside of Andy. He glared back at her, leaning against the closed door of her bedroom. Haley knew that look on his face—he was looking for a fight and one that he refused to lose.

"Seems to me that I was right. How long after I left did he wait to swoop in and save the day?"

Andy's acidic tone tossed her back to the night he told her he was leaving for a new job. He was so certain that she didn't want to marry him because she had feelings for Nathan instead. She was still insulted by his insinuations, but it was becoming more and more apparent to her that Nathan wasn't the root of their problems. But Andy was hell-bent on making Nathan the center of their issues.

"You still don't get that this has nothing to do with him, do you?"

"It has everything to do with him!" Andy howled at her, arms flying out in front of him.

"No! No, it doesn't," she exploded. "He wasn't the one who chose his job over his own fiancé. You did!"

"I didn't choose my job over you," Andy argued, taking a step closer to her. "I couldn't just drop everything and leave. Don't you get that? I did all that I could at the time."

Haley could have killed him without feeling guilty.

"This wasn't just some small thing. I almost died, Andy. Don't _you_ get that? But instead of making sure I was okay or even caring enough to come see me, you let your pride get in the way. That's exactly what this has to do with."

Andy could sense that he was losing her and he did the only thing he could—change his tune. It had worked many times before.

He dropped to his knees in front of her, grabbing her hands and squeezing them. He spoke intently, begging her to believe in every word he was saying.

"Okay, okay, you were right." He pushed a shaky smile on to his face. "I should have come back. I should have. But I was scared."

Haley stared back at him with cold eyes. His words weren't affecting her in the slightest.

"I was scared of what I was going to come back to," Andy admitted thickly. "I thought maybe I had pushed you towards Nathan and I couldn't handle that if it were true. But I see now how stupid that was. You're mine and you're always going to be mine, I see that now."

He offered her another lax smile and she just stared back at him.

"In fact, I think we should use this as a sign. Life is too short. We both just saw that first hand with what happened to you. We should get married right away. We don't even have to have a fancy or big wedding. It can just be the two of us. The way that it's meant to be. What do you say? Huh? Come on, I know that sounds as good to you as it does to me."

Clarity—that's what she felt when he tried to implore her with his words and manipulative eyes. Andy never cared about her. He never loved her like he said he did. He used her for his own personal gain, for the control she allowed him to have. He was…just like her father.

And she never cared about him, either. He was just some desperate attempt at getting her father's approval, of doing something that he wanted. That was over now.

"We're done."

As soon as those words left her mouth, everything seemed to seize. The pressure in her head and the pain in her heart disappeared. She didn't feel anything anymore. Just a numbness that was surprisingly…comforting.

"What?" Andy stared back at her in disbelief.

"We're done," she repeated, pulling her hands out of his embrace. "Leave, Andy."

He stood up, face crumpled in annoyance and anger. "That's it? You're just gonna end things just like that?"

Haley nodded, pushing herself off her bed and walking to her bedroom door. Opening it, she motioned for him to leave. "Just like that."

~x~

The sun had sunk beneath the horizon hours ago, but the air surrounding her was still thick with humidity. City lights danced in front of her as the sound of car horns and distant conversations filled her ears. For the first time since she moved in, she was able to enjoy the beauty of the view her place provided her.

Feeling a presence behind her, Haley glanced over her shoulder. Nathan, with his hands in his pockets, was slowly approaching her. When they met eyes, he offered her a muted smile.

"Are you okay?" he asked, saddling up next to her. He folded his arms and leaned his body against the concrete ledge of her balcony. Judging by the muffled yelling he heard through her bedroom walls, things hadn't gone great with Andy, not that he expected them to. Andy looked...well past pissed off when he left, too. He had smirked at that.

Drumming her fingers against the ledge, she shrugged her shoulders. "I guess…I don't know."

She really didn't know. The feelings swirling around inside of her were extrinsic to ones that she usually felt. They weren't good, but they also weren't bad either. Ultimately, she decided that she was going to enjoy them for this one night. Breaking things off with Andy was inevitably going to cause a whole other slew of issues that she didn't have the energy to deal with.

Nathan trailed his eyes over Haley's face. She looked as if all her energy had been sucked out of her—eyes sunken in and cheeks hollow. That lively version of her that he'd been lucky enough to cause a resurgence of had disappeared.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he offered.

Haley glanced at him uneasily. She didn't know how to explain it, but she felt…more at ease around Nathan than she ever had before.

"I broke off my engagement," Haley revealed after a heavy sigh.

"You did?" Nathan asked, trying to remain steady. He fought to keep a poker face, trying not to convey his relief, and subsequent surprise, too heavily.

Haley nodded her confirmation. "It all happened so quickly. I was just listening to Andy give me this thrown together apology. He said that we should get married right away and he even had the audacity to use what happened to me as a reason to pressure me. Before I really knew what was happening, the words were coming out of my mouth and I realized that I meant them."

She wasn't…desolate. She wasn't miffed, nor was she pissed. She was just…numb, like it hadn't even mattered the slightest to her. Haley didn't know what to make of that. She figured a normal person would feel _something_ at the realization that she had come to that night, but then again, she didn't feel normal either.

Nathan's anger spiked towards Andy. He really was a piece of work. "That fucking asshole. I could—"

Haley's eyes sprung to Nathan's face at the sound of his gritted voice. He looked as angry as she should have felt. She found comfort in that. "Kill him?" she filled in for him.

Nathan nodded. "He has a lot fucking nerve."

Haley smiled weakly, shrugging her shoulders. "I'm not surprised if I'm being honest."

He looked back over at her, trying to gauge exactly how she's feeling about all of it. She wasn't giving him much to work with.

"How are you feeling about all of it?"

Haley shrugs. "Tired. Very, very tired."


	14. Chapter 14

This chapter is much shorter than my usual chapters and it's not exactly a filler as much as it's...just kind of a necessary element as it establishes more of what exactly Haley is going through. This chapter is very Haley centric and there really isn't any Naley, but I felt like this story is as much about Haley's journey as it is Naley's. Things for Haley are honestly going to get a lot worse before they start to get better and I honestly can't wait for you guys to see how all of her sufferings end up coming full circle in her recovery. I'm really proud of the like little easter egg kind of moments that I have left that are going to come back later.

I also tried something a little different with this and I'm not sure it's going to translate all that well, but you gotta take risks to figure out what works, right? But just in case, the italics are blurbs from when Haley met with the therapist and the non-italics are the present.

P.S. I just recently posted the first chapter to my new story/adventure/something. It's called "Style" and if you feel like checking it out, I would greatly appreciate it:)

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Chapter Thirteen

 _September 16, 2010_

The grass felt dewy beneath the palms of her hands as the crisp morning air tickled her cheeks. Shades of blue, purple, and pink streaked the sky, leaving a beautiful canvas in their wake for the sun to rise on. It was nearing 6 am, leaving only minutes left for Haley to enjoy the peacefulness. Living in New York, quiet moments like this were a rarity. It was that brief moment when nightlife fizzled out and the city itself had yet to awaken.

Haley lived for those fleeting moments. The stillness, while it allowed for her thoughts to run rampant, gave her a sense of tranquility. It stabilized her.

Her eyes fell to the set of railroad tracks that were at the base of the hill, she was sitting on. She wasn't sure she ended up there. After a restless night, she found herself tossing the covers off her heated body, slipping on her shoes, and taking a walk. Her body moved on autopilot, stringing her along until she ended up at the back of a park not too far from her apartment.

The tracks looked as if they were freshly laid. The iron bars in pristine condition, not a single scuff marring the shiny finish. Instantly, she was thrown back to a time when things were much simpler, when life was made up of games, laughs, and fun.

The game was called Chicken. Looking back, it was a stupid and reckless game that she and her sister used to play at the tracks down the street from their house. They'd take turns dancing around the tracks, feeling the rumble beneath their feet as the train rapidly approached them. They'd stay on the tracks until the last possible second, laughing and screaming as they tumbled to the ground and the harsh wind from the passing train whipped passed them.

The sound of their giggles and teasing echoed in her brain. Her sister's smile beamed back at her, that same smile that had turned every gray sky into a rainbow. Those memories burned, adding to the already raging inferno of pain and change that was swirling around inside of her.

Wrapping her arms around herself, Haley squeezed herself tightly. Her mind drifts back to the first conversation she had with the team therapist, one that although surface-level, made everything seem that much more confusing.

 _"What do you remember from that day?"_

 _For the first time since she walked into that box of an office, Haley looked at her shrink. His name was Tim White—a gentle, older man with deep laugh lines and coke-bottle rim glasses. He reminded her of her hometown with his faint southern accent, scratchy green sweater, and the ocean scented candle burning in the corner of his office. She wondered how a man like him ended up in the rust of New York._

 _"Nothing," she answered shortly, adverting her eyes back to her hands. The chipped white nail polish on her fingers glared back at her, begging to be picked at._

 _Haley wasn't against talking to someone…she just didn't know how. Words bounced around in her head like ping-pong balls, barely pausing long enough for her to have a chance at stringing them together._

 _"Nothing?" Tim questioned._

 _She shook her head. "I remember walking into the club and the next thing I knew, I was waking up in a hospital bed."_

 _It wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth either. Flashes of her memory attacked her at the most inopportune times of the day, robbing her of breath. Snapshots of Nathan's panicked face and desperate screams of her name threatened to bring her to her knees. Randomly, the pain would shoot through her, the same pain she was sure she felt while laying in a pool of her own blood. Heated whispers that she couldn't quite make out haunted her and quizzed her, like puzzle pieces she couldn't quite fit together._

 _"How did you feel when you woke up?"_

 _"Lost," Haley responded quickly. "Confused."_

 _Tim jotted a few things down on the legal pad in front of him. "And have those feelings gone away?"_

 _Haley shook her head. "They've only gotten worse."_

There was an ache in Haley's chest as she sat there. Her eyes stung with tears that just refused to fall. What had happened to her? In the span of a few weeks, she'd almost died, lost her fiancé, and had epiphany after epiphany. She was spiraling out of control with no solid landing in sight.

Everything in her life felt so blurry with small specks of clarity. But even those specks of clarity had her reeling. Every right thing she did felt wrong and every wrong thing she did felt right. It was moments like these where she missed her sister so much that she physically ached. Taylor was always the one who could calm her down and put things in perspective for her.

Is this what it felt like to crash and burn?

~x~

When her phone rang, Haley was knocked out of her daze. After coming home from her little adventure, she'd crawled into bed and dozed off for a while. Glancing over at her bedside table, she watched as her phone shook and flashed, wailing at her until she got up the nerve to answer it. For the last couple of weeks, she'd been avoiding her phone, mostly because her father had made it habit of calling her at least eight times a day. He'd never leave a voicemail, which surprised her and worried her. She could only imagine the lecture he was chomping at the bit to give her.

Surely by now he'd heard about her broken off engagement and surely, he had a lot to say about that. Not to mention, she still hadn't given him a chance to berate her for the accident. It was only a matter of time before he showed up on her front porch, ending her streak of running away from her problems.

 _"Why do you avoid things?" Tim pondered, tapping the edge of his pen against the pad of paper._

 _"Because it's easier," Haley replied without thinking about it. "Because I don't have the strength to approach things head-on."_

Acting a whim, she propped herself up on her elbows to take a peek at the caller ID. Tension released from her shoulders when she read Peyton's name.

"You've been an awfully hard person to get a hold of these last few days," Peyton said lightheartedly as soon as Haley answered.

"I know," Haley sighed as she extended herself over her bed, cradling the phone against her ear. "I'm sorry."

"How are you doing?" Peyton asked, the concern evident in her voice.

Haley knew it was more than just a pleasant conversation starter, she was fishing for information. Out of all the people currently in Haley's life, Peyton was the one who knew her the best. She knew just how to push her to the edge, but not enough to set her off.

"I'm okay." The lie rolled off her tongue easily. "Just trying to…find things to occupy my time since I still can't go back to work."

Haley's laugh was forced and sounded hollow even to her own ears. There was a pause and Haley waited with bated breath. Peyton might have been conscious enough not to push her too far, but that didn't mean she had any qualms about calling her out.

"Pick up any new hobbies? Read a new book? Knit a scarf? Have wild, hot sex?"

This time Haley's laugh was real. It felt good to laugh again, like small rays of sunshine peeking through after a tough storm. "Yes, to every one of those things."

"Have you talked to your dad?" Peyton asked next, which instantly wiped the smile off of Haley's face.

 _"Can you describe your relationship with your dad?"_

 _Haley blanched at his question, her eyes blinking rapidly. The question had caught her off guard. "What does that have to do with what happened?"_

 _"Just humor me." He coaxed her with a soft smile._

 _Haley's gaze bounced around the little office like she was looking for the perfect escape route. It was useless, but it calmed her anxiety just in case she needed to bolt._

 _"We work together," she joked with a sheepish and forced grin._

 _"I mean, outside of work," Tim clarified, lips tipping into an amused smile at her joke._

 _"We don't really have one," Haley murmured honestly. "It's always been about work."_

 _"Even before you entered the force? Even when you were younger?"_

 _Haley nodded slowly, looking back down at her hands. Instead of words pinging around in her head like before, they came easily. "It's always been about work for him. I think that's why my mom left. He'd work these long hours and when he was actually at home, he'd still be doing something work-related. It's his life."_

 _"How do you think that's changed since you decided you wanted to be a cop?"_

 _"It's gotten worse," she spat. "I know he's not exactly thrilled about my career choice, but I think he uses the fact that he's my father as an advantage over me. I think he's always liked the idea of being my boss, but couldn't really do that until he actually became my boss."_

 _Haley hadn't realized how angry she was until the words just came spewing out of her mouth._

 _"How does that make you feel?"_

 _Haley almost rolled her eyes at that cliché therapist question. How did it make her feel? How did he think it made her feel?_

 _"Like I'm suffocating," Haley said an octave louder than she intended. "Like my every move is being watched. Like every single thing I do is wrong."_

 _Tim didn't appear phased by her outburst. He just calmly jotted some notes down before shooting another question at her._

 _"Would you say that you are looking for an escape from him?"_

 _"Maybe."_

"No," Haley gritted. "And I don't plan on it anytime soon."

"What about Andy?"

Haley's scoff was loud and jarring, tossing an arm over her eyes. "Damn, Peyton, you just really know how to stick a knife in someone, don't you?"

Peyton's sigh was apologetic, but she still wasn't backing down. "You know it's not healthy for you to keep all of this bottled in, Haley. And if I know you as well as I think I do, you haven't talked to anyone about breaking up with Andy."

"That's not true!" Haley quickly shot back. "I talked to Nathan about it."

"Did you?" Peyton asked incredulously. "Or, did he offer his time and you said a few things before brushing it off?"

Haley felt a scream bubbling up her throat. One thing she had definitely lost over the last few weeks was her patience.

"I'm not answering that," she muttered stubbornly.

"That's because you know I'm right," Peyton remarked. Haley could hear the smirk in her voice and it prompted a nasty eye roll.

"I haven't talked to Andy." Haley reverted the conversation back to Peyton's initial question. "In fact, he hasn't even tried to get in contact with me."

"What an ass," Peyton growled. "You would think he would at least try to fix things."

Haley's short laugh was cynical. It amazed her how easy it was for her to just…let Andy go. She had clung on to him for so long, using him as her lifeline to prove that she was living the life she was meant to live. It was freeing…but also so contradicting to everything else that was swimming through her mind at the moment.

"Andy doesn't care about anyone but himself," Haley muttered bitterly. "I'm sure he's already out there looking for some other girl that wants to hang off his arm and be…perfect."

"I never liked him," Peyton pointed out.

"And you've been very diligent in making that clear," Haley

"You're gonna be okay, you know, that, right?" Peyton asked. "I know that the situation with Andy didn't work out the way that you wanted to—

"Yeah," Haley breathed, cutting her off. She didn't feel like discussing the issue of Andy anymore, or at all. It probably wasn't healthy to just box him up and put him on a shelf, but that's what she wanted. She didn't want to think about the lie she had been living or why she had been living that lie. It was…too much.

"What about Nathan? Have you talked to him recently?"

 _"How about your relationship with your partner? How would you describe that?"_

 _Haley's stomach twisted for a different reason. What was her relationship like with Nathan? It wasn't something that she liked to unpack because it scared her._

 _She took a pause then, realization hitting her like a truck. It was a small realization, one that probably didn't seem like much to most people, but to her it was monumental. She was scared and that wasn't something she struggled to admit to herself before. The way she felt about Nathan scared her….and it always had._

 _"It's…complicated," she muttered, figuring that was the safe answer._

 _"How so?"_

 _Tim wasn't going to let her off easy. He had that look in his eye, the one that said he was prepared for any kind of challenge she threw his way._

 _"We have history."_

 _That was an understatement. But then again, maybe it wasn't. When you stripped their history down to its most basic form, they were just two people who were attracted to one another, got into a mess with some alcohol, and slept together. That was it._

 _Even her subconscious knew that was a lie. The feelings she had towards him went beyond just attraction, although there was a lot of that, too. Every time she was around him, whether or not she actually realized it, her body came alive. She longed to touch him, but not in a sexual way. She craved his affection, to feel the simple things like his hand in hers or his lips brushing against her forehead in a simple kiss. Or, to feel his arms wrap around her in the middle of the night, his lips grazing the back of her neck as they settled into a comfortable sleep._

 _It was all the things she knew she shouldn't want…but she did and it had taken her so long to admit it. Now that she had, at least internally, she didn't know what to do about it._

 _"History?"_

 _"We knew each other before we were partners," Haley admitted, the tips of her ears turning pink. "We went to the same academy and were in the same classes."_

 _"Judging by the sound of your voice and the way you're fidgeting, there's more to the story."_

 _She knew Tim was going to call her out and she braced herself for it. It would have been too much for her to say everything she was thinking out loud. These whirlwinds of emotions were new to her and she had to take it slowly._

 _"As I said, it's complicated."_

"Kind of," Haley admitted, shifting uneasily against her bed. The topic of Nathan was still a fragile and confusing one for her. "He was fully reinstated last week and they're out working a pretty big case right now. But he checks in from time to time."

"Maybe you should lean on him right now, Haley," Peyton offered softly.

Haley didn't respond, only wondered if maybe Peyton was right. She couldn't run forever.

~x~

It was another sleepless night. She watched as shadows danced across her bedroom walls and counted how many times she heard a car horn sound from below her. Deep down inside of her, she was conscious of the fact that what she was putting herself through wasn't healthy. She needed to make changes in her life, she just didn't know how or what changes she needed to make.

Or, maybe she knew the changes she needed to make, she was just too scared. Being in control of her life wasn't a feat that she experienced often and any time that she had, the consequences had been grueling. She wasn't ready to deal with those just yet.

 _"Haley?" Tim called out._

 _"Yeah?"_

 _He looked at her with calm and caring eyes. "Are you okay?"_

 _She stared back at him, her chest tightening at his question._

 _When she finally answered, it comes out on a fractured sob._

 _"Sometimes, I don't think so."_

But one day…she would be.


	15. Chapter 15

Thank you so much for your reviews!

 **Important note:** Sometimes, and this is something that other writers can attest to when you write out a story, your characters have a mind of their owns. The story can sometimes take you in a direction that you didn't originally plan, which is what happened with this story. The natural development of Nathan and Haley, along with Haley's struggles, took me into a direction that I didn't anticipate, which kind of screwed me up a little bit. So, because of that, I had to make a slight change. I have changed the date in the prologue from **July 10th, 2011** to **October 13th, 2010**. I know, it's definitely not a good look for a writer, but that's what I get for jumping the gun and planning a story like this, with dates and such, knowing damn well that I almost never stick to my original plan, haha.

I just want to quickly say that I do not intend on Nathan "fixing" Haley. I don't believe that someone who has suffered a lot of pain and battles with mental health issues can be "fixed" by someone's love. However, I do think that someone's love and support can be a motivator or at least, be helpful. That's kind of what I'm going for here. I also hope it doesn't seem like I'm dragging her pain out too much. Haley's issues are deep-rooted, ones that go back as far as her childhood, so I personally feel as if it would be impossible for me to hash it all out in just a few chapters. But hopefully, you guys can see the small progress she is making!

P.S. I apologize for any errors!

* * *

Chapter Fourteen

 _September 29, 2010_

Haley stared at the grey wall in front of her. It was a musty color, one that had faded to a dull off-white over the years, wear and tear evident in the chipped drywall. For a highly respected establishment within the New York police community, it sure looked old and run down. But it was that simple grey wall that had her heart thudding roughly in her chest and made the palms of her hands slick. Every instinct she had was telling her to walk away. To just forget it. She was never the type to listen to her instincts.

It was the protocol to get final approval from the Chief to return to work after an accident forced furlough. She understood all the hoops she had to jump through in order to get her job back, she just wished that one of those hoops wasn't her father.

Glancing at her phone for the time, she paused at the date illuminated on the bottom of her screen.

 _September 29._

That date, especially over the last few years, always made her pause. Her world seized to exist whenever she became conscious of that date. It was Taylor's birthday—a day they had usually spent wrapped up in blankets and eating cookie dough ice cream. Taylor loved the simple life. She never wanted anything too fancy for her birthday and their tradition was the perfect example of that. The last few years, preceding Taylor's passing, Haley had spent continuing the tradition…by herself. It was the only thing that felt right.

This year, she didn't have the strength to do it. Instead of celebrating Taylor's life and the comfort that came from that, it just felt like another dagger in her heart. It dragged her down, made her feel like she was drowning in an already deep abyss.

Maybe that was how she ended up where she was without a fight. She was desperate for a win, for a breath of fresh air. And when you're desperate, it causes you to do some insane things, like face one of your fears head-on.

She couldn't run forever and she'd put the miles on her heart trying to do so. That was over, at least for now. Her therapist had mentioned something about how facing your fears can sometimes be the best form of healing. She wasn't sure she believed wholeheartedly in that bullshit, but she figured she had nothing left to lose.

When his office door opened, Haley rocketed out of her seat. He was dressed in his typical brown suit—not a single wrinkle in the crisp fabric. The scent of old cigars and shoe polish wafted passed her. His eyes, cold and emotionless, softened at the sight of her. The reprieve only lasted for a couple of seconds before he was back to his default setting.

"Haley."

Her name sounded like grinding steel coming from his mouth.

"Dad." She returned in the same sentiment.

"I didn't realize you would be here so early," He muttered, his posture almost defensive.

A normal father would have greeted her with open arms and warm pleasantries. But there was nothing warm or open about this encounter. Her previous nerves had turned into anger.

"Your secretary called," she informed him coolly. "She said I could come in early because one of your afternoon meetings had been canceled."

Jimmy appeared less than pleased with that information. "Oh. Well, let's get this over with."

His simple brush off of her arrival felt like a slap in the face. She expected him to explode the minute he laid eyes on her. She even braced herself for it. His blatant…disrespect towards her might have been worse.

Following him into his office, she kept her shoulders squared and her face void of any kind of emotion. She'd only been in his office one other time and as far as she could tell, not a single thing had changed. The walls were bare, save the small ticking clock hanging on the back wall. Plain white blinds covered the large window that was facing her. Piles of papers and an outdated computer mounted his wooden desk. If it weren't for said piles of papers, Haley would have assumed the office was unoccupied.

Jimmy took his seat behind his desk and motioned for Haley to take a seat. She refused silently, choosing to stand in front of his desk with her arms crossed over her chest. Jimmy stared at her blankly for several seconds before returning his gaze to a paper on his desk.

"According to Tim White, you're stable enough to return to work, but he suggested a week of restrictive desk duty before anything heavy duty. What do you think about that?"

The way he spoke infuriated Haley. He was dull and monotone, like this, was the last thing he wanted to do.

"I feel as if I am physically and mentally ready to return to work," she answered, keeping her voice robotic and stern.

"Are you sure?" His tone was condescending…cruel.

Haley continued to stand her ground. She refused to let him know just how much his scrutinizing gaze had her shaking. She needed to go back to work and wasn't about to let him stop her from doing so. It'd been almost three weeks and while she was still shaken, being away from work was hindering her ability to get back to normal, not helping her.

"Yes," she declared, keeping it simple and sweet.

"I heard you ended things with Andy." This time, he looked straight at her.

Haley's spine locked into place as she prepared herself for the inevitable. She was wondering how long she would make it before Jimmy brought up Andy. Initially, she figured that he would greet her with a question about Andy, but it looked as if he was about to use him as an excuse for why she couldn't go back to work.

Anger burned through her.

"What does my personal life have to do with my ability to go back to work?" Haley deflected.

"Everything," Jimmy retorted quickly. "I need to know that you are at full mental and physical capacity to be put back on the force again. And with your decision to end a perfectly healthy and meaningful engagement, I have to question whether or not you're stable enough to be reinstated."

Haley didn't see the correlation. Her insides felt as if they were burning, her nails digging roughly into the skin of her palms. Even though she saw this coming, she still felt caught off guard. Every time she tried to talk to Jimmy, she wished for a sliver of improvement, but all she received was another depleted shadow of the father she used to know.

"My reasons for ending my engagement were rational and quite frankly, none of your business."

If he wanted to play dirty, so could she.

Jimmy's eyes widened at her sharp tongue. Evidently, he wasn't expecting nor was he used to her saying anything other than phrases of agreement or mild disobedience. Slamming his hands on his desk, he made sure he had her undivided attention. It became a staring match—angry eyes locked with even angrier eyes.

"You're not thinking clearly."

"Stop it."

"This job isn't going to save you. You do realize that, right? Or, was it your goal to die?" He sneered. "Which is it, Haley? 'Cause all I'm seeing is a naïve, little girl who keeps making one reckless decision after another."

He was trying to play mind games with her and she hated herself for allowing him to succeed in doing so. It was hard to breathe, but she wasn't sure if she was seconds away from a panic attack or if it was pure adrenaline.

This is what he always did—tried to mind twist her until she had no choice but to admit exactly what he wanted to hear. If he sensed he was losing the upper hand, he shot something else at her that left her gasping for breath.

"Just stop it!" she yelled, her throat burning from both the intensity of her words and the lump of tears she was choking down. "Every night, I lay in bed, and I can't even close my eyes for a second without picturing the blood on my hands and feeling that pain in my body. I can't hear any loud noise, not even something as simple as a car door slamming shut without jumping. Do you get that?! This job almost killed me, but I for a second won't even think about turning my back on it."

When inhaled to catch her breath, her chest felt like it was on fire. She felt wild and off balance as the words just spilled out of her. Almost instantly, she felt emotionally spent. Her knees buckled beneath her. He was missing the whole point, but she wasn't even sure what her point was anymore. Maybe he was right.

"I almost died, dad," Haley said breathlessly. "Does that mean nothing to you?"

Her naivety blinded her as she waits for Jimmy to have a normal, fatherly reaction to what she'd just said. As she should have expected, he didn't show any emotion. Not even a flinch of recognition. Jimmy James had become a man with no heart.

"And who's fault is that?" he replied acidly. It's like he wasn't listening to a word she had said. It was clear that his ego was the most important to him and nothing she was going to say was going to change that.

But she still wanted to play the last card she had. Just to see if there was even a shred of the dad she remembered left.

"Do you even care that it's Taylor's birthday?" she snapped at him, earning his attention in just the way that she wanted. There was finally a small spark of life in his cold and distant eyes.

Jimmy visibly recoiled at the sharp question that Haley had thrown at him. "Of course, I do."

"Really? Then why haven't you said a word about it since I've been here?" Haley shouted, ignoring the angry quiver in her voice and the way her hands were shaking at her sides.

Jimmy's face hardened, his jaw setting into place and his eyes greying. "This meeting is to discuss the issue of your reinstatement, not personal topics."

Haley almost laughed out loud. The hysteria was beginning to seep into her brain, stealing her of any rationale and professionalism she had left. Lately, every word that came out of his mouth was sickeningly hypocritical. She couldn't recall her dad ever being this cruel in the depths of her memory.

Flashes of her childhood invaded her mind. All the laughs they had shared together. All the times he had willingly taken her and Taylor on ride-alongs. The daddy-daughter dances. The Christmas mornings she spent in his lap. The times they banded together as a family after his divorce from her mom. When had things changed? Where they always this way and she was just too blinded by the aspect of family to realize the toxicity?

"Oh, so you can drill me about my decision to end my engagement but I can't ask you a simple question about _our_ family?"

The venom in her voice left a sour taste in her mouth. She didn't know where her sudden boldness was coming from, but it felt good. Better than she had expected.

"I'm the boss. What I say goes."

She could have snapped. Her patience and sanity were holding on by a thread. Every thought and feeling she had was making its way up her throat, gearing up to finally explode like fireworks on the Fourth of July. That was always his excuse when he didn't want to talk about something and she was sick of it.

"When are you going to stop dancing around the truth?" Haley shot at him. It was quick and impulsive, something that she normally wasn't.

His eyes ignited and she knew the rest of his filter was off. Steam was practically pouring out of his ears

"You want the truth?!"

She just stared back at him. Did she? He took her silence as a yes.

"What happened to you was reprehensible and would have never happened to a detective

"I told you that you weren't cut out for this job, Haley," Jimmy remarked harshly. "You're weak. You never stop to think. God, I can't even look at you right now. This entire district knows you're my daughter and because of that, your mistakes mean more. How do you think all of this makes me feel? Makes me look? I'm ashamed to call you my daughter."

And just like that, …she was two feet tall again. All of the confidence and all the courage she had built up at that moment were shattered.

Pain ripped through her and she clutched at her stomach, fighting to keep herself upright. Bile slithered up the back of her throat as tears burned fiercely in her eyes. Jimmy had taken several shots at her over the years—ones that had constantly undermined her and her successes. But none of those insults had ever cut as deep as this one.

The only thought in her head was that she had to find a way to break free of the hold her dad had on her before it was too late. His ability to shrink her wasn't healthy.

Haley gasped for breath, trying to keep her tears at bay. She refused to cry in front of him. She refused to allow him the satisfaction of knowing that his words affected her deeply.

"I'm going back to work," she managed to force out, declining the opportunity to bring attention to what he'd just said.

"What? So, you can disappoint me some more?"

She didn't know what his end goal was, only that she wasn't going to let herself fall victim to it. If he wanted to push her away from going back to her job, she wasn't going to let him win. At least, she wasn't going to let him see his victory.

"Just sign the paper," she demanded shakily.

Snatching a pen out of the cup holder, he held her gaze as he scribbled his name across her reinstatement papers. She held her breath in preparation for the next snarky remark he was sure to send spilling her way. To her surprise, he said nothing as he handed her the paperwork.

~x~

Nathan stared blankly at the computer screen in front of him. He was supposed to be gathering a list of possible witnesses for their newest case, but he was coming up short. Every witness turned out to be either unreachable or non-credible.

The new case that they were working on was high profile. A family of three had been attacked at their home—a husband and wife, along with their little girl. The little girl had been missing for the last 48 hours. The husband was a CEO of a small chain local shoe company, one that had recently taken quite a hit in the stock market. There were rumors of some shady business going on within the shareholders, something along the lines of embezzlement and fraud.

Their daughter was only four years old. Based on the picture Keith had shown all of them, she was blonde with soft, doll-like curls. Her eyes were a stunning green, accompanied with a toothy grin. At the moment, they were unsure if it was a ransom situation or something more complex, like a sex trafficking ring.

The case was one that he needed to focus on but his mind was somewhere else completely.

Nathan Scott, on the outside, wasn't someone who was compassionate. When it came to his line of work, he learned that being stoic, and sometimes a bit of an asshole, was the best route to take. Admittedly, sometimes that persona of his had bled into other aspects of his life. He had used that persona with Haley many times, especially when it involved her father or Andy. That was long over. He didn't regret much in his life, but he did regret that.

For the longest time, he never understood it. He never understood how a strong and independent woman like Haley allowed herself to be tied to a guy like Andy. Or, how she just allowed her dad to walk over her the way that she did.

He got it now.

She was never given a chance to just be herself or to live her life the way that she wanted to. Expectations were placed on her at such a young age and when she finally got up the courage to do something for herself, she was punished daily for it. On top of that, she didn't want to let her dad down because the second she did, the second she affirmed thing he had ever said about her. She couldn't let him be right. No one could blame her for making the choices that she did or for fighting against the things she had. He would have done the same thing.

Regardless of the clarity his new revelation had given him, it made him even more uneasy and even more riled up.

"Hey," Clay said as he draped his jacket over the back of his desk chair and plunked down. "Isn't Haley back today?"

Nathan looked away from his computer, welcoming the much-needed break from his current task and tumbling thoughts.

"Yeah," he confirmed. "But I think she's only on desk duty for the time being."

Clay nodded in understanding before starting his computer. He paused a moment later, glancing over at Nathan with a soft expression. "How is she doing?"

Nathan's sigh was heavy as he leaned back in his chair. "Truthfully? Not well."

A deep-rooted frown sloped on Clay's face.

"I think it's a little more than just that," Nathan mumbled.

"What do you mean?"

Nathan shook his head. As much as he needed advice for someone about what to do, he felt as if he didn't have the right to discuss her struggles with other people.

Luckily, Clay didn't press him to explain.

"What about you? How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," Nathan mumbled with a shrug. "Just irritated with this stupid witness list. All I'm getting is dead end after dead end."

Clay chuckled awkwardly. "I meant with what happened. We've all been so wrapped up in what happened with Haley, we kind of forgot that you also went through something traumatic. I just wanted to check in to see how you're doing with everything."

Nathan laughed shortly at Clay's cheeky smile before shrugging his shoulder. "Honestly, I'm doing okay. I'm a little shaken, but like the rest of you, I was more concerned about Haley to really pay mind to anything else."

"You're not still blaming yourself, are you?"

Nathan avoided eye contact as he turned his attention back to his computer screen. The simple answer to that question was "not exactly."

"I don't think I'm going to ever be completely guilt free over that," Nathan admitted.

It didn't keep him up at night anymore and it wasn't something that churned in his mind to the point of physically making him sick. Every time he replayed that moment in his head, the more he realized how many opportunities he had to stop Felix from pulling the trigger. He doesn't think he'll ever forgive himself for that. One thing that he had learned, though, was that sitting there and dwelling on it wasn't going to change what happened.

Keith broke up their conversation as he came barreling into their quarters. As always, he was reading one of the many files in his hands, glasses barely hanging on to the edge of his nose.

"Scott, my office," he barked without looking up, pushing his office door open with one hand.

Clay looked quizzically at Nathan, who just shrugged and did as he was told.

"Close the door," Keith instructed as soon as Nathan entered his office.

A sense of déjà vu washed over Nathan. The last time he sat in this office for a one-on-one was when he was being introduced to his new partner. It was hard to believe that that was only a couple of months ago. So much had changed since then that it felt like a different lifetime ago.

"I have a message from the Chief for you," Keith said. "It's Haley's first day back. And—"

"Let me guess, he wants me to 'keep an eye on her' right?" Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Precisely."

Nathan shook his head in disbelief. Obviously, he was always going to watch out for her, regardless if she needed it or not. He just hated the fact that her _father's_ over-protectiveness of his daughter came from a place of control, not of love or concern.

"He can't give her any room to breathe, can he?" Nathan snapped, harsher than he wanted.

Keith was unfazed. "I'm just relaying the message."

Nathan gritted his teeth. He didn't hate many people, but the Chief was definitely number one on that short list. "Next time, you can save it."

This seemed to capture Keith's attention. Peering over the rim of his glasses, Keith eyed Nathan suspiciously.

"Son, I have to ask, should I be worried about you and James?"

Nathan faltered, sliding his hands into his pockets. "What do you mean?"

"I have eyes," he stated. "And I know how to use them. Not to mention this little conversation...seems like your harboring personal disdain towards the Chief."

Nathan saw the words Keith wasn't saying written all over his face.

"Keith, I—"

"I don't have to remind you about—

"No," Nathan cut him off curtly. He didn't need to hear the rules again. But to be frank, he didn't give a fuck about the rules. What were they going to do? Fire him? He'd like to see them try.

~x~

Glancing at the clock for what felt like the tenth time in a second, Nathan grew more restless. Lifting his phone, his heart sunk further when the screen was blank. Haley was supposed to be in to work about an ago for the start of her first night shift back and she was always punctual. It worried him even more that she wasn't answering any of his texts.

He'd talked to her the day before and as far as he knew, she was anxious to get back to work. Where the fuck was she?

"You okay?" Brooke called from her desk, looking over his frazzled figure with concerned eyes.

"Have you heard from Haley at all today?"

"I know she had a meeting with the chief this morning, but that's it," Brooke said, her brows furrowing when Nathan's apprehension only increased.

"One that I heard didn't go very well," Chris muttered. "I stopped by the ivory tower to pick up those files we needed for the case and I heard some of the secretaries talking about it. Apparently, Haley left in a hurry and the Chief canceled the rest of his meetings for the day."

A thought dawned on him and the next second he was out of his chair. Grabbing his jacket, he swung it over shoulders and grabbed his keys.

"I gotta go."

"Where are you going?" Julian called after him.

Nathan didn't stop to answer. He didn't have the time.

~x~

There was relief. Then there was that sinking feeling of helplessness.

Nathan frowned at the broken sight in front of him. Haley, her worn and tired body, was slumped against the counter. The dejection was clear in ever sigh that expelled from her lips and with every swirl of the straw in her now empty drink. She was still in her work clothes, only their usual polished appearance was replaced with wrinkles and was disheveled.

He wondered how long she'd been there. The sun had disappeared behind the horizon hours ago and Rudy's Wednesday night crowd had begun to thin out.

Sliding into the empty stool beside her, Nathan motioned to the bartender to cut her off.

"Are you supposed to be drinking with the meds you're on?" Nathan asked seriously, with a hint of teasing in his voice.

"How'd you know I'd be here?" Haley asked in return without stealing a glance in his direction. Each syllable slid together like traction-less skates on ice.

After her encounter with her father, this was the only place she could get herself to go. Skipping work was never something she allowed herself to do, even on her worst days, but she just…couldn't walk into that building. She couldn't go home either. The silence and loneliness that awaited her there would allow plenty of room for her thoughts to fester and that was lethal.

So, she ended up at Rudy's. Drinking her sorrows away was cliché and a little juvenile, but she didn't have the capacity to care. Her father's previous words had sliced over every wound that she had patched up inside of her. He'd even ripped open the stitched wounds from her accident, the same ones she had been working tirelessly to heal.

It was like she was at square one again. The pedestal that had been slowly rising beneath her feet was kicked out from under her with words that should have been pebbles but felt like boulders.

She wasn't sure what hurt more—the fact that she had almost died and could have really used her father's love, but he seemingly didn't care or the fact that viewed her existence as an embarrassment.

Where was Taylor when she desperately needed her?

"When you didn't show up for work, I figured this is where you'd be." Despite the situation, a small, sad smile shaped up on Nathan's lips. "I just know _you_ , Haley James. When are you gonna accept that?"

Her gaze swung over to him and he felt an ache in his chest at the pure anguish he saw shining back at him. It was only a matter of time before Haley reached her breaking point and he was almost positive that this was it.

"I don't need you to save me," she slurred, trying to appear as put together as she possibly could. Her attempt to straighten her spine was lugged down by the exhaustion in her bones and the alcohol in her blood.

It had been hours since she last looked at herself in the mirror, but she was sure that she looked a mess. Her fingers had done laps in her hair, wrapping around the thick strands and pulling until her scalp screamed at her to stop. The make-up she'd languidly applied earlier had probably melted into streaks of color down her pale cheeks.

She'd never felt so pathetic and embarrassed in her life.

"I know," Nathan answered sternly, yet his gentleness never wavered. "And I'm not trying to. But please…let me help you."

He didn't realize how much his tone was pleading until he saw a fresh batch of tears well up in her eyes.

"I don't…," she trailed off. She wasn't sure what she wanted to say.

Nathan hopped down from the stool, extending his hand to her. "At least let me take you home."

Haley stared at his hand, contemplating on if she should take it or not. She was far gone with the alcohol poisoning her blood. If she stayed there any longer, she'd probably end up in the hospital for alcohol poisoning. Through the haziness of her thoughts, she couldn't help but wonder how she allowed herself to fall this far.

She gave in, slipping her hand into his. It took all of her strength to lift herself off the stool and it wasn't until her feet hit the ground did she realize just how drunk she was. Her legs felt like strings of jelly, her heels making her even more wobbly. She felt her body tilting slightly, but instead of falling over like she expected, she hit the hard edge of Nathan's body. His arm was around her waist, holding her steady.

"Easy…I got you," Nathan promised quietly.

She involuntarily shivered as she leaned into him. Her hands desperately gripped on to the slick fabric of his jacket, the warmth of his body and the scent of his cologne engulfing her. Being in his embrace was the safest she'd felt all day.

~x~

As soon as they entered her apartment, Haley was met with the lonely quietness that awaited her. That reminder was enough to further dampen her mood and subsequently kill her buzz. She didn't want to be alone.

His arm still around her waist, Nathan led her over to one of the bar stools in her kitchen. Gently, he helped her slide into the seat. Through her blurry vision, she watched as he maneuvered around her kitchen. A couple of minutes later, a tall glass of water and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich was placed in front of her. Through the coldness in her heart, she felt a speck of heat.

The water and bites of her sandwich slid down her throat easily and quickly. She hadn't realized how dehydrated or hunger she was until the taste reached her lips.

"Thank-you," she mumbled.

The redness in her cheeks and the glassiness in her eyes had subsided some, but she was still visibly drunk. Haley felt a little better, the haziness had shifted into tiredness.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" she rushed out before Nathan had a chance to say anything about leaving. Subtly wasn't her thing when she was drunk.

He had already vowed to himself that he wasn't leaving until she was more stable. "Sure.

Settling into her couch, Haley wasn't shy about nestling into his side. He didn't mind, taking the opportunity to wrap his arm around her and hold her close. Reaching for the remote, he flicked the channels until he came across one of the movie channels.

Haley tried to focus on something other than her screaming thoughts. She tried to immerse herself in the plot of the movie. She didn't recognize it, but it looked like a comedy of some sort. She tried to lose herself in the sound of Nathan's steady heartbeat pounding beneath her ear or the soft strokes of his fingers on her skin. It was all useless.

It was ironic that after the hellish day that she had, she ended up laying on her couch, watching a movie...just like Taylor would have wanted. It almost felt like she was coming full circle, but it didn't ease any of her pain. As safe as she felt in Nathan's arms, nothing would ever compare to the feeling of having her sister there. That hole in her heart—the one that she usually could pretend wasn't there—demanded to be felt.

"It's Taylor's birthday," Haley revealed after a couple of minutes of silence.

Nathan tensed beside her, the arm that was resting around her waist tightening. That definitely explained a lot.

"I'm sorry," he breathed, unsure of what else he could say.

"I miss her so much," Haley sniffled. "I would do anything to have her here again. Just to see her smile again. Just to hear her say that everything is going to be okay. Every day…it's like a little piece of her disappears. Even our dad didn't seem to care about her birthday. I just…I don't know what to do. Why isn't she here? She's supposed to be here!"

Every babble felt like a dagger through Nathan's chest. She was almost in hysterics, sobs ripping from her throat. He felt helpless and he hated feeling helpless. Sitting up, he angled his body so he was facing her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Hales, what happened today?"

Maybe talking about it would help her work through it.

Her lungs felt like they were on fire when she inhaled sharply. The column of her throat burned with a captured sob. She didn't know what was happening to her. She was dizzy. Her body felt lugged down, shivering from fear and from the icy feeling sliding down her spine. She wanted the pain to stop. She wanted the racing of her heart and the muddiness of her thoughts to stop. She just wanted it all to stop.

"I…don't wanna talk about it," she croaked, shaking her head. "Please…please don't make me."

The gentle look in Nathan's eyes and the concerned look on his face was enough to unravel her. He was a good man, no matter what she had said about him the past. He was always there when she needed him, without judgment. Maybe he really was that little piece of faith that she so desperately craved.

Frowning, Nathan gently tucked a finger beneath her chin and tilted her head up. Using the pad of his thumbs, he wiped away the stray tears that were spilling from her eyes. He didn't think his heart could break any more time, but apparently, he was wrong. He desperately wished he could somehow take her pain.

"I won't. I promise," he said softly. "But you know you can always talk to me, right?"

She nodded. "I just…wanna rest."

"Then rest," he murmured. "I'll be right here if you need me."

It wasn't long until her breathing had evened out to a soft and delicate pattern. All of her crying and hysteria must have caught up with her, tiring her out. He was glad for that. She needed to sleep and in the morning, when she was sobered, she'd have a clearer head. Then, he could talk to her and they could find a way to work through all of this.

Figuring that there was no way she was comfortable all bunched up on the couch like she was, Nathan carefully lifted her into his arms. His heart fluttered when she involuntarily clutched on to him, her head burying into his chest.

When he reached her room, he placed her on her bed. She stirred a little, her eyes sliding open into tiny slits.

"I'm gonna get you undressed, okay?"

When she nodded her permission, he quickly and attentively slid her clothes off her body, replacing them with a pair of sleep shorts and a large t-shirt. She was practically falling asleep as he did so. Once she was tucked in, he turned to leave, fully intending to on crash on her couch. There was no way he was going home tonight and leaving her all alone.

"Nathan?"

He turned at the hoarse whisper of his name, her fingers delicately latching around his wrist. Her doe-eyes, glassy and blood-shot, stared back at him and he felt another piece of his heart break. There was nothing beautiful about her pain—her mascara stained cheeks, the despair that glared in the redness of her eyes, and the paleness that reflected like a beacon of every hour of sleep she had lost.

"Will you stay?" He heard the tears in her voice, the sharp cracks and hoarseness of each letter. "I don't want to be alone tonight."

After the hell she'd been through the last month, maybe even if longer, she needed a reprieve. The lonely and dark nights were starting to catch up to her. She needed comfort. She needed to feel that warmth that she'd been longing to feel for months. And she needed it from Nathan. She was too tired to run. She was too drunk to think. For the first time in a long time, her heart won over her head.

Nathan didn't hesitate to say okay. The thought didn't even cross his mind. He'd always been prepared to be whatever she needed.

"I sleep in—"

She cut him off with a shake of her head. "It's okay."

A second later, he slipped his shirt over his head and tossed it over the arm of the chair in the corner of her room. Next, he quickly undid his belt and stepped out of his jeans, leaving him in nothing but a pair of black boxers. He supposed that the situation should have had a twinge of awkwardness, but there wasn't.

When he slipped into the open space next to her, she didn't waste a second crawling into his side. Her head slid into the crook of his neck like the perfect puzzle piece and he banded an arm around her waist. Within seconds, her eyes sealed shut and her breathing evened out. Gently, he brushed the unruly strands of her out of her face. In her sleep, her skin was smooth and vibrant. Shadows of worry lines and purple bruises masking the hours of sleep lost still played on her face, but they were no longer the focal point. He wished that she could always be that peaceful.

In the time he had known her, he'd watched her walk every tattered path on her own. She pushed people away, confident in the fact that she could handle whatever life threw at her without a helping hand. He knew her strength. She could handle it. But she shouldn't have to do it alone. She shouldn't feel the need to, not when she had so many people that cared about her.

Gently, he placed a lingering kiss on the crown of head. It was then that he vowed that he would do anything for her. That's what you do for the ones you love, right?


	16. Chapter 16

I intended on posting this a lot sooner but then...life happened. Unlike Style, I haven't written any of this ahead of time and then good ole writer's block paid me a visit. I've also been struggling a lot with writing this story because like I said the last chapter, Haley ended up becoming a lot more complicated than I initially intended her to be and I basically had to rework my plans for this story. I've been struggling with a way to make sure that I'm not rushing her through what she's going through, but also I don't want to drag it out either. But, I promise, we're only two chapters away, including this one, from the scene in the prologue so we're getting there!

PS. I'm a terrible person because I didn't full proofread this because I was tired of fighting it...my apologies.

* * *

Chapter Fifteen

 _October 4thh, 2010_

Haley's feet hit the concrete hard. She ignored the screaming of her lungs and the burning in her calves as she trudged on. Sweat clung to her body, slickening the blue spandex she was wearing. There was no destination in her mind.

After tossing and turning for hours, her skin was starting to itch while every muscle in her body was twitching. The thoughts in her head were deafening, each singular one begging for her attention. The decision to go for a run was whimsical one. It didn't matter that it was barely after four in the morning or that she hadn't properly run in years—complacency mattered.

When she was in high school, she loved to run. There was something therapeutic about the wind blowing through her hair and the colors of her surroundings melting together in unfocused streaks. She didn't have to focus on the people she was passing by, nor did she have to pay tribute to the thoughts tumbling around in her head. She let the pounding of her heartbeat drown out everything, counting the beats until her knees gave out.

She refused to stop until her body forced her to.

Her running slowed slightly when she passed by those familiar train tracks. Her eyes were drawn to them like they were sending her a message that she couldn't quite decipher. Childhood memories would come flooding back to her while urges of recklessness busted inside of her. The memories she had on train tracks were insignificant—ones that were fond memories, but not something she thought about often. The reason they were coming to her now was puzzling.

Tearing her eyes away, she forced herself to keep running. Just a little bit longer. That's all she needed.

Eventually, she felt her body begin to break down. Her knees threatened to give out while her lungs burned and thrashed for clear air. She welcomed the pain with hospitality. Slowing her run down to a steady walk, she allowed her feet to drag her tired body back to her apartment. The crisp night air contrasted with her heated skin deliciously, allowing for a much needed cool down.

Quietly, Haley slipped back into her place, still heavily breathing. Grabbing the towel she left for herself on the banister, she swiped it across the back of her neck, over her chest, and down her face. It had felt good to run again, refreshing even. The buzz that was flowing through her body was intoxicating—a natural high.

Wiping the towel down the rest of her body, she paused when she reached the space right above her hip. It was becoming pure instinct to pause whenever she became conscious of the physical proof of the pain she was carrying around with her.

Carefully, and with a rapidly beating heart, she peeled back the damp fabric. The stitches were removed about a week ago, leaving the skin scarlet and angry. The flesh around the wound was tender while the gash itself was hardening. Eventually, it would be nothing but a battle scar.

Whether she fully moved on or not, she was going to carry around that day with the rest of her life. That ugly scar would always be a part of her body—a constant reminder—unless she chose to invest in cosmetic surgery. The thought was certainly tempting, but that small, stable part of her brain reminded her that she always wore her battle scars proudly. That one shouldn't be any different. She just wondered if her stomach would clench and if her heart would take a nose dive every time she laid eyes on the mark for the rest of the life.

Like a moth to a flame, her fingers traced over the lesion, flinching. The pain had subsided a while ago, but the memories were still there. They came in fragments, stealing her breath away whenever her brain decided to stop repressing them. She was still seeing Tim on a regular basis, but no matter how many exercises he had her do, those memories refused to leave her alone. They were like an itch she couldn't scratch.

Before she spent too much time dwelling, she removed her fingers from the hardening skin and made a mental note to put on some of the scar cream her doctor recommended to her.

Turning the corner into her kitchen, she jumped. Her hand flew to her chest as a startled gasp escaped her lips. His rough chuckle had her straightening her spine defensively. She was hoping that she'd be able to slip back into bed without any prodding interruptions. Her luck was short-lived.

"What are you doing up so early?" Haley asked once she recovered, dropping her keys and towel on to the kitchen table. She tried to ignore the fact that he was standing there in nothing but a carelessly thrown on pair of jeans with the button undone, but her eyes kept gravitating towards him. Damn him and his perfect body.

Now was not the time to think about how that same body felt wrapped around her in the middle of night either, but just like her eyes, her brain betrayed her.

Nathan, who was leaning against her counter with a cup of coffee cradled in his hands, shrugged innocently. "I could ask you the same thing."

"I couldn't sleep, so I decided to go for a run," Haley answered casually, maneuvering around him to grab herself a cup of coffee. His curious gaze branded her skin, watching her every move like he was just waiting for her to crack.

A week had passed since that night at the bar and every night since then, Nathan had been spending the night at her apartment. It was the same old story every time. She would crawl into bed, hoping that the cool sheets and high thread count comforter would lull her into a deep sleep. She would lay there for hours—her mind racing with painful thoughts that threatened to suffocate her.

Before Haley could fully comprehend what she was doing, she would roll over in bed, reach for her phone, and send a quick text that she never had the strength to regret. Within twenty minutes, his soft knock would echo through her empty apartment and she would slide out of her bed without a second thought.

Nathan never questioned her, something she was grateful for. Without saying a word, he'd slip into her bed and pull her into his embrace. As soon as his warmth curled around her, the pesky thoughts in her brain fell silent and sleep swallowed her. This was the closest she was allowing herself to need someone and it was temporary. She just needed a few more nights of peace before she would be fine on her own.

Haley didn't allow herself to dwell on the fact that it was specifically Nathan that brought her the peace that she craved.

"Anxious to be off of desk duty?" Nathan pondered, glancing at her troubled face.

He wasn't surprised when he turned over in the middle of the night, fully intent on pulling her closer, only to be greeted with the icy sheets. Sleeping through the night was no longer a skill she possessed. Some nights he found her passed out on the living room floor, photo albums strewn about. He'd always find the same picture gripped tightly in her slim fingers—one of what he assumed was her mother, Taylor, and her. The picture was dated, the color fading and the corners of the glossy paper folded.

Every time Nathan picked up that photo, he couldn't resist staring at it. For as long as he had known Haley, she only mentioned her mom a handful of times. Most of the time, it was just in passing, a quick mumble through a story that she was clearly forcing herself to tell. He figured her abandonment had a lot to do with it. He had lots of questions, but he knew better than to ask them.

Without disturbing her, Nathan would gather her in his arms and carry her back to bed, before tidying up the mess she'd made. Every morning, she'd wake as if nothing happened. Either she blocked out the memory or feigned innocence to avoid talking about it.

Other nights he found her lounging on her balcony, a blank expression on her face as she stared out into the quiet city. He never said anything, just slipped into the chair next to her. Sometimes she would start a conversation with him about something trivial, sometimes she remained quiet.

Haley was spiraling, he knew that. Her actions spoke volumes, but the dull ache he saw in her eyes every time he showed up at her apartment hours after nightfall said even more. His hands would drop helplessly at his sides, desperately itching to pull her close until he soothed all of her worries away. But the pain she was feeling—the regret, the anger, the pressure—were all things that he couldn't take away no matter how hard he tried. That didn't stop him from trying, though.

It was all up to her, and he silently hoped that by getting back into the groove of her regular life would push her in the right direction.

"You could say that."

"Are you sure you're ready?" He asked carefully. Almost instantly, her face scrunched up in defiance.

"I swear to God if one more person asks me that…"

"We're just making sure," Nathan quickly interjected. "You can't fault us for caring."

Haley snarled discreetly at his cheeky grin, suppressing the flutter inside of her at the sight. She supposed that the concern from her friends and family should have struck some kind of strong chord inside of her. She should have felt _something_ warm and fuzzy about it. Instead, there was nothing but irritation. She was fine and she didn't need people constantly coddling her.

"It was unnecessary for me to be put on desk duty anyway," Haley muttered after taking a long sip from her coffee. The liquid burned her throat as it slipped down. She craved more of it. "It just gave me more time to think and dwell, which was anything but conducive to my 'recovery.'"

Her mental and physical exhaustion seeped through the vibration of her words. It was then that he decided they were done talking. The clock on the microwave reminded him that it was way too early to be a functioning person.

Stepping in front of her, Nathan carefully removed the cup of coffee from her hands and discarded it in the sink. Haley didn't need some drawn-out speech of words that were becoming redundant. She needed rest.

"We still have about five hours before work. Let's go back to bed."

"But we just had coffee." The wrinkle in her forehead shifted from annoyance to confusion.

Nathan smirked as he banded an arm around her waist, guiding her back to her room. "I made decaf."

Haley narrowed her eyes at him. "You think you know me so well."

"I don't think." He paused. "I know."

~x~

Nathan plopped down tirelessly at his desk, dragging the thick stack files along with him. His workday started only two hours ago and his eyes were already crossing from exhaustion. They treated every case with rigor, but their new one was even more fast-paced due to the involvement of a child. They were racing against the clock, along with hundreds of statistics surrounding this kind of situation.

The office was empty, as it usually was when they were working full fledge on a new case. In typical Haley fashion, she did everything but ease back into the swing of things. As soon as they arrived to work—in separate cars and fifteen minutes apart from each other because the last thing they needed was Keith getting suspicious—she was out calling for diagnostics and scouring her CI's for any possible information. Within twenty minutes, she was dragging Brooke down to the lab to look at the results from blood samples.

Haley's work ethic was something that he always admired about her and it eased his worries some that in the midst of everything, she hadn't completely disconnected.

Begrudgingly, he grabbed the first file from the stack and flipped it open. Just as he was about to start reading, footsteps could be heard thumping up the stairs. Glancing up at the sound, Nathan did a double-take before a smile spread across his face.

"Hey, Luke, what are you doing here?" Nathan greeted as rose from his seat, giving him a quick hug. Between Nathan's work and Lindsey's pregnancy, they hadn't properly talked to or seen each other in a few weeks.

"Lindsey had a check-up today downtown," Lucas explained. "So, I decided to stop by and see how my little brother's doing."

Nathan surveyed their surroundings, comically smirking. "Where's Lindsey? Did you forget her at the doctors?"

"Haha, very funny," Lucas deadpanned with a roll of his eyes. "She ran into Brooke and Haley downstairs. They started gushing about the baby and the whole pregnancy glow thing. Seemed like it was going to be a long conversation."

"So, you dipped?"

"I dipped."

They shared a laugh while Nathan slid back into his desk chair and Lucas reclined against the nearest filing cabinet.

"Couple more months…then you're gonna be a dad. Pretty crazy, huh?" Nathan mused, smiling at the surreal grin that graced Lucas' face. It was the same smile that he wore whenever he talked about being a dad or about Lindsey in general.

"I still can't believe it." Lucas' accompanying sigh was dream-like, eyes turned towards the floor as he shook his head in disbelief.

"Is Lindsey still holding out until the baby is born to find out the sex?"

"Yes…and it's driving me crazy," Lucas grumbled. "She decided on all these neutral colors to paint the nursery and whatnot, but it just feels…counterproductive. I know as soon as the baby's born, she's gonna want to redecorate."

"And you're gonna be right there…doing it with a smile," Nathan mocked lightheartedly.

Lucas grunted in acknowledgment.

"You getting nervous yet?"

"Honestly…not as nervous as I thought I would be. Anticipation would be a better word to describe it," Lucas explained, eyes shining. "It feels like I'm on the cusp of the life I always wanted and it feels good."

The next few minutes were filled with lighthearted conversation, brotherly teasing, and words of encouragement. The familiarity of the conversation felt like a breath of fresh air for Nathan, a sense of rejuvenation that he wasn't even aware that he needed.

"How's Haley doing?" Lucas asked, shifting the conversation after their laughter had died down.

"She's…doing," Nathan answered hesitantly.

"That answer doesn't sound all that confident."

Nathan sighed, dragging a hand over his face. How _was_ Haley doing? From where he stood, there wasn't a clear answer to that question. In some ways, it seemed as if she were improving and then in other ways, it seemed as if she were falling further down the rabbit hole.

"Honestly, man I have no idea," Nathan breathed shakily. "There are moments—brief moments—when she seems…okay. Still a little uneasy, but okay. Then there are even more moments where it seems like she's not okay at all."

"I'm sure she just needs time. She's been through some pretty shitty things the last couple of months. I'd be worried if she was complacent to all of this."

There was a feeling in Nathan's gut that told him the things plaguing Haley were far deeper than just the accident and the ending of her engagement.

"That's what I try to tell myself every night that I end up at her house," Nathan mumbled, the words slipping out nonchalantly.

Lucas arched an eyebrow. "Pardon?"

Nathan's eyes grew in shock, a sheepish grin pooling on his face. He hadn't planned on telling Lucas what he'd been doing every night for the last week, it just kind of slipped out. But now that it had, he wouldn't have minded a little brotherly advice.

"I've been sleeping with her."

"Dude!" Lucas quickly admonished, eyes wild and a flash of anger on his face. "That seems kind of selfish, don't you think? It's clear that she's vulnerable and in pain right now. I've known you do to some sleazy things, but I didn't think you would stoop as low as using someone."

"No," Nathan laughed awkwardly, a hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "I mean…like actually _just_ sleeping with her."

Lucas' puzzled expression invited Nathan to elaborate.

"For the past week, she's texted me every night at around the same time. It's a simple text, one that just says 'come over.' I do and then we just…crawl into bed."

"Has she opened up to you at all?"

"Not really. We don't do much talking. I just hold her until she falls asleep and neither of us mentions anything about it the next morning."

"And you're sure there's nothing else…physical going on?" Lucas was fishing, the skepticism clear in his prodding gaze.

"I swear," Nathan muttered with a roll of his eyes. "Unless you count cuddling as physical."

Nathan's mocking tone was clear and luckily, Lucas caught on and quickly dropped whatever teasing he was about to do.

"Sorry. Please continue."

"I just…I don't know what to do about it," Nathan said tirelessly after another brief moment of brotherly agitation. "I mean, it's pretty obvious, with the nightmares and the inability to sleep through the night that there's stuff still bothering her. I just don't know what else I can do for her."

Nathan sighed heavily, trekking both of his hands through his hair until it's a jumbled mess.

"I feel so helpless."

It wasn't until Nathan said it out loud did the gravity of everything settled in. The immense care that he had for her was weighing on him heavily, but it didn't feel like a burden, rather than a duty. He just hoped that it was enough.

"Look, Nate, you said it yourself…there's only so much you can do to help her. Everything else, she has to do on her own. She'll come around."

"I hope so."

"As I said before, she probably just needs time. Besides, based on what you've told me about Haley, she's not one to just openly ask for help, so the fact that, in some small way, this is her way of asking for help…it means a lot."

"Thanks, Luke," Nathan said sincerely. "I don't know what's with me. I guess I just needed some clarity."

For several seconds, Lucas regarded Nathan with an intense look on his face. It was one of concentration like he was trying to figure out the last column in his crossword puzzle.

"What?"

"You're finally getting around to realizing that you have feelings for her." It wasn't a question. It was a firm statement.

A half-smile shaped upon Nathan's face. That question wasn't one that he needed to think about, not that it ever was. The way he felt about her had always been as natural to him as breathing, only now he was more conscious of it.

"I think I've always known…I just didn't know how to handle it."

"And now you do?"

Peyton's request to him flashed through his mind. He couldn't forget her words even if he tried.

"Yeah, I do."

~x~

Haley's heart slammed against her ribcage as she jogged up the stairs. The file in her hands was on fire, the information inside of it itching to get out. Adrenaline thumped loudly in her ears and weighed heavily on her chest. She couldn't believe the things that she had found and she was certain that this was the breakthrough in the case they so desperately needed. They just needed to act fast.

"Nathan," she breathed, relieved. "I'm glad you're here. Is Sarg here?"

Nathan frowned at her frazzled appearance, but was equally delighted to see a small spark in her eye. One that he hadn't see in the last few weeks. Color had returned to her cheeks in a light pink flush.

"Uh, yeah. He's in his office. Is everything okay?"

"More than okay," Haley expressed. "But we need to act now. Follow me."

Quick like a fox, she led him into Keith's office, not even bothering to knock before swinging the door open. Alarmed, Keith looked up from his computer, a cross between a scowl and a concerned frown adorning his face.

"What in the hell?" Keith barked, throwing his glasses off his face. "This better be important if you're barging in here like you own the damn place."

"Peter Applegate is behind his daughter's kidnapping," Haley announced, almost cutting Keith off from his rant.

Nathan blinked in shock, looking back at Keith in confusion. After spending all today exhausting every resource they possibly had regarding this case, Nathan would have never arrived at that conclusion. Then again, Haley had always been the more "dig a little deeper" type.

"That's a pretty bold statement to make, James. I assume that you have significant evidence to back this up," Keith said sternly.

Without missing a beat, Haley slapped down the file she was holding, whipping it open. She pulled out pictures, copies of receipts, and other vital information.

"The day before Molly went missing, Peter made a $30,000 withdrawal from his bank account, only for it to be re-deposited three hours after they reported her missing," Haley rushed out, pointing to various items on the papers laid out in front of her. "At 3 am the morning of, Peter was caught on traffic surveillance meeting up with two unidentified males. One of them matches the descriptions given to us by witnesses who saw unusual activity taking place outside of their home."

"Have you been able to locate a possible motive?" Keith's question was sharp, like a whip smacking against unsheltered glass.

"Not yet," Haley replied quickly. "But I'm sure if I do some more digging, I might be able to find one. All of this is too…out of place not to mean anything."

Keith carefully looked over everything that was in front of him. He picked up a few of the papers to read them over before flipping through the photos. As usual, his face remained emotionless.

"All of that is circumstantial at best," Keith finally commented, seemingly brushing off every single thing Haley had uncovered.

"I'm telling you that something is fishy about Peter and I've never been surer of anything in my life," Haley attempted to argue. There was no way she was going to let this go. How could he not see what was right in front of them? It was a classic case of familial corruption. This was textbook.

Keith's jaw clicked into place as his face hardened. "I want you to pursue other possibilities."

Haley's jaw dropped a little, her forehead creasing. "What? Sarg, there is real evidence here."

Keith stuffed everything Haley had given him back in the folder and handed it back to her. "Pursue other possibilities."

Nathan could see Haley waning. She had that stance about her—the one that said she wasn't going to back down without a fight. He missed this side of Haley.

Surprisingly, she didn't say anything. Instead, she snatched the file of his hands and stomped out of his office. Nathan wasn't far behind her. When they were out of earshot, she swiveled around to look at her, eyes flashing with anger.

"I'm not gonna let this go."

~x~

Nathan rolled over, his fingers seeking the warmth of Haley's skin. Instead, they came in contact with the cool bareness of the sheets. It took little effort for him to flutter his eyes open, a huff of breath expelling from his lips as he pushed himself out of her bed. The muscles in his body were still weak with sleep as he shoved his shorts over his hips. Sluggishly, his legs moved on autopilot out of Haley's room while his mind took a gamble on where he would find her tonight.

A warm and familiar glow filled the hallway, spilling out from the living room. His eyes squinted as he approached the light, a yawn spilling from his lips. Rounding the corner, his brow furrowed in confusion. Haley is sitting on the floor with her back against the couch, wide awake. The leather photo albums that he'd spent a couple of nights straightening up were spread out around her. Nostalgia and a hint of sadness reflected in her eyes as she shuffled through the pictures.

Without saying a word, Nathan claimed the spot next to her. She glanced at him briefly, offering a forced and brittle smile before shifting her eyes back to the pictures. Peering over her shoulder, Nathan admired each picture that she flipped through. Some were of childhood pets and old school photos, while others were family photos and more recent snapshots. A calming warmth spread through him as caught snippets of her life. It might have seemed like no big deal to most people, but he knew it was huge for her to be this vulnerable with him.

Just as Nathan expected, Haley paused when she reached the photo he found clutched in between her fingers every night. Haley couldn't have been older than four in the picture, with her wild blonde curls and spotted-tooth grin. Taylor was sitting next to her, her dark hair just as unruly. The woman hugging them—which Nathan assumed was their mom— was vibrant. Her smile was wide, bright red lips stretching over sparkling teeth. Her eyes were almost exact replicas of Haley, as were her curls, only tinted red instead of blonde.

He couldn't help but wonder if that was the last picture they ever took together, given the fact she left not long after Haley turned four. If that were the case, that would make sense as to why Haley is so drawn to it.

"Is that your mom?" He asked, more to start a conversation than for confirmation.

"Yeah." Haley answered, drawing her fingers over the picture as if she was trying to commit every inch of it to memory. There were only a handful of pictures that existed of the three of them and this was her favorite.

"You look just like her."

"I get that a lot." Haley smiled briefly, glancing up at Nathan.

"You don't talk about her much," Nathan commented offhandedly, careful not to back her in a corner that would cause her to clam up.

Haley faltered, dropping the stack of pictures in her hands unceremoniously. She didn't know what made her more nervous—the invitation to talk about her family or the fact that she almost wanted to. Everything about Nathan was a temptation to let those walls she voluntarily built around her to collapse. She knew that as soon as she started inviting him over to spend the night, it was only going to be a matter of time before she said something to him.

"There really isn't much to say," she replied uneasily, bringing her knees up to her chest. "She left, decided to come back when Taylor got sick, and then just kind of left again. There's no need to keep rehashing that story over and over again."

"Do you miss her?"

"More than I probably should," Haley muttered quietly. "Sometimes, I wish I could just hop on a plane and go visit her. But then I think that that might cause more harm than it will good."

"Have you ever thought that maybe…that's exactly what you need?"

She visibly tensed. "I don't know…"

Her hesitation was clear, but Nathan didn't want to let her slip away that easily. He just needed to use proper calculation, even if all he received were bitter answers.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Nathan reminded her. "You can trust me."

She looked over at him, shooting him a warm smile. "It's not about trust, Nathan. I trust you. I just…I don't know how."

"How to what?"

Her nimble fingers began to pluck at the fabric of her pajama pants. "Talk about things. I don't know how to put my guard down far enough to reveal the things that bother me and the whole idea of it freaks me out. Even now, with the little I've said, my heart is racing."

"It's because of your dad, isn't it?" That was a bold thing to say and he feared he overstepped when the emotion in her eyes hardened.

An elephant was standing on her chest, she was sure of it. The urge to bolt was strong, to make up some excuse to get out of this conversation.

"What about your parents? You don't say much about them either," Haley quickly deflected.

This time, Nathan let her slide by. He already got a lot farther than he anticipated.

"There really isn't much to say," Nathan echoed her, a light-hearted smile on his face. Haley rolled her eyes, earning a croaky chuckle from Nathan.

"They've been overseas for the last few years," He began to explain a couple of seconds later. "It was always a dream of my dad's to explore the world and after he turned 50, he had this huge mid-life crisis and sold his business. He and my mom packed up their things and just took off."

Her brows furrowed. "Are you okay with that?"

Nathan nodded, adding a shrug to his shoulders. "He deserves it. After everything, he and my mom did for Lucas and I'm glad that he's finally doing something that he's always wanted to do."

"I take it he wasn't involved in the police force at all?"

Nathan shook his head. "No. He owned a car dealership.

When the conversation fizzled, Nathan took it upon himself to reach for the next picture in the stack. It was newer, glossier picture of Haley and Andy. They were dressed to the nines—Haley in a red knee-length dress and Andy in a dark grey suit. His arm was loosely around her waist, his lips pressed into a grim line and Haley's tipped in a genuine smile. Nathan soured at the picture—he still couldn't believe how blind Haley had been to Andy's true intentions with her. It was written all over his face in that picture and it only pissed him off more that Haley appeared to have opened herself up to him.

"That's the first picture Andy and I ever took together," Haley jumped in after peeking over his shoulder. "It was at one of my dad's parties."

"Can I ask a serious question?" Nathan pondered, dropping the picture quickly as if it burned him. The question he was about to ask was definitely not one of the innocent intentions.

"I'm sure you're gonna ask it with or without my permission," Haley quipped teasingly and he chuckled.

"What did you see in him?" He tried to keep his tone as even as possible, careful not to show any of his distaste.

"Security," she answered without a second thought.

An eyebrow shot up. "Meaning?"

Haley sighed, leaning her head back against the couch. She would be lying if she said she didn't ask herself that question often, even when she was blind enough to believe that she truly had feelings for him.

"He was made up of everything that I thought I was supposed to want," Haley responded carefully. "He was successful, good-looking, stable…the list goes on and on. He just felt…like the safe choice. Plus, my dad was fond of him…so I couldn't go wrong there."

"Was he what you wanted?" Nathan shot back.

"I don't know anymore." She mumbled honestly.

"Did you love him?" Nathan wasn't holding back, his mouth working quicker than his brain.

"Not in the way I was supposed to."

"How do you figure?"

Haley swallowed thickly. Out of all the questions he'd asked her tonight, this one was the easiest from her to answer.

"He didn't make my heart race by looking at me a certain way. Whenever I was around him, I didn't feel safe. I didn't feel alive. I just felt like a shell of myself, someone who was just empty but desperately trying to fill a void. When he touched me…there was no spark. He didn't set my soul on fire and there sure as hell was never any ease inside of me whenever he was around."

The air around them felt thick as their eyes locked. Haley's confession passed her lips in a shaky whisper-like there was some hidden meaning sneaking around the words she didn't say.

Nathan was thrown back to when she had whispered all those cryptic things to him seconds before losing consciousness. He never asked her about them and for a while, he assumed that she had no recollection of the things she'd said. Looking in her eyes now, with that little glint of longing and fear shining back at him, he knew that subconsciously, she did and she meant every word.


	17. Chapter 17

I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. It's more logistical stuff than it is Naley? I wanted this part to be a stand-alone because it shows what happens with the current case we're working on and increases the downward spiral Haley is on that eventually leads her to the train tracks you saw in the prologue. So, that explains its shorter length. I didn't think it was necessary to divulge too much into the case and just tried to focus more on Haley's emotions. Hopefully, that was the right call, haha.

I know you're probably as tired of reading about Haley's issues as I am of writing them. But we're finally reaching the final hurdle. One thing that I tried to show with this story is how recovery from mental and physical trauma isn't always a linear thing. People go through ups and downs to find their way back, as well as a slew of emotions, which some of them can be quite reckless. And in Haley's situation, her issues with her father and the impacts that those issues have, have been a part of her life since she was young, so that makes it even more complicated. Like I've said a thousand times before, I didn't want to rush through her issues because I wanted this story to be as realistic as possible. Which is also part of the reason Naley is not together yet. But I promise you, we are getting there! Thanks for sticking with me & I cannot wait to show you guys what other stories I have up my sleeve :)

* * *

 _October 7th, 2010_

Haley looked around frantically. Cold sweat dripped off her skin, her clothes and strands of hair sticking to her body. But she felt nothing. Not the pounding of her heart or the ache in her head.

The flashing blue and red lights were blinding, but she refused to look away. Loud, angry, and frantic voices surrounded her, but she couldn't make out a single word. The moving bodies swiped past her in colorful blurs. Some were saying things to her, while others ignored her very presence. Either way, she paid them no attention.

All she could focus on was one singular thought: _this is all your fault._

This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't supposed to end up this way. How had this happened? How did she let this happen? Why didn't she just listen?

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the livid and stocky silhouette of her dad approaching her. She didn't move an inch. She couldn't. Every ounce of energy she had left was sucked out of her. She wanted to hear whatever insults he was going to throw at her. She wanted him to cut her down, to bury her.

She deserved it. She had nothing else to lose.

 _8 hours earlier…_

"Haley, I think you need to rethink your approach," Brooke muttered, her eyes gleaming restlessly at all of the papers in front of her.

Clay tapped his chin with a pencil, a pensive look on his face. "I think you're on to something, but I don't quite think it's that."

Haley wanted to scream. It was right in front of them…how could they not see it? The people she worked with were some of the smartest and most cunning. The things she was pointing out were so textbook, things that were given as examples to them in the police academy.

This was all starting to feel like some kind of sick prank. Like her father has infiltrated all of their minds and convinced them to twist her brain until they tricked her into thinking that she was crazy.

"It's right in front of you?" she practically shouted. "How do you guys not see it?"

"It's certainly a plausible theory," Julian commented, crossing his arms over his chest. "Most high-profile kidnapping cases like these usually are done by someone close to the family. I'm just not sure if the dad is who we should be looking at."

"Yeah," Clay agreed. "What would be his motive? Are there other explanations to the shifting around of money?"

Haley stared at him, jaw unhinged in disbelief and the manic inside of her rising. Her voice was a clipped tone, aggravation shining on her features. "Of course, I've looked into those things. What kind of detect—"

"Like I had instructed Detective James, I think it would be in our best interest to keep our eyes and our options open," Keith quickly cut her off, the toe of his steel boots clicking loudly against the linoleum floor. It was just an added allure to the dominance he normally possessed.

Glancing around the room, every pair of eyes staring back at her were…sympathetic. She hated sympathy. She expected at least one person to speak on her behalf, but they all remained silent. The only one who wasn't looking at her with pitiful eyes was Nathan. Concern had become a permanent part of his features over the last few weeks, but now there was a hint of empathy.

She didn't know what she hated more.

Taking one more look at Keith with disdain in her eyes, she turned on her heel and walked out of their meeting area.

She wasn't going to back down.

~x~

The coffee burned her throat, but the irritation was too great in her veins to feel anything else. She could feel it in her bones that there was something off about the case they were working on. There was just something sinister about it that told her they were looking in the wrong places and they were wasting time.

Haley had never felt so…invisible in her life. It was like every word that she said just evaporated into thin air before it reached her colleagues' ears. Keith must have gotten to them first. She wouldn't put it passed her father to demand that Keith give him daily reports on her progress and when his version of a red flag came up, he instructed Keith to make her feel as small as he possibly could.

Sometimes she wondered if the only way to become free of him was to quit her job.

The breakroom door swung open and out of the corner of her eye, she watched Nathan walkthrough. He'd removed his leather jacket, leaving him in just a light blue button-down. He was still wearing that damn empathetic look of his that drove her crazy. It was a weird phenomenon, part of her wanted to do nothing more than to pull him close and never let go, while the other part of her wished she could just wash him out of her system.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" He asked casually, reaching in one of the cupboards and grabbing a porcelain cup.

"Don't ask questions you already know the answer to," Haley barked without even glancing at him. The sharp click of her tongue was quicker and harsher than she intended, but Nathan appeared unfazed.

Just like every night for the last two weeks, Haley had texted him around ten, inviting him over to the apartment. When he crawled into bed next to her, he instantly felt the tension in her body. Her fingers had drummed a restless rhythm on his chest, occasionally pausing to pick anxiously at the comforter resting over his waist. He spent the night listening intently for that soft sigh she made whenever she slept or for the inevitable dip in the bed he would feel whenever she snuck off. Neither of those things ever happened.

"I'm sorry," Haley breathed a second later, the muscles in her face relaxing. She closed her eyes, willing herself to take a calming breath and reign in her emotions. "You didn't deserve that. I just…this case. I have this feeling, Nathan, that I can't shake. I just don't understand why no one else is seeing what I'm seeing."

Nathan stayed pensive for a quiet moment. Her fluctuating emotions were giving him whiplash and he was weaving recklessly while he tried to navigate them. He was usually the one with a short fuse, not her.

 _Tread lightly, Nathan._

"I don't think it's necessarily that they're not seeing what you're seeing," Nathan commented hesitantly, leaning against the countertop. He left just enough space between them to feel the brush of her shirt against his.

Judging by the look on his face, Haley knew that he was biting his tongue for her sake and it sparked another fiery anger inside of her. Everyone was walking on eggshells around her and she despised it. She wasn't some porcelain little doll that needed to be tended to and handled with care.

"Say what's on your mind, Nathan," Haley directed him sternly. "I want to hear it."

There were two approaches he could have taken to this—unfiltered honesty or a heavily cushioned blow. Admittedly, he didn't know which approach would have benefited her most or at the very least, was the least harmful. That ticking time bomb that he pictured above her head was losing minutest quickly.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked after a long pause. He made sure to speak softly and carefully. He wasn't sure how much longer he could go on like this without…interfering. Haley may not have wanted help, but she surely needed it and it was killing him to stand so idly by. People kept telling him that he was doing all that he could, but it still didn't feel like enough.

"Why would you ask me such a thing?"

"Because I'm worried that you're throwing yourself into this case too quickly because you want that feeling of normalcy back."

An unreadable emotion flashed in her eyes and immediately wished he could've taken his words back. That teetering edge that he'd been walking on with her crumbled beneath his feet, leaving him with nothing but air to grasp at.

"Great, you think I'm crazy, too," Haley grumbled while she poured out the remaining coffee in her cup. It was starting to taste sour.

"No, I don't," Nathan quickly dismissed, discarding his cup of coffee as well. Stepping closer to her, he gently put his hands on her shoulders, willing her to believe him. "Look, I think we can all agree that there's something fishy going on with the dad. But with the high stakes case like this, we can't…we can't be reckless. We need to be sure of our moves and we can't afford to make mistakes."

"You're not helping your case at all with that, Nathan," Haley snipped, jerking her body away from his touch. The warmth from his hands was as distracting as it was constricting.

Her body was buzzing with anger and disbelief. She felt like she was screaming at the top of her lungs in a crowded room and no even flinched. The air was being squeezed out of her lungs, numbly grazed tears resting in the corners of her eyes.

"Haley," Nathan tried to protest. She was closing herself off and it was then he realized he'd failed miserably.

"No matter which way you spin it, it all means the same thing—I'm not thinking clearly and I'm not mentally stable enough to handle this case." Her voiced sound hostile like she was looking to pick a fight with him. The rise in volume came as a surprise—Haley almost never raised her voice.

"That's not what I said at all," Nathan argued lightly.

"You didn't have to say it. It's written in the words you didn't say."

"What? Haley, that doesn't even make sense!"

"Why else would you all be so quick to dismiss what I've said?!" Her throat burned as her voice cracked, shaking beneath the weight of the scream she was trying to suppress. "Every single person in that room stared at me like I was speaking Chinese and they weren't in a hurry to learn it. Do you realize how humiliating that was for me?"

Nathan was rendered speechless. The wildness in her eyes was alarming, tears staining her cheeks. He wasn't sure she even realized that she was crying. He didn't recognize the girl in front of him—the hollowness in her cheeks, the dull grey film over her eyes, and the blue and purple hues in her skin made for a perfect picture of a broken girl.

When Haley brushed the hair out of her face, she was surprised at the wetness she found on her cheeks. Shifting her gaze, she glared at the shiny wetness that covered her fingertips. Briskly, she swiped her hand along the edge of her pants.

"You should go," Haley croaked, turning her back away from him. The only thing she hated more than sympathy was crying in front of people.

"Hales, please. Just let me help you."

She couldn't see his face, but she could picture him perfectly. The clouds in his storm eyes were surely rolling in, accompanied by that crinkle in his forehead that appeared whenever he was stressed.

"I don't need your help. Just go."

For some reason, those words felt painful to say. Her throat closed around them, razor blades slicing at the back of her tongue. The pain intensified when she heard the break room door creak open only to slam shut a few seconds later. Pushing him away never worked, but she kept trying.

Nathan was right—she did throw herself back into her work in order to find her footing again, but is that what they wanted? There would have been no point to her coming back to work if she wasn't going to instantly get back into the swing of things. That wasn't how she healed. Didn't they get that?

~x~

The house towering before her was immaculate, far bigger than any house she'd seen even in the richest parts of New York Andy had dragged her around. The modern, steel-like siding gave the house a futuristic feel, while the cool white spotlights protruding from the garden accentuated its architectural beauty.

Sliding out of the NYPD's mustang, she quietly shut the door. The house itself seemed too silent, the air around it stale and thick. As she walked up the brick sidewalk, she rested one hand on gun holstered to her hip, while the other one resituated the badge around her neck.

She wasn't authorized to be there and when Keith found out, she'd be written up, maybe even fired considering how high profile this case was. She didn't fear the consequences and she wasn't going to regret her decisions. The only thing she feared was letting this case slip through her fingers, not when her gut feeling was so strong that it was all she could think about.

When she was in the academy, one of the biggest things that talked about was how seventy percent of their job was made up of pure instinct. It was drilled into their heads that if something didn't feel right or seemed fishy, it most likely was and it was better to be safe than sorry.

Reaching up to knock on the door, she froze when she noticed it slightly ajar. Crinkling her eyebrows, she unclipped the gun from her waist and cocked it, extending her arms in front of her. Jerking her hip to prop the door open farther, she stealthily slipped inside of the house. The inside of the house was just as immaculate as the outside. Eerie quietness surrounded her. Yellow tape and white markers still littered the floor and blocked off doorways.

Inching through the house slowly, she paused at every corner, peaking around before she emerged. Clothes were strewn about on the leather couches and carpeted floors. With every room, she passed without the sign of humanity and just more signs of distress, the harder her heart pounded.

The large wooden picture frame on the hallway table caught her eye. The picture itself was vibrant and glossy like it had just come off the hot press. Lily, Peter and Ashley's daughter, was smiling back at Haley, a grin bright and with missing teeth. Soft blonde curls framed her face and danced above her big, expressive eyes. Just by that picture, Haley came to the conclusion that this little girl was full of life, bringing rays of sunshine to every room that she went into.

The picture next to a family portrait. Judging by Lily's younger appearance, the picture was taken at least a year ago. Peter was laying across a blue and white picnic blanket, Lily suspended in his arms. They were both posed in a mid-laugh, one that was purely genuine. Peter's wife, Sara, looking on fondly at them from her spot on the picnic. It was a perfect candid of a perfect family.

It was almost unbelievable that a father could harm his family the way that Peter had.

Moving away from the pictures, she headed towards the kitchen. The second she heard the voices, she froze and flattened her back against the nearest wall. Straining to

"I'll do whatever you want. Just please don't hurt Lily. She isn't a part of this."

"Do you have the other half of the money?"

The voices were muffled, but the words were clear. One of the sounded robotic-like someone was using a voice synthesizer to disguise their voice. Doing a quick check of her gun, Haley approached the kitchen. It was now or never.

Her heart rankled in her chest as she forced herself to take several calming breaths. Adrenaline gave her that final push that she needed.

"NYPD!"

Peter's head whipped around at the sound of her voice. It hadn't occurred to her that Peter would be talking to someone on the phone, rather than conspiring with someone in person. His eyes were wide as he tossed his hands in the air, seemingly forgetting about the phone call he was partaking in.

"You called the cops?!" The voice boomed over the phone, the accompanying growl angry and sinister. It had them both freezing.

"No, I…I, no, I—" Peter stuttered, looking back over at Haley with desperate eyes.

Before Haley had a chance to act, the synthesized voice barked again.

"I thought we had a deal…no cops or Lily dies. I don't think you're going to like what comes next."

The line on the phone went dead, the dial tone filling the dreadful silence. Then came Peter's desperate cries. He was shouting at Haley, begging her to do something and blaming her for interrupting his phone call.

At that moment, Haley's world shattered into a million pieces. She grew limp, her gun falling from her hands and her knees hitting the hardwood floor. Pain sliced through her chest as the realization settled inside of her. She'd singlehandedly just made a bad situation even worse.

A cold sweat popped on to her skin as every sense of breath left her. She was going to be sick.

~x~

Sirens blared around her, flashing emergency lights burning her sensitive eyes. Her fingers were twitching against her palms and shivers ripping through her body, either from anxiety or the frigid air whipping around her. Consciously, she didn't feel a thing, every twitch of her body was involuntary.

Loud voices boomed in her ears, but she couldn't make out a single word. Squinted and anxious eyes darted in her general direction. She ignored those too. Everything around her was moving in slow motion, streaks of color staining her peripheral vision.

This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't supposed to end up this way. How had this happened? How did she let this happen? Why didn't she just listen?

Everything had happened so…fast. One minute felt like a victory like she had finally found the proof that she was looking for. The next, every fiber of the rocky foundation she was standing on crumbled.

That little girl…God. What had she done?

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her dad approaching her. It was only a matter of time before he showed up and his stocky figure gave away just how livid he was. The fear that he had instilled in her at such a young age was surprisingly dormant. In fact, she wanted to hear what insults he was going to throw at her. She certainly deserved to hear every word.

Every step closer Jimmy made towards her, the more her chest caved in. Finally, stopping in front of her, he remained mute. A razor blade-like scowl shaped upon his lips, a look of absolute disgust in his eyes. She'd never felt so small in her life.

Then, he just walked away. His silent glare cut deeper than any reckless word he ever threw at her.

Stumbling backward, she leaned against one of the many cop cars that littered the street. She hadn't counted, but it seemed like the entire New York police force was there to fix her error. She wondered what the rest of her team was thinking right now. They were probably cursing her name like Peter Applegate was.

How could she have been so stupid?

"Hales."

It wasn't until she heard his voice did she feel her heart beating again and her knees buckled. Unlike the aura of everyone else around her, he didn't appear hostile or even angry. Guilt punched her in the gut.

"Are you okay?!"

The concern in his voice was palpable and her gut twisted further. There were a million other things that he should have been concerned about at that moment, but he chose to focus on her. She didn't care what other people said about him—Nathan Scott was a saint and she didn't deserve him.

What the fuck was she doing? Throwing herself a pity party…in a time like this? Jimmy James had always been right about her—she was incredibly selfish.

The warmth from Nathan's hand brushing against her bare arm sucked all the air out of her lungs. It was the first real thing she felt in hours and she loathed it. His touch reminded her of everything that was good in this life-like vibrant sunsets over the Brooklyn Bridge or crawling into a bed of clean sheets after a long day. The comfort those things normally provided her were like nails on a chalkboard.

"I need to get out of here."

She didn't recognize her own voice. The vibrato was shaky…cracked.

Before she walked away, Nathan grabbed her hand, his fingers slotting into hers like perfect puzzles pieces. Heat burned through her veins. His hand encased hers so gently and so warmly it was cruel.

For a split second, she almost gave in to every desire she had. Feeling Nathan's arms wrap around her would surely calm the raging storm inside of her, but she couldn't allow that to happen. She just couldn't.

"I'm sorry," Haley muttered right before brutally tearing her hand away from his. Without a second glance at his sullen face, she raced away.


	18. Chapter 18

Trigger Warning: this chapter does contain slight mentions and ideations of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

This chapter and the previous one could have easily been one chapter, but as I said in my last author's note, I wanted these two parts to stand alone. Secondly, getting in the correct headspace to write this was hard. I don't think I've ever written something this dark before? If I have, it's been a long time. I truly hope that I did Haley's struggles justice. It's definitely hard to write a character that is so canonically strong and level headed in a way that's the complete opposite of that, but I had a lot of fun doing so!

P.S. I apologize for any errors!

* * *

 _October 13th, 2010_

Nothing.

She felt nothing.

Not the steady beat of her heart rattling the cage of her ribs. Not the cotton sheets beneath her fingertips or the scratchy feel the sweater wrapped around her body.

Nothing.

Her bones were made of paperweights, holding her body willingly against her bed.

Occasionally, she heard the faint sound of her cell phone ringing from the living room. She assumed it was Keith calling her to ask why she wasn't at work for the 5th day in a row or to chastised her some more. Maybe it was her father…but that one was less likely. He hadn't said a word to her in a week. The more plausible answer was reporters, begging for a comment on the Applegate scandal…the one she had unintentionally made worse.

She didn't want to talk to anyone.

Her eyes burned from the lack of sleep. In the last few days, she's gotten maybe a solid five hours of sleep, when her body finally passed out from pure exhaustion. The nightmares would inevitably wake her up not long after.

Her entire world was shattered. Everything that she thought she knew didn't matter anymore. How could she move past this? What was the point anymore? Everyone she worked with probably hated her. She was bound to become an example that they use at the police academy for things that you shouldn't do.

Very faintly, she heard the click of her front door, followed by the padding of footsteps. She didn't have to ask—she already knew who it was.

Every time he stepped through that door, she wanted to yell at him. She wanted to scream at him to leave her alone, to let her be. She wasn't his responsibility and it killed her that he had self-proclaimed himself as her keeper. She didn't need a keeper and she sure as hell didn't need the guilt of dragging him down with her.

He deserved someone better than her and sometimes, she so desperately wanted to be that better…but it was just so hard.

Without saying a word, he slipped into her room and placed a glass of water on the bedside table.

"Have you eaten anything today?" Nathan asked gently, sitting down next to her.

Sluggishly, she rolled on her side, facing him. The concern that had perfectly etched itself on to his face cut through her. Bags weighed beneath his eyes as finger marks tracked through his hair. Worry lines were carved into his forehead like deep trenches.

It wasn't fair to him. This was her burden to carry and she was starting to affect everyone around her.

It was the only facet of emotion she'd felt in days.

"I had some toast earlier," she mumbled, her voice brittle and scratchy. It wasn't necessarily a lie as she'd managed to choke down two bites before her stomach lurched.

Nathan looked at her with a frown. Everything in her appearance was unkempt, which was completely unlike her. He was waiting for something like this to happen and the reality was far worse than anything he could have imagined.

His default setting nowadays was helplessness, but he refused to give up. Haley was too important to him to just give up, even if he felt as if he'd already exhausted all of his resources. Everyone kept telling him that this was something that she needed to figure out on her own. That wasn't enough to stop him from worrying.

Depression, he knew, was a singular struggle for everyone. Some people, they just woke up one day and the sun seemed a little brighter. Others needed a little more guidance. He was fully prepared to do whatever he needed.

"Don't you have an appointment with Tim today?"

She shrugged weakly.

"You shouldn't be skipping those sessions. They're important."

"Not anymore."

Nathan sighed tiredly. They ran through the same routine every day for the last few days. He silently promised himself that he was going to allow her one more day of mental recovery before he was going to take a more direct approach.

"Do you want to talk to me about it?" He offered. The offer was weak as he already knew she wouldn't accept it. He figured if he asked enough, eventually, those voices in her head would become too loud for her to ignore.

"I just want it all to go away." Her voice cracked like she was holding back a sob. "I just want it to stop."

Tears blurred her vision, but she refused to let them fall. Not again. The pain she felt was so magnified that she almost felt nothing.

The broken pieces of Nathan's heart cracked further. Gently, he caressed a hand down her cheek, brushing away a few unruly strands. His breath hitched in his throat when she leaned into his touch, her eyes closing. Her skin felt brittle beneath his fingertips like if he pressed too hard she would turn to dust.

"We need to get you out of this apartment," he decided. "Get you some fresh air."

"I can't," she quickly responded. A cold sweat broke out on her skin at the idea of seeing the world again. She didn't belong there anymore.

"Hales," he protested. He didn't want to use tough love, but she was giving him no choice. "I think it would be good for you."

Grabbing the comforter on her bed, she wrapped it around her body, burying her head within its softness. If only that cocoon could make her disappear forever. "I can't."

"When's the last time you went outside?"

She didn't answer.

"Haley," he sighed. "I know you're hurting right now and I'm not gonna try and pretend I know what you're going through. But what I do know is that lying in this bed…is not going to help you. It's not going to change what happened."

His words were like ice, slicing through her weak body. There was a spark that simmered just below the surface. It was too frail to determine whether or not it was born out of hope or something more sinister. Whatever it was brought her a sick kind of comfort, one that she wanted to get lost in.

"The unit is going on to Rudy's tonight," Nathan continued. "It might do you some good to have some fun."

"Okay," she gave in, the word slipping out of her mouth before her brain could tell her no.

~x~

Rudy's felt different. The music sounded louder, increasing the pounding of her headache. All the voices around her were distracting. She caught bits and pieces of passing conversations, certain words appearing louder than others like they were spelling out a secret message meant only for her. She was acutely aware of the clothes on her body, the fabric rubbing against her skin with every step she took.

Her body was in sensory overload and it was heightening her anxiety.

She walked timidly beside Nathan. Somewhere between exiting his car and walking through the front entrance, Nathan's hand found the small of her back. That simple action warmed her cool body, subduing her frazzled nerves just a fraction.

Everyone hated her, she was convinced. Or at least, they thought less of her. She wouldn't have blamed them. Her stupid mistakes just made for more work for them. Alarms were blaring in her head, begging her to turn around and run back home. She shouldn't be there. What was she thinking?

As if he could hear her every thought, Nathan halted them just before reaching their table of friends. He ran his fingers over her wrists and up her arms until his hands were resting on her shoulders. A muted warmth trickled behind his touch before it evaporated.

"Are you sure you're okay being here?"

Haley's nod was hesitant. "You…you were right. Hiding in my room isn't going to change what happened."

Her lie sounded weak to her ears and she feared Nathan wasn't going to buy it. She still wasn't sure what prompted her to say yes. She didn't want this and being there was like nails on a chalkboard.

 _Run. Get out of there. They don't want you here. You don't want to be here._

He studied her, searching for any sign that she was uncomfortable and only agreeing to this to be obligatory. Her blank, pale expression gave nothing away. Her usual warm and inviting eyes were emotionless, dark pools of color that reminded him of black holes.

"You let me know the second you want to leave, okay?" He hoped he wasn't pushing her.

She flashed a weak smile. He was way too good to her.

Nathan dropped one of his hands and gave one of hers a quick squeeze before walking towards the table containing their friends. Immediately, Haley noticed how underdressed she was. The guys were in dress shirts and nice jeans, while Brooke had leather pants, heels, and a white jean jacket on. It was hard enough running a brush through her hair, let alone sleeping on jeans and a raggedy old t-shirt.

"Haley!" Brooke greeted, rising from the booth. To Haley, her smile seemed a little too bright. "I'm so glad you're here!" And her voice was a little too sugary.

Haley allowed Brooke's arms to wrap around her body. The hug felt cold and distant—awkward like an affectionate moment between two strangers.

"Come, sit, sit." Brooke motioned towards the open seats at the booth. "Chris was just about to tell us about this girl that turned him down."

"She didn't turn me down!" Chris protested.

"Right," Clay laughed. "Because slapping you in the back of the head is a total come on."

She heard Nathan chuckle from behind her as they slid into the booth, his breath dancing across the back of her neck. It was little things like that that reminded her she was still alive.

"Do you want something to drink?" Nathan asked her once they were settled.

"Vodka soda," she mumbled. It was the only thing that sounded appealing as it was stronger than a beer.

Nathan appeared shocked at her choice for a second, but luckily didn't question her.

She took a healthy sip of the cocktail she ordered when it arrived. She hoped that the alcohol would soak up all of her thoughts. She wasn't normally the type to turn to alcohol to solve all of her problems, but she figured there was a first time for everything. But when the alcohol glided down her throat, she grimaced. There was no taste, like all of her taste buds had been burned off. It wasn't the drink, though, it was her.

Pushing the drink away, she sunk further into the booth. Looking at the smiling faces around her, her chest tightened. It was like she was a wallflower. No one was looking in her direction or trying to include her in the conversation.

 _They all hate you. They're just biding their time until you're gone._

They were acting like nothing happened like there wasn't this giant elephant in the room filled to the brim with her demise. It was driving her mad. She wanted them to yell, to tear her down into she was bleeding and bruised. The jokes they told and the stories they recited…she wanted to laugh along with them. She wanted to smile in the right places and shoot in her own punchline.

"That reminds me of when I was younger," Brooke said, laughing. "I used to play with this boy down the street and every day, he would ask me out and every day I would say no, even though he knew I had the biggest crush on him. It was a stupid game we used to play."

"That sounds like an awful game," Chris mumbled.

"Well, what other kinds of games did you play as a child?" Brooke wondered with a pointed look.

"I used to play on the train tracks with my sister," Haley cut in softly. Silence fell over the group like they weren't expecting her to talk. Their eyes tattooed her skin, but she didn't meet any of their eyes.

Part of her was just talking absently, letting the words flow out of her without a purpose.

"We would wait until we knew a train was coming," she whispered, her voice almost monotone. "They used to come one after another in our town. We'd each take turns standing on the track, keeping tabs on how long each of us would stand there until we chickened out. Whoever stayed on the longest, got to pick what we watched on TV that night."

No one knew how to respond to her story and she didn't expect them to. But in telling that story, she felt a sense of clarity. A dark clarity.

~x~

The frigid fall air nipped at her cheeks and gently caressed her hair.

Haley couldn't remember exactly how she had ended up on that train track. Moments ago, she was sitting in a booth at Rudy's. The loud music and voices filled the empty space in her head, almost as much as the alcohol burned her throat. She remembered how childhood stories started to randomly spill from her mouth, but the only one she vividly remembered telling was the one about playing on train tracks with her sister.

But for the life of her, she couldn't remember how she physically ended up on those train tracks around the corner from her apartment. Everything to her felt…cloudy. She didn't feel real. Nothing around her felt real.

It started out as a fun night out, something that her—boyfriend? Co-worker? Friend? At this point, she wasn't sure what to call him—had suggested. She wasn't sure why she agreed. The idea of going out and socializing with people wasn't appealing to her in the slightest.

She didn't want to do anything. She didn't want to see anyone, not when even the act of breathing was enough to drain all of her energy.

Maybe the only reason she said yes to going out was because she could never say no to the person asking.

She was aware of her friends—if she still had the right to call them that—laughing. It wasn't long ago that a sound as musical as that would make her smile.

They weren't paying attention to her—too wrapped up in their own laughter and company to care about what she was doing. Besides, she was just playing a game, a stupid and juvenile game of chicken. The game was simple. When you felt the ground begin to tremble beneath your feet, you braced yourself. The wheels rubbing against the metal tracks would be deafening but you couldn't let them drown you out. Staying still was key, maintaining focus on the rapidly approaching train until your fears sliced through you and forced you off the tracks.

It was just a game. A stupid game.

Only what she was doing didn't feel like a game. It felt darker…heavier. It felt like the end. That spark she felt earlier was back, but it was dark and raging. Sinister, even. It burned her from the inside out, breaking down every bit of hope and love she had left inside of her.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of Nathan smiling and her blood ran cold. He was the only one who had the power to make her _feel,_ something she wanted to embrace and push away.

That fucking smile—it did things to her. It was one of a weaker variety that didn't quite reach his eyes. She was the reason for that and the guilt left her breathless. His smile was always her favorite thing about him, the way it lit up his face and carved crinkles into his eyes. It was his smile that initially drew her to him and it was his smile that she fell in love with.

She didn't want to fall in love with him and she had spent so much time trying to convince herself that she didn't love him. He was infuriating and everything that she hated in a man. But he set her soul on fire. It was always him, no matter how much she tried to hide behind Andy or convince herself that she didn't.

The desire to walk over to him and touch him hit her like a ton of bricks. She craved his warmth and in some twisted way, it felt like maybe touching him would be her last chance at survival. As soon as that thought had entered her mind, it was gone. All it left behind was a darkness that swallowed her whole.

When that darkness melted away, a deep pain resonated in her chest. All breath left her as she squeezed her eyes shut. Lily stared back at her, with her soft blonde curls, bright green eyes, wild smile. Her legs shook, a painful lump growing her throat. Why didn't she just listen to Keith? She was so damn selfish. She wanted so badly to prove her father wrong and now Lily was still lost somewhere in the streets of New York City…or worse.

The last thing her father said to her still bounced around in her head. His words had cut her so deep she wasn't sure she would ever recover. Invisible scars forever imprinted on perfect porcelain skin, constant reminders of her weakness and stupidity.

 _"I told you that you weren't cut out for this job, Haley. You're weak. You never stop to think. God, I can't even look at you right now. This entire district knows you're my daughter and because of that, your mistakes mean more. How do you think all of this makes me feel? Makes me look? I'm ashamed to call you my daughter."_

The worst part of all of this was that she wholeheartedly believed the things her father had said. She _was_ weak. She _didn't_ think. She _was_ a failure.

The sound of the train's siren had her eyes popping open, silent tears slipping off her eyelashes. The ground began to shake beneath her. The sound of metal on metal drowned out her every thought. The two bright lights on the front of the train stood out harshly against the dark sky like little specks of stars in the night sky.

The train seemed to be moving slowly, yet quickly at the same time. The lights appeared brighter and larger with every inch closer. Squinted her eyes, her lips parted as her chest heaved for breath. Her entire body trembled—from the intensity of the situation or from the ground shaking—she wasn't sure.

The screaming of her friends trickled in slowly over the roaring and pounding in her ears. She couldn't make out what they were saying, only the traces of desperation and fear.

Panic and alarm soared through her as the train came barreling towards her. The horn sounded again, the lights completely blinding her. The large boxcar seemed to be moving in slow motion as everything around her came to a screeching halt. She didn't want this. She didn't want to die—she realized—she just wanted the _pain_ to end. But even with her brain screaming at her that she needed to move, her feet seemed to have a mind of their own. They'd become cemented to the metal tracks.

"Haley! Move!" Brooke called out, her voice strained with fear. "This isn't funny anymore."

"Goddammit, Haley! You've proved your point!" Clay's voice came next.

"Haley!" That time, it was Nathan calling out to her. For a moment, she faltered. The pain and desperation in his voice awoke something inside of her, but it still wasn't enough.

She closed her eyes and waited for the excruciating pain. The sound of the train's wheels were deafening now. Her life flashed before her eyes. It wasn't a surprise to her that every moment that replayed in her mind included Nathan—the first time they met that first day of class, the first time he kissed her on her countertop and they tumbled to her bed, dancing with him at the benefit, sleeping next to him after a reckless night—it was all there.

As if something clicked inside of her, her eyes popped open, but it was too late.

She waited for the excruciating pain, for the darkness to completely swallow her.

Something hard hit her from the side, but it wasn't the train. The image of the bright lights were rapidly replaced by the starless night sky. The hard gravel that was pressing into her back rumbled as the train blew passed her, hot winds brushing her body.

Slowly, her senses came back to her. There was someone laying halfway on top of her, their chest rattling with puffs of breath. An arm was so securely wrapped around her waist, fingertips making harsh indents in her hips.

It was Nathan.

Fog cleared from her eyes, his face appearing in front of her in high definition. The look on his face completely wrecked her.

A sob tore from her throat, streams of tears pouring out of her eyes. She clung on to him, her arms wrapping around his neck and fisting his shirt. He held on to her just as tightly, running his hands soothing up and down her back.

"Help me," she cried.


	19. Chapter 19

I had no plans to take this long of a hiatus from writing, it kind of just happened. Between school, my internship, and work, I just got swamped with one thing ever another for weeks at a time. It was insanity. With that being said, I am a little rusty. It was a little hard for me to get back into the mindset of these characters and just the overall flow of the story, but I tried my best! I'm hoping to never take that big of a gap again, because wow...that seriously screwed me up, haha. This chapter was so difficult to write, probably the most difficult out of all of them. Haley's in a weird place right now and I kind of just used this chapter to set the stage for the rest of her recovery, if that makes sense.

Regardless, I hope you enjoy! There isn't a ton of Naley in this chapter, but the next three chapters after this one are going to be nothing but Naley! We are getting to the end of this story, but I'm still working out how many chapters are left. I don't think it would be fair of me to give Naley such a slow burn only to end the story a chapter or two after they make it officially. So, I'm currently trying to work out how to give them so fluffiness while still making it meaningful!

* * *

 _October 20th, 2010_

Sunlight poured in from the large window, basking her hospital room in a warm glow. Her hospital bracelet tickled her arm as she crossed them over her chest, peering out at the restless city before her. It was barely 7 am and the highways were already packed, bumper to bumper traffic that she almost missed being in.

These last few days had been mentally taxing, but she'd never feel so rejuvenated before. The sunlight was warm on her skin, bathing her a warm and gentle glow. She took notice of the birds chirping, the comfort of her clothes as the fabric hugged her skin, the bland taste of the hospital food on her tongue…all of the little things that most people don't take note of, but make life what it is.

She felt alive, for better or for worse.

The storm in her brain had disappeared—leaving behind broken branches, tangled shrubs, and pieces of torn-apart furniture. Peeking through the lingering fog were streams of daylight, of clarity.

It almost felt as if she were living an entirely new life and the moments that had encompassed her life a week ago were nothing but distant nightmares.

Almost.

The echoes were there and they could be loud. Vibrant. They crept up like vengeful ghosts, grabbing her by the throat and squeezing until everything around her faded away. Seconds later, their grip would loosen and air would bloat her lungs. Each time it happened, another piece of her broken self slotted back into its respective place.

This time, it wasn't the end. It was the beginning.

"Haley."

She turned at the soft voice of Cheryl, the nurse that had been assigned to her. She was an elderly woman with tired wrinkles surrounding her pale eyes. Out of all the nurses and doctors that were constantly checking her, Haley liked Cheryl the most. She had a natural warmth to her that made Haley feel safe.

"Do you feel up for some visitors?"

Yesterday was the first day she was allowed visitors. Since then, it had been almost a constant stream of people filtering in and out of her room. Most of them were beat cops stopping in to drop off obligatory flowers from the ivory tower, or to snoop around since she was the talk of the precinct. Surprisingly, they didn't bother her. Peyton had spent most of the day with her, sneaking her snacks that had more than five grams of sugar.

"Okay."

Cheryl's presence was soon replaced by a group of her friends. They were all wearing the same apprehensive expression and it made her uneasy. One thing that hadn't changed over the last few days was her ability to handle pity. She welcomed their support and help, but she didn't want to be treated like she was a fragile bomb.

"Hey."

"Hey, H. James, how are you feeling?" Chris broke the ice, leaning towards her with a charming smile. She welcomed his hug, squeezing him a little tighter than was necessary.

When the hug broke, everyone else moved in to shower her with the same kind of love. In each of their hugs,

"We would have been here sooner, but we've been on lockdown for the last 48 hours. Work…you know how it is," Brooke said apologetically. There was a hyper clip to her tone, giving away just how nervous she was.

Haley shook her head. "No need to apologize. I get it."

"You look well," Julian commented.

Haley smiled softly, motioning for them to take a seat. "You know, you don't have to treat me like I'm a porcelain doll. I'm okay."

There was an awkward shuffle as they all claimed a seat. She hated the thickness that seemed to linger in the air around them.

"We know," Julian said, clearing his throat. "It's just…"

"Extremely uncomfortable," Haley supplied for him.

She couldn't blame them. How do you approach a friend and a coworker after seeing them apparently trying to commit suicide?

"We just want you to know that we're here for you," Julian answered with a soft smile. "You've become an integral part of this team. You're our family and you don't walk away from family no matter what happens."

Warmth seeped through her bones and wrapped around her like a hug. There was a small itch inside of her that begged her to shut down. It wanted to make her believe that she didn't deserve their love or compassion. A few days ago, she would have crumbled beneath that voice and let it control her.

Fuck that voice.

"I love you guys."

"We love you."

"Where is he?" Haley asked, hesitantly. The question had been burning in her mind since they all walked through the door.

Brooke cracked a half, knowing smile. "He'll be here. Sarg mandated that he meet with the team therapist once a week, just as an extra precaution."

Her stomach twisted. All this time, she thought she was protecting the people around her by hiding her problems and pushing them away. In reality, she'd been selfish. Cruel, even.

"He's been worried sick about you."

Haley pursed her lips and avoided their gazes. Her biggest fears had just been confirmed. How did she let herself get this far?

"I really put you all through hell," Haley mumbled after several seconds of silence. The elephant in the room was huge, sucking out all of the comfort and ease she usually felt around her friends. Her eyes dropped to her hands, her fingers picking at the brittle skin around her nails. She almost didn't recognize her own hands.

"Don't do that." Clay shook his head. "We don't blame you and you shouldn't blame yourself, either."

"I wasn't trying to kill myself," Haley blurted out, almost choking over the last two words. "I don't know what I was doing, but I know it wasn't that."

She'd replayed that moment over and over again in her head, until she had every millisecond committed to memory. It was stupid. It was reckless. And, she regretted it.

"Haley…," Brooke started to protest but Haley cut her off.

"I just need you guys to know that."

~x~

 _"Haley!_ _Get off those tracks!"_

 _She couldn't move. Glancing down at her feet, her eyes widened when she noticed her feet had been frozen in concrete. Her heart was ramming against her chest and if the train didn't kill her, a heart attack would. Frantically, she searched around for something, anything that would help her. There was nothing._

 _Glancing over at her friends, her face crumpled in confusion when she saw that they were laughing and ignoring her very presence. She tried to call out to them or to gather their attention by waving her arms around but they didn't budge._

 _"This isn't funny anymore!"_

 _Another voice echoed. It sounded like Brooke's voice, but she wasn't the one talking._

 _The ground beneath her began to shake violently as the train barreled towards her. Tears poured out of her eyes as she tried to pull at her legs to no avail. She was going to die._

 _"I need help."_

 _She opened her mouth to scream, but no sound came out. She tried again, begging for even the slightest squeak. Nothing._

 _The lights on the train blinded her as the heat from burned her skin. Her hands covered her face as if that simple action was going to save her._

 _"Someone help me!"_

Haley jumped awake. A thin layer of sweat coated her skin, unruly strands of hair sticking to the back of her neck and along her forehead. With every racing beat of her heart

The nightmares hadn't stopped, forcing her to look all of the memories she'd been repressing in the eyes. Her way of handling them _had_ changed, though. It was something that she couldn't explain in words…she just felt different about them. She felt different about everything and as much as it scared her, confused her…she wanted to hold it tight.

"Haley James."

At the sound of his voice, she sprang up, twisting her body in the mess of blankets until she was facing him. Leaning against the wall, like he was conjured up straight from her dreams, Nathan stared back at her. Blinking hard as if trying to clear her vision, a wide smile broke out on her face.

He wasn't a figment of her imagination or a part of another dream, he was really there.

"How'd you get in here?" she asked suddenly, confused. "It's past visiting hours."

His mouth lifted into a sly smirk, one that she normally would roll her eyes at. This time, her smile grew wider.

"I sweet-talked the night nurse into letting me see you."

She was worried that the next time she saw him, things would be uncomfortable, that he would somehow look at her differently after everything that had happened. It was a foolish thought.

She laughed—her first real, heartfelt laugh in months. "Of course, you did."

"Come here," Nathan murmured, extending his hand out to her.

Nathan's arms slid around her body, pulling her until she was tucked tightly against his chest. Her head slotted neatly into the crook of his neck, his chin resting on the top of her head. At that moment, it was easy to forget where she was or why she was there.

"I was beginning to think you weren't gonna show."

Every visitor that had shown up at her door, she secretly wished that it was him. She was starting to wonder if maybe he had officially given up on her, if maybe she had finally pushed him away. After all, since she arrived at his district, that had been her main goal. Now, she wasn't so sure.

There were so many questions that she wanted to ask him and so many things that she wanted to tell him.

His chin brushed over the top of her head as he shook his. "I wanted to be here sooner, but I just got tied up with so many things."

She didn't respond verbally, she squeezed him tighter.

"I've been worried about you," he said hoarsely.

"I'm so sorry," she murmured, burying her head further into his chest. His body heat and cologne wrapped around her like a warm blanket of familiarity.

"It's okay."

Her chest tightened at his soft voice. He sounded so sincere that it almost had her crying. She still didn't deserve him and she was positive that she never would.

"No, it's not," she protested. "And I wish people would stop saying that."

Confused, Nathan pulled away. Brushing the hair out of her face, he tucked a wayward strand behind her ear. The look on his face invited Haley to explain.

"I pushed you away," she said shakily. Her throat closed around a sob that was crawling up her throat. "You tried to help me, over and over again. I—"

"Haley," Nathan quickly objected with a shake of his head. "You don't—"

"Please, just let me say this. I need to."

If she didn't say it now, she feared she never would.

"I was selfish and reckless, and I need to take responsibility for that," she continued. With each word, the shakiness in her voice subsided. "I should have never put you through any of that, but I'm forever grateful for everything you've done for me over the last few months."

She took a pause—the look on his face becoming too much for her. A single tear slipped from her eyes and Nathan quickly wiped it away.

"All of this…asking for help, being vulnerable…it's not in my nature. But I…I'm getting better. I'm here." She gestured to the room they were in. "That's a start, right?"

Nathan nodded, rubbing his hands along the length of her back. "I'm proud of you. You've always been so much stronger than you thought you were, but I know you can do this. And, I'll be by your side every step of the way."

With a watery smile, Haley reached up on the tips of her toes to press a quick kiss to his cheek.

"So, what's next?"

"The doctor said I can go home as soon as tomorrow, but he wants me to do an outpatient program for the next week. It's probably going to be awhile before I'm cleared to go back to work."

Nathan chuckled lightheartedly. "Don't even worry about work, okay? We've got everything under control."

But, did she?

~x~

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Walter asked as she walked into her office. She was a short and curvy woman, most likely in her mid to late 40s. Her hair was always pulled into a sleek ponytail and she was always wearing some kind of brightly colored dress. Today, it was purple.

"A little bit better than I did yesterday," Haley responded as she made herself comfortable on the leather couch.

She looked forward to these sessions every day. While Tim wasn't a bad therapist, Haley felt more comfortable with Dr. Walter. There was a motherly glow about her that made Haley feel safe and as if she could tell her anything. It took Haley by surprise that during their first session, she was spilling some of her darkest secrets to Dr. Walter.

"That's truly all that we can ask for," she said with a beaming smile. "How are you feeling about going home tomorrow?"

"I'm terrified," Haley answered honestly.

As much as she missed sleeping in her own bed and her old routine, the fear that she might fall back into her old habits loomed above her. She worried that she wasn't as strong as this hospital made her feel. Inside those four walls, she had all of the resources she needed to feel okay.

"Why's that?"

"I'm scared that the illusion is going to break once I leave here," Haley revealed. "Being here, it's almost easy to believe that I can turn my life around without any real trouble. I worry that this strength I feel is nothing but adrenaline that's going to fade at the first given chance."

Dr. Walter offered her a reassuring smile.

"That is a very normal and anticipated response. That's why I have my patients do an out-patient program for at least a week after discharge. You just have to remember that it is possible for you to feel in control."

It sounded so simple when she said it.

"Have you talked to your dad?" Dr. Walter inquired as she reached across her desk for the thick, leather journal she wrote in every session.

"Nope," Haley grumbled with a swift eye roll. "He hasn't called. I'm not even sure he knows what happened."

She hadn't been expecting some grand gesture, but she thought he would have at least sent her flowers. She would have even settled for another one of his lectures, at least then he would have acknowledged her and given her some kind of hope that he actually cared.

"How does that make you feel?"

Haley cocked an eyebrow at her question, stifling a sarcastic smile. "That's a very stereotypical shrink question."

"Humor me," Dr. Walter laughed.

Haley sighed, stretching herself out of the couch. Tension settled in her bones as she mentally prepared herself for the taxing conversation ahead of her.

"There's a part of me that's pissed. He's my father and he should care when something happens to his daughter. A normal father would rush to their daughter's bedside and just be there for her as best as he could. My father? He's probably basking in this because this proves that he was right all along. That's the only thing he cares about."

She paused

"There's another part of me that's just numb. I'm not surprised that he doesn't care. I'm used to him not caring."

Those words were always going to sting, Haley decided. The sting had lessened over time and no longer debilitated her, but the scars would always be there.

"Do you think the reason you're a detective is because of him?"

"I know it is," Haley confirmed. "When I was younger, he used to take me and my sister on ride alongs all the time. I used to think he had the coolest job. All of the people he saved, the way people respected him…I wanted to be just like him. When I first told him that I wanted to be a detective, I thought he would be thrilled. I never understood why he wasn't."

"Have you ever asked him?" Dr. Walter asked next.

"Yeah, and every time he just kept telling me that he didn't think I was caught out for the job."

Those words were forever engrained in her mind. Sometimes, in the darkest depths of her dreams, she could still hear his voice clear as day mocking her.

"Do you think that's always been the reason or has it changed over time?"

"I guess it's changed."

"To what?"

"Trying to prove him wrong," she admitted." He was so adamant against it and did everything he could to try and deter me. He refused to help me pay for the academy classes, he refused to attend my graduation, every case I've been put on, he's found a way to tear my decisions apart…the list goes on."

She wished she could pinpoint when it changed, but she didn't know. Maybe it never changed, it was just something that had remained dormant until the pressure broke it out of its cage.

"This is a little off track, and we don't have to discuss this today, but I feel like it's an important question to ask. Do you think you've fully healed from the death of your sister?"

"No," Haley answered quickly.

"Do you think her death had an effect on your relationship?"

"Our relationship completely changed after she died."

"Would you say that a lot of what you do is for the sake of searching for his approval?"

Dr. Walter knew how and when to ask the question that hit deep. She had a way of twisting her way into Haley's mind, peeling back all the thick and dusty layers until there was nowhere else for her to hide. Nathan Scott was the only other person she knew who had that ability.

"I was engaged to a man because of the sole purpose my dad approved of him and set us up, so yeah, I would say so."

Dr. Walter jotted down a list of notes before asking her next question.

"Why did you stand on those train tracks?"

Haley tensed at this question. She knew it was coming.

"You've asked me that question ten times now," Haley joked, clearly trying to steer the conversation away from it.

She hated this question, mostly because she didn't know how to answer it. It was a question that she was still asking herself every day and she could never find an answer.

"And you've avoided it all ten times."

Realizing that Dr. Walter wasn't going to let her squirm away this time, Haley relented.

"Honestly…I don't know. All I remember was being at the bar with my friends at the bar and the next thing I knew I was standing there. When that train was coming towards me, I knew I didn't want to die. But I couldn't get myself to move. If Nathan wouldn't have pushed me out of the way, I don't know if I would have moved."

"And you didn't want to die?"

"No," Haley clarified. "I guess I was looking for something that made me feel alive or that gave me clarity. And I guess in some broken kind of way, it did."

"And what kind of clarity has it given you?"

"I'm still trying to figure all of it out," she sighed. "I just…I feel surer of myself. I feel as if I don't need my father's approval as desperately as I did before. I'm no longer scared of my feelings towards my job, my friends, and Nathan. I don't know what it all means yet, but it just feels different."

Dr. Walter nodded in understanding.

"I can understand that. Have you talked to Nathan about what happened?"

"Not exactly."

"Why not?"

"I guess I don't know how to," Haley murmured with a shrug.

She had so many things she wanted to ask him, like why he risked his life by pushing her out of the way? What does he think of her now? The answers scared her more than the prospect of the answers.

"Last session you mentioned that you were scared that you finally succeeded in pushing him away. Why did you want to push him away so badly?"

That question was, ironically, the easiest for her to answer.

"He represented everything that I thought I wasn't supposed to want, but I did if that makes sense."

"It does," Dr. Walter confirmed. "But tell me a little more about that."

"I was too focused on trying to be worthy in my dad's eyes that I wouldn't allow myself to indulge in anything that threatened that, and he was the biggest threat. He…he from the moment I met him had this uncanny way of seeing the parts of me that I tried to hide from everyone. I couldn't handle it."

"Have you ever told him any of this?"

"No." She shook her head. A couple of weeks ago, she would've said there was no way in hell she'd ever reveal something like that to him. His ego would have enjoyed it too much. That was all over now.

"I think you should."

"I don't know. He visited me yesterday and things seemed normal between us, but I've put him through so much. I'm scared that I've burned through all my chances."

Dr. Walter glanced at the clock, her lips tipped into a slight frown.

"We're running out of time for today, but there's one question that I want to ask you before we go. Do you still want to be a detective?"

That question hit her like a ton of bricks. Did she?

"I don't know anymore. I love my job, but somewhere along the way, it turned into more about making my father proud than it did about the people I helped. I don't know. I feel like I need to distance myself from the job to really figure out if it's worth it anymore. Do you think that's a bad choice?"

"Judging by your response, I think you already know the answer to that. Are you still afraid?"

"I'm terrified out of my mind, but I don't want to run from that anymore. I want to embrace it."

She realized now that pushing the things that you were terrified away was cowardly. Life wasn't about avoiding obstacles, it was about diving into them headfirst.

"Then you need to do that. Do what you think is best. Do what feels right for you, not anyone else."

It was in that moment that Haley knew that thing she feared the most, was exactly what she needed to do.

~x~

The long hallway that led straight to her father's office was eerily quiet, the sound of her heels clicking against the linoleum bouncing off the steel-colored walls. Her spine was locked in a straight line, tight with confidence and a formerly dormant fierceness.

Everything was about to change and she'd never been so terrified in her life. What she was about to do wasn't a decision that she'd made lightly. The last forty-eight hours had been some of the most stressful hours of her life. No matter how many times she tried to reimagine the same scenario, she always ended up at the same conclusion.

It felt right and it felt necessary. This is what she needed to do in order to heal. This wasn't about her father anymore. This wasn't about anything other than her health and her sanity. Her only regret was that she didn't realize it sooner.

Without knocking on his door, she pushed it open hard enough for it to bounce off the back wall. Jimmy jumped at the sound, his forehead creasing in anger at the intrusion.

"Can I help you?" He snarled, glaring at her with such disdain that she almost faltered. He had scared her into silence way too many times and she refused to give him that power this time.

There was a twinge of pain at his reaction to seeing her. She knew better, but the little girl who still existed inside of her thought that maybe her daddy would be her daddy again. Every time a bouquet of flowers was dropped off at her door, she silently prayed that one of the greeting cards would say his name. It was the least he could do and he still didn't do that.

With that, he crushed the last bit of hope that still lived inside of her. She no longer knew Jimmy James.

Inhaling deeply, she approached his desk. "So, that's how you greet your daughter after she's been in the hospital the last week and a half? You couldn't have bothered to check up on me?"

"I've been busy," Jimmy replied as if that was a good enough explanation for his lack of empathy and compassion. "I would have gotten around to it eventually."

"You're unbelievable."

"Can I help you?" Jimmy repeated, clearly agitated.

It was now or never and she didn't hesitate. Unclipping her badge from her belt, she forcefully slid it across his desk.

"I wanted you to be the first to know that I quit."

Jimmy's face remained hard as stone. His eyes didn't dare flicker away from hers.

"Oh, come on, Chief, you can crack a smile. After all, isn't this what you always wanted?"

"What do you want me to say, Haley?" He deadpanned. His voice was so monotone it almost sounded robotic. "Do you want me to beg you to change your mind? Yell at you for thinking with your heart instead of your head again?"

"Fuck you," she snarled.

Anger ignited in his eyes. Curling his fist, he slammed it against his desk, the iron rattling beneath the blow. It figured it would take a snap to his authority for him to show any kind of emotion.

"You do not have the jurisdiction or the authority to talk to the Chief of State Police in that manner."

"You are no longer my _Chief_ ," she countered. "In fact, I don't know who you are, because the father that I knew…he would have never done something like this to his daughter.

"Haley," he breathed, clearly exasperated. "I don't have time for this."

Her laugh was wickedly sarcastic. "You never do."

"I don't know what you want me to say," he barked. "You come barging in my office, insulting me and disrespecting me, for what reason? What do you hope to gain out of this?"

"It's never been about me. Never. It's always been about you. It took me two near-death experiences… _two_ to realize that. I almost killed myself over trying to prove myself to you and none of it was ever going to matter, because in your eyes, as long as you could keep putting me down, you were content. All I ever wanted was for you to tell me that you were proud of me, but you could never sacrifice your pride enough to do that."

The words rolled off her tongue effortlessly and with each passing second, she felt lighter. The dark cloud that consistently hung-over her head was starting to dissipate.

"I let you infiltrate my every thought, every crevice of my life. I based my self-worth on what _you_ thought about me. Do you realize how fucked up that is?"

"All I ever did was try and push you into the direction that I thought was best," he argued, jumping up from his desk chair. "I didn't realize that by doing so I was being such a horrible father."

The sarcasm was thick in his voice, slicing through her, only this time, her armor was strong enough to withstand it.

"So that's what you're calling it? Belittling me? Manipulating me? All so I could be the best version of myself? You could have fooled me."

"I didn't want you to make any mistakes."

"God, you are so hypocritical! I was damn good at my job and I'm sorry you couldn't see that, but I'm just done."

It took everything in her not to punch his stone face. Everything she was saying to him seemed to be ricocheting off him like he was made of iron.

"Are you done?" His jaw pulsed, his eyes almost black with fury. Jimmy's default setting was anger

She shook her head in disbelief, turning her back on him. As soon as she stepped out of his office, she didn't care if she ever saw him again.

"You won. I hope you're happy."


	20. Chapter 20

Okay, okay, I know...it's been a while.

Truthfully, I hit a snag with this story. I lost count of how many times I tried to sit down and write this but ended up hating every single thing I wrote. I don't know what happened, but I just couldn't do it. So, I decided to just completely step away from it for a little while and focus on some other things. Then, hopefully, when I returned to it with fresh eyes, I could write it again. I'm still a little rusty and I'm not 100% thrilled with what I produced, but I decided to just stop overthinking and trust in my gut. So here we are!

On another note, one thing that I am really trying not to do with this story is rush Naley's relationship. This is probably the slowest burn I've ever written, but I wanted to make sure that Naley's relationship didn't fall victim to all of the trauma Haley is going through. I wanted it to be genuine and real. But they are getting there. As you'll see with these next few chapters, their feelings for each other are becoming more and more prevalent.

* * *

 _October 21, 2010_

Nathan climbed the stairs two at a time. The fast beating of his heart was more a product of adrenaline than the force he was exerting.

He needed to hear it with his own ears. That's the only way he would believe it was true.

Reaching the familiar front door, he knocked loudly and rapidly. His foot tapped against the floor, the seconds ticking by agonizingly slow.

Haley opened the door, a smile spreading across her face. She greeted him a "hey", but he didn't respond. Without missing a beat, Nathan breezed past her, trying not to pay attention to grave confusion on her face. In retrospect, he'd probably feel bad for being so extreme, but right now his judgment was clouded.

"Nathan?" She asked, hesitation clear in her voice. "Is everything okay?"

"Why'd you do it?" He blurted out. He was sure that he had to look insane—he certainly felt insane.

When he walked into work that morning, he knew something was off. He could feel it in his bones. But the last thing he expected to hear was that Haley quit the night before. According to Keith's announcement, she showed up at her father's office late last night, right after she was released from the hospital.

"Why did I do what?" she asked, turning her back on his as she walked further into her apartment, towards the living room.

Her innocence made him want to scream. His head was spinning—question after question bouncing around in his head.

The look he shot her was pointed. "Quit your job."

"Oh, that."

She tried to keep her voice level—she was waiting for this to happen and as soon as she saw him at her front door, she knew why he was there.

Haley wanted to be the one to tell him, but she just couldn't bring herself to pick up the phone the previous night. She was emotionally spent, the adrenaline seeping out of her body and leaving her limp. Besides, even if she had called him, she wasn't sure what she would have said. This newfound sense of clarity was taking some time to navigate through.

Looking down at her hands, she picked at the skin around her fingernails. She didn't regret her decision—in fact, she'd never felt so…powerful and alive in her life. But that didn't mean it wasn't hard.

God, it was _so_ hard.

Nathan's features softened at the sound of her weak sigh as reality came crashing down on him. Instantly, he regretted his approach to this conversation. He let his shock get in the way of his compassion. She didn't need someone busting down her door and demanding answers, she needed someone to listen. He wasn't about to break his promise of being whatever she needed.

"You love your job," Nathan said softly, sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans. None of this made sense to him, but he didn't want to push her.

"I do," she replied tiredly, slumping into her couch.

That's what made it so hard. For almost all of her life, all she ever wanted to be was a cop. She had spent so much time researching and working towards her dream. And even more time day-dreaming about the life that she thought she wanted.

Somewhere along all of the excitement and preparing, she got lost. Her job was no longer a passion to her, but a chore that carried around a heavyweight that was dragged her down. It became more about the approval of her father than it did helping people.

"But I need to figure out if I still love it without the influence of my dad."

For the first time since Nathan arrived at her apartment, he noticed just how different she seemed. The bags under her eyes were still prominent and a grey film still lingered on her skin. But her eyes…were brighter, a spark of life in them again. He felt a tug on his heart at the realization.

Sitting down next to her on the couch, Nathan let out a slow breath of air. "I'm sorry."

Haley looked over at him, her eyebrows knitted together. "For what?"

He linked his fingers together, resting his elbows on the top of his knees. "For barging in here like that. It's just…I was caught off guard by the news and…I don't know."

She rested her hand on his arm and squeezed it, smiling softly at him. "It's okay. I would have done the same."

He matched her glance and returned her smile. Her hand lingered on his arm for a little while longer, warmth spreading through his entire body. He tried not to focus too hard on that feeling.

"Are you okay?" Nathan asked.

"No," she answers honestly. "There's still this…giant mess in my head that's probably going to take months to clean up. But for the first time in I don't even know how long…everything feels like it's going to be okay."

Nathan brushed a piece of hair out of her face, smiling at her. "You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that."

"It feels good to say it," she mumbled, leaning into the brush of his fingers. Every time he touched her, tingles spread through her entire body. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. I wanted to, believe me. I—"

"You have nothing to apologize for," Nathan reassured her, cutting her off. "I get it."

"Okay, good."

"So, what's next?"

Haley inhaled slowly. She'd been asking herself that same question and out of all the possible answers, only one of them felt right.

"I think I'm gonna go back home," she revealed.

"To North Carolina?" Nathan's eyebrows shot up towards his hairline.

Haley nodded. As much as she loved New York, she missed home. She missed feeling the sun on her face and tasting the salt in the air. Everything was much slower paced in North Carolina. People didn't crowd the streets and the quiet wasn't swallowed by honking horns or loud music.

She needed peace, quiet, and a somewhere fresh that would allow her to heal. Not to mention, it'd been a long time since she'd been back home.

"For good?"

A lump formed in Nathan's throat, panic setting in. The thought of losing her never occurred to him and now that the possibility was dangling right in front of his face, he wasn't sure how to handle it. Could he even handle it?

Before his brain had a chance to run completely wild, Haley clarified.

"No, not for good. For a couple of weeks, just to…do some healing. It'll be a nice break, a chance to get away and clear my head. I think I really need something like that."

Relief washed over him before guilt punched him in the gut. This was supposed to be about her journey back to her old self, not his

"You have to do what you think is best for you," he mumbled, voice strained. "And if you think that that is what you need, then I'm all for it."

Haley studied the expression on Nathan's face, retracing every inch like a complicated calculus problem. She watched the panic flash across his face when she mentioned leaving and then the relief when she confirmed that it was temporary. Both of those things made what she said next seem like the most natural thing in the world.

"Come with me."

She didn't realize how much she wanted him to come until the request left her mouth. She needed this trip, but she couldn't do it alone. She couldn't do it without him.

"What?"

Nathan's eyes turned into saucers as his heart leaped into his throat. She couldn't be serious, but he found himself hoping that she was.

Her laugh was short and awkward as she looked down at her hands. She wasn't sure why she was suddenly nervous…the good kind of nervous

"This…this isn't easy for me, as you know," she started. "But I…I meant what I said when I said I needed help. I'm so…so tired of doing this alone and I'm starting to realize that even though I can, I shouldn't have to."

Nathan wasn't sure what to say. He was beaming with pride that she's finally reached this point of being able to ask for help. In the same breath, he was surprised that she was genuinely asking him to accompany her to North Carolina.

"I know it's a lot to ask and please don't feel obligated to say yes," Haley rushed out. It was hard to read the expression on his face. "But this is something that I don't know if I can do alone and…."

She trailed off, the intense way he was looking at her cutting her off. A knot formed in her stomach as she waited for him to answer, silently praying that he agreed to come.

Nathan didn't have to think about his answer. "If you need me, then there's nowhere else I'd rather be."

~x~

Haley popped the cork on the bottle of Dolcetto, pouring a healthy amount into a wine glass. Pushing the bottle back to the center of her counter, she walked over to Peyton and placed the glass in front of her.

"You're not gonna have a glass?"

Haley shook her head as she slid into the chair across from Peyton. "It's not recommended to mix alcohol with the antidepressants that I'm on."

"Right, I forgot about that," Peyton mumbled, taking a small sip of her drink. "How are you feeling?"

It had only been two full days since Haley was released from the hospital, but her time there felt like months ago. The whole train track incident felt like a different lifetime, a different her. She didn't think about it a lot, mostly because she couldn't remember that night. She remembered bits and pieces, but even those were fuzzy.

The only thing that stuck with her was the feeling in her chest. When she first stepped onto those tracks, it was a deep and harsh pain that was debilitating. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. All she could focus on was the pain.

But then it was gone.

She blinked and the next thing she knew she was staring in Nathan's eyes. An odd sense of comfort and relief swallowed her. She became hyperaware of the pounding of her heart and the sweat sticking to her body. It was like her world started to spin again.

Both of those feelings still visited her…several times a day.

"It changes by the hour," Haley admitted with a sigh. "Sometimes, I feel so…free, like no matter what obstacles I still have to face, everything is going to work itself out. Then I have these moments where I just feel so unsure of everything and like I'm slipping back under this safety net of misery."

She swallowed, her throat feeling dry. Talking about her feelings never came easy to Haley, but she was trying and the more she tried, the more that fog inside of her cleared.

"I've gotten so used to living in this constant cycle of self-sabotage and denial that everything but that feels…wrong."

"Well, you know, recovery isn't a straight line. You're gonna have good and bad days," Peyton reminded her, dragging her fingertips up and down the stem of her glass. "Plus, to me, it sounds like you're scared to let go of that cycle because it's familiar. You don't know what it's like to not be that way and well, ya know, the fear of the unknown."

Peyton tried to lessen the blow of her deep words by wagging her fingers and talking in a silly voice, but it still caused Haley to shift in her seat. It was like Peyton was reading her mind and it made her feel uncomfortable to be that…seen.

"You sound just like my therapist," Haley said with an awkward laugh, avoiding Peyton's claims. She was done with this conversation.

"You still seeing her?"

"Yeah. Honestly, I'll probably still go to her even after I feel more…stable. It's nice to have someone to talk to who has an outsider's point of view."

"You've come such a long way already," Peyton said with a smile. "I'm really proud of you."

Out of embarrassment, Haley looked away from Peyton's gleaming gaze. This whole process was…uncomfortable for her. She never thought she would be the person who needed to go through a recovery process.

"I just don't know how I let myself get to this point," she mumbled. "I always thought I had such a handle on things, but I guess I was wrong."

Peyton reached across the table to pat Haley on the hand.

"We all fall short sometimes, Haley. I know sometimes it's hard to believe…but you are just a human."

A small and loose smile formed on Haley's face.

"I know…it's going to take me some time to actually learn that."

"Well, don't forget that you have a whole team of people behind you who love you and want to help you, even if you don't want to ask for help."

"I'm working on that, too."

"Speaking of people, that love you…when are you and Nathan leaving for NC?"

Haley rolled her eyes at the coy look on Peyton's face. She knew it was a mistake telling her best friend about the vacation she and Nathan were taking. It was a big deal, but Haley didn't want to treat it like one.

"Tomorrow morning and don't start with that again."

"Come on, Hales, you can't deny that there is _something_ between the two of you," Peyton implored. "I see the way he looks at you when he thinks people aren't looking, the way he was so worried about you through all of this. And I see how different you are with him. You just seem so at ease around him."

"I don't know," Haley sighed, digging her fingers in her hair.

Peyton raised an eyebrow, giving her an annoying smirk that Haley just wanted to smack off her face. Damn Peyton for always being a step ahead of her.

"Honestly, Peyton, I don't."

She was lying. She did know, she just wasn't ready to admit it to herself yet, nor was she ready to fully explore whatever the feelings she felt towards him meant. She was still so scared of letting herself go there, to completely abandon every aspect of the person who thought she had to be.

Besides, as she told Dr. Walter, she wasn't sure she even had any chances left with him.

"Well, you might want to figure it out sooner rather than later. The good ones don't wait around forever."

"Peyton!" Haley gasped, already feeling the slight panic from her words. "I have enough going on. I can't—"

"Chill, Hales, I'm just kidding," Peyton laughed, but there was a twinkle of truth in her eyes. "Now tell me…how mad was your dad when you dropped the bomb on him?"

~x~

"You still have time to back out, you know."

Nathan chuckled and shook his head as he slid his packed athletic bag over his shoulder. It was just a little past four in the morning and LaGuardia was unusually quiet. Nathan liked it better that way. During the prime flying hours, the airport was jam-packed with people, almost as packed as Times Square is during New Years, and it was more of a hassle that he would rather avoid.

"I would follow you anywhere, Haley James," Nathan teased.

Behind his teasing tone, there was grave honesty. Some people would probably call him crazy for dropping everything to follow his… _friend_ to North Carolina, but he never was one for caring what other people thought about him. Haley needed him—that's all he needed to hear.

Haley rolled her eyes as she slammed the taxi door shut, waving at the driver as he pulled away from the curb. "It's too early in the morning for your cheesy lines."

She liked the way their relationship had changed over the last few months. The push-and-pull dynamic was still very prevalent, but there was a lightheartedness about it. It reminded her of their relationship when they'd first met and she found comfort in that reminder.

It felt like a step in the right direction.

She just hoped that this trip back home helped her piece the broken parts of her back together. Even if it didn't, she hoped it at least gave her the strength to try.

"I'm serious," Nathan defended. "Besides, it's been a while since I've been back there. It'll be a nice change of pace."

"Yeah, it's been a while for me, too," she said. "You're from Tree Hill, right?"

Nathan nodded. "Born and raised."

"I grew up in Charlotte. Kind of weird how we grew up three hours away from each other and never knew it, huh?"

"The world always has ways of surprising us, it seems," Nathan chuckled.

Their locked gaze lingered for several seconds before the heaviness became too much for Haley to handle. She cleared her throat and looked away, motioning for him to follow her inside. Once inside the airport, they headed over to Delta's kiosk to get their boarding passes printed and to check their luggage. After that was taken care of, they headed down the long corridor, lined with several different desks and kiosks for different airlines. Security was just beyond the airline counters.

The comfortable silence that rested between them as they walked allowed for Nathan's mind to wander. He'd been to this airport hundreds of times, but there was only one other time he was there with Haley. The panic on her face and the desperation in her eyes was an image that he would never forget.

He desperately wanted to help her then, but he didn't know how.

"Is something wrong?" Haley asked, noticing the intense look on his face.

Nathan jumped at the sound of her voice, his eyes widening like he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't have been. He quickly recovered when he noticed the concerned way she was looking at him.

"No," he said, clearing his throat. "I was, uh, just thinking about the last time I was here with you— when I dropped you off so you could go back home. Err, I…remember watching you walk away and wondering if I was ever going to see you again…if you were going to be okay and if I could have done more to help."

He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. "It's just kind of bizarre…being back here with you again, ya know?"

Haley smiled sadly, the corners of her mouth tipped upwards in the smallest way. He was her saving grace back then, too, and she just never knew at the time. When she called him to ask him if he could take her to the airport, he didn't hesitate to say yes, just like he didn't hesitate to say yes to come with her now. Even though they had many ups and downs, he was always the one person she could depend on.

"I don't think I ever thanked you for that," she mumbled. "If it wasn't for you, I don't know if I would have seen my sister one last time and that meant _everything_ to me."

Her hand, on its own accord found its way into his, their fingers slotting together like perfect puzzle pieces. Nathan didn't question it. It seemed so natural to hold her hand like he'd been doing it for years. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze as they walked the rest of the way to security.

Finally reaching their gate, Nathan and Haley settled into a secluded section of the waiting area. They still had about 45 minutes until boarding began, but only a small handful of people were in the waiting area with them. Haley hoped that it stayed that way. She hated cramped flights and with the way her nerves had suddenly shot up, she could use as much peace as she could get.

The knots in her stomach were almost painful and her throat felt dryer than the Sahara Desert. It was like the reality of her situation finally settled in and now she was questioning everything.

"I could go for a cup of coffee. Do you want one?" Nathan asked after setting his athletic bag down.

She swore that Nathan could read her mind sometimes.

"That sounds good."

"Caramel latte with extra foam?"

"Yes, please."

In a normal setting, Haley probably would have made fun of him for remembering her coffee order, but her mind was too preoccupied.

A couple of people had joined the waiting area while Nathan was gone, and she tried to focus on people watching, instead of the thoughts running wild in her head. It was no use.

"What are you thinking?" Nathan asked as he rejoined her moments later, handing her, her coffee.

"That I'm nervous."

"Why?"

Haley shrugged, her fingers drumming against the paper coffee cup in her hands. "All sorts of reasons—like what if I made a mistake by quitting? What if going back home makes me worse or doesn't help me find the answers I'm looking for? What if—"

"Hey, hey," Nathan stopped her, placing his hand on her arm. "You're letting your mind wander. Even if it doesn't seem like it, you don't do things impulsively. You do things with purpose and there's a reason that you felt as if going home was the right choice for you. Trust in that."

She knew Nathan was right, but rationality was never one of her strong points. Haley didn't say anything, she just took another sip of her coffee. She let the hot liquid slide down her throat and coax a comforting warmth through her bones.

"Have you talked to your dad since…you quit?"

Haley shook her head. "No. He's called me a couple of times, but I haven't answered. I'm sure he just wants to yell at me some more. And even if this was an alternate universe and he was calling to apologize, I'm not sure I want to hear it."

"I think that's fair."

Their conversation was cut short by a Delta employee coming on over the intercom, spewing directions about the boarding process. Since they were in the first boarding group, Nathan and Haley gathered their things and headed towards the podium.

The process of getting on the plane and settling in went smoothly. Just as Haley had hoped, their flight was fairly empty. As soon as Haley sat down and buckled the seatbelt, her nerves melted away. She was really doing this and as much as it excited her, it scared her to death.

Nathan was right—there was a reason she was being called back home and she needed to put her trust in that feeling.

Lifting the armrest between them, he motioned for her lean against him. "You look exhausted. Come here, I'll wake you when we land."

She smiled softly at him before curling her body into his side. His black sweater was a little scratchy against her cheek, but she didn't mind it. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing to indulge in all of those feelings she was battling with.

His arm rested around her waist, his fingers dipping just slightly beneath the hem of her sweater. Her skin was warm and he couldn't resist the urge dragging his fingers over her in small patterns. He smiled when she sighed contently, leaning further into him.

"Thank you for coming with me."

"Like I said, I'd follow you anywhere."

That was the last thing she heard before drifting off to sleep, a smile on her face.

~x~

After a short drive from the airport, they pulled up to a small loft located in downtown Charlotte. The red and brown brick structure was sandwiched between a bakery painted bright yellow and glass plated real estate office. Vines of flowers and weeds clung to the length of the structure and twisted around the iron bars surrounding the windows. At the base of the building, there was a glass door, locked with a keypad. Just beyond the door was a steep staircase that Nathan assumed led to the front door of the loft.

It was a quaint little place, one that just felt like home and comfort. He'd assumed that they would be staying at a hotel or something of that sort, but he would take this instead.

"What is this place?" Nathan asked, turning the rental car off.

"This is where my sister used to live," Haley revealed with a shaky smile. "I used to stay with her on breaks or whenever I came to visit. I practically lived here the last two weeks…."

She didn't need to finish that sentence.

Nathan's eyes widened as he took another glance at the loft. It no longer looked like a comfortable place to sleep, but instead a place that held a rich history. Just by examining the cuts and curves of the brick, he felt like he was seeing a piece of Haley's soul.

"You never thought to sell it?" He pondered gently. Most people, when grieving, usually sell things that used to be owned by loved ones, like cars or houses.

"I did…but it just didn't feel right," Haley sighed. "There are so many memories here that I don't want to let go of. It kind of feels like it's the only thing that I have left of her."

For the first time since they pulled up, she allowed herself to take a peek at the loft. Everything was just as she remembered it, almost as she had never left. The flowers on the vines were more abundant and the brick was starting to fade, but those were the only differences.

Haley could still picture all of the times she and Taylor walked up that steep staircase, tumbling with laughter as they tried to carry heaps of groceries. Or, all the times Haley got caught in the rain, waiting for Taylor to come down the stairs to let her after she'd forgotten her spare key again. Taylor would always greet her with a teasing smile and throw a joke her way about how _she_ was the more responsible sister after all.

Her heart ached at the memories and she embraced it. She wasn't going to allow herself to run away from that pain. She needed to work on not running away.

"Plus, I always said that I would move back here. Maybe after I've settled down and gotten married. It would be the perfect place to start a family."

Nathan nodded in agreement. He didn't think about his future all that often and when he did, he didn't think much passed getting married and having kids one day. He definitely didn't think of all the nitty-gritty details.

And he _definitely_ did not allow his mind to conjure up images of starting a family with Haley.

"Shall we go inside?"

Nathan nodded. "Let's go."

Haley punched in the code without having to think about it, smiling when the red access light turned green. As they walked up the stairs, Haley was greeted with the familiar smell of wood and paint. She used to hate that smell, but now she was certain that it was one of the best smells in the world.

Her heartbeat reached new heights as she came face to face with the pine colored door she saw in her dreams sometimes. Every dream usually consisted of her knocking on that door and Taylor answering it with that contagious smile of hers.

She almost felt…a sense of excitement?

"Are you ready to do this?"

Haley hadn't realized that she spaced out until she heard Nathan's voice.

"Yeah…," Haley said, her nose scrunching. "I guess I just thought it would be harder."

"That's a good thing, right?"

"Yeah, I think so."

Pulling her keys out of her pocket, she sifted through them until she found the right key. Her fingers trembled slightly as the key slide into place easily, the click of the lock loud in her ears. The door stuck a little, but with a shove from her hip, it popped open.

A warm gust of air attacked them as the door swung open, bringing along with them a musky smell—one that probably formed from lack of occupants. Haley made a mental note to pick up some candles.

The door opened into a large living room, complete with a black suede couch and a matching loveseat. Next to the couch, there was a door locked with a deadbolt and glass covered by blinds, leading out to a small balcony. Next to the living room, separated by a deep-seated hallway, was an open kitchen. A half marble counter extended from the farther wall, lined with two small bar stools. A small kitchen table made of glass and iron sat in the center of tile with an empty glass vase as the centerpiece. Down the long hallway, there were several rooms with the doors shut.

With excitement and anxiousness pumping through her veins, Haley made the first move by stepping over the threshold. Just like when they first pulled up, she was hit was a slew of different memories and emotions.

"So, this is it," Haley muttered, gesturing to the area around them.

"It's nice," Nathan commented as he looked around. It was clear that someone hadn't occupied this space in a while, but there was still a natural home-y aura to it. The decorations consisted of plants, colorful and modern paintings, and string lights boarding the walls.

He could picture Haley living here. The style of decoration mimicked that of her current apartment back home. Even behind the smell of old books and dust lingering in the air, he could pick out remnants of the lavender and vanilla he often smelled at Haley's apartment.

Haley inhaled a deep breath, dropping her luggage by the doormat. Nathan followed suit. It was a strange feeling, being both content and a nervous wreck at the same time.

"Let me show you the bedrooms," Haley said, clearing her throat.

Nathan followed behind her as she led him down the long hallway. The walls matched the living room with dark grey paint and modern molding. He felt lucky—almost unworthy—walking through a place that he knew Haley held close to her heart. Every paint chip had a story behind it

"This right here," she said as she tapped on the closed door before opening it. "Is the bathroom—complete with a shower, double sink, a toilet, and a purple color scheme that I begged Taylor to change millions of times."

Nathan chuckled as Haley cracked a smile. He expected her to be…uneasy, weird even, but her anxiousness was minimal. He'd even go as far as to say that she seemed…joyful.

Before they moved to the next room, Nathan paused at a picture that was hanging on the wall in the center of the hallway. It was the only decoration on the wall, the white wooden frame standing out against the dark grey paint. It was a picture of Haley and Taylor—one that he hadn't seen before. They were hugging, the background a clean and bright beach.

Based on the thinness in Taylor's bones and the paleness of her complexion, he assumed the picture was taken after she'd gotten sick. The red bikini she was wear hung loosely on her body, her thin hair pulled back into a ponytail. Even so, she was beautiful—a striking resemblance to Haley. He'd seen several pictures of Taylor but had never gotten a chance to examine them like this one.

"She looks just like you," he mumbled.

Haley walked up next to him, glancing briefly at the picture. She always loved that picture as it was one of her favorites. That day at the beach was one of the last days they spent together before she got really sick.

"She was always the prettier one."

Nathan looked back at the picture. Haley's hair was wet, giving it a darker hue than normal. Small and almost dismissible freckles dotted her cheeks from excessive sun exposure. Her smile stretched from ear to ear, but there was a sadness in her eyes that cut through him.

"You're beautiful, Haley."

Her cheeks flushed at his compliment

The rest of the tour was quick. She'd shown him the room that she always stayed in, before showing him the guest room. For a second, she considered offering that they could stay in the same room—they'd spent countless nights together the last few weeks—but decided against it. It just seemed a little too presumptuous and…weird.

"And that room is… _was_ Taylor's. I haven't been in there since she died. Everything is pretty much right where she left it, with the exception of a few boxes of her things my mom had packed."

Nathan didn't miss the way she breezed past Taylor's room, but he let her go. They had plenty of time to rehash everything and he wasn't going to push her. She had to do this at her own pace.

"So, what is our plan for while we're here?" Nathan asked as they walked back into the kitchen. Once there, he slid into one of the bar stools connected to the counter.

"I don't know," Haley answered sheepishly, drumming her fingers against the counter. "I mean, there's a lot of things that I want to do, but I haven't really…made a plan or anything."

"That's okay, we'll take one thing at a time."

He was so patient with her that it made her want to cry. The soft tone of his voice was like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold day. All of those fears she had about coming home dissipated. Everything she'd been through the last few months, hell years, had led her to this moment. And she was going to get through it, with Nathan by her side every step of the war.

"What sticks out to you the most?"

Haley didn't have to think about it long. She hadn't said anything to anyone, but there was one major thing… _person_ that was drawing her back home.

"I think I'm going to go visit my mom."


End file.
